Ricardo Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 (edited) Planet Express Employee Newsletter Planet Express under Investigation Former CEO of Planet Express, Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth, has since passed on, but his cheap and fraudulent actions haunt us to this day. The Central Bureaucracy on Tuesday announced that Planet Express would be investigated for any and all misdoings. Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat Grade 19, is once again on top of things as lead investigator. “I can only imagine what I will discover this time around at Planet Express. Number 1.0 has granted me this duty, not once, but twice and I will not fail this time. Planet Express will succumb to the Central Bureaucracy’s rules and regulations and justice will be served.” Morgan Proctor was quoted leaving the Central Bureaucracy Tuesday night. ZoomZoomZoom, the current CEO, also issued a statement in regards to the investigation to company employees. “I hold our company dear in my heart and although you have endured years upon years of dangerous missions on a lower than minimum wage salary it is my hope that you will enjoy a two week fully paid trip to Amazonia. I procured an excellent deal with the women and their leader, Femputer. It is unorthodox for a vacation upon their Planet, but I agreed no sexist jokes from our employees will occur. So I request that you abide by these rules, respect woman achievements in sports and comedy (Yes….I’m aware such achievements do not exist) and that you also keep your mouths shut to Morgan Proctor about my continuation of Professor Farnsworth’s fraudulent activities. I hope you enjoy your trip!” Omicronians fire upon Planet Express The Omicronians who are known to be rather aggressive have recently targeted our crew passing through their system. At this point in time it is unknown what the nature of their anger is. We can rest assured no 20th century television programming was disturbed. Odds are an attack upon Earth will occur in the coming week, so for the time being avoid their sector. Odds are also high that Planet Express is responsible. Black Team Delivery Contracts Since our arrival on Planet Bob, we have been situated on the black team. Planet Express immediately reached out to secure new contracts with the esteemed alliances already residing on black. Since so many contracts were created we decided to join an already established trading bloc. The bloc in question is NOIR. Planet Express looks forward to serving the needs of its fellow bloc mates as well as receiving excellent compensation in return. It is the duty of all employees to dedicate their respect and lives to ensure on-time delivery. Listed below is the charter nobody cares to read so enjoy. NOIR Preamble The name NOIR, literally translated as Black, is both an obvious and a subtle suggestion as to the intentions of the signatories. We, sovereign and noble alliances of black, sign this treaty to better our sphere through culture and trade, and better ourselves in the pursuit of furthering the interests of all black alliances and nations. Article I. La Legion Noire: Non-Aggression and War Section 1. Aggression, as defined by a declaration of war, aiding nations who are at war with or belong to an alliance which is at war with a signatory, or encouraging a declaration of war, is not permitted between signatories of this treaty. Section 2. Any nation(s) found to be in violation of Article I, Section 1 must cease hostilities immediately and offer reparations equal to or greater than the damages wrought. In the event that peace is not reached and reparations are not provided for damages, the offending nation shall be expelled from their alliance. Section 3. A declaration of war by a third party upon a signatory to this treaty shall serve as a casus belli for all other signatories. NOIR members are encouraged, but not required, to come to the defense and aid by any means possible. Section 4. No signatory shall raid Black Nations, aligned or unaligned. Article II. Film Noir: Intelligence Section 1. Signatories agree to share any and all information which they feel may be vital for the security of the undersigned. Section 2. Signatories must not engage in any kind espionage against another signatory, nor support such actions by a third party. Article III. Folk Noir: Hospitality Section 1. Signatories agree to support the growth of the black team by welcoming alliances to black and assisting, when possible, in the transition process. Article IV. La Roche-Noire: The Black Senate Section 1. Signatories agree to maintain a senate which is open to any candidate. Section 2. Signatories are encouraged to coordinate their votes in order to establish a stable and reliable senate. Section 3. Signatories represented directly by a senator agree to respond to sanction requests made by fellow signatories as though the requests were made by their own respective alliance. Article V. Tech Noire: The Black Market Section 1. Each signatory shall select at least one representative to serve as a Black Market Tradesman. Section 2. The Tradesmen are responsible for organizing trade circles as well as technology and donation deals. Section 3. Each signatory shall encourage their members to obtain trades as well as technology and donations deals through the Black Market in order to foster community and economic growth. Article VI. Montagne Noir: The Conclave Section 1. The enactment of this treaty is to be overseen by a council of two representatives from each signatory, forming the Upper Conclave. These members are to have the authority to speak