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Cactuar Wants your Underpants


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Cactuar was a sad sea-kitten one day, pondering the recruitment of the Floridian mangroves which were all burritos away. He wondered what that smell was, and then he found out.

Zombie-llamavore emerged from the depths of the deepest deepy depths of deepness "Ahoy hoy" said he, "Why are you leaking?"

Cactuar didn't know why he was leaking, but he did know that the great and wise Cactimus Prime had the answer. He hopped on his whale and challumped, challumped, challumped, over the forest did he go.

Off he toniced off his whale, and to the great fortress of Cactimus Prime did he sulliwop.

"I see" said he. "I am afraid I can do nothing unless you join the Random Insanity Alliance" and with that, Cactimus Prime turned into a hot dog and flew away.

"But how do I do that?!" fulluviated Cactuar expuriously.

"Go to http://rialliance.net/" said he, "and sign up in the Cactuar Welcome Hall".

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It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Cactuar, woke up in a magical pumpkin patch. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely exasperated, Cactuar attacked a ninja pumpkin, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved pie was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Funktuara. Cactuar had known Funktuara for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Funktuara was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... crazy. Cactuar called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

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Funktuara picked up to a very glad Cactuar. Funktuara calmly assured him that most legless puppies grimace before mating, yet albino cats usually flamboyantly panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Cactuar. Why was Funktuara trying to distract Cactuar? Because she had snuck out from Cactuar's with the pie only six days prior. It was a exotic little pie... how could she resist?

Edited by James Dahl
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It didn't take long before Cactuar got back to the subject at hand: his pie. Funktuara sneezed. Reluctantly, Funktuara invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pie. Cactuar grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Funktuara realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pie and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Cactuar took the giraffe, she had at least nine minutes before Cactuar would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Funktuara would be excessively screwed.

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Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Funktuara was interrupted by eleven selfish Kiwis that were lured by her pie. Funktuara turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she aggressively reached for her carrot and thoughtfully lunged towards every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Cactuar.

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