He Who Has No Name Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 (edited) An Announcement From THE FEDERATION OF ARMED NATIONS Just for the official record, the Federation of Armed Nations would like to make it known that for the last 36 hours, we have been attempting to contact leadership of the New Pacific Order to discuss a peaceful resolution of the conflict between our alliances and we've run into a bit of a snag. That snag is called stupid. It's very hard to discuss something with somebody when they make it impossible for you to contact them. When they do everything anybody's ever thought of to cut off all avenues of communication - and that even includes having their allies ignore us, too - well, that kind of prevents us from reaching them pretty well. In this case, we were trying to get to them with a proposal that could seriously reduce or maybe even head off the huge insertion-of-cattle-prod-in-rectum a little birdie told us they're close to getting. Now. Let's look over all that again. The New Pacific Order is on the verge of getting shuckrolled in a war that's mostly being started over keeping people in eternal war. The only people left in eternal war with them is us. We're the only ones that can agree to end the war with them. Ending the war with us is the biggest, and maybe the only, thing that could get them far enough away to not get smacked when the big angry comes down. The most intelligent conclusion would be that in order to keep their derriere from being forfeit, they would make it as easy as possible to talk to us, even though we're in a bitter, bitter (double bitter dark amber in a chilled mug) war. Their solution to that major quandary? Make it impossible for us to talk to them. That, folks, is frighteningly powerful stupid. That is the kind of stupid that mothers use to scare their children into good behavior at night. That there is savagely stupid. It's instantly-historical stupid. That is weapons-grade stupid there. No, scratch that - that's wieldable stupid beyond the realm of mere man. That there is the kind of stupid that you only read about in a fantasy novel with the cheap almost-softcore cover paintings, where the dwarves dig far too deep, hit a vein of pure stupid, and forge an epic weapon for a mythical hero from it. This is "Legendary Blessed Weapon of the Pantheon of Spirit-Gods Who Walk Across Time"-class stupid. It's damn hard to even form thoughts of the magnitude of stupid coming out of that. I can't quantify that kind of stupid. There's nothing even close to it I can use to compare the scale of it... I can't even - yeesh, there's just so much pure stupid there, human language doesn't have words for it. Our brains can't process stupid like that. I can't tell anymore if it collapsed into a singularity of stupidity, or became more concentrated and pure than any stupid man has seen before. I mean, wow. There's just - sweet crap, my brain is hurtin' here. I'm not even sure if it's still stupid anymore. Maybe it's transitioned to a different form, like a superheated-plasma phase of stupid, or a higher dimension of stupid that humans can't completely understand. Maybe the NPO has discovered, and shown us all, a manifestation of stupid that the human brain simply cannot physically comprehend. They may have shown us stupid in a way we were never meant to discover until we'd evolved for a few thousand years more. The stupid they've unveiled here could now very well be capable of destroying humanity. This is stupid beyond imagination. This is stupid beyond reality. Even Chuck Norris couldn't defeat that kind of stupid. Wow. Seriously. ...so anyhow, in closing, until they decide to put a lid on the stupidity and discuss possible Pacifican-bacon-saving peace with us sometime before they get rolled here in the next five minutes, the Federation of Armed Nations is officially saying that (as far as working things out at a level somewhere below apocalyptically) "we tried, they failed, they've earned it, let 'em have it." We still got another hour and fifteen to go, Pacifica. You know where to find us. ...Just, y'know, wear a mask or something so we don't catch that stupid. Edited April 21, 2009 by He Who Has No Name Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Xander the Only Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Why did this need an announcement? It doesn't sound like anything changed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paradigm Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Change your AA to GOONS - I bet they will talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azhrarn Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Where's the gun porn? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rajistani Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 It does seem a little unfair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigbigadorlou Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 In because of mogar I had the same problems a couple weeks ago while being ZIed Its tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandrivia_2 Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 (edited) emotional post. Unless you know for sure something will happen tonight, this thread was entirely pointless. Edited April 21, 2009 by Mamaev II Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaaku Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 you mind letting mpol do the rest of your announcements if possible please? this one just...didn't work as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sithis Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 This will help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xiphosis Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I laughed till it hurt, then I kept laughing. Keep it classy, FAN. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernkastel Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Where's the gun porn? More like where's mpol? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cairna Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Sorry, this war is about FAN? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astronaut jones Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 By making this public though, you've essentially made it impossible for them to not catch any of the blowback when the getback gets getting back. In other words, even if they say "oh, my bad FAN, here's some peace" and you guys are all "word?" and they're all "word." and then you're all "I can dig it", people will know it was only because of this. Man, space is messing with my brain a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
He Who Has No Name Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Why did this need an announcement? It doesn't sound like anything changed. We wanted an official and public paper trail of two things: 1. Our stonewalled attempts to use diplomacy to be chivalrous, merciful, civilized, mature, and gracious in order to end the war and save their bacon 2. Their raw stupid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sileath Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Yeah this is kind of a fail thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Spice Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 This is quite an interesting play on the concept of stupidity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rsoxbronco1 Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 8. ????? 9. Profit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overlord Klein Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 More gun porn. As usual, non Mpol announcement is lacking it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fokker Aeroplanbau Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 FAN I LOVE YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintenderek Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Mpol needs to make all FAN announcements. Also lacks gun pr0n. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guardian666 Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 the lack of gun porn displeases me in the thread. As im sure it does to a few ppl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimaera Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 This was amusing at least. And to be honest FAN, if you really think NPO's about to get smushed, why want peace now? You're about to win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derwood1 Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 ...all I have to say is: 2 years!!! isn't that like 14 dog/CN years? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurion Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 No, scratch that - that's wieldable stupid beyond the realm of mere man. That there is the kind of stupid that you only read about in a fantasy novel with the cheap almost-softcore cover paintings, where the dwarves dig far too deep, hit a vein of pure stupid, and forge an epic weapon for a mythical hero from it. This is "Legendary Blessed Weapon of the Pantheon of Spirit-Gods Who Walk Across Time"-class stupid. This is as good as anything I've read here in a long time. I'll also bandwagon in and demand gun porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sal Paradise Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 (edited) [*]The New Pacific Order is on the verge of getting shuckrolled in a war that's mostly being started over keeping people in eternal war. FAN's intelligence network must not be all it's claimed to be (i.e. they don't seem to read these forums) . I'm sure a lot of anti-Order people in this potential war have this grievance, but it's not caused by this and unlikely to be resolved by giving you peace. While I'm not a cheering enthusiast of FAN, I do hope you get peace. Good luck! edit: screwed up quote code. Edited April 21, 2009 by Sal Paradise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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