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EmperorNortonI

MHA, Fark Grab Hands, Go Out Picking Daisies

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MHA_Small_Flag.gifvalentine-heart.jpgig94pi.jpg

MHA has been staunch allies of Farkistan for longer than any of us can remember (which is apparently last Tuesday, though we're certain a lot of stuff happened prior to then). As fellow residents in the Aqua sphere they have always been good to us, even when politics dictated that we were on opposite sides of things. The Trident bloc was a reflection of those long-standing relations, but now that all parties have chosen to step away from that agreement MHA and Fark were left with a desperate longing for each other, and took to having a secret tryst characterized by late-night phone calls and furtive reunions at the Motel 6. These liaisons proved to us that we needed one another, and, in a moment of reckless abandon, we went to the Little Chapel of Diplomacy and paid some guy in a mullet $50 to write up the following vows. Then we decided that the world should know of our everlasting romance, damn their judgments and accusing eyes. MHA and Fark are in love. Wild monkey love, if you must know.

Preword: Most people know how to write copy paste a treaty and change the names. Hopefully this guide will show you how to spruce things up a bit while making sure you have the backbones that all good treaties need. Or you could just copy paste this and take out the MHA/Fark references.

Article 1. Premable

1.1 Anything that happens, happens.

Article 2. Introduction

2.1 Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.

2.2 Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.

2.3 It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.

Article 3. Sovereignty

Your basic don't tread on me section. By being all buddy buddy with one another you maintain that you're still seperate alliances, nations, evil dictators, and what have you. Each gov is still able to do its own thing. Now if this is a real treaty, and you're actually close, you might want to listen to the other when they say don't go ally yourself with that one !@#$% over there, he went off and blew up a planet for a highway system but its still your call in the end. You might also want to throw in things like "build comradery" "trade/deal with one another" "buy each other a beer sometime" or what ever you'd like. If all that's understood, the treaty thing normally goes off much better.

3.1 One of the extraordinary things about life is the sort of places it's prepared to put up with living. Anywhere it can get some kind of a grip, whether it's the intoxicating seas of Santraginus V, where the fish never seem to care whatever the heck kind of direction they swim in, the fire storms of Frastra where, they say, life begins at 40,000 degrees, or just burrowing around in the lower intestine of a rat for the sheer unadulterated hell of it, life will always find a way of hanging on in somewhere.

3.2 What does this have to do with Farkistan and the Mostly Harmless Alliance?

3.3 Not much.

3.4 Just a cheap method to make liberal use of Douglas Adams’s intellectual property without proper attribution.

3.5 Essentially, both alliances, and their member nations, shall remain free and sovereign of each other.

3.6 That is to say, they are them and we are us.

Article 4(d2) Spaiing (author's note: no one likes a boring treaty. sure they're easy to write copy past, but if your treaty partner isn't worth a little extra effort, why are you signing with them again?)

There are a couple of facets to spying, which is why you'll sometimes see mentions of spying and reps in the sovereignty section. Keeping the reps all in one spot makes a treaty feel more organized and you only have to post your rep agreements in one spot.

First spell out in easy terms that spying on one another, attacking one another, being a !@#$% to the point of psychiatric treatment is necessary, ain't going to happen. Second, acknowledge that it can, has, and more than likely will happen. third agree upon terms of reparations for the aforementioned douchbaggery, the majority saying 150% reps for damaged caused.

4.1 Ford Prefect hit the ground running. The ground was about three inches further from the ventilation shaft than he remembered it so he misjudged the point at which he would hit the ground, started running too soon, stumbled awkwardly and twisted his ankle. He got out his No.3 gauge prising tool. The alarms were going in the same old way that he knew well. There was a kind of music to them that he could almost hum along to. That was all very familiar. The world outside had been a new one on Ford. He had not been to Saquo-Pilia Hensha before, and he had liked it. It had a kind of carnival atmosphere to it. He took from his satchel a toy bow and arrow which he had bought in a street market.

4.2 Prising tools are not cool. Neither is espionage against the other party to this agreement. Both signatories to this agreement agree to refrain from engaging in espionage against the other. Any member nation of either party discovered to be spying upon the other, whether through deceit, coercion, or other means, will be immediately expelled from their alliance. Should either party receive information that indicates a breach of the other's security, they must notify the other alliance through secure channels immediately.

