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Incoming Transmission:

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"Hello you."

I am Johnny Apocalypse beaming various words and pictures to you from the Anubian Dove Plains.

This is The Day Today

 

Tonight:

 

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Motivated and United by "Strange Beastial Lust"

Despite the ever fluctuating population counts of Cobra citizens; the tale that the Freehold of the Wolves were a bunch of a demented dog lovers has been passed on to each new batch of citizens as they arrive with the construction of yet another round of infrastructure. This piece of folklore has been vague and open to interpretation for some time, until recently with the arrival of recent defector Kal Asharak.

 

Kal approached the Cobra frontline approximately two weeks ago. He was spotted by scouts clenching a blood soaked knife with his teeth and bearing four freshly shorn pelts: "Brothers!" He roared "When I returned to this world I thought these 'men' might be worthy warriors of the North. How wrong I was! These pups have no right to call themselves 'Wolves' - How they wish they could be as powerful as a wolf.....I mean, they REALLY wish it you guys."

Kal reportedly threw the pelts to the ground, doused them in gasoline and set them alight: "I present to you the boiling blood and skin of your foes, now somebody get me another gun! This one's clogged with fur- don't ask." Needless to say, we didn't. In fact, Kal's account to Cobra Intelligence is so graphic that The Day Today cannot broadcast it in it's entirety for legal reasons (and on the grounds of general decency)

 

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International Stagnation - The Never-ending Story

It should come as no surprise to whatever viewers remain out there, that stagnation on Bob is endemic. Almost all alliances have shown a continuous downward trend in overall strength and technological capacity on account of most leaders being too bored to rule their people. The occasional sudden disappearance of nations results in a net gain for the forces of Cobra as displaced citizen counts take up shelter in our ever fluctating borders and infrastructure. Despite our war-torn landscape (our opponents are effectively nuking piles of rubble at this stage) many people find living under our banner far more invigorating than in their former homes, they have even become accustomed to the constant levels of radiation and bathe in the warming glow of each wasted nuclear missile that lands on a pile of rubble somewhere

 

That being said, global stagnation does not necessarily account for the downward trend of our RFI opponents:

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For a coalition at war with a far smaller opponent, one would think competent leaders would be capable of effectively putting down said opponent while simultaneously maintaining upward growth. The above charts would seem to indicate otherwise, for contrast here is an example of the potential for growth when not at war with Cobra:

lF8sPwv.png

 

With that in mind we are left to wonder and ask: Come on guys, this is silly; is it really worth keeping this up just to make a punitive point? Wouldn't you rather go back to hoarding what little resources remain on this planet?

 

Which brings us to our next headline

 

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Controlled Demolition for Peace? Nah.

While there have been numerous attempts to reach a compromise with our opponents in RFI, so far they remain about as successful and enjoyable as a jazz saxophonist at your Mother's funeral.

The most recent proposal from RFI involved requiring a number of Cobrastan nations to buy infrastructure to be demolished by RFI as a means of encouraging us to burn our own money. Now, putting aside the fact that this is less desirable than engaging in forced tech deals with our opponents, The Day Today has a number of questions it would like to ask:

 

  • Why must a coalition of RFI's size need Cobrastan to agree to a controlled demolition that they failed to carry out with their superior numbers in the first place?
  • How have they failed to carry out this demolition in the several months this war has rolled on?
  • What kind of threat do we truly pose to the RFI coalition that they feel it necessary to make us deplete our own warchests in exchange for peace?

 

These questions have fairly straight-forward answers for anyone with more than two shreds of grey matter to rub together, but let me just address the last one for the viewing public.

Clearly RFI consider us a major threat, despite their superior numbers even they are aware of their inferior capacity to militarily put us down. In exchange for peace and for the sake of imposing a term to demonstrate their prowess as a victorious force, they ask us to roll onto our tummies so that they may obliterate as much as possible within a set time-frame?

 

We would like to remind the RFI coalition of the old saying: It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

 

We also welcome RFI back to the negotiating table at any time.

 

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Flag Thieves 'apologise' to Non Grata - Continue to fly their flag

The involvement of Non Grata forces on the Cobra front has been an incredibly welcome addition to our ranks (especially as no one will formally acknowledge hostilities with them) but this humble reporter feels a duty to give something back to our friends in arms.

