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The Munchkins (CNRPSPORE)


Firestorm
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"We are the Munchkin Army, Munchkin Army, the Munchkin army, WEEE are the Munchkin Army," sing the mass of short men who are marching up and down the yellow brick road. Their Sargeant, a rather tall little fellow named Homer Pigskin, watches and keeps pace. He doesn't say much as his elite unit of Munchkins are well drilled and well armed.

Not many Sargeants get the joy of being able to deploy with pikes. Not just any pike, but a pike created and crafted by the Wizard of Oz. Even better the pikes had already been field tested on the Wicked Witch of the West's gargoyle. The old Sargeant proudly remembers the day they burned the Witch alive after slaughtering all her gargoyles. That had been a proud campaign, but nothing as proud as the fight to kill the tin men.

Those blighters wouldn't quit no matter how many times you poured sand into their joints. His men had used pikes, clubs, swords, sticks, large rocks, and can openers on those tin men. The blasted rascals just kept coming no matter what you did. Still, despite those overwhelming odds the Wizard of Oz had come up with a devilish contraption that squirted salt water on the tin men. It wasn't to long before those clanking steel contraptions were rusted straight through.

The Sargeant smiles and shouts to his men, "If you keep this up boys we'll swing by the Naughty Kitty tonight! I hear that girl Dorthy is working and we all know what a fox she is!"

His men cheer and cheer, because after all, its true that Dorthy is quite the hottie.

The Realm of the Little People Hereby Claim the state of Georgia. (USA not russia)

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The Wizard of Oz gives himself a vigorous facepalm. With a long and painful sounding sigh he once again explains to the the King of the Munchkins why he can't simply reroute an entire river to provide an artificial lake so he doesn't have to go all the way down to Lake Okechobee in the middle of Florida to use his new bass boat. Again, in a very calm voice, the Wizard of Oz says, "Your Majesty, while I applaud your efforts to create a suitable venue for sports fishing in your own backyard I must point out the impossibilities of the logistics of such a project."

"Wizzy baby, you say that for everything and you still get it done. So get it done," replies King Barf of the Munchkins.

The Wizard of Oz, a wise learned man holding numerous degrees from a well known school known as MIT, or Munchkin Institute of Technology* to the common herd, decides that the best course of action is to simply distract the King with something shiny. He smiles at King Barf and says, "Dear kind King perhaps you would like to see the designs to your new palace in Atlanta?"

The small, agile and very muscular figure of the King jumps up and down. The heavy set racial characteristics to most normally appear as dwarven. The Munchkins generally look to be very strong, short, ugly as sin, better underground than above, and with extremely long lives. That is with the exception of the Tall Top Clan from which the Wizard of Oz hails, but the Tall Tops are in the minority and generally treated with great disdain that is known to include scathing insults such as, "How's the air up there," or "Hey you, move more to the left and block the sun for me I've a terrible hang over and the missus has been nagging me all day, and besides you are a Tall Top, and we all know the only good thing a Tall Top can do is either found a prestigious university like Munchkin Institute of Technology or block sunlight**." For the majority of the Munchkins they are content to dwell beneath the earth toiling away in their mines.

That is of course until a certain inter-dimensional renegade goat invaded their mine and drove them to the surface. You'd think that the combined might of the entire Munchkin nation could fend off a goat, but alas the blasted creature knew no limits to its heinous behaviors. So it is for those reasons that the Munchkins moved to Georgia, founded their capital on the remains of the Human city of Atlanta, only after killing all the humans, and currently are debating whether to call their capital, "Atlanta," or ,"The City of Atlanta."

The king looks at the Wizard of Oz and says, "You aren't trying to distract me are you?"

"No sir," replies the Wizard of Oz with a straight face.

"Oh that's good. Tell me about my palace," the King says with a serious look upon his heavily featured face.

"Well sir, I'm glad that you asked. We have two designs to choose from and if you follow me over here I'll show them to you," the Wizard of Oz replies as he motions to the far wall.

The King scurries over to the wall in a feverish pitch of excitement as he examines the drawings and points to the one that he likes the most before the Wizard of Oz can speak. He says, "I like that one!"

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The Wizard of Oz coughs and says, "That is a picture of the human dwellings before we killed them all. If you would look over here, you'll see what I mean," as the Wizard points to another picture hanging on the wall.

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The King claps his hands and says, "This is brilliant! I'll be in a cave, but above ground! Start building it immediately!"

"I'll get right on it," the Wizard replies and he hurries away before the King can remember his orders to reroute an entire river to make a lake so that he doesn't have to go all the way to Florida to use his new bass boat.

*Truth be told the Wizard of Oz is such a brilliant man that he founded the Munchkin Institute of Technology. He's famous throughout Georgia for inventing such things as the pike, the stapler, and the surface to air guided missile. Not only is he a brilliant inventor he's also the only man alive ever to earn 34 degrees from his own university from classes he taught himself.

** In recent years laws have been passed to repeal the ancient traditions that require no good Tall Tops to block sunlight. These laws were passed after several hours of drinking, fighting, and table breaking. Such antics are common for Munchkin law making sessions that have been described by outsiders as, "A horde of super strong drunk midgets breaking everything in sight."

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NOTICE of Dismissal:

On this day the 87th day of Septubluataragurailmallfartary in the 19874564th year of the Diamond Family of the Order of Tenterhooks within the Subset of Flaming Fairies reign let it be known that the most humble and prestigious Lord Ballamorath of the Jade Trinket Family of the Order of Serving Spoons with the Subset of the Dyspeptic Clown Clan orders the dismissal from his service of one Balfour the Serving Wench a sturdy man for the Dog Eater Family of the Posse of the Broken Radio within the Subset of the Syphilitic Mutant Orangutans and in doing so he claims due cause for dismissal. This cause being proclaimed through out the land as the foul acts committed by Balfour the Serving Wench as portraying himself as a herself during the performance of his wench duties. The Lord Ballamorath being most generous to the undeserving Balfour the Serving Wench will make no attempt to have criminal charges brought against him with the mandatory sentence of a ruddy good beating and a beard trimming so long as Balfour the Serving Wench makes no mention of the incident that occurred in which the good Lord Ballamorath, admittedly in his cups at the time, proceeded to accost Balfour the Serving Wench in the pantry, and in which the good Lord Ballamorath pressed himself amorously upon Balfour the Serving Wench.

Thank You,

The Good Lord Ballamorth

Edited by Firestorm
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ooc: You should post your map claims in the claims and map thread, just a reminder, ye do not show up in Georgia yet.

ic:

A copy of this notice drifted forth on news papers into Storm Dragon Empire, in Kentucky. A few soldiers got hold of this.... and the barracks, without anyone saying a word, erupted in raucous guffaws.

One clueless Joe asked, "You mean he..."

One of the others interrupted, "Yes, yes he did..."

"A Munchkin lord at that?"

"Indeed.. way to ruin a good laugh!"

Edited by Maelstrom Vortex
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