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MHA presents DON'T PANIC #19


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"Five to one against and falling..." she said, "four to one against and falling...three to one...two...one...probability factor of one to one...we have normality, I repeat we have normality." She turned her microphone off - then turned it back on - with a slight smile she continued: "Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon."


While our strength took a minor dip for a while due to a reorganization of our banking practices and screening out some ghosts, once our new banking strategy kicked in the MHA NS was comfortably climbing once again. We made up the lost ground and even climbed another 200K NS in January

MHAlliance News

"This must be Thursday," said Arthur musing to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

RL once again waged war with the MHA government and won, leading to the Minister of Bad Poetry, Outremer and the Minister of Babel Fish, Blepo , to step down from their offices. WCR also decided not to rerun as Trium.

But with change comes opportunity as Myth and John Mathews were appointed as the MoBF and MoBP respectively, and Floyd, obviously having enjoyed his brief taste of ultimate power, won convincingly to become the newest MHA Triumvir.

With Floyd’s ascension, Nolissar takes over the Ministry of Towels.

Other MoBP changes King a ling made secretary of recruiting and derrPrinz as Sec of Job Placement and Buckshot45 as Secretary of Intelligence.

Bernardo wins the first ever Ministry of Hitchhikers award for his work during his time as Deputy of that Ministry

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish

"How do you feel?" he [Ford Prefect] asked.

"Like a military academy," said Arthur, "bits of me keep on passing out."

Here is a report from the front lines of our war correspondent , Gunther.

“.The War front for Legion I is the same. It seems like every day or probably more like every other day, some rogue attacks a member of the MHA. For the most part I have been able to find people to fight back. It seems that for many members of the MHA or CN in general there is great apprehension to get involved with fighting wars. Warfighting retards economic growth, but having your nation beaten down to zero infrastructure is more detrimental in my opinion.

We have had a few cases where no one volunteered to help out and the rogue successfully conducted a raid on an MHA member and there was nothing the MoDF could do about it. When the creators of CN changed the range that nations can attack one another, they compounded the challenge of finding willing members to attack rogues. If in the past there were 65 nations in range to attack a rogue, today there may only be 25. If I am lucky, I’ll get one of those 25 to actually help out with a war.

Recently the MoDF did away with the Rapid Response Unit (RRU), so I created a Legion I RRU. Only 5 members at present. Since most wars occur at Legion I, we have control over who we call up to fight back. With the influx of more volunteers to the RRU, I should be able to get a more reasonable handle on the rogue infestation.

PE Shang is now secretary of war. King Merton was promoted to Deputy MoDF with Thunderstruck’s ascension to the Minister’s position. PE Shang is a good person for this position as he uses mature common sense judgement when dealing the rogues. He has helped me out significantly in this realm. I also have Tackyjasper, Dragunis and newly arrived Menak Cherlok as Lieutenants to work on Rogue bashing in Legion I.

The Alliance has a Fin Aid form making it easier to request aid for a nation that has been blitzed by a rogue. I also use it to boost nations who answer the call up for war. This has been a great tool. The nations who fight for the MHA, end up receiving this financial boost and then within a week or so find themselves too big for Legion I and moving on up. Although I am losing my best players to Legion II, but they deserve to advance since they have shown dedication at an early level of their nation’s life. Good Luck to them.

I’ve also created a Wall of Fame to recognize those Legion I nations who have stepped up to help out in the war against the rogues. When most member nations are fearful or apprehensive to take up arms against an aggressor, these heroes have acted in an unselfish manner to help out. Although some may say they are doing what they should be doing, they are too new to know what they should be doing. It is necessary to recognize them for doing “what they should be doing” so that others may follow their example.”

In addition to the normal Praetorian Guard, MHA has added the Vogon Defense Force. The VDF , created by the Minister of Destructor Fleets, Thunderstruck, is

an elite formation of MHA members who all have attained certain objectives in developing their nation militarily.

One final change is the redesignating of the legions to fleets to better reflect the nature of our Vogon Destructor Fleets.

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down

A computer chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and close itself for no apparent reason.

This was because Reason was in fact out to lunch.

A hole had just appeared in the Galaxy. It was exactly a nothingth of a second long, a nothingth of an inch wide, and quite a lot of millions of light years from end to end.

