Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 (edited) Back by popular demand from our very opponents: These are the Headlines tonight, god I wish they weren't.... Vexil-Huggers - Non Grata wake from their slumber. Those of you who have the brains to keep up with current affairs (and let's be honest, that shouldn't be too hard if you aren't a complete braincrash) will know that The Day Today launched a campaign to bring to light the blatant Vexil-thievery of The Freehold of the Wolves. Well, that call has been answered in the form of a formal declaration from Caustic of Non Grata. Still shaking the dust off his jacket from all the crypts he had been shaking day and night, he eventually stumbled upon several caskets loaded with long lost stashes of billions of dongs and full nuclear arsenals. Needless to say, I think we all know where they will be put to use. This of course is not to mention the strange influx of dark money and military support that NG have gathered from various alliances across the planet. An anonymous FTW source was quoted as saying: "This is the one thing we didn't want to happen" Now, it is well known that COBRA are no fans of Pixel-Huggers -or any kind of huggers really- but we are willing to make an exception in this instance. Burning for one's flag seems to us one of the most respectable reasons to go down swinging and we wish NG the best of luck against the Mongrels. The Mongrels in question have already taken a 200k NS drop in the first two days of engagement, so it's looking like it's all downhill from here for both parties. We look forward to the new abundance of targets that NG will inevitably provide. And for those of you who cannot quite wrap their heads around the matter. The Day Today has commission some sponsored content to explain the matter in simple terms for all you oblivious baba's out there: The Author of the above content has made a generous donation toward building more printing presses for future broadcasts, The Day Today encourages any other party wishing to make a submission to contact this journalist through the usual channels. We value each citizen of Bob's right to freedom of speech and will happily provide a platform, for the right fee. Kashmiri Psychics 'Mentally Quarantine' elements of RFI - GATO representative furious. The involvement of Kashmir in the war against RFI has been a curious one throughout. A handful of incidents have erupted involving Kashmir nations attacking or spying RFI nations. Each incident has been met with very firm assertions from the alliances in question that Kashmir is not in fact at war with them, despite the following clause of their own treaty: ---- Article III: Rolling for Initiative If any member of RFI is attacked, all players shall enter combat. Roll for Initiative. ----- Now, given the above clause it should be obvious to any rational minded human who has not been infested with Mindworms, that any aggressive action from Kashmir against RFI alliances is to be understood to be an understandable response given they are at war with members of the bloc. "All players shall enter combat" - though it would seem CLAWS and GATO are unwilling to do so and quite angry when faced with Kashmiri offensives. The Legion on the other hand seem to have no issue with attacking Kashmir. Now if this journalist was say, allied to both of them, I might consider it quite an insulting slap to the face, but I'm not. In response to the aggressive stances taken against Kashmir by the above listed alliances a clandestine para-military arm of the Kashmiri military who possess the power of the telepathy have erected what they call a 'Mental Quarantine' around CLAWS and GATO borders. Considering they are apparently immune from any attacks from these alliances, the quarantine has been erected to protect the IQ of the Kashmiri people from any further whinging and cherry picking. Lex Quintus has suffered particularly from these outbursts and has asked that they "Sod off and jump back into their Bureacratic comfort-blanket, not without filling in the appropriate forms first of course. Ooga Booga." For those of you unfamiliar with the bureaucratic machinations of GATO, The Day Today is proud to present another piece of sponsored content (for educational purposes only) Which moves us nicely onto our final address of the evening: Peace Stalls: But who's buying? As I'm sure some of you know, this journalist (and soon to be King) has been working tirelessly to hammer out a peace treaty between the forces of the Cobralition and RFI. Early this week I began hammering out terms with Canik of FTW, we managed to finally come to the consensus that we would be willing to begrudgingly admit defeat in exchange for peace. Negotiations rolled on, tiny little kinks slowly ironed out and it seemed we were so very close. Then came the 'bureacratic formalities' that needed carrying out from each RFI alliance, despite assurances that each vote would pass (which to this journalist makes them seem awfully redundant but I don't lead a bloated ghost husk so how would I know). So again we waited; first told that GATO needed to vote and it'd take 48 hours. After those 48 hours, we were told The Legion still needed to vote. Were they dragging heels? Perhaps, this