Tabloid Tribune #157 | NPO ICA

[Sir Paul]

[color=red][size=8][b]The Tabloid Tribune[/b][/size][/color]
[b]One Step Ahead of the Truth[/b]
Since September 2003

[i]Issue #157 - World Edition | [url=http://pacificorder.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=104080]Pacifican Edition[/url][/i]
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[b]PNN Headquarters, SIR PAUL[/b]: As a member of the New Pacific Order and part of the original Hegemony, I'd like to point out that there have been a lot of counterfeit merchandise on the streets of Toad Town. While I am flattered that Pacifican fashions have taken the glitterati by storm, I do find it tacky and distasteful to see such powerful men and women wearing such hideous knock-offs of such poor quality. First off, the counterfeiting hurts the prestige of the ruling class, as even peasants can see that the "Pacifican" Jackboots Archon wears are made of cheap felt instead of fine baby-leather (probably imported from former initiative backwater like VE). Second, this hurts everyday Pacificans struggling to rebuild their economy after a crippling war and reparations. If the royalty of the Kingdom wishes to swap their foolish foppish frocks for perfect Pacifican product, surly they can afford the real thing, which would benefit both alliances.

For those of you wanting to ensure you are getting genuine Pacifican products, look for the hallmarks of Pacifica: For example, the top image is a counterfeit while the lower image is genuine Pacifican. Notice the knock-off Star of Franco is stretched out horizontally and is obscured by the hideous font and muted colors. Real Pacifican products revere their centers, have bold colors, and perfect proportions.

[IMG]http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/3989/counterfeitswag.png[/IMG]
[i]A useful guide in determining if your Pacifican Product is counterfeit[/i]

Finally, Pacifican Products are only distributed through authorized retailers. Don't lower yourself to the depths required to attain knock-off product; you would never find a Pacifican rummaging through the dumpster where this fashion abomination was found.

Best Wishes and more fashion forward than you,

Sir Paul
Imperial Officer of the New Pacific Order
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[size=8][b]Pacificans Demand Reparations From Surrendering Alliances[/size][/b]
[IMG]http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/3900/checkbook.jpg[/IMG]
[i]How much should Pacifica get paid?[/i]

[b]Global Order of Darkness, Mushroom Kingdom Co-Prosperity Sphere[/b]: With the New Pacific Order, Global Order of Darkness and allies finishing up the mop-up work, discussions of reparations and surrender have already been bandied about. However, an important force in the battle to bring justice to the world has been locked-out of proceedings. Thus far, the New Pacific Order has not been offered a share of the reparations to help them cover the costs of the war, and Emperor Cortath has been making it known in diplomatic circles that the Order expects a slice of the action.

[quote name='Cortath']Quite frankly, our support in this fight has been key to MK victory. Our extensive network of POW camps are the highest rated in the Cyberverse, our propaganda has dispirited the enemy, and our financial support has turned the tide of this war.[/quote]

Just view this testimonial from a Pacifican POW:

[img]http://i46.tinypic.com/zthcph.gif[/img]

Indeed, by funding the GOD war machine, the Order is surely as entitled to at least as much as Sparta got. It’s time for the NPO to get their share of the pie.

Regardless, the NPO has finished funding GOD and now with GOD now ending their participation in the Kollateralized Amalgamated Reinvestment Mutual Assistance Program, Pacificans are focusing their efforts to help the Viridian Entente. Maturity of the K.A.R.M.A. for GOD is expected in one to four years with an estimated yield of 1300%.
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Written by Sir Paul
Signature by Red
The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth
Proudly Part of PNN
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[b]Cybernations Academy Awards Winners Announced[/b]
[IMG]http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/3011/robertredford11469.jpg[/IMG]
[i]ForeignOwnage accepting the Admin for Best Recruiting on behalf of UPN.[/i]

[b]Francograd, New Pacific Order[/b]: The Cybernations Academy Awards have finished and the Mushroom Kingdom were the big winners of the night walking away with five Admins, just beating out the New Pacific Order who had four. Polaris and the Sith tied for three Admins a piece and TOP took home a respectable two. Each of the following alliances took home one Admin: ODN, iFOK, Argent, UPN, Aircastle, STA, Finnish Cooperation Oragnization, Carpe Diem, the Jedi Order, and Athens.