As it closed up, lots of paper hats and party balloons fell out of it and drifted off through the universe. A team of seven three-foot-high market analysts fell out of it and died, partly of asphyxiation, partly of surprise.

Two hundred and thirty-nine thousand lightly fried eggs fell out of it too, materializing in a large wobbly heap on the famine-struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system.

The whole Poghril tribe had died out from famine except for one last man who died of cholesterol poisoning some weeks later.

With the changes in the Ministry of Babelfish this month, diplomacy news was rather light , but there was one major development as we learned that 42+300 = the Pan Galactic Souvlaki Accords!

Which means that MHA has entered into a MDoAP with Sparta, to the betterment of both alliances.

Life, The Cyberverse And Everything

"This is a recorded announcement, as I'm afraid we're all out at the moment. The commercial council of Magrathea thanks you for your esteemed visit but regrets, that the entire planet is temporarily closed for business. Thank you. If you would care to leave your name and the address of a planet where you can be contacted, kindly speak when you hear the tone."

TORN & MK sign a MDoAP The Next DAY After Trinity Accords

Fear & Zenith sign an ODP

The Greenland republic cancel their ODP with The Company, citing espionage acts against TORN, IRON, NPO, NpO, Gramlins, and MCXA.

NATO & Zenith jointly cancel their MDoAP.

NpO was very active this month, signing treaties with Nueva Vida, Valhalla, and taking the first step in restoring harmony between the orders by signing an MDP with NPO.

MK & STA sign a MDP the Circle accords.

NpO and STA are also freed from the surrender terms imposed by the coalition war. We are glad to see these two storied alliances back on their own terms again.

TPF ends their protectorate of Soldier, citing the leadership to be a reroll of a sworn enemy Yala Misr.

Deep Thought

Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

MHA suffered a tragic loss on Jan 4th with the passing of Neal Anthony Kooistra, aka Denzin, who was a true hitchhiker in every sense of the word. One who always knew where his towel was. We'll all miss him greatly and everything he brought to the alliance.

We also offer our condolences to his family on their loss and let them know that Denzin had a wealth of friends here that liked and respected him and miss him.

We at Don’t Panic are also grateful for the outpouring of support from the CN community in general at this sad time and it shows us the better nature of the citizens of Planet Bob.

Rest In Peace Denzin. May we all meet again for lunch at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe,

Vogon Poetry

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now."

Now in a feat of Beeblebroxian proportions, new Minister of Bad Poetry John Mathews conducts an interview with himself .

What's your alliance history and what jobs have you done?

Well, about a year ago Genzod flipped me a recurting message, and I never told any one about this I had just picked the messages i had at random so when got up I signed up to the MHA. Then I spent about a month as a academy member (back in those days I was very inactive person). I fought in the wolfpack war so I decided to become more active but not to much. It wasn't until the Gato-1v war I started to take an interest and then worked hard to become the super active person I am today. Jobs I have held in the MHA are Sec. Member Services, Deputy Minster of Bad poetry and Sec. of MHAquistions

-You in any alliances before MHA? Who, what did you do there, why MHA?

Well unless you count that 14 hours I went mad and joined Argent I have always been MHA

-What does your work in MHA involve and what do you enjoy about it?

my work in MHA involves finding small allainces no ones ever heard of, and trying to buy tech of there smaller nations. I love it as it requires me to meet new people

-What has your nation contributed to CN?

My nation contributes Cattle (cows) and Uranium (big green glowing rock) to the greater community. Also a huge headache to the Ministry of Towels

-What about your nation makes you feel proud?

The fact it is now in the top 200 of nations in the MHA

-What is your nation's greatest achievement?

I dont have one as alot of them are equal in my mind

-What has been your greatest challenge in CN?

Engel of Pimania, keeping up with her is hard. Oh and Claroqsi of La Recoleta is also a tough (and sexy) nut to crack

-How do you and your people see the current events in CN?

There to drunk and disorderly to care

Editor : Dragonmack

Contributors: John Mathews, Gunther

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My condolences to the Poghril tribe. Good stuff there MHA.

I've said it before, but I am still sorry to hear about the loss of Denzin. He sounds like a great person, and it's a shame he's no longer with us.

Edited by Drai
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