Sardonic Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) We are doing pretty well these days, thanks for caring. We have a special message for the members of planet bob. Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment, for it is an old one you have always had, right from the beginning. This commandment – to love one another – is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new. Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: and the prayer of faith shall save him that is sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, it shall be forgiven him. Chastise your son, for in this there is hope, but do not desire his death. The man of violent temper pays the penalty; even if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. Happy those who seize your children and smash them against a rock. In that day those the LORD has slaughtered will fill the earth from one end to the other. No one will mourn for them or gather up their bodies to bury them. They will be scattered like dung on the ground. How can any man be just in God’s sight, or how can any women’s child be innocent? But of these things be not ashamed, lest you sin through human respect;…Of constant training of children, or of beating the sides of a disloyal servant; or of a seal to keep an erring wife at home. Have a nice day! -GOONS (Lazerc is now Co-Pilot) Edited November 16, 2009 by Sardonic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Style #386 Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 You have a nice day now too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groucho Marx Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 A compelling sermon, Sardonic. Congratulations lazerc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shodemofi-NPO Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) What a strange announcement. Props for originality though. Congratulations Lazerc. Edited November 16, 2009 by Shodemofi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yankees Empire Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 I agree wholeheartedly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirWilliam Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Preach it, brother-man. Preach it! And congrats be to Lazerc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farnsworth Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Congrats to Lazerc! Can I get witness? ...or perhaps the phone number(s) of those elders? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bolak Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Not the best sermon that I've heard lately, but uhmm.. yeah anyways.. Congradulations to GOONS and your new Co-Pilot Lazerc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scythegfx Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Congrats lazerc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinchazi Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 needs moar hellfire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James I Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Good jawb, Lazerc. Keep on truckin' GOONS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Love the name of your update, "State of the Alliance," what will they think of next? Keep up the good work guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChairmanHal Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 needs moar hellfire. I agree. FYI: Technically not gun porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChimpMasterFlash Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 This is not gun porn either but it is nearly as good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaticFringe Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Well, the church burned down and no one knewwhat Pentecost Baptist was gonna do the Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot it burned up a church bus in the parkin' lot In a panic the reverend Dr. White called up an ex-member that hadn't lived right he owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence it's the same Joe's he'd preached against... He said, "I don't really want to be a hypocrite, but I got a Sunday school class about to have fits. We're all excited about revival week, and moved by the spirit, so to speak. With all the souls we saved and money we spent, we thought God told us to sell that tent... I got a famous evangelist supposed to come and done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?" Joe says, "Well you can just use the whole dang place... A-9 on the jukebox is "Amazing Grace" I ain't supposed to open because of them 'blue laws' but I'll open tonight if it's alright with y'all." Preacher said, "Well, I reckon it'd be OK, the good Lord works in mysterious ways. I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth and I reckon I could do it from the DJ booth." At the First Baptist Bar and Grill it's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whiskey still... when the sinners finish one more round, we'll have dinner on the ground, then go inside and pray we don't get killed. The evangelist came with a well-dressed choir, they showed up around happy hour, looked around the joint and didn't take it real well... said, "The White ministry has gone to hell" Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school and two deacons in the back room shootin' pool were sharin' the Lord with a Jim Beam rep who was teachin' Ms. Mills some line dance steps... Reverend White was readin' from the book of Luke to a tall, drunk trucker about to puke he had John 3:16 memorized tryin' to dry him out to get him baptized... The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer said, "White, you can't save any souls in here... this place ain't nothin' but a den of sin... ain't the kind of place Baptists ought to be in!" Preacher said, "Well we don't really need y'all here You didn't do a very good job last year, you only saved one sinner, that's Todd McGuire, the little SOB that set my church on fire!" "Joe's beer joint has done been revived, only been here an hour, and I done saved five. Sure, it's got mirrors and a big dance floor, but I finally found the flock God called me for." They're at the First Baptist Bar and Grill it's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still not a stained glass window anywhere in site, just a blood-stained floor and neon lights, and the communion wine in here is always chilled. We're here every Sunday; we're livin' large; We're the only church with a cover charge. And if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout, we'll have our bouncer throw your butt out ... of the First Baptist Bar and Grill my goongradulations to the genius of Rev. Tim Wilson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LegendoftheSkies Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 FYI: Technically not gun porn. Missile porn? Also congrats to GOONS and Lazerc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilien Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Sup lazer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mixoux Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Good to see Lazerc back again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louisa Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Oh my god the violence inherent in this topic Congratulations and successes wished from the diaspora! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groucho Marx Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 I agree. FYI: Technically not gun porn. That's a pretty big missile you have there. Its perfect for this sermon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LJ Scott Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) THIS WAS A WELL MADE ANNOUNCEMENT IN MY OPINION :3 Edited November 16, 2009 by LJ Scott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tick1 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Have fun Lazerc! You guys are alright. I enjoy some of the conversations I've had with you and hope to see more announcements how ever simple they may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eden Taylor Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 This is not nearly as cool or attention whoring as I have come to expect and love, GOONS. Poor show. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tick1 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 This is not nearly as cool or attention whoring as I have come to expect and love, GOONS. Poor show. Well what do you expect? I mean Athens stole all the attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChimpMasterFlash Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 This is not nearly as cool or attention whoring as I have come to expect and love, GOONS. Poor show. I'll attention whore for you, but I'm gonna need $3.50 up front. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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