Official Announcement from the Imperial Entente's Prince Imperial

[Tankobite]

This is an official message from the desk of Tankobite, Prince Imperial, The Imperial Entente:
Welcome, junior nations of CLAWS to the Freistaat Bayer. Nestled on the banks of the Irtysh, you'll find our lovely little piece of cybernations. We apologize for the weather--it does get rather cold in the steppes of southern Siberia, please bring your coats and best boots. And a warning about the spring--the mud is awful and the brown slush of melting snow is quite depressing. But if you're still here by the summer time, we promise, you couldn't ask for better weather. The dry winds help keep you cool and disrupt the mosquitoes that come out.

We would also like to apologize that you'll be facing poor, little old us. We are but a humble tech farm, so you won't find any fancy EMPs or Scientific Development Centers here, as we send our home grown technology to our clients--farm to table, you might say. We did recently discover the internet (the debate on whether or not to decommission it is still ongoing in the advisory council once we discovered what people apparently put on it--not good for the moral fiber of our citizens. Though we quite like netflix and amazon prime, so it's a toss up). Unfortunately, since you last visited, we have invested in a few wonders and improvements that are not quite tourist friendly. The government of Bayer does not accept any responsibility for what happens to tourists who disregard the clearly marked "Property of the Imperial Army of the Freisaat Bayer." But, we would like to assure you, that in this time of pandemic, we can provide six feet of social distancing to all trespassers.

You may notice that literacy in the Freistaat is not as high as one would like, but that's where this announcement comes in. We, of the Imperial Freistaat, like to think of the glass half full, though literacy here is at an embarrassing 66% (you would not believe how difficult it was to find a proof reader for this announcement...), with this influx of CLAWS vistors, what better time than now to revive the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things that was such a rousing success in the Korlithican Wars!

For those of you who didn't have the opportunity to attend the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things, here's a brief rundown: For every war fought with the nation of Freistaat Bayer, we recommended enemy combatants reading material from classic literature, as it is constitutional law that people read another book besides Harry Potter.

Just ask 2019's star pupil, former member of CLAWS, @Lyanna Mormont
Last year, we heavily encouraged Lyanna to read 1974's The Killer Angels, but Michael Shaara. Winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1975, it tells the story of the battle of Gettysburg from the viewpoints of the generals and men who fought there. Despite initial reluctant to read the classic work of historical fiction,
,



we  at the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things, persisted in our insistence that she read The Killer Angels and eventually won her over.

And even expanded into a musical program:


We would be remiss if we denied other impressionable CLAWS a chance to be exposed to great* works of literature, music, and film.

So come one, come all! The Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things is open for business.**




*Great as defined by the Supreme Leader, Tankobite. May involve sea shanties, accordion music, and lots of old war movies.

**Due to COVID-19, we are only offering in person tuteledge to CLAWS members with NS range. For all others, please just send a message to Tankobite#1713 on discord for his opinions on books, music, and movies.***
***Warning: Freistaat Bayer in no way guarantees that he will stop sending you recommendations, even if you ask politely.
 

[Lyanna Mormont]

You totally neglected to mention that you nuked me when my reading progress didn't meet your expectations!

 

He was right though, the book was fantastic!

 

 

[Tankobite]

2 minutes ago, Lyanna Mormont said:

[REDACTED]

 

He was right though, the book was fantastic!

 

 

We ask that former students please not share the trade secrets of the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things program.

We are glad to learn that you enjoyed our program and recommendations.

As a follow up question: Have you made time to watch the film adaptation Gettysburg with Jeff Daniels, Martin Sheen, Steven Lang, and 

Tom Berenger?

 

Edited September 26, 2020 by Tankobite

[Lyanna Mormont]

4 minutes ago, Tankobite said:

We ask that former students please not share the trade secrets of the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things program.

We are glad to learn that you enjoyed our program and recommendations.

As a follow up question: Have you made time to watch the film adaptation Gettysburg with Jeff Daniels, Martin Sheen, Steven Lang, and 

Tom Berenger?

 

 

I am going to answer yes, I have fought you like 18 times, I don't need round 19 XD

[Tankobite]

3 minutes ago, Lyanna Mormont said:

 

I am going to answer yes, I have fought you like 18 times, I don't need round 19 XD

Necessary follow up question: Which was your favorite scene of dialogue and which actors portrayed which characters?

[Lyanna Mormont]

10 minutes ago, Tankobite said:

Necessary follow up question: Which was your favorite scene of dialogue and which actors portrayed which characters?

 

 

 

[Tankobite]

34 minutes ago, Lyanna Mormont said:

 

 

 

The Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things respectfully requests Ms. Mormont please drop down to range and reenroll. Clearly we have work to do.

 

[Lord Hitchcock]

And yet not a single apology, ownership of said caught red-handed mistake, or any attempt at diplomatic discourse.
 

What is it with your sphere and the inability to take ownership for own said actions?

 

 

[jerdge]

Thank you for this thread, Tankobite.