Those of us who are old and decrepit enough to remember time as far back as the Pandora's Box bloc will recall the military prowess of Non Grata and the appearance of their flag on numerous Declarations of War. However, this flag has been illegally commandeered by the Freehold of the Wolves. The Day Today can report that the leader of the Freehold reached out to apologise to Non Grata for flying their flag, likely as a means of trying to split and disengage them from hostilities- probably one of the few smart diplomatic moves we've seen from the Freehold. Not smart enough to follow through and actually stop flying the flag though. The Day Today would like to present the following alternative for the Freehold:

 

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Alternatively, they can always return to their old flag from their former moniker: Fellowship of the Wolves. We realise this flag isn't their own unique design but this recent intercept of a Freehold comms channel might shed light on their lack of creative talent:

 

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The reporter pictured above, Peter O'Hanrahanrahan, has since gone completely blind.

 

 

Those are the Headlines. Happy now?

 

This is Johnny Apocalypse saying "Good Night":

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Good Night.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Johnny Apocalypse

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This public service announcement has been brought to you in part by Save-the-noobs-foundation

The following nation is no longer receiving war aid from their alliance and we ask the public to send whatever help they can.

 

_:. Government Information
Ruler: Major Charles Rane  Custom29.png
Nation Name: Farnhams Freehold earth.png
Last Activity: Active In The Last 3 Days
Alliance Affiliation: The Legion alliance_member.png 
Legionnaire 
icon_rankings.png alliance_statistic.gif ranking.png world.png icon_war.png icon_aid.png icon_spy.png nuke.png
Technology: 2.99. Literacy Rate: 20.00%
Infrastructure: 0.00

 

You might not think it makes a difference, but it does-

Aid Offer Date Aid Offered By Aid Offered To Aid Offered Status
7/3/2019 10:34:47 PM 
"Dongs for the poor"

team_Brown.gif

Keltroy
Ruler: Talbrys
COBRA

team_Purple.gif

Farnhams Freehold
Ruler: Major Charles Rane
The Legion
$1
0 Tech
0 Soldiers

Pending

 

Every dong helps!

 

Now, for some local art from the children's gallery;

 

Virgin-Furry-vs-Chad-COBRA.png

 

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Johnny,

 

I was worried you were going to be a one hit wonder, but I'm not disappointed. Another fantastic piece of propaganda. The creativity and imagination put into your work is truly reminiscent of the great works of old. We'll keep the war going, you just keep the presses rolling. Keep up the good work! 

 

A loyal subscriber,

Joseph M. Black

 

P.S. You did dash my hopes that this was a NEW announcement.

 

Edited by Joseph Black

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I'm bored of this war. So bored I went a week without fighting it while I attended to other matters - getting drunk and sun burnt as is the custom of my people. On my return to the front line imagine my surprise when I find I'm fighting the same lesion member I've fought 5 previous rounds with.  One of us is trapped, I'm just not sure which.

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Probably shouldnt comment but..... i do want to say you guys genuinely crack me up and dont ever change for anyone!

 

 

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3 hours ago, Lord Windmark said:

..... i do want to say you guys genuinely crack me up

 

We most certainly do-

IMG-20190704-102248.jpg

imageproxy.png

 

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12 hours ago, Joseph Black said:

Another fantastic piece of propaganda. 

 

We appreciate the support and would like to follow up with an Exposé on FTW lies and deceit;

Specifically, one of the newest nations within the Freehold-

 

It does an exceptional job assuring the community that "It WILL nuke any raider or rogue"-

_:. Nation Information Personal message provided on 7/8/2017:
Land of Lulz is an enormous, superbly developed, and ancient nation with citizens primarily of Arab-Berber ethnicity who don't follow any religion. Its technology is first rate and its citizens marvel at the astonishing advancements within their nation. Its citizens pay extremely high taxes but still love their government. The citizens of Land of Lulz work diligently to produce Lumber and Rubber as tradable resources for their nation. It is an aggressive country that shows no mercy during a war. It WILL nuke any raider or rogue.