on behalf of their respectful alliances in official matters. An alliance may choose to only mask one person in the Upper Conclave, but no alliance may mask more than two. Section 2. The Middle Conclave shall be an assembly of representatives from the governments of the signatories. These members are to be able to speak and vote on behalf of their respectful alliances on matters regarding the treaty and black economy. A signatory is allowed to determine the number of its own members that it deems necessary to be masked in the Middle Conclave. Section 3. The Middle Conclave shall render decisions by a seventy-two hour vote in which a two-thirds majority has been reached. Abstentions shall not be included in the final tally, and any alliance failing to cast its vote within the seventy-hour period shall forfeit its vote in that decision. All votes are final and cannot be altered after the 72 hour voting period. Section 4. The Upper Conclave members shall each hold administrative privileges on the NOIR forums to allow for their oversight. They are responsible for maintaining proper masks and the organization of the NOIR forums. Article VII. Pinot Noir: Membership Section 1. Any black alliance in good standing is encouraged to apply for membership. Membership is conferred by the Conclave. Section 2. If a signatory is found to violate this treaty, they may be expelled by the Conclave after being given a period of forty-eight hours during which they may respond to any accusations brought against them. Section 3. Any signatory may withdraw from this treaty after giving notice on the NOIR forums. They shall be considered a third party to this treaty seventy-two hours after notice was given, during which time they are still bound to articles I and II. Article VIII. Mondeuse Noire: Amendment Any proposed amendment may be adopted following a seventy-two hour vote by the Conclave in which all votes cast (excluding abstentions) approve the proposal. We, the esteemed alliances of the Black Sphere, hereby pledge our dedication to the above document, and the betterment of the Black Sphere. Signed for Sparta Kings - Darklink Adrian Regent - Tulak Hord Ephors of Foreign Affairs - Supremelord George the Great Signed for Umbrella mrcalkin, Triumvir Roquentin, Triumvir Xavi, Triumvir Guus87, Envoy uaciaut, Marshal Snowbeat, Marshal Sceptor, Senior Statesman Signed for the League of United Defense The Ascendancy Prime-Minister: TheChosenOne Grand Vizier: Draeg High Chancellor: HeRo1 Imperial Commissar: Stagger Lee The Ministry Grand Emissary: Alcoholic High Commissioner: Spazquarx High Quaestor: Azamien Imperial Regent: cello-chik Signed for Dark Fist Daikos - Diarch Starcraftmazter - Diarch Martinius - Minister of Foreign Affairs Signed for Iunctus Teh Chad - Imperator St Jimmy - Praetor Signed for MFO JoshuaR Signed for Trilateral Commission Supreme Council TOOL, Chairman Drakedeath, CEO Arch3004, 1st Representative Cooksonthegreat, 2nd Representative mercs2foru, Chief of Staff Grand Council Badbrownies, Head of External Affairs Teargas, Head of Military/Security Signed for The Dark Templar The Dark Archon - Supa_Troop3r The Twilight Archon - Myworld Patriarch - PuLsE High Templar of Finance - Rakshasas High Templar of Development - Gabriel Carver High Templar of War - Masterof9puppets Signed for The Dark Evolution Coolgreen44 - Emperor Signed for the Federation of Buccaneers Founder - Runz Founder - Sagha Signed for The Immortals: Sarmatian Empire, Emperor Wappas, Chief Officer Signed for Apocalypse: Ghostlin, Wolf Emperor of Apocalypse Yuurei, Horseman of Internal Affairs Jewelangel, Horseman of Foreign Affairs Pokeikon, Horseman of War Signed for The Shadow Confederacy: E.Grievous,Emperor Omniscient1,Grand Vizier DoorNail,Supreme Commander Shadow Lurker,Grand Moff of Internal Affairs Signed for Ether: Evey Jane, Her Sexiness Pmac627, President Master Nick, Vice President Signed for the Military Establishment of Righteous Countries(MERC): Jack Whiterstein - Premier Baha24 - CoIA porkpotpie - CoFA Signed for Nemesis: Bob, Triumvir Soccerbum, Triumvir Van Hoo III, Triumvir Meyer0095, Minister of Economic Affairs Signed for Amazon Nation: Randalla, of The HiElands: Queen Amarynth, of Caspysia: Queen's Consort and Council Larethiel, of Havalas: Council Signed for League of Small Superpowers: Jaaku - Princeps PHD - Consul Drugsup - Consul Lord Slade - Consul DWtheGreat - Prefect of Foreign Affairs Signed for Fifth Column Confederation Methrage, King Bradicus, Director of Foreign Affairs Lovealot, Director of Development Terveis, Director of War ChairmanR, Director of Technology Cujothekitten, Director of Interior Signed for the House of Lords Signed for, His Eminence The Most Respected Lord Vorak, Lord President and Leader of the House of Lords, 2nd Grand Duke of the House of Lords, Lord of Vorakia Signed for Alpha Omega Mad Mike - Triumvir of Alpha Omega SigmundFreud - Triumvir of Alpha Omega Galvin Mandorick - Triumvir of Alpha Omega Signed for Unified Royal States Alliance Agentlorelei, Basileus DirtDiver, Ministry of Foreign Mongoo, Ministry of Development Signed for Aircastle John Ron - CEO of Aircastle Quazzy - CFO of Aircastle Dragon Taxi - CIO of Aircastle Signed for The Righteous Fist The Righteous Fist General Assembly Signed for Open Source Alliance His Honor, Nolissar the All-Knowing, President of the OSA Godfather89, Minister of External Affairs for the OSA Signed for Rendition Paint Your Target - Primus Inter Pares Arcani Council of Rendition: Vellocet Faeloth Hatman Returns Signed for the City Of Rapture Engel – The Engel in Engelstruck Ada – The Struck