Article 5. Aggression

5.1 The rules just kind of got there. They don't make any kind of sense except in terms of themselves. But when you start to exercise those rules, all sorts of processes start to happen and you start to find out all sorts of stuff about people. In astrology the rules happen to be about stars and planets, but they could be about ducks and drakes for all the difference it would make. It's just a way of thinking about a problem which lets the shape of that problem begin to emerge. The more rules, the tinier the rules, the more arbitrary they are, the better. It's like throwing a handful of fine graphite dust on a piece of paper to see where the hidden indentations are. It lets you see the words that were written on the piece of paper above it that's now been taken away and hidden. The graphite's not important. It's just the means of revealing their indentations. So you see, astrology's nothing to do with astronomy. It's just to do with people thinking about people.

5.2 In other words, neither alliance nor their member nations shall engage in or endorse military action (including spying, see above) against the other signatory.

5.3 If a nation is found in violation of this, they shall be subject to public humiliation, and be also required to pay 150% reparations. Defending nations are required to delay military reprisals until a diplomatic solution can be achieved.

5.4 Offending nations that refuse to declare peace and/or offer reparations shall be whispered about in unkind terms by the others, and will be subject to full military fondling; the kind of fondling that might attract the attention of the Dateline crew. Also, they (the offending nation, not the Dateline crew [on second thought, them too]) shall be expelled from their alliance and declared a rogue. Very likely a rouge wearing rogue.

Article 6 Mutual/optional defense/offense

Most of these treaties are for some kind of military porpoise and you need to spell that out. Take the terms you want (Author's note: optional offense you don't see. Never seen if my history is correct, but watch someone be a dick and prove this guide wrong after this is written by signing their own) and write up the terms. Are you just going to send money or are you going to go full out blown war for your treaty buddy? Do you want to join your ally in battle because the alliance they're attack doesn't like the color pink? Ask yourself what you're willing to get into and sign from there

For our example between Fark and MHA it is a Mutual defense, optional offence treaty.

6.1 It wasn't insanely exciting to look at. It was rather dull in fact. It was smaller and a little thicker than a credit card and semi-transparent. If you held it up to the light you could see a lot of holographically encoded information and images buried pseudo-inches deep beneath its surface.

6.2 Should either party take any aggressive action against any alliance or nation not signatory to this treaty, they may politely request assistance from the other party. Said assistance is not mandatory, but good manners would indicate that a response in the affirmative would be appropriate

6.3 He got as far as, "Where shall I put -" when there was a sudden violent flurry and he collapsed heavily against the door, trying to beat off a small and mangy creature that had leapt snarling out of the wet night and buried its teeth in his thigh, even through the thick layers of leather padding he wore there. There was a brief, ugly confusion of jabbering and thrashing. The man shouted frantically and pointed. Arthur grabbed a hefty stick that stood next to the door expressly for this purpose and beat at the boghog with it.

6.4 Should either party come under attack or be the target of hostile actions of any sort, it will be viewed as an attack on both parties, and they agree to assist in any means necessary.

6.5 Should either party wish to conduct military operations against another alliance, they can ask the other for assistance of any type. This assistance is not obligatory but highly encouraged.

Article 7 Trading, Decorum, and Ammenity

This is one of those optional things. Most of the time trading and aiding goes on without a treaty ever happening between alliances, but if you want to spell out that the two alliances should support each other through trades through tech deals, whatever you'd like to throw down, throw it down here

7.1 Trading was mentioned in the brochure. The main trade that was carried out was in the skins of the NowWhattian boghog but it wasn't a very successful one because no one in their right minds would want to buy a NowWhattian boghog skin. The trade only hung on by its fingernails because there was always a significant number of people in the Galaxy who were not in their right minds. Arthur had felt very uncomfortable looking around at some of the other occupants of the small passenger compartment of the ship.

7.2 Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn't much of one, but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule he made was never to buy his own drinks. He wasn't sure if that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what you've got. He was also firmly and utterly opposed to all and any forms of cruelty to any animals whatsoever except geese and gerbils.