Yet only a month before, Land of Lulz just sat there and took a beating, not a soul to defend them; not their former alliance, not their soon to be alliance, not even THEMSELVES-

 

alliance_flags59201711216PM.jpg vs. alliance_flags3192019110240PM.jpg
 

:. War Details

About Wars

   
War Declaration Date: 5/27/2019 10:14:03 PM
War End Date: 6/4/2019
Total Attacks: 89
   
  War Declared By War Declared On
Nation Name: Lacedaemon Land of Lulz
Ruler Name: Banned  message_compose.png Lulzist  message_compose.png
Alliance: Sovereign League of Armed Powersalliance_statistic.gif aNiMaLz
     
Technology Lost: 0.00 1,275.68
Land Lost: 0.000 4,385.884
Land/Tech/Infra: 0.00 Strength Lost 38,169.26 Strength Lost

 

Here we see more fake news-

Capital City: Lulztopia
Nation Slogan:
##############---------------- NEVER INACTIVE.---------------############## ######-------RAID @ UR OWN RISK, IVE GOT A BIG ASS WAR CHEST.-------######## ############------------------ IN LULZ WE TRUST ------------------############  

about that warchest though-

You have just conducted a spy operation against the nation of Land of Lulz. In the attack your spy efforts were successful as your spies were able to gather the following information about the nation: Total Money: $82,663,857

 

Our on-the-scene reporter tried to interview Lulzist but the man only had this to say-

unknown.png

 

 

We expected nothing less from the last (known) surviving member of the Rukunu Regime

IMG-20190704-113832.jpg

 

Edited by General Kanabis

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1 hour ago, General Kanabis said:

 

We most certainly do-

IMG-20190704-102248.jpg

imageproxy.png

 

Lol see  what I mean? I hope we never peace out!!

 

Anyways im going to shimmy back out into outer orbit! Cya.

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5 hours ago, Lord Windmark said:

Probably shouldnt comment

 

 

Ah. So there is a gag order? Who gave it? 

Edited by Lucius Optimus

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1 hour ago, General Kanabis said:

 

We appreciate the support and would like to follow up with an Exposé on FTW lies and deceit;

Specifically, one of the newest nations within the Freehold-

 

It does an exceptional job assuring the community that "It WILL nuke any raider or rogue"-

_:. Nation Information Personal message provided on 7/8/2017:
Land of Lulz is an enormous, superbly developed, and ancient nation with citizens primarily of Arab-Berber ethnicity who don't follow any religion. Its technology is first rate and its citizens marvel at the astonishing advancements within their nation. Its citizens pay extremely high taxes but still love their government. The citizens of Land of Lulz work diligently to produce Lumber and Rubber as tradable resources for their nation. It is an aggressive country that shows no mercy during a war. It WILL nuke any raider or rogue.

Yet only a month before, Land of Lulz just sat there and took a beating, not a soul to defend them; not their former alliance, not their soon to be alliance, not even THEMSELVES-

 

alliance_flags59201711216PM.jpg vs. alliance_flags3192019110240PM.jpg
 

:. War Details

About Wars

   
War Declaration Date: 5/27/2019 10:14:03 PM
War End Date: 6/4/2019
Total Attacks: 89
   
  War Declared By War Declared On
Nation Name: Lacedaemon Land of Lulz
Ruler Name: Banned  message_compose.png Lulzist  message_compose.png
Alliance: Sovereign League of Armed Powersalliance_statistic.gif aNiMaLz
     
Technology Lost: 0.00 1,275.68
Land Lost: 0.000 4,385.884
Land/Tech/Infra: 0.00 Strength Lost 38,169.26 Strength Lost

 

Here we see more fake news-

Capital City: Lulztopia
Nation Slogan:
##############---------------- NEVER INACTIVE.---------------############## ######-------RAID @ UR OWN RISK, IVE GOT A BIG ASS WAR CHEST.-------######## ############------------------ IN LULZ WE TRUST ------------------############  

about that warchest though-

You have just conducted a spy operation against the nation of Land of Lulz. In the attack your spy efforts were successful as your spies were able to gather the following information about the nation: Total Money: $82,663,857

 

Our on-the-scene reporter tried to interview Lulzist but the man only had this to say-

unknown.png

 

 

We expected nothing less from the last (known) surviving member of the Rukunu Regime

IMG-20190704-113832.jpg

 

 

GK,

 

How did you find this piece of obsure history? Your thorough in your research. Sometime after the war is over and we're back to being friends again, you should let me see the dirt you have on more important members of the Freehold.