 

For some reason it made me think of The Man Who Would Be King. I'd recommend it to Ms. Mormont, if she hasn't already seen it.

[General Kanabis]

1 hour ago, Lord Hitchcock said:

And yet not a single apology, ownership of said caught red-handed mistake, or any attempt at diplomatic discourse.
 

What is it with your sphere and the inability to take ownership for own said actions?

 

 

 

I apologize on behalf of all of us, for not providing the reaction you wanted.

[Lord Hitchcock]

44 minutes ago, General Kanabis said:

 

I apologize on behalf of all of us, for not providing the reaction you wanted.

I surely wanted TIE to own up and apologize for their mistake and produce an amicable conclusion- the monster in me.
 

[General Kanabis]

31 minutes ago, Lord Hitchcock said:

I surely wanted TIE to own up and apologize for their mistake and produce an amicable conclusion- the monster in me.
 

 

And it may well be a forthcoming scenario, one which wouldn't necessarily be dependent on your incessant mouth breathing fixations.

[Lord Hitchcock]

32 minutes ago, General Kanabis said:

And it may well be a forthcoming scenario

It absolutely will be the forthcoming scenario- no need to insinuate being the victim here.

[General Kanabis]

53 minutes ago, Lord Hitchcock said:

no need to insinuate being the victim

 

Agreed.

Feel free to stop doing so at your convenience.

[Smitty256]

Maybe this went over my head, I don't know but what was the point of this? 

[Tankobite]

7 hours ago, jerdge said:

Thank you for this thread, Tankobite.

 

For some reason it made me think of The Man Who Would Be King. I'd recommend it to Ms. Mormont, if she hasn't already seen it.

OOC: Oh thank you for reminding me, I love that movie. It's definitely going on the list.

 

[Tankobite]

8 hours ago, Lord Hitchcock said:

And yet not a single apology, ownership of said caught red-handed mistake, or any attempt at diplomatic discourse.
 

What is it with your sphere and the inability to take ownership for own said actions?

 

 

Hello interested third party:
As mentioned in our announcement, we recently installed the internet in our fair country and have begun to learn the ways of this 'world wide web.' One of the first things we discovered is that everyone has seemingly moved onto a new method of advertising, known as 'clickbait.' This is our first attempt to utilize it, as it seems to be quite effective. For the purpose of clickbait, as we understand it, is to entice people to read an article through a headline that seems to promise something else to the audience but is merely a method of grabbing their attention for another purpose.

In our example, we quite clearly utilize our dear leader's official title as "Prince Imperial" of the Imperial Entente to entice readers into what they believe will be an official announcement from that alliance. However, by the clever use of wording, we never actually promise an official announcement from TIE itself, merely that Tankobite has an important announcement, which was that of the reintroduction of the beloved Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things. We had hoped that with the complete lack of reference to the Imperial Entente other than Tankobite's official title, the lack of the official alliance seal, and the specific statement that this was a message from Freistaat Bayer, it would be clear that this was merely the announcement of our own attempt to combat illiteracy and the low level of culture sadly present in the world today. Alas, looking into your nation, it is clear to us that our program is too advanced for you and we fear you would not be able to keep up with the other students. We will however, encourage our friends over in COBRA to introduce their own arts programs that may be more  your level. Perhaps finger painting?

Though we're sorry you cannot participate in even our affiliate program, we will however give you a film recommendation that we believe is more appropriate to you, in terms of quality and thematic relevance.  
 

Since we cannot help you further, we kindly suggest that you perhaps focus on your own concerns, as we've noticed a large amount of smoke coming out of King Neptune's Bar. And we again encourage COBRA members to consider fine arts classes for KNB members.

[Tankobite]

58 minutes ago, Smitty256 said:

Maybe this went over my head, I don't know but what was the point of this? 

Hello interested party:
We're sorry if our announcement wasn't clear. Let us try to refocus briefly. The nation of Freistaat Bayer is reintroducing it's literacy and arts programming for nations it finds itself at war with, as we hope to remind the community that the game can allow for both destruction and growth (though, in this case we are referring to it in a metaphorical sense, rather than literal). 

In practical concerns, this means that with every attack or declaration of war we make, we will offer our humble suggestions for reading material, classic films, or musical genres we feel are neglected in modern popular consciousness, as we did during our last major military engagement with CLAWS and RFI.
 

Quote

TO: IlDuce | FROM: Tankobite TYPE: Night-Time Ground Battle | DATE: 9/26/2020 12:04:21 AM You have been attacked by Tankobite. During the battle the enemy was reported to have taunted you with the words 'I also recommend Starship Troopers'.

TO: IlDuce | FROM: Tankobite TYPE: Night-Time Ground Battle | DATE: 9/26/2020 12:04:01 AM You have been attacked by Tankobite. During the battle the enemy was reported to have taunted you with the words 'Read the Killer Angels'. TO: screed | FROM: Tankobite TYPE: Night-Time Ground Battle | DATE: 9/26/2020 12:25:21 AM You have been attacked by Tankobite. During the battle the enemy was reported to have taunted you with the words 'Sea Shanties are great.'.

