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Farkistan shares some drink recipes!


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If there's one things Farkers know, it's how to make high-quality, intoxicating beverages. Traditional Farkistani mixes are