 

Your friend,

Joseph M. Black

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1 hour ago, Joseph Black said:

Sometime after the war is over and we're back to being friends again, you should let me see the dirt you have on more important members of the Freehold.

 

Why wait until next year?

I Have Sauron cherry picking targets and Kaznawim demonstrating signs of Polar Paranoia (a recent pixel hugging trend among RFI signatories).

Enjoy-

 

Dirty-Laundry-Copy.jpg

Edited by General Kanabis

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31 minutes ago, General Kanabis said:

 

Why wait until next year?

I Have Sauron cherry picking targets and Kaznawim demonstrating signs of Polar Paranoia (a recent pixel hugging trend among RFI signatories).

Enjoy-

 

Dirty-Laundry-Copy.jpg

 

GK,

 

Poor show man, not even an appetizer? That's public information avalible to anyone with membership. And isnt at all that interesting. I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff.

 

Your friend,

Joseph M. Black

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7 minutes ago, Joseph Black said:

 

GK,

 

Poor show man, not even an appetizer? That's public information avalible to anyone with membership. And isnt at all that interesting. I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff.

 

Your friend,

Joseph M. Black

 

You'd better start lobbying for that peace then Joseph.

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12 minutes ago, Joseph Black said:

I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff.

 

image.gif

 

Anything else is beyond discussion here, as per the rules of the game :war:

Edited by General Kanabis

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Just now, Johnny Apocalypse said:

 

You'd better start lobbying for that peace then Joseph.

 

Johnny, 

 

It wouldn't do any good. GK isnt interested in peace, I learned last war. It don't happen until GK is good and ready. He's having to much fun right now.

 

Sincerely,

Joseph M. Black

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Just now, Joseph Black said:

 

Johnny, 

 

It wouldn't do any good. GK isnt interested in peace, I learned last war. It don't happen until GK is good and ready. He's having to much fun right now.

 

Sincerely,

Joseph M. Black

 

You can always unconditionally surrender.

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2 minutes ago, Joseph Black said:

 

Johnny, 

 

It wouldn't do any good. GK isnt interested in peace, I learned last war. It don't happen until GK is good and ready. He's having to much fun right now.

 

Sincerely,

Joseph M. Black

 

Au contraire, we are just not interested in the kind of peace being offered.

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16 minutes ago, Joseph Black said:

 

GK,

 

Poor show man, not even an appetizer? That's public information avalible to anyone with membership. And isnt at all that interesting. I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff.

 

Your friend,

Joseph M. Black

Make up your mind....is it public or members only? Unless you consider RFI to be the public now? There may be some alliances that don't agree with that. 

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Just now, Lysergide said:

 

You can always unconditionally surrender.

 

Lysergide,

 

Unconditionally surrender? Are you crazy? He has like 12 guys, no war chests, and is waging an aggressive war of annihilation. I would hate to see his plans if he got his hands on roll for initiative. 

 

Thanks for the thought though,

Joseph M. Black

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Just now, Joseph Black said:

 

Lysergide,

 

Unconditionally surrender? Are you crazy? He has like 12 guys, no war chests, and is waging an aggressive war of annihilation. I would hate to see his plans if he got his hands on roll for initiative. 

 

Thanks for the thought though,

Joseph M. Black

 

Then I suppose Non Grata stays at war with you then, Hime Lite. You aren't winning.

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Just now, Lysergide said:

 

Then I suppose Non Grata stays at war with you then, Hime Lite. You aren't winning.

 

Lysergide,

 

I'm actually enjoying my war with NG. Very friendly. And I consider Hime a friend so I'll take that as a compliment. And I'm not sure what you think I'm not winning, I'm very engaged and thoroughly entertained. Short of you having a pizza and beer delivered I couldn't be winning harder.

 

Sincerely,

Joseph M. Black

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1 minute ago, Joseph Black said:

 

Lysergide,

 

I'm actually enjoying my war with NG. Very friendly. And I consider Hime a friend so I'll take that as a compliment. And I'm not sure what you think I'm not winning, I'm very engaged and thoroughly entertained. Short of you having a pizza and beer delivered I couldn't be winning harder.

 

Sincerely,

Joseph M. Black

 

So you are one of those participation trophy kind of guys huh?

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