For nations, such as yourself which are not currently involved in direct action with the Freistaat Bayer, this announcement was also used to allow third parties to approach our leader Tankobite for the recommendations in a distance learning capacity. We're please to announce that this offer has already been seized upon by members of the CN community at large and hope that others will take this opportunity as well.


So, would you like to know more?

[jerdge]

OK Starship Troopers and - children! - the novel rather than the movie (which last isn't that bad either, anyway).

Talking of sci-fi war readings, I'd also recommend Haldeman's Forever War. But no movie for this one, only the novel (there were rumors of Ridley Scott working on it but AFAIK they're only rumors).

[Tankobite]

7 minutes ago, jerdge said:

OK Starship Troopers and - children! - the novel rather than the movie (which last isn't that bad either, anyway).

Talking of sci-fi war readings, I'd also recommend Haldeman's Forever War. But no movie for this one, only the novel (there were rumors of Ridley Scott working on it but AFAIK they're only rumors).

[ooc]I've been a fan of Starship Troopers since my dad read it to me as a bedtime story. One thing I really enjoy is rereading as I grow older and wiser and what comes up. For example, right now I'm fascinated by how obviously inspired by the Korean War and specifically This Kind of War by T.H. Fehrenbach, in particular I think "Proud Legions" is very directly influential on some of Heinlein's history and moral philosophy lectures. Additionally, Heinlein's use of quotations at the start of chapters may be related a bit, though I haven't read much of his pre Starship Troopers work.
Proud Legions
I've heard good things about Forever War, but haven't made time to read it. Unfortunately, with my current job, most of my reading has to be non-fiction history. But, I did get audible so maybe I can fit it in that way.

And let me slyly introduce the musical version of "That Day" by Rudyard Kipling

 

Edited September 26, 2020 by Tankobite

[Lyanna Mormont]

As a former student of: 

 

Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things

 

I would like to state that this is in no way a joke and I can assure those reading this that it is highly recommended that you do not enroll in said course unless you are very certain you will be able to make the needed commitment to complete said course. I am currently recalcitrant in one or two assigned works and it is a daily worry that I will once again be on the wrong side of Mr. Tankobite's arsenal. 

[Smitty256]

17 hours ago, Tankobite said:

Hello interested party:
We're sorry if our announcement wasn't clear. Let us try to refocus briefly. The nation of Freistaat Bayer is reintroducing it's literacy and arts programming for nations it finds itself at war with, as we hope to remind the community that the game can allow for both destruction and growth (though, in this case we are referring to it in a metaphorical sense, rather than literal). 

In practical concerns, this means that with every attack or declaration of war we make, we will offer our humble suggestions for reading material, classic films, or musical genres we feel are neglected in modern popular consciousness, as we did during our last major military engagement with CLAWS and RFI.
 

For nations, such as yourself which are not currently involved in direct action with the Freistaat Bayer, this announcement was also used to allow third parties to approach our leader Tankobite for the recommendations in a distance learning capacity. We're please to announce that this offer has already been seized upon by members of the CN community at large and hope that others will take this opportunity as well.


So, would you like to know more?

 

Do you have any recommendations for me? I might give them a look if I have the time.

[Kapleo]

This is awesome, I was thinking about reading pirate stuff, anything you would recommend?

[Tankobite]

12 hours ago, Smitty256 said:

 

Do you have any recommendations for me? I might give them a look if I have the time.

Well, as mentioned before, the Killer Angels is a possibly the finest novel written about the American Civil War, and aside from some dodgy beards the movie is quite good.
Otherwise, some more recent historical fiction we personally enjoy are the Warlord Chronicles by Bernard Cornwell--a dark ages retelling of the Arthurian legend in post-Roman Britain during the Saxon invasions.

Film wise, aside from Gettysburg and The Man Who Would Be King, suggested by Mr. Jerdge, we're also heartily recommending 1957's Paths of Glory, directed by Stanley Kubrick and staring Kirk Douglas, who left us this February. In the movie, Douglas stars as a French Colonel ordered to make an impossible attack. When the attack fails, the commander of the division looks for scapegoats and Douglas must fight to protect his soldiers from a firing squad. Of special note is the scene of the assault which took over a month to turn the 5,000 square yards of farmland into a battlefield and utilized German police as extras as they had three years of military training.

Musically, we're recommending the album Into the North by Canadian Folk-Punk band, which includes many traditional sea shanties and sea songs, as well as some original songs from the group themselves. 

Thank you for expressing interest in the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things!

Edited September 28, 2020 by Tankobite

[Tankobite]

3 hours ago, Kapleo said:

This is awesome, I was thinking about reading pirate stuff, anything you would recommend?

Off the top of our heads, we'd recommend the classic Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. However, we fortunately have access to a specialist in colonial era naval history and will approach him for an expert's opinion and return once we have his answer!

Thank you for expressing interest in the Tankobite Literacy Program for Zoomers Who Don't Read Good (Books) and Want to Learn Other Cool Things!