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A Decree from SNAFU


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Televisions flicker on in the homes across the width and breadth of SNAFU. A familiar man sits behind a desk and crushes out his cigarette then quaffs the last of his Diet Pepsi. Looking up he appears startled.

“Damn those producers gave the wrong time again,” he mumbles under his breath.

Composing himself, he clears his voice, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m coming to you here tonight to communicate some serious news. In the last week the state of the world has descended into complete chaos. Luckily, SNAFU has spent its entire existence expecting that things will eventually go insane and that’s just the normal state of our home and it’s alright with us.”

Stetson gets up from behind the desk, lights a cigarette and exhales slowly. The camera pulls out to reveal a cloud of smoke hanging in the air like billowing storm clouds.

Pausing and popping open another can of Diet Pepsi he continues

“Despite our preparations for this day and confidence that it would arrive, SNAFU has found itself in an untenable situation (of course) which requires clarification tonight. SNAFU has made friends with a number of alliances in the course of our existence and we value those ties to this day. Unfortunately, we must clarify our position in regards to those friends. SNAFU has never signed a treaty without fully intending to fulfill it to the fullest and our dedication to this ideal is unchanged, therefore we shall be honoring our treaties to the best of our ability.”

Stetson walks to the front of the desk and sits on the edge.

“SNAFU’s protectors and brothers, Carpe Diem, have declared war on Nusantara Elite Warriors tonight and the realities of this situation have put us on the “other” side of this conflict from some of our dear friends, namely The Phoenix Federation and the members of PEACE. “

“Although SNAFU only has optional pacts with these entities, our desire to see our treaty commitments fulfilled has given us pause in making this announcement. None the less, we have come to the decision that our protectors must take priority. This does not mean our friendships with PEACE and TPF are diminished so we shall uphold our oath to not engage in any military action with a member of PEACE, The Phoenix Federation or their allies. We wish the best to everyone involved in this war and will be ready to help in any way we can once hostilities have ceased.”

Exhaling with a huge sigh, Stetson hangs his head and takes another drag off his smoke.

“Today is a day that I had hoped wouldn’t have come..” looking up and staring directly into the camera, “SNAFU is an alliance of marginal size, but exceptional heart and it pains us to sit on the sidelines while our friends are at war, but know this, we shall always do our best to honor our word.”

“Thank you for your time.”

The camera goes dark as Stetson turns and crushes out his cigarette with vehemence and a shake of his head…

tl;dr SNAFU must remain neutral in the current conflict.

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:wub: SNAFU

I'm glad you guys are staying out of this one, who knows, it might get messy, maybe you'll be protecting us by the end of it ;)

Don't worry Dest, when we're protecting you, we won't require nearly the volume of novelty joke supplies as a weekly tribute. Our warehouse is already full of fake vomit, whoopie cushions and hand buzzers to keep up with your insatiable demands. (We'll be more than willing to still supply you with your requirements, with only a slightly astronomic markup.) We will however require weekly shipments of Diet Pepsi and Marlboro Lights delivered to my compound by Cairna dressed in his favorite french maid outfit while singing When the Saints Come Marching In. (And please tell him to shave this time. :P )

On a more serious note, thank you all for your kind wishes and rest assured that our commitment to all of our allies is unchanged.

Hail Carpe Diem!

Hail TPF!

Hail PEACE!

and hail peace!

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