Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) Incoming Transmission: "Hello you." I am Johnny Apocalypse beaming various words and pictures to you from the Anubian Dove Plains. This is The Day Today Tonight: Motivated and United by "Strange Beastial Lust" Despite the ever fluctuating population counts of Cobra citizens; the tale that the Freehold of the Wolves were a bunch of a demented dog lovers has been passed on to each new batch of citizens as they arrive with the construction of yet another round of infrastructure. This piece of folklore has been vague and open to interpretation for some time, until recently with the arrival of recent defector Kal Asharak. Kal approached the Cobra frontline approximately two weeks ago. He was spotted by scouts clenching a blood soaked knife with his teeth and bearing four freshly shorn pelts: "Brothers!" He roared "When I returned to this world I thought these 'men' might be worthy warriors of the North. How wrong I was! These pups have no right to call themselves 'Wolves' - How they wish they could be as powerful as a wolf.....I mean, they REALLY wish it you guys." Kal reportedly threw the pelts to the ground, doused them in gasoline and set them alight: "I present to you the boiling blood and skin of your foes, now somebody get me another gun! This one's clogged with fur- don't ask." Needless to say, we didn't. In fact, Kal's account to Cobra Intelligence is so graphic that The Day Today cannot broadcast it in it's entirety for legal reasons (and on the grounds of general decency) International Stagnation - The Never-ending Story It should come as no surprise to whatever viewers remain out there, that stagnation on Bob is endemic. Almost all alliances have shown a continuous downward trend in overall strength and technological capacity on account of most leaders being too bored to rule their people. The occasional sudden disappearance of nations results in a net gain for the forces of Cobra as displaced citizen counts take up shelter in our ever fluctating borders and infrastructure. Despite our war-torn landscape (our opponents are effectively nuking piles of rubble at this stage) many people find living under our banner far more invigorating than in their former homes, they have even become accustomed to the constant levels of radiation and bathe in the warming glow of each wasted nuclear missile that lands on a pile of rubble somewhere That being said, global stagnation does not necessarily account for the downward trend of our RFI opponents: For a coalition at war with a far smaller opponent, one would think competent leaders would be capable of effectively putting down said opponent while simultaneously maintaining upward growth. The above charts would seem to indicate otherwise, for contrast here is an example of the potential for growth when not at war with Cobra: With that in mind we are left to wonder and ask: Come on guys, this is silly; is it really worth keeping this up just to make a punitive point? Wouldn't you rather go back to hoarding what little resources remain on this planet? Which brings us to our next headline Controlled Demolition for Peace? Nah. While there have been numerous attempts to reach a compromise with our opponents in RFI, so far they remain about as successful and enjoyable as a jazz saxophonist at your Mother's funeral. The most recent proposal from RFI involved requiring a number of Cobrastan nations to buy infrastructure to be demolished by RFI as a means of encouraging us to burn our own money. Now, putting aside the fact that this is less desirable than engaging in forced tech deals with our opponents, The Day Today has a number of questions it would like to ask: Why must a coalition of RFI's size need Cobrastan to agree to a controlled demolition that they failed to carry out with their superior numbers in the first place? How have they failed to carry out this demolition in the several months this war has rolled on? What kind of threat do we truly pose to the RFI coalition that they feel it necessary to make us deplete our own warchests in exchange for peace? These questions have fairly straight-forward answers for anyone with more than two shreds of grey matter to rub together, but let me just address the last one for the viewing public. Clearly RFI consider us a major threat, despite their superior numbers even they are aware of their inferior capacity to militarily put us down. In exchange for peace and for the sake of imposing a term to demonstrate their prowess as a victorious force, they ask us to roll onto our tummies so that they may obliterate as much as possible within a set time-frame? We would like to remind the RFI coalition of the old saying: It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. We also welcome RFI back to the negotiating table at any time. Flag Thieves 'apologise' to Non Grata - Continue to fly their flag The