The speeches were short, keeping the ceremony on time. For example, Jack Diorno, accepting his award, stated “Funniest player. You can bet both testicles on that one,” and then left the stage. The Pacific News Network, sponsors of the event, thanked the Academy for their hard work over these last two months and looks forward to putting on an even better show for 2010. A transcript of the proceedings can be viewed [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=82370]HERE[/url].
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Written by Sir Paul
The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth
Proudly Part of PNN
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[b]This Moment in History: Raiding a Protectorate[/b]
[IMG]http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/3112/raiderslogo.gif[/IMG]
[i]Raiders went 5-11 in 2009. Will their record improve under an MK Cyberverse?[/i]

[b]Poison Clan, Mushroom Kingdom Co-Prosperity Sphere[/b]: Recently, the Poison Clan raided Spacebattles.com Alliance (SBA), a protectorate of Echelon. After approaching Poison Clan in private to achieve reparations for SBA, Echelon took the matter [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=82415]public[/url] in an open world forum post that was dismissed by Poison Clan and their fellow members of the Mushroom Kingdom Co-Prosperity Sphere.

This attitude is a departure from previous stands taken by the alliances who are members of the MKCPS, with the most prominent example being the Federation of Armed Nations invasion of Norden Verein, a protectorate of the New Pacific Order. During this incident, FAN's actions were condemned and the world rallied around the cause of defending the protectorate. Here are some quotes from the NPO declaration of war on FAN after their raid on NPO’s protectorate:

“Hail Pacifica o/ As I said to Polaris, it's a pleasure to be fighting alongside you guys this time around ”
[url=http://z15.invisionfree.com/Cyber_Nations/index.php?showtopic=73623&st=83]Archon[/url], June 18, 2007, Mushroom Kingdom

“I for one applaud the NPO's actions, past present and future, and am glad to be a soldier of \m/ living under the Pax Pacifica. Had FAN taken over, there would be no Pax Federation. There would have been chaos.

Hail the Pax Pacifica! Hail The Bovine Overlord! Hail the NUMBER ONE ALLIANCE, the NPO!”
[url=http://z15.invisionfree.com/Cyber_Nations/index.php?showtopic=73623&st=150]Margrave[/url], June 18, 2007, \m/

And here are some quotes from Echelon’s thread requesting reparations from Poison Clan for raiding their protectorate:

“do something about it. Or at least quit crying about it, geez.”
[url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=82415&view=findpost&p=2220616]Voytek[/url], March 9, 2010, Mushroom Kingdom

“If you think you can intimidate Poison Clan to bowing to your petty demands of compensation for your own incompetence I can guarantee you that Poison Clan won't be the only entity you'll have the pleasure of getting eradicated by. Either put up or shut up, Echelon. I'll be waiting.”
[url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=82415&view=findpost&p=2220029]Emperor Marx[/url], March 9, 2010, \m/

As you can see, it appears that the position of the members of the MKCPS have changed from "raiding protectorates is wrong" to that they have a free pass to raid provided that their targets can't "do anything about it." After much public discussion and some pressure from the Moralists (notably Airme), Poison Clan, while affirming their right to raid, decided to work out [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=82518]reparations[/url] directly with SBA. It appears that there is still just enough capacity for shame in the MKCPS to do the right thing under pressure, which demonstrates the power of going public in the proper circumstances. As put by MK member [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=82415&view=findpost&p=2220746]Quiziotle[/url] “…if you can't resolve an issue in private, exacerbate it with a public announcement.”
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Written by Sir Paul
The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth
Proudly Part of PNN
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[size=8][b]G15 Still Failing to Adequately Defend Pacifica[/b][/size]
[IMG]http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/9348/whiteflage.jpg[/IMG]
[i]Jack Diorno flying the white flag of war[/i]

