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Beer review number 3, Krash


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As IRON’s official US 'Hood Council representative, I’m providing my “beer reviews.” But I’m not reviewing any watered-down frosty mugged toastin’ ale.

I’m reviewing 40 ozs of Malt Liquor. Yeah that’s right, 40 oz.

Now some of you may drink to have a nice time, or to help with digestion. I drink to get bent. And if you are like me, you want to get there as quick as possible. So I’m not going to compare the barley and hops. I am going to focus on how it tastes to me, good night of drinking, and the affects. And if you have had some, you know the percentage of alcohol listed doesn’t always match what it does to you. So don’t get fooled.

I invite you do go to your local store and drink along with me. But if you are going to do this, I have some rules. And I just might use a term that you don’t know. Deal with it. There are several drinking violations that I’m not having.

Violations:

1. Not pouring out some for your dead homies. If you don’t haven’t lost any homies, pouring out to the brothers on lockdown is acceptable.

2. Pouring a 40 into a glass before drinking.

3. Putting the cap back on and “saving some for later.” If you can’t finish it, don’t crack it.

4. Asking a dude for a sip of his 40. There is a 40oz. per person rule.

5. Throwing up on my carpet. Take that outside if you feel sick.

6. Putting any covering over your 40 other than a brown paper bag. No 40oz. sleeves or knitted cozies.

7. Drinking 40’s ain’t for games. You want a game play beer pong with Miller Lite.

8. Putting your 40 oz. back in the fridge to get cold. Stop nursing it and get to sippin’.

9. Never having money when it’s time to pay. Come on, you can’t get $2.50?

10. Spillin’.

Now on to the drinks:

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Private Stock

Private Stock is a smooth 40 for a smooth time. Private Stock is like sitting on the curb with your boys nodding along to the radio. It’s a little too smooth for my taste; I like a little bit of a bite with mine. I don’t think I’ve ever really been bent with Private Stock, but I’ve been mellow. Loosens up the tounge well for freestylin’.

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King Cobra

BOOOOOOOO! This is a Malt Liquor? Oh HELLL no! Weak, weak, weak. If you see anybody drinking this you should give them the shady eye. If you are drinking this you must not have had other 40s. You better keep this one in the bag so other people don’t see the label. King Cobra? More like an earthworm wearing a hoodie.

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St. Ides

I had to stop drinking this a long time ago. It gave me the rams. It is really sweet and goes down easy…but then you find yourself getting angry for no good reason. Next morning you wake up with a massive hangover, a chipped tooth, one handcuff, and your boys telling you “Yo, we can NEVER go back there again.”

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Colt 45

Billy D ain’t never lied. It DOES work every time. Colt 45 is a little dangerous because it’s not as strong as some others, so when it’s nice and cold you throw it back really quick. You should buy two cause the first one is going to go quick. On a hot summer night a bottle of Colt hits the spot.

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Olde English 800

OE. The undisputed king. Nothing else even comes close. This is what a 40 should be. You might have to work yourself up to this one because you are going to fall in love. I’m sippin a 40 right now as I type this. I had to give a shout out to my brother-from-another-mother MCRABT on my bag. MMMMMmmMMMMm!!!!! OK, I have to go sit on the front steps and enjoy this.

Lata planet Bob, and the next time you are in #iron come crack one with ya boy.

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