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The First Order of Bromance Accords

[spoiler]Dear Diary,


I met a guy named Hux today in Lunch. He has read Nietzche he says. Everyone should read Nietzche he says.


Dear Diary,


Sat with Hux again at lunch today. He agrees that the destruction of Alderaan was justified. I ask him if he wants to come to Hot Topic with me later to look at some vintage Imperial Posters.


Dear Diary,


Mom and Dad still don’t believe that my name is Kylo. Dad laughs whenever I say it. Nobody at school calls me Kylo but Hux. Hux is alright but he likes Tarkin too much. Tarkin is nowhere near as cool as Vader.


Dear Diary,


I am taking Grandpa’s helmet to school today to show to Hux at lunch. I expect he will be quite impressed. It’s pretty Wizard.


Dear Diary,


Today Hux and I are wearing black to commemorate the defeat at the Battle of Endor. We both always wear black but today it means more. At lunch Hux read part of his manifesto to me. It covers a lot of ground.


Dear Diary,


Hux and I are meeting up by our lockers for an exchange of gifts. I got him a moleskine to write his speeches in. I hope he likes it.


Dear Diary,


Hux got me a poster of Darth Vader for my locker. I already have one just like it but bigger; however, I appreciate the thought.

Dear Diary,


Hux and I have made Livejournal accounts. His name is Starkiller; mine is xXxVaderxXx.


Dear Diary,


My dad knocked over my model Death Star and broke it, but he didn’t apologize. He said people should stop making Death Stars. I’m shaking.


Dear Diary,


I told Hux what my dad said about Death Stars and he’s coming over for moral support. We’re going to build a new Death Star in place of the one that broke. Hux says if we don’t it lets them win. It’s nice to have friends.[/spoiler]

It’s not easy being the only two kids at school who wear black and believe that the Imperials were right. Sometimes, you just need to have one friend who really gets you. Whether it’s running from your family dinner parties with Wookies or reading up on the latest speech giving techniques, Both Hux and Kylo are glad to have someone with whom they can commiserate. In this spirit, we sign The First Bromance of Order Accords.


Article I. I just don’t think girls GET why Darth Vader is so great

Having a friend to talk about different shades of black and your cool ass grandfather is pretty great when NO ONE else seems to care. MI6 and NSO pledge to be respectful of one another, particularly when their heritage is so cool. Besides, if you’re nice enough Hux might let you fly around in his Star Destroyer.


Article II: Hux says women are a distraction

You meet this sweet Goth girl at the Hot Topic and now you want to write dark poetry for her and scribble your names in ink on each others binders. But Hux knows that all this time you’re wasting on this space wench is time you could be using to improve your slot efficiency (62%?!?! are you trying to make us look bad?). Realizing that the only way you’ll rule the high school and show those popular pricks who’s not afraid of his destiny is with a gigantic planetary laser that draws its power from the sun, Hux and Kylo agree to share their economic resources.


Article III: You can’t really appreciate the Imperial March until you’ve heard it on Vinyl

Friends let their other friends borrow their stuff. Whether it’s a mint copy of some original Galactic Empire vinyl from your dad’s collection, or one of Hux’s inspirational books about order and fascism (all of which are HUGE disappointments by the way, zero mentions of Darth Vader), Hux and Kylo pledge to share all of their stuff with one another. This includes petty rumors from those wannabe resistance thugs. They think they’re so cool.


Article IV: Passive Aggressive Glaring

Sometimes, your dad is gonna do his dad thing and force you to go to the school dance. This is egregious and only serves to show how little he knows about you. It’s not like you would dance anyways. And while you would appreciate Hux coming to spend his time with you, glaring in judgement at those wannabes on the dance floor, you respect his right to choose to stay at home and play with his galactic space armies. Similarly, if Hux wants you to help him make the peons witness the firepower of his fully armed and operational battle station, he knows that some days you just need to write passive aggressive lyrics in your journal. Alone.


Article V: Current Status: In a Sarlaac Pit, but emotionally

Having friends is a new experience, and is always subject to change. What happens when you wear new liquid eyeliner and Hux starts quoting Marx? Will your friendship continue? Will it change forever? After a period of four months, the treaty will expire, unless both Hux and Kylo agree to advance the relationship.


Article VI: Diary, I think this is for the best

Maybe the way he quotes Nietzche starts to get on your nerves. Or maybe the way he throws a fit and destroys all of your navigational and weapons stations on your star destroyer really grates you (those are expensive, okay). Whatever the case may be, both alliances agree that sometimes friendships end. If either of them want to terminate their relationship, they must provide the other with 48 hours notice and some dark lyrics that express the ways in which the relationship went wrong.


Signed for MI6 Hux

Chimaera, M

Mergerberger, M

Devilyn Caster, 001

Piejonk, 002

Gorniar, 003

Gopherbashi, 004

Kerschbs, 005

James Bond, 007


Signed for NSO Kylo

Joe Stupid, Emperor

Spartacus, Dark Lord

Rayvon, Sith Lord

Adolph Mussolini, Sith Lord

The Listener, Sith Lord





Edited by Devilyn Caster
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Dear Diary,

Hux and I have made Livejournal accounts. His name is Starkiller; mine is xXxVaderxXx.

Dear Diary,

My dad knocked over my model Death Star and broke it, but he didn’t apologize. He said people should stop making Death Stars. I’m shaking.

i lol'd at these but really it isn't funny

grats yall
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