[b]Athens, Mushroom Kingdom Co-Prosperity Sphere[/b]: The Imperial Clerk of the New Pacific Order, in compliance with the Transparency Act of 2005, released the quarterly report detailing the defense of the New Pacific Order by the G15 from December 12, 2009 and March 9, 2010 at the G15 headquarters of Pacifican Defense in the Greek City-State. Of 35 incidents report to G15 headquarters, 27 went undefended. Of the 8 defended nations, the defenders hailed from VE (13 war slots), Sparta (10 war slots), FOK (4 war slots) and Athens (4 war slots). The other G15 alliances have sent zero defenders.

A particularly brutal attack came from the 53K NS nation of Empire of Arizona. He was reported to the G15 on Februrary 11, 2010 but was not attacked until March 4, 2010, three weeks later. One of the "defenders" was Jack Diorno of Shireland. That term is used loosely because Jack failed to launch offensive actions against the target in question. As can be seen from this screenshot, this amounted to war slot filling.
[img]http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/6863/jackdiornowarslotfillin.png[/img]
[i]Jack, doin’ it wrong.[/i]

Jack even sent kudos to the raiding nation. Observe this letter from Emperor Rick to a raided Pacifican:

[quote name=’Emperor Rick’] To: owl007
From: Emperor Rick
Date: 3/7/2010 2:15:15 AM

Subject: lulz

Message: You wanna hear a funny story? [b]Jack Diorno hasn't fired a shot at me, because im fighting the good fight against NPO.[/b] Don't go hippy mode on me by tomorow, i have another batch of nuclear bombs with your name on it.[/quote]

Athenian authorities apologized for being overstretched by the war and would speak with Jack. Pacificans, however, continue to be outraged by the lack of protection and question why the G15 would demand disarmament and then contract for the protection of a 650 nation alliance. Even Echelon was able to get reparations for their protectorate when it was raided, while Pacificans have yet to see a single dime from the various raiders.

The Emperor has graciously offered to amend the protectorate agreement so that in exchange for allowing the Pacificans to rearm, they would be responsible for non-hegemonic defense of their alliance. This would free up G15 resources to prosecute their current active war as well as removing what has become a disparate burden on a few alliances. With the efficiency of the Red Protection Court, Red Team Citizens (Pacifican and non-Pacifican alike) have grown accustomed to a high-level of defense, and while it may be unfair to expect such a level of service from the G15, it is the Clerk's opinion that the strained relations between the NPO and G15 can start on the road to recovery by allowing each group to do what they do best. Let the Pacifican's handle the raiders with their own force-of-arms, and let the G15 handle the conquest and subjugation of the Cyberverse.
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Written by Sir Paul
The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth
Proudly Part of PNN
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[size=8][b]Two Sing-Along Reports![/size][/b]
[IMG]http://img52.imageshack.us/img52/1618/asidebsidepostcardfront.jpg[/IMG]
[i]With no tech left, we had to go to 7 inch 45s.[/i]

[b]FRANCOGRAD, New Pacific Order[/b]: Hey you cool cats out there, we got a hot new single out by Sir Paul, featuring Doitzel, celebrating the Death of Pacifica.

However, if you take a look at the flip side, you’ll find this Side B is out on the moon. The artist lets loose his id and explores his darkest fantasies in a world turned upside down. Check them out today!