in Engelstruck Signed for Nordreich Der Reichskaiser kingzog Das Triumvirat John C Calhoun Medraut Oberherr Xenu Die Reichsregierung Samuel Houston - Minister of Foreign Affairs SF Austin - Reichsgeneral PuliSher - Minister of the Interior pd73bassman - Minister of Recruiting Ahumocles - Minister of Culture Vinzent Zeppelin - Reichsbanker Signed for Planet Express ZoomZoomZoom - CEO Ricardo - Captain Yossarian - Delivery Boy All employees must report to the new $30 billion NOIR headquarters and sign-up. Just try not to blow the place up. Finally, remember to make sure this company newsletter does not make it to the public or else…. The company has consulted the “What if? Machine” and asked what would happen if an employee did and it isn't pretty… tl;dr - Planet express is accepted into NOIR. Edited July 4, 2009 by Ricardo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kobiashiy Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Congrats to Planet Express! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoomzoomzoom Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 (edited) I thought the idea was to not let the public know of this! What if Ricardo disobeyed orders and showed the company newsletter outside of our building? Edited July 4, 2009 by Zoomzoomzoom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Houston Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Congrats! I guess we both get to figure out what to do now. Time for ultimate BlocAge!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yawoo Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Welcome to NOIR, P.E. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Justin Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 hailz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingzog Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Good news, everyone! I look forward to working with you folks in the future. Say.... somewhere around 3000 AD? Preferably before, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krunk the Great Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 O noes!! Moar alliances!!! Welcome and Congratulations to our Brothers in Planet Express. Now we are ONE treaty away instead of two treaties. o/ From LoSS Recruitment/Education division :-D I still had first embassy though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoomzoomzoom Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 O noes!! Moar alliances!!! Welcome and Congratulations to our Brothers in Planet Express. Now we are ONE treaty away instead of two treaties.o/ From LoSS Recruitment/Education division :-D I still had first embassy though If you take a look it has since been deleted. lawl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krunk the Great Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 If you take a look it has since been deleted. lawl o noes, thats grounds for wor! j/k but yeah I'll update that consulate soon....we still had first diplomat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabonnobar Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Ricardo making announcements. Love it! Also grats guys, much . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twodivine Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Congrats and welcome o/ PE o/ NOIR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
draov Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 (edited) o/ NOIR o/ PE o/ Apocalypse for still being in a treaty even after a name change and disbandment/merge Edited July 4, 2009 by draov Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulak Hord Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Damn crazy space adventurers >_> Welcome to the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 What a good group. Planet Express is still considered under Nemesis protection if they ever want it. And yes, that is a OD, ask us and receive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starcraftmazter Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Welcome to NOIR, Planet Express Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rickyman1984 Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 I like seeing these people in NOIR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilhelm the Demented Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Welcome to NOIR!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yossarian Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 woooooo!!! Looking forward to working with you guys! o/ NOIR, o/ PE (OOC: /me goes to watch more Futurama) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randalla Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 'Bout time, guys! Amazonia is, of course, glad to have you in NOIR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Nicholas II Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 whats all the commotion ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Conrad Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Congrats and welcome to NOIR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fant0m Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Welcome to NOIR, guys. o/ PE o/ NOIR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chosen One Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Welcome to NOIR! Its good to see you on the dark side! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricardo Posted July 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 thanks for the support, glad to be in NOIR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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