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Putin's Speech to the Leaders of Europe


comrade nikonov
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Citizens of Russia, and other lands will turn on their televisions to see this speech broadcast by the President of the Russian Federation Putin.

Dear Leaders of Europe,

I am pleased to announce a policy of non interventionism in Europe. Europe, which Russia has historically turned to, has proven to be unadvantageous! We thus wish to maintain neutral relations with the nations in Europe, as we mean them no harm and neither expect any malicious intent. There is one exception to this rule, and it is our fraternal little brother, the South Slavs of Serbia. They may continue to look upon us with inspiration and proudness, and in event of any trouble, they may ask for our assistance! Thus said, trade with Europe will be frozen at current levels, except for oil and natural gas exports to the union and beyond, which will be slowly rediverted to China, who is willing to pay higher prices for this valuable commodity. Thus, we wish to part ways with Europe, and hope to be no longer seen as imperialistic menace but rather as a friendly giant that shouldn't be disturbed while tending his Asiatic gardens!

-Vladimir Putin

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