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaMUA-mhwc4 ]Side A: ICR Y5.T2.1i - Doitzel & Dad Duet Deax: Doom and Death[/url]
[i] Pacifica is dead and a new power has risen. Let us morn the passing of the most important alliance in the Cyberverse in the only appropriate [color=blue]manner available[/color][/i]

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mPU-eahg_A ]Side B: ICR Y5.T2.1j - Unchained Fantasy[/url]
[i] Sometimes you just want to be like everyone else, a downtrodden misfit dreams of a world where he belongs... Part of the Sing-Along War Report.[/i]
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Written by Sir Paul
The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth
Proudly Part of PNN
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[size=8][b]PaulsLIST[/b][/size]
[i]Financing the Revolution since 2009[/i]

===APPRENTICE WANTED===

Handsome Media Mogul seeks apprentice to learn dark trade of the Tabloids. Must be a Pacifican or willing to convert. Duties include selling ad space, research, profiling alliances/people, and writing articles. There will be other duties as assigned. Pay includes education and invaluable experience. Submit resume and writing sample to Sir Paul along with reasons why you should be picked to be the apprentice. End of successful term will result in journeymen papers and a possible position with the Pacific News Network.

[color=blue]Edit[/color]

Edited March 17, 2010 by Sir Paul

[Centurius]

Nice read, good stuff.

[My Name Is Romance]

Great read. Always one step ahead of the truth you are.

[Qazzian]

A great read. People clearly have no idea how many good Pacifican families depend on those pieces of merchandise. Take some pride in what you wear, people!

[jgolla]

Brilliant as always, Sir Paul!

[supercoolyellow]

These are always worth a good chuckle, keep up the good work.

[Lord Brendan]

[quote]The Emperor has graciously offered to amend the protectorate agreement so that in exchange for allowing the Pacificans to rearm, they would be responsible for non-hegemonic defense of their alliance. This would free up G15 resources to prosecute their current active war as well as removing what has become a disparate burden on a few alliances. With the efficiency of the Red Protection Court, Red Team Citizens (Pacifican and non-Pacifican alike) have grown accustomed to a high-level of defense, and while it may be unfair to expect such a level of service from the G15, it is the Clerk's opinion that the strained relations between the NPO and G15 can start on the road to recovery by allowing each group to do what they do best. Let the Pacifican's handle the raiders with their own force-of-arms, and let the G15 handle the conquest and subjugation of the Cyberverse.[/quote]

Been saying this all along. Trying to protect a 650-man alliance is just stupid when they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves. Not sure if this is a serious offer or not but if it is the G15 should definitely accept it.

Overall good read. Not your best.

[King Death II]

WHOO! Go Rick!! You made the newsletter He must have been a pretty serious threat to make this newsletter.

also long live NTO o/

Edited March 16, 2010 by King Death II

[ROMMELHSQ]

Nice and fun read as always

[lebubu]

These never disappoint, good job.

[Voytek]

My first taste of fame...

[Hadrian]

Another brilliant piece of journalism from the iconic Sir Paul. [img]http://forums.cybernations.net/public/style_emoticons/default/awesome.gif[/img]

Keep 'em coming, good sir.

[MagicalTrevor]

Superbly written and very well laid out as always.

[Rush Sykes]

needs moar mention of Athens. Other than that, loads of fun!

[GeoLauzier]

I like reading those ! Keep them coming. Well done, etc...

[NLights]

Excellent read start to finish.

[Seerow]

First time in a while that I laughed at one of these. Good job.

[Alekhine]

I always enjoy reading these. Good work.

[Owned-You]

I find myself enjoying each and every Tabloid issue as of late... Good work Sir Paul!

[KagetheSecond]

Oh god.. I laughed so hard at side A of the sing a long.

[Trinite]

Fantastic. I always knew you guys had a secret love for MK.

[Weirdgus]

Sir Paul delivers as usual! Excellent read!

[Groucho Marx]

Well-written as always and entertaining. Nice work.

[ratonbox]

Good timing.. there wasn't anything interesting in the press lately, so this comes like a breath of fresh air. Very entertaining articles! Cheers!

[Voodoo Nova]

Nice work on the Tabloid, Sir Paul.