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Farkistan Detective Agency

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[b][center]The Hardboiled Treaty[/center][/b]


I woke up. Daylight poured thorough the slotted blinds on my office's one window. The almost empty – I swigged the last swallow for breakfast – empty bottle of whisky was still in my right hand from the night before. I think I even had the impression of a pen in my cheek. Office desks don’t make comfortable pillows. Damn if this drink won’t ruin me someday.

I gazed out over the room. Over the newspaper clippings of all the cases I’ve worked. All the crooks I nabbed. All the dames I um *cough*…never mind. I thought back over all of them and reflected. Yup – not one of those cases was ever like this one. I looked down at the ratty notebook on my desk filled with my scribblings of ideas and clues. They stared back at me like this was some kind of ink based staring contest. I lost. It doesn’t matter, I already knew the words on that page: “New Polar Order/Farkistan PIAT”.

I’d gotten the clue the night before at a bar downtown. Some old guy had let it slip during a card game – Fark and Polar had signed a treaty. Word on the street was that two would now share intelligence and send trade toward one another. Not only that but…I turned. Someone was walking up the hall to my office door. I lunged for the gun on my desk, grabbed it, and started to turn to face the intruder but I was too late. I heard the click as the gun was cocked inches behind my head. “Put your hands in the air Detective.” I did and slowly finished turning. A dame was pointing a revolver right at me.


“What’s this about?” I asked. “The treaty.”, she said, “I know you know all about how the signatories will never engage in espionage against one another” I didn’t but pretended I did and then she added “Then you also know that neither alliance will endorse military action against the other signatory? And if you know that then you also have to know that if a nation is found in violation of this provision, they will be required to offer reparations up to 150% of the damages.”

The Dame told me to sit down. As I did I went for my gun again but the crack of her revolver stopped me. A new bullet hole now decorated my ceiling. “Try that again detective and the next hole will be through your chest.” I was in a bind now. There was only one way left for me to get out of this. It was a long shot, but I had to try it. I shouted ”Should either party take any action, aggressive or defensive, against any alliance or nation not signatory to this treaty, the other party is under no obligation to support or participate, unless so required under other agreements.” She was stunned. She hadn’t known that part of the treaty. I had her off guard.

“I know everything about this treaty, Toots", I said. She lowered the gun. I moved in and grabbed it from her hand. She looked at me. I looked at her. We closed, ready to kiss. That’s when the grenade came through the window. As we dove for cover I remember thinking "Looks like this might be an interesting day after all."

[b]Signed for the New Polar Order[/b]:

Emperor Penguin of the New Polar Order, Bird of Flight, Imperial Fish Taste-Tester Emeritus, Tailor of Seal Coats, Waddler of the Arctic Skies, Theoretical Ichthyologist, Also responds to Punguin.

Dajobo, Imperial Regent
Zbaldwin, Imperial Liaison
RandomInterrupt, Imperial Liaison
Jphillips, Minister of Truth
Grumpdogg, Minister of Peace
Cookavich, Minister of Plenty
Carfre Impor, Deputy Minister of Truth
Lestat, Deputy Minister of Plenty
Polonius, Deputy Minister of Peace
Zorn1, Deputy Minister of Love
Marty McFly, Foreign Affairs Officer
William Blake, Foreign Affairs Officer
Goalintos, Imperial Advisor

[b]Signed for Farkistan[/b]:

Randomly Jim, Submitter
Tumultuous Papaya, Squirrel
RavingMainyYak, Speaker of TotalFark Council
fireguy15207, TotalFark Council
Kahiel, TotalFark Council
ManwithplanX, TotalFark Council
Shinfat, TotalFark Council

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My level of distaste for this treaty rivals nothing I've ever come in contact before in CN. NpO, you're a backstabbing pile of horse dung, and this is such a low slap in the face to everything you used to stand for.

I have no hails here.

Edited by Jake Liebenow
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[quote name='Corinan' date='08 April 2010 - 10:14 PM' timestamp='1270779222' post='2253729']
You've got to be kidding me. Just another slap in the face for the Sith, eh Polaris? I'm absolutely stunned at the level of contempt you've shown us.

Called it :smug:

Can't really say I blame them either

Edit for clarity: blame NSO that is

Edited by Lord Fingolfin
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Good to see this treaty, as I quite like both alliances.

[quote name='Corinan' date='08 April 2010 - 07:14 PM' timestamp='1270779222' post='2253729']
You've got to be kidding me. Just another slap in the face for the Sith, eh Polaris? I'm absolutely stunned at the level of contempt you've shown us.

Surprise! Not everything is about NSO.

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