writer can only speculate. Eventually Canik comes running with all of the signatures required to ratify the agreement on their end- 6 hours after Non Grata declared war. Awfully eager all of a sudden, curiously eager. Meanwhile the soldiers of the Cobralition had erupted in opposition to this "admission of defeat" - why admit defeat immediately after the entrance of Non Grata mercenaries fighting a common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend- as they say. Now as a King in waiting I would be a fool to deny my people the right to bare arms and blow things up at will and if they've still got the fight in them: I say let 'em have it. We may be building makeshift silos from depleted plutonium shards and pieces of bones found scattered amongst the rubble but as the song goes: "I get knocked down, But I get back up again, You're never gonna keep me down" So onward we fight, alongside our new friends. To our opponents I put to you the simplest way out of this for you: White Peace (Good christ I hope I don't need to keep repeating that- oh we're still live?) That's all from The Day Today, we would like to re-iterate that we will accept sponsors to pay for more printing presses from any party with a story to tell; maybe a story someone doesn't want you to tell; maybe a story from a different perspective. We encourage people to throw off the shackles of their radio silences and join us in open debate on this Open World Forum. We leave you with the following music and welcome all denizens of the planet, friend or foe, to come and get your shake on in the COBRA discord and dance in the rubble with us. Until next time, this is Johnny Apocalypse saying Goodnight: "Goodnight" Edited July 21, 2019 by Johnny Apocalypse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysergide Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 God bless you, and your beautiful news network. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stewie Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 (edited) Fight the power Can't stop the signal Edited July 21, 2019 by Stewie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Optimus Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 Good little newsman. Free press hard to come by these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smitty256 Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 Johnny, Good job. I was thoroughly impressed. -Smitty of the House Stark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Hitchcock Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 Better be careful, FTW May try to plagiarize that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smitty256 Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 LH, While I admit that I wish I had thought of the idea to do this before Johnny, I wouldnt dream of copying him. -Smitty of the House Stark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 Johnny, Quality work. Your journalist are of the finest caliber. And props for getting it out so quick by request. My night is truly complete, Joseph M. Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyanna Mormont Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 As for me and my family, we pray for peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankobite Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Lyanna Mormont said: As for me and my family, we pray for peace. Edited July 21, 2019 by Tankobite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lex Quintus Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 A PUBLIC SERVICE BULLETIN FROM THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS Specialists in the Kashmiri military have long endeavored to protect the alliance through means unconventional and paranormal. Redacted versions of their exploits have been featured in Hollywood films. Recent efforts at mental quarantine have been much in the news, and this primer is offered for the edification of the population at large, to both reduce confusion and raise awareness. RFID BLOCKING: WHAT IS IT? RFID stands for Roll For Initiative Delusions. Today they are found in passports and credit cards as wafer thin chips to help speed up transactions. They store and transmit your account information plus personal details. They are also found on battlefields and in diplomatic channels, seeking to up-end causality and the very fabric of space-time itself. So where does RFID blocking come in? Handheld scanners (which thieves can easily come by) can read these chips through wallets and clothing up to several feet away. Think of it as electronic pickpocketing or identity theft. Newly issued credit cards, passports, and other IDs have embedded RFID chips. Sanity theft via RFID readers is also growing. You can protect your personal sanity with the use of RFID blocking wallets and RFID blocking passport covers. These items contain a metal fiber mesh that makes a “cage” around the chip that RFI waves cannot penetrate. Credit and identification cards now have RFID technology embedded into them. Most newly issued Passports have RFID chips in them. The chip contains all the data that is on the first page of your passport including your photo. Even your driver’s license can have an RFID chip. How Does RFID