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Reaction To TOOL Nation Disbandment Mixed

SYKTYVKAR - The Revolutionary Marxist Movement of Philadelphia is no more.

The two-nation conglomerate known as RMMP officially disbanded yesterday, bringing to an end over three and a half years of operation. The General Secretary and Prime Minister, Comrade Shane and Comrade Sam, had been reported missing five days ago, and with neither of their leaders around to run the nation, after a failed attempt at martial law, the country's government voted to disband, and attempt to scupper a secret gulag it had in the Atlas Mountains. However, this "adjunct nation," which was rolled in February of 2006, was infiltrated and investigated by the Uralikan Valkoilunvirasto, who brought word back to TOOL that the parent nation was indeed in shambles, along with some data about the operations of said gulag, code-named "R1."

Surprisingly, the nation of Uralica is not mourning the loss. Official statements from the Tribal Council show solidarity for its beleaguered people, however, they had no well-wishes for the government, which sheds light on the formerly quiet disagreement between the people of Uralica and RMMP.

One would immediately assume that it had to do with the Christian Neo-Tribalist state and the Marxist-Leninist state disagreeing with each other's political and religious ideologies. However, this was far from the case according to Vaido Kuik.

"We are called to love people whether they are Christian, Atheist, or whatever else," he said. "However, our disagreement was not rooted in religion, or even the differing political philosophies of Neo-Tribalism versus Marxist socialism. You see, we believe that when we agreed to abide by TOOL's Charter, that meant to show a commitment to follow orders. Yet the government of Marxist Philadelphia frequently showed a complete lack of this, even threatening to use nuclear force on anyone who involved him in a war - even if it threatened his TOOL comrades or their allies in other alliances. Graham[keatley, TOOL leader] has made it very clear that TOOL is no retirement home. So we will not show any sympathy to their government as a political body."

The public opinion of RMMP's disbandment varied from apathy to massive relief.

See Also: A Montage Of Opinion On RMMP, EDITORIALS, D1

Debate In Council: War With Mother Land?

SYKTYVKAR - A few days ago, we reported the condemnation of the nations of Mother Land and the now-destroyed AGreatNation by the Uralican Tribal Council, over its unprovoked aggression against the Christian Coalition of Countries, Uralica's first alliance, with which it maintains very strong relations and the indellible connection of a common faith.

Now, with Mother Land's resources and military exhausted, Uralica is submitting a request to the TOOL Inquisition to join the CCC in making sure the nation is never a threat again.

There are already plans to send large amounts of aid to Ramstonia, the initial target of Mother Land's aggression, upon the opening up of aid slots. According to Jarkko Salomäki, the soonest a "package" can be sent is 17 January. Uralican hi-tech and machinery firms are working overtime to produce surplus machinery and infrastructure-building materials for this aid package.

However, many in the Council believe this isn't quite enough to make up for the fact that a former TOOL member committed such atrocities against a pact ally, including several influential Council members, and the Chief himself. A 179-57-3 vote passed Council, to send the request to TOOL Inquisition to join the CCC in active combat against Mother Land. A side effect of this will be the mobilisation of the Emergency Relief and Human Development Corps to evacuate civilians from the area. Chief Developer Ulrike Didriksen says the Corps is ready to go in regardless of the situation.

Music

End Of Sorrows Feeling Winds Of Success

PERM' - End Of Sorrows may have felt the winds of God calling them to "grungify" a classic hymn, but in no way were they prepared for the commercial success it would bring them. With their second album due out next month, the slower, darker-sounding, B-tuned version of "I Feel The Winds Of God Today," featuring guest keyboardist Misha Shirokov (from secular EBM band Sonic Terrorist Network, but himself also Christian), was released preemptively as a single, and fans and radio stations alike gobbled it up.

"It's just unreal," says EoS lead singer/bassist Kristoffer Werner. "The hymn is a classic, and it's been redone a few times by different Christian artists in different styles. I had no idea that it was so transferrable to post-grunge style hard rock, though. I dunno, might have something to do with the minor key. But hey, if the Word is preached in the end, in a way that is pleasing to God, it's all good."

The single's demand has exceeded the supply, meaning that when the CD comes out on 1 February (which is actually earlier than first planned, due to the success of the single), the CD publishers "plan to increase capacity" to meet the demand both within and outside Uralica.

How fitting this single should be on an album called Master Of The Sea!

Sport

Yugrakar Race Raises K$53.5M

YUGRAKAR - Mission accomplished indeed.

The final, official numbers from the Yugrakar Charity Cup were released yesterday, and they were enormous. Most of the K$53,501,290 were raised through placement pledges - donors would pledge a base amount to which more would be added should their sponsored skier finish in a certain placement. The top money-bringer was Pelastus frontman Matti Pitkänen, who finished third in the race, but due to the number of sponsors he had, he brought in just under K$14M on his own.

"It's too bad I didn't finish first, because that would have been K$20M," Pitkänen joked. "Nah, just kidding. The people ended up giving the equivalent of what I didn't bring in through their pledges on other pledges they'd made anyway. And the great thing about it is, every last cent of this is going to the kids."

UNSC professional Milan Tarlovsky was tops amongst the men in terms of finish, with hockey player Kurtis Schaeffer finishing second, and two Council members - Jarkko Salomäki and Lt. Gen. Kirill Zholtok - would finish fourth and fifth respectively amongst the men.

The top woman finished second overall - this was sporty Tiina Myllyjärvi from family Christian post-grunge act The Myllyjärvi Family. Second on the list was elegant Bashkir Councillor Tursanay Gubaidullin. The top money-getter for the women was "Mozartin" herself, Sirkka Numminen, who raised $5M, placing sixth amongst women in placement.

Of the event, Jarkko Salomäki, who managed to raise K$750,000, had only this to say.

"Mission accomplished. This event was a blast for all involved."

Ticket sales accounted for only around $1.2M of the money, however most people buying tickets had already pledged money as well. The facility was sold out, though - all 25,500 seats were full.