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An Announcement from the NPO Imperial Clerk


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The Tabloid Tribune

One Step Ahead of the Truth

Since September 2003

Issue #145

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Tabloid Tribune's Fourth Season

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Spartan Planes Flying Over Arseanistan in Celebration of the Relaunch of the Tabloid Tribune

Springfield, SIR PAUL - After being on hiatus for several months, the Tabloid Tribune is back in action, releasing it's 145th issue. As many of you know, the various alliances of Planet Bob have been helping in the celebrations with fireworks and flyovers in nearly every nation in the Order. The Tabloid Tribune is happy to be back and will be upholding it's creed from the day it was founded by Pacifican Senator Bertram Strantous:

"Honest Reporting for an Honest Reader. Honest."

It is in that spirit that the Tabloid Tribune is launched. In keeping with other traditions, all images that require touch-up are done poorly with MS Paint, all authors are credited, and all quotes are taken out of context. With that, please enjoy our humble paper.

Yours Truly and in before TWiP is better,

Sir Paul, Imperial Clerk

The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth

Proudly Part of PNN

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Moo Declares Mission Accomplished in NPO-OV War

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The Emperor addresses Pacifican seamen in the Green Gulf.

Duffys Doniker, Ordo Verde - With much fanfare, the Emperor himself flew into the Ordo Verde warzone and landed on the NPS Undefeated to greet the crew and let them know that the New Pacific Order's mission in Ordo Verde has been accomplished.

The war started after two days of negotiations when OV diplomats informed the NPO that their spy would not be subjected to one round of wars. Just before midnight, server time, Pacifican Troops entered Ordo Verde, captured the spy, and subjected him to several rounds of war. Having punished the spy, the Order has achieved its objective in the NPO-OV war and has declared that the major combat phase of the operation is over.

Pacifican troops are now exiting Ordo Verde and will press no further attacks within their borders. The Emperor stated that "our sovereignty is absolute and will be defended vigorously." While many accuse the Emperor of starting a war, some scholars believe that many alliances were attempting to provoke the Order into a war by infringing on sovereignty, as evidenced by the disappointment in this thread.

Imperial Officers are currently working with an inter-alliance coalition on an exit strategy.

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Written by Sir Paul

The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth

Proudly Part of PNN

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* <_< *

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New Pacific Order to Join Frostbite

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New bloc expected to be awesome

Pierconium, New Sith Order - In an astounding breakdown in Operational Security, it was revealed that the New Pacific Order will become part of the Frostbite treaty bloc at the conclusion of the war. Tygaland, long known for his straight talk and devil-may-care attitude let slip the plan to eventually bring the New Pacific Order into the fold.

The plot was first discovered by ChairmanHal of Valhalla, who kept dropping his nickels until all became clear. Frostbite consists of The Liquor Cabinet, the New Polar Order, the New Sith Order and the Siberian Tiger Alliance. Each group has been somewhat at odds with the New Pacific Order:

  • Electron Sponge, while leader of Polaris, systematically destroyed Pacifican allies GOONS and FAN and later helped lead the anti-Pacifican group Vox Populi.
    Tygaland, leader of STA, started the Great Patriotic War, the only war that Pacifica did not win, and has been an outspoken critic of Emperor Revenge.
    Ivan Moldavi, creator of the Moldavi Doctrine, Moldavi Rebellion and Moldavi-Mango-Mama (an alcohol-free beverage), has recruited Pacificans and fought against the Hegemony during the recent conflict.
    AlmightyGrub, current leader of Polaris and former Arctic Champion, recently canceled his Pacifican treaty and formed a bloc with the aforementioned anti-Moos.

While it may seem inconceivable for the Order to join a treaty with these four alliances, the move actually makes perfect sense: they've all worked together before, they all have a common ancestry, and they all are mistrustful of the Dutch.

In a statement released by VektorZero, it was revealed that "the members of Frostbite and the Pacific Order believe that we've screwed each other so much that at this point getting married seems like the only practical course of action."

When trying to reach Ivan Moldavi for comment, staff was told that he could not be reached due to a secret meeting regarding bringing the New Pacific Order into Frostbite.

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Written by Sir Paul

The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth

Proudly Part of PNN

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Proper. Glad to see such again. I really do miss Twip and Schattheman is irreplaceable but so is Sir Paul.

I do feel the urge to drop a "care package" upon you for the blasphemous image of our glorious Frostbite banner though.

Edit: Almost forgot, the screenie of Admin would have been one hell of a steal. A shame you are no longer at war with NPO eh Vox? Just imagine the fun ways Schat could have spun that.

Edited by HeinousOne
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Proper. Glad to see such again. I really do miss Twip and Schattheman is irreplaceable but so is Sir Paul.

I do feel the urge to drop a "care package" upon you for the blasphemous image of our glorious Frostbite banner though.

You have to be careful when dropping care packages on Pacifica. Babies are difficult to pack, and if the parachutes fail, there's not much left of them.

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Air raid sirens across Karma go off as Pacifican jokes fly overhead.

Also....I bow to your superior sniping abilities. No one can ever say that HO doesn't give credit where credit is due. No matter whom it is.

You have to be careful when dropping care packages on Pacifica. Babies are difficult to pack, and if the parachutes fail, there's not much left of them.

It may be shaped like a baby but I dont think I shall spend much time giving it a realistic sounding voice. In fact the voice shall only say two words. "You're $%&@ed".

Edited by HeinousOne
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You know, I recall that when I was getting curb stomped in the GPA, I used to send out these pathetic sort of jokes and missives to my attackers. They were more to cheer me up than anything else. This announcement seems to have the same air as those.

Oh yeah, and who doesn't want to be in Frostbite?

Edited by heggo
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