involvement of Non Grata forces on the Cobra front has been an incredibly welcome addition to our ranks (especially as no one will formally acknowledge hostilities with them) but this humble reporter feels a duty to give something back to our friends in arms. Those of us who are old and decrepit enough to remember time as far back as the Pandora's Box bloc will recall the military prowess of Non Grata and the appearance of their flag on numerous Declarations of War. However, this flag has been illegally commandeered by the Freehold of the Wolves. The Day Today can report that the leader of the Freehold reached out to apologise to Non Grata for flying their flag, likely as a means of trying to split and disengage them from hostilities- probably one of the few smart diplomatic moves we've seen from the Freehold. Not smart enough to follow through and actually stop flying the flag though. The Day Today would like to present the following alternative for the Freehold: Alternatively, they can always return to their old flag from their former moniker: Fellowship of the Wolves. We realise this flag isn't their own unique design but this recent intercept of a Freehold comms channel might shed light on their lack of creative talent: The reporter pictured above, Peter O'Hanrahanrahan, has since gone completely blind. Those are the Headlines. Happy now? This is Johnny Apocalypse saying "Good Night": Good Night. Edited July 4, 2019 by Johnny Apocalypse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 This public service announcement has been brought to you in part by Save-the-noobs-foundation The following nation is no longer receiving war aid from their alliance and we ask the public to send whatever help they can. _:. Government Information Ruler: Major Charles Rane Nation Name: Farnhams Freehold Last Activity: Active In The Last 3 Days Alliance Affiliation: The Legion Legionnaire Technology: 2.99. Literacy Rate: 20.00% Infrastructure: 0.00 You might not think it makes a difference, but it does- Aid Offer Date Aid Offered By Aid Offered To Aid Offered Status 7/3/2019 10:34:47 PM "Dongs for the poor" Keltroy Ruler: TalbrysCOBRA Farnhams Freehold Ruler: Major Charles RaneThe Legion $1 0 Tech 0 Soldiers Pending Every dong helps! Now, for some local art from the children's gallery; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal Asharak Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 My name is Kal and I approve this message Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) Johnny, I was worried you were going to be a one hit wonder, but I'm not disappointed. Another fantastic piece of propaganda. The creativity and imagination put into your work is truly reminiscent of the great works of old. We'll keep the war going, you just keep the presses rolling. Keep up the good work! A loyal subscriber, Joseph M. Black P.S. You did dash my hopes that this was a NEW announcement. Edited July 4, 2019 by Joseph Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabcat Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 I'm bored of this war. So bored I went a week without fighting it while I attended to other matters - getting drunk and sun burnt as is the custom of my people. On my return to the front line imagine my surprise when I find I'm fighting the same lesion member I've fought 5 previous rounds with. One of us is trapped, I'm just not sure which. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysergide Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 So is FTW the new GGA? Does that make Canik a reroll of Jonathan Brookbank? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Windmark Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 Probably shouldnt comment but..... i do want to say you guys genuinely crack me up and dont ever change for anyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 3 hours ago, Lord Windmark said: ..... i do want to say you guys genuinely crack me up We most certainly do- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) 12 hours ago, Joseph Black said: Another fantastic piece of propaganda. We appreciate the support and would like to follow up with an Exposé on FTW lies and deceit; Specifically, one of the newest nations within the Freehold- It does an exceptional job assuring the community that "It WILL nuke any raider or rogue"- _:. Nation Information Personal message provided on 7/8/2017: Land of Lulz is an enormous, superbly developed, and ancient nation with citizens primarily of Arab-Berber ethnicity who don't follow any religion. Its technology is first rate and its citizens marvel at the astonishing advancements within their nation. Its citizens pay extremely high taxes but still love their government. The citizens of Land of Lulz work diligently to produce Lumber and Rubber as tradable resources for their nation. It is an aggressive country that shows no mercy during a war. It WILL nuke any raider or rogue. Yet only a month before, Land of Lulz just sat there and took a beating, not a soul to defend them; not their former alliance, not their soon to be alliance, not even THEMSELVES- vs. :. War Details About Wars War Declaration Date: 5/27/2019 10:14:03 PM War End Date: 6/4/2019 Total Attacks: 89 War Declared By War Declared On Nation Name: Lacedaemon Land of Lulz Ruler Name: Banned Lulzist Alliance: Sovereign League of Armed Powers aNiMaLz Technology Lost: 0.00 1,275.68 Land Lost: 0.000 4,385.884 Land/Tech/Infra: 0.00 Strength Lost 38,169.26 Strength Lost Here we see more fake news- Capital City: Lulztopia Nation Slogan: ##############---------------- NEVER INACTIVE.