7.3 Both alliances and their respective members shall remain civil to each other at all times, remembering to say “please,” “thank you” and, “No, no, I insist, you first,” and avoiding such phrases as, “I’ll cut your heart out with a rusty butter knife,” or “your Mom is even easier than Nuke’s Mom,” especially in public forums and public IRC channels. The nations of both alliances are ruled by extremely attractive and personable people who value the comradeship of like minded individuals. Member nations are also encouraged to provide trade, aid, and assistance where possible to members of the other signatory.

Article 8 The ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything

8.1 This sentence contains only 42 characters.

Article 9 Cancellation

As good as your new buddy may be, there may come a time where their asshattery is too much. Without a cancellation article to your treaty you could be stuck with an asshat when what you really want is a stetson.

Most treaties have time periods for notice of cancellation and time periods there after to let things stay cool in a warming war climate. A few days on each end is good, normally spelled out like 72 hour notice of cancellation and 48 hours thereafter of be nice time, but whatever works for you.

9.1 He stared at it for some time as things began slowly to reassemble themselves in his mind. He wondered what he should do, but he only wondered it idly. Around him people were beginning to rush and shout a lot, but it was suddenly very clear to him that there was nothing to be done, not now or ever. Through the new strangeness of noise and light he could just make out the shape of Ford Prefect sitting back and laughing wildly.

9.2 Either alliance may elect to revoke this treaty at any time; in such a circumstance, the other must be granted a forty-eight hours Notice of Intent To Terminate. Furthermore, failure of either party to comply with the terms of Articles III or IV may be considered just cause for immediate revocation of this treaty, at the other party's discretion. Should this treaty be so revoked by either alliance, a seventy-two hour grace period begins in which neither alliance may declare war on the other, after which no such rules apply, unless the terms of Article III or IV have been violated, at which time there is no grace period granted.

9.3 So when you got so, I don't know, so emotionally focused on stars and planets this morning, I began to think, she's not angry about astrology, she really is angry and unhappy about actual stars and planets. People usually only get that unhappy and angry when they've lost something. That's all I could think and I couldn't make any more sense of it than that.

9.4 If the remaining alliance is sad to see the other go, and/or is worried about how they will fare in the world at large, they are entitled to prepare a gift basket containing bacon, a growler of good microbrewed beer, a Snuggie (the blanket with sleeves), a set of ShamWow absorbent towels, and a collection of boobie pics.

Section 10 Signatures

Without signatures, your new piece of paper is nothing more than to wipe your $@! with. So...

Signed for MHA

Sorum

Crushtania

WCR

The MHA Triumvirate

Signed for Farkistan

Emperor Norton I, Submitter

Pope Rodger, Squirrel

Fluoroalien, Speaker of the Council

Ackbarican Idol, TotalFark Council

Spanky 22, TotalFark Council

Raving MainYak, TotalFark Council

Randomly Jim, TotalFark Council

(Author's note: you read this treaty in the voice of Richard Griffiths)

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At least i know that MHA and FARK are still in love, great news guys!

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o/ to our allies in MHA and our great friends at Fark. :wub:

Glad to see great people getting together and writing obnoxiously long walls of text that I'm not even going to bother to read. o/

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Orange > Aqua still :P

Grats guys

its ok to admit Aqua is superior, Prox, it has Fark and MHA..drunken crazies and hitch hikers srsly what more do you need?

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Sadly, I read this - thanks for the laugh and congrats on your well written treaty

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You guys are giving RIA a run for the title of "Most Insane" :P

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i'll eventually find out later what type of treaty this really is XD

amazing stuff though; congrats guys! :wub:

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i'll eventually find out later what type of treaty this really is XD

amazing stuff though; congrats guys! :wub:

Yea I also had difficulty reading it and figuring what it was lol.

Although we may be fighting each other in this war its still good to see two alliances that are fighting side by side improve relations this way.

It also helps to strengthen your sphere and that is always a good thing. Good luck. :)

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agreed it is good to see an alliance as fine as MHA strenthen ties, glad we could help :P

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i'll eventually find out later what type of treaty this really is XD

amazing stuff though; congrats guys! :wub:

Its a MDoAP if i'm not mistaken.

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I saw WickedJ first, Sorum! HANDS OFF!!!

We thank our brothers in arms for such a wonderful friendship and hope that MHA and FARK will become even hoopier froods as time goes on. And I also want some of that FARK blue beer they have stashed...

o/ FARK!

o/ MHAil!

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