Shinfat Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 [b][center]The Hardboiled Treaty[/center][/b] [center][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3446/3876540210_5fbf6271d0_o.jpg[/img][/center] I woke up. Daylight poured thorough the slotted blinds on my office's one window. The almost empty – I swigged the last swallow for breakfast – empty bottle of whisky was still in my right hand from the night before. I think I even had the impression of a pen in my cheek. Office desks don’t make comfortable pillows. Damn if this drink won’t ruin me someday. I gazed out over the room. Over the newspaper clippings of all the cases I’ve worked. All the crooks I nabbed. All the dames I um *cough*…never mind. I thought back over all of them and reflected. Yup – not one of those cases was ever like this one. I looked down at the ratty notebook on my desk filled with my scribblings of ideas and clues. They stared back at me like this was some kind of ink based staring contest. I lost. It doesn’t matter, I already knew the words on that page: “New Polar Order/Farkistan PIAT”. I’d gotten the clue the night before at a bar downtown. Some old guy had let it slip during a card game – Fark and Polar had signed a treaty. Word on the street was that two would now share intelligence and send trade toward one another. Not only that but…I turned. Someone was walking up the hall to my office door. I lunged for the gun on my desk, grabbed it, and started to turn to face the intruder but I was too late. I heard the click as the gun was cocked inches behind my head. “Put your hands in the air Detective.” I did and slowly finished turning. A dame was pointing a revolver right at me. Damn. “What’s this about?” I asked. “The treaty.”, she said, “I know you know all about how the signatories will never engage in espionage against one another” I didn’t but pretended I did and then she added “Then you also know that neither alliance will endorse military action against the other signatory? And if you know that then you also have to know that if a nation is found in violation of this provision, they will be required to offer reparations up to 150% of the damages.” The Dame told me to sit down. As I did I went for my gun again but the crack of her revolver stopped me. A new bullet hole now decorated my ceiling. “Try that again detective and the next hole will be through your chest.” I was in a bind now. There was only one way left for me to get out of this. It was a long shot, but I had to try it. I shouted ”Should either party take any action, aggressive or defensive, against any alliance or nation not signatory to this treaty, the other party is under no obligation to support or participate, unless so required under other agreements.” She was stunned. She hadn’t known that part of the treaty. I had her off guard. “I know everything about this treaty, Toots", I said. She lowered the gun. I moved in and grabbed it from her hand. She looked at me. I looked at her. We closed, ready to kiss. That’s when the grenade came through the window. As we dove for cover I remember thinking "Looks like this might be an interesting day after all." [b]Signed for the New Polar Order[/b]: Emperor Penguin of the New Polar Order, Bird of Flight, Imperial Fish Taste-Tester Emeritus, Tailor of Seal Coats, Waddler of the Arctic Skies, Theoretical Ichthyologist, Also responds to Punguin. Dajobo, Imperial Regent Zbaldwin, Imperial Liaison RandomInterrupt, Imperial Liaison Jphillips, Minister of Truth Grumpdogg, Minister of Peace Cookavich, Minister of Plenty Carfre Impor, Deputy Minister of Truth Lestat, Deputy Minister of Plenty Polonius, Deputy Minister of Peace Zorn1, Deputy Minister of Love Marty McFly, Foreign Affairs Officer William Blake, Foreign Affairs Officer Goalintos, Imperial Advisor [b]Signed for Farkistan[/b]: Randomly Jim, Submitter Tumultuous Papaya, Squirrel RavingMainyYak, Speaker of TotalFark Council fireguy15207, TotalFark Council Kahiel, TotalFark Council ManwithplanX, TotalFark Council Shinfat, TotalFark Council Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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