Work? RFID, Roll For Initiative Delusions, is the technology that lets you transmit baffling concepts far and wide. Unfortunately, criminals with minimal technical skills can construct their own RFID readers with a few simple supplies. These devices can steal your private financial information, not to mention your very sanity, quickly and silently, all the perpetrator needs to do is come near your wallet with the hidden card reader. You wouldn’t know it at all. Here, Kashmiri commandos prototype (!) equipment designed to repel RFIDS: FAQs Will the RFID material wear out? No, it is designed to last for years of use. The RFID material in the wallet looks like paper. It looks like paper because it is paper. But layered in between two external coats of paper is a very thin metallic layer of the patented FIPS 201 approved RFID shielding material. Can a RFID signal go through things like leather, vinyl, and clothing? Yes, that is exactly why the RFID shield is a smart security precaution. How far away can a smart credit card embedded with a RFID chip be read? Up to 10 ft is the most common range. Who is most vulnerable to this type of ID theft? Travelers and people who live in urban areas and frequent public places like coffee shops, airports, commuter trains, or spreadsheet games are at the greatest risk for falling victim to theft by RFID scanner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrash Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 13 hours ago, Lyanna Mormont said: As for me and my family, we pray for peace. Please don't tell me you consider Elvis Costello rock. Was bad enough considering Meatloaf rock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerdge Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 @Johnny Apocalypse I'm impressed, quality work, I can't really thank you enough. @Lex Quintus Yours is also a great post, it grew on me as I was reading it. I didn't think I would have again really enjoyed my CN popcorn... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stewie Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 11 minutes ago, jerdge said: I didn't think I would have again really enjoyed my CN popcorn... It's because your Vice Roi returned... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyanna Mormont Posted July 21, 2019 Report Share Posted July 21, 2019 3 hours ago, Thrash said: Please don't tell me you consider Elvis Costello rock. Was bad enough considering Meatloaf rock. Hahahaha Nah he isn't rock but he is awesome. Just like peace is awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Hakai Posted July 22, 2019 Report Share Posted July 22, 2019 Good job with this, johnnypse! Great work, I liked it! Where do I subscribe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 22, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2019 4 hours ago, Master Hakai said: Good job with this, johnnypse! Great work, I liked it! Where do I subscribe! Thanx mstrhakia. Please provide your nailing details and I will add you to the list but first please send dongs for my wealthy Anubian Prince who will reimburse you tenfold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 24, 2019 Report Share Posted July 24, 2019 (edited) Today's topic; LoLegion It took the Legion exactly three days to counter COBRA/TIE/SS. It took them less than 24 hours to counter Kashmir. All in defense of FTW. @Lord Windmark even stated Quote Legion will defend our allies to the last pixel in any circumstance And yet it's been months since NG started attacking their allies- a week since they officially recognized a state of war. But I don't blame them. Fighting the COBRAlition is probably more than they can handle. Keep sending all that war aid, fellas- Aid Offer Date Aid Offered By Aid Offered To Aid Offered Status 7/17/2019 2:53:48 AM "aid" Arrakis2 Ruler: deathbiterThe Legion Republic of China Ruler: MagnateThe Legion $900,000 0 Tech 4000 Soldiers Approved Edited July 24, 2019 by General Kanabis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrash Posted July 24, 2019 Report Share Posted July 24, 2019 C'mon you know that was a fat finger error. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lex Quintus Posted July 24, 2019 Report Share Posted July 24, 2019 2 minutes ago, Thrash said: C'mon you know that was a fat finger error. Point of order, it was actually two fat-finger errors, first on the offer and second on the acceptance Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 24, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2019 2 hours ago, Thrash said: C'mon you know that was a fat finger error. Dialing wands all round! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrash Posted July 25, 2019 Report Share Posted July 25, 2019 On 7/24/2019 at 4:01 PM, Lex Quintus said: Point of order, it was actually two fat-finger errors, first on the offer and second on the acceptance True that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 29, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2019 (edited) As FTW continue to fight NG alone, CLAWS have other ideas instead of assisting their blocmates: Edited July 29, 2019 by Johnny Apocalypse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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