Jump to content

Tabloid Tribune #146 | NPO Announcement


Recommended Posts

The Tabloid Tribune

One Step Ahead of the Truth

Since September 2003

Issue #146 - World Edition - Pacifican Edition

__________

World Edition Now Censored For Your Protection

censorship.jpg

You can't handle the truthiness

Springfield, SIR PAUL - According to MHA Triumvir Crushtania, the Tabloid Tribune is dedicated to bringing you "complete and utter lies masquerading as Alliance Announcements." I would like to gently correct my right honorable friend and ally to inform him that the Tabloid Tribune has and will always hold the following creed to heart:

"Honest Reporting for an Honest Reader. Honest."

It is in that spirit that we bring the raw news to you, completely unaltered by thought, reason, facts, and proper spelling. Indeed, the entire Karma war is (so I'm told) about freedom of expression, and letting every person say what ever they wanted to without consequence. However, due to the delecate sensibilities of some parties, it has become clear to the editorial staff that the world is unable to handle the pure, unadulterated truth that springs fully formed from my mind, as Athena from the skull of Zeus.

It is the Promise of Pacifica to promote "Peace, Strength, and Prosperity" and as such, the World Edition of the Tabloid Tribune shall be censored to protect the public peace. For those of you who are of stronger constitution and want to know what is REALLY happening in the world of Cybernations, please feel free to check out the Pacifican Edition of the Tabloid Tribune, exclusively offered on our forums.

I thank the reading public for bearing with us as we make the transition to censored news, and promise that even censored, we shall stay "One step ahead of the truth."

Best Wishes and in before #145 was better,

Sir Paul

Imperial Clerk

__________

NPO-MK Upgrade Treaty to PITA

archonscastle.png

Archon's Castle is prepared for the signing ceremony

Pen Island, Mushroom Kingdom - As is known throughout the Cyberverse, the New Pacific Order and the Mushroom Kingdom are the best of friends. Together, they have a joint-powers authority that runs CN Radio, Bros and Dilber are regular drinking buddies, and the Peace Intelligence and Aid Treaty (PIAT) that binds them is one of the most famous on Planet Bob. However, all things must change and the relationship between these two alliances have gotten to the point that they have decided to upgrade the treaty.

Lord High Vanguard of Mushroom Kingdom Gruthenia made a statement today acknowledging that "the agreement with the NPO is really a PITA. From the signing of the treaty to today, this has been the biggest PITA in Mushroom Kingdom history and I'm finally glad both sides are recognizing this obvious fact."

Imperial Officer hawk_11 has similar feelings. "It seems every time I see a member of the Mushroom Kingdom post, I think of what a PITA it is to be linked to them."

A PITA, of course, is a Peace, Intelligence, Truth and Aid treaty. The original PIAT had a clause that stated "Each member of each alliance shows general good will, and appreciation for the other." However, the bonds of friendship and brotherhood are so strong that the members can be honest with one another. Thus, the addition of the Truth clause, which lets the members tell each other what they really think of each other.

The Order celebrates this new era of honesty and is excited that the PITA is real and present every day.

-----

Written by Sir Paul

The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth

Proudly Part of PNN

__________

CENSORED

censoredv.jpg

We're bringing CENSORED back.

This article on CENSORED has been deemed inappropriate by CENSORED and as such is only available in the Pacifican Edition, which can be viewed here.

-----

Written by Sir Paul

The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth

Proudly Part of PNN

__________

The King is Dead? Long Live the Queen!

marycrowning.png

Mary being coronated as Emperor of the Order

Reporting from Francograd and Arseanistan - The Tabloid Tribune has received unconfirmed reports that Emperor Revenge, the Divine Bovine, Moo-Cows with Guns, the founder of Moo-Tang Clan, is dead at age 26. What is known is that the Emperor left the safety of Francograd to lead his home nation of Arseanistan in beating back the Karmic Horde. Sanitation conditions in Arseanistan are abominable as more tactical nuclear warheads have been detonated on their previous fertile soil than any nation in the history of Planet Bob. Due to this situation, the H1N1 flu was able to jump from avian to swine to humans to bovines.

Upon learning of the Emperor's infection, the Imperial Clerk had laden two African swallows with a get-well bouquet of flowers and a request for an update from the Emperor's veterinarian. What returned was the Emperor's sash, stained with the Blood of Franco, Unlimited, Ivan, Dilber, and now Revenge. Taking this as a sign of the Emperor's death, or at least incapacitation, the Clerk, by tradition, presented the sash to the Regent in the North Tower of the five-sided fortress and said "You are Emperor now. What will you have us do?"

"All that is required" replied Mary.

She was later coronated in a public ceremony in the Body Republic and addressed the assembled members:

"All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. Today, Revenge has played the part of Franco, and I am playing the role of Poskrebyshev. Five years before, we were under siege. The enemy was at our gates. The world was united in the quest for our destruction, and our Emperor had died away from the Capital battling the unwashed horde. However, that tragedy rallied the people of Pacifica and we beat back the invaders, protecting our homes, our lives, and our freedom.

"Today, it is my honor, my burden, and my destiny to wear this sash, to bear this crown, to hold this sword, and to lift these people known as Pacificans against outrageous odds, impossible numbers, and infinite hate.

"Today, we fight as we have fought before, and shall emerge from this crucible of war not broken and scattered in a Diaspora, but strong and united as Pacificans."

Mary the Fantabulous has the honor of being the first Female Emperor of the Order and fourth to lead the Cybernations Pacificans. She currently resides in Rothinzil, soon to be the most nuked nation on Planet Bob.

[ooc]The Emperor has been hospitalized due to complications from contracting H1N1 and as such he is currently unfit to attend to matters of state. Please send all outragous demands to Mary, Queen of Pacificans.[/ooc]

-----

Written by Sir Paul

The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth

Proudly Part of PNN

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 108
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

The people of Bat Country hope that if the emperor is alive that he is suffering greatly from the injuries he received in battle, and if he is dead then his death was prolonged and agonizing. Congratulations to the GPA for taking over where ADN left off.

OOC: seriously though, hope you get better Moo.

That is of course if this is serious at all. It's hard to tell with Sir Paul sometimes. Also, good read.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I made that same joke last night. Based on his reaction, so did everyone else. :P

OOC: When his fiancee first told us he had swine flu, my response was "And I always thought it'd be Mad Cow."

Did not think that through all the way before typing it out. ;P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:ph34r:

Silence, peon. Back to the coal mines.

An attempt to gain the support of the masses!

Hopefully the flu thing is not just an excuse to do what was deemed to unfortunately be necessary.

OOC: Hope you get better soon Moo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...