---------------############## ######-------RAID @ UR OWN RISK, IVE GOT A BIG ASS WAR CHEST.-------######## ############------------------ IN LULZ WE TRUST ------------------############ about that warchest though- You have just conducted a spy operation against the nation of Land of Lulz. In the attack your spy efforts were successful as your spies were able to gather the following information about the nation: Total Money: $82,663,857 Our on-the-scene reporter tried to interview Lulzist but the man only had this to say- We expected nothing less from the last (known) surviving member of the Rukunu Regime Edited July 4, 2019 by General Kanabis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Windmark Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 1 hour ago, General Kanabis said: We most certainly do- Lol see what I mean? I hope we never peace out!! Anyways im going to shimmy back out into outer orbit! Cya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 11 minutes ago, Lord Windmark said: That's the spirit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Optimus Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) 5 hours ago, Lord Windmark said: Probably shouldnt comment Ah. So there is a gag order? Who gave it? Edited July 4, 2019 by Lucius Optimus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 1 hour ago, General Kanabis said: We appreciate the support and would like to follow up with an Exposé on FTW lies and deceit; Specifically, one of the newest nations within the Freehold- It does an exceptional job assuring the community that "It WILL nuke any raider or rogue"- _:. Nation Information Personal message provided on 7/8/2017: Land of Lulz is an enormous, superbly developed, and ancient nation with citizens primarily of Arab-Berber ethnicity who don't follow any religion. Its technology is first rate and its citizens marvel at the astonishing advancements within their nation. Its citizens pay extremely high taxes but still love their government. The citizens of Land of Lulz work diligently to produce Lumber and Rubber as tradable resources for their nation. It is an aggressive country that shows no mercy during a war. It WILL nuke any raider or rogue. Yet only a month before, Land of Lulz just sat there and took a beating, not a soul to defend them; not their former alliance, not their soon to be alliance, not even THEMSELVES- vs. :. War Details About Wars War Declaration Date: 5/27/2019 10:14:03 PM War End Date: 6/4/2019 Total Attacks: 89 War Declared By War Declared On Nation Name: Lacedaemon Land of Lulz Ruler Name: Banned Lulzist Alliance: Sovereign League of Armed Powers aNiMaLz Technology Lost: 0.00 1,275.68 Land Lost: 0.000 4,385.884 Land/Tech/Infra: 0.00 Strength Lost 38,169.26 Strength Lost Here we see more fake news- Capital City: Lulztopia Nation Slogan: ##############---------------- NEVER INACTIVE.---------------############## ######-------RAID @ UR OWN RISK, IVE GOT A BIG ASS WAR CHEST.-------######## ############------------------ IN LULZ WE TRUST ------------------############ about that warchest though- You have just conducted a spy operation against the nation of Land of Lulz. In the attack your spy efforts were successful as your spies were able to gather the following information about the nation: Total Money: $82,663,857 Our on-the-scene reporter tried to interview Lulzist but the man only had this to say- We expected nothing less from the last (known) surviving member of the Rukunu Regime GK, How did you find this piece of obsure history? Your thorough in your research. Sometime after the war is over and we're back to being friends again, you should let me see the dirt you have on more important members of the Freehold. Your friend, Joseph M. Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, Joseph Black said: Sometime after the war is over and we're back to being friends again, you should let me see the dirt you have on more important members of the Freehold. Why wait until next year? I Have Sauron cherry picking targets and Kaznawim demonstrating signs of Polar Paranoia (a recent pixel hugging trend among RFI signatories). Enjoy- Edited July 4, 2019 by General Kanabis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 31 minutes ago, General Kanabis said: Why wait until next year? I Have Sauron cherry picking targets and Kaznawim demonstrating signs of Polar Paranoia (a recent pixel hugging trend among RFI signatories). Enjoy- GK, Poor show man, not even an appetizer? That's public information avalible to anyone with membership. And isnt at all that interesting. I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff. Your friend, Joseph M. Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 4, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 7 minutes ago, Joseph Black said: GK, Poor show man, not even an appetizer? That's public information avalible to anyone with membership. And isnt at all that interesting. I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff. Your friend, Joseph M. Black You'd better start lobbying for that peace then Joseph. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kanabis Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Joseph Black said: I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff. Anything else is beyond discussion here, as per the rules of the game Edited July 4, 2019 by General Kanabis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 Just now, Johnny Apocalypse said: You'd better start lobbying for that peace then Joseph. Johnny, It wouldn't do any good. GK isnt interested in peace, I learned last war. It don't happen until GK is good and ready. He's having to much fun right now. Sincerely, Joseph M. Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysergide Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 Just now, Joseph Black said: Johnny, It wouldn't do any good. GK isnt interested in peace, I learned last war. It don't happen until GK is good and ready. He's having to much fun right now. Sincerely, Joseph M. Black You can always unconditionally surrender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Apocalypse Posted July 4, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 2 minutes ago, Joseph Black said: Johnny, It wouldn't do any good. GK isnt interested in peace, I learned last war. It don't happen until GK is good and ready. He's having to much fun right now. Sincerely, Joseph M. Black Au contraire, we are just not interested in the kind of peace being offered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Optimus Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 16 minutes ago, Joseph Black said: GK, Poor show man, not even an appetizer? That's public information avalible to anyone with membership. And isnt at all that interesting. I'm talking the really good stuff. I want to see the main course stuff, like CIA cobra word classified stuff. Your friend, Joseph M. Black Make up your mind....is it public or members only? Unless you consider RFI to be the public now? There may be some alliances that don't agree with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 Just now, Lysergide said: You can always unconditionally surrender. Lysergide, Unconditionally surrender? Are you crazy? He has like 12 guys, no war chests, and is waging an aggressive war of annihilation. I would hate to see his plans if he got his hands on roll for initiative. Thanks for the thought though, Joseph M. Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysergide Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 Just now, Joseph Black said: Lysergide, Unconditionally surrender? Are you crazy? He has like 12 guys, no war chests, and is waging an aggressive war of annihilation. I would hate to see his plans if he got his hands on roll for initiative. Thanks for the thought though, Joseph M. Black Then I suppose Non Grata stays at war with you then, Hime Lite. You aren't winning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Black Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 Just now, Lysergide said: Then I suppose Non Grata stays at war with you then, Hime Lite. You aren't winning. Lysergide, I'm actually enjoying my war with NG. Very friendly. And I consider Hime a friend so I'll take that as a compliment. And I'm not sure what you think I'm not winning, I'm very engaged and thoroughly entertained. Short of you having a pizza and beer delivered I couldn't be winning harder. Sincerely, Joseph M. Black Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysergide Posted July 4, 2019 Report Share Posted July 4, 2019 1 minute ago, Joseph Black said: Lysergide, I'm actually enjoying my war with NG. Very friendly. And I consider Hime a friend so I'll take that as a compliment. And I'm not sure what you think I'm not winning, I'm very engaged and thoroughly entertained. Short of you having a pizza and beer delivered I couldn't be winning harder. Sincerely, Joseph M. Black So you are one of those participation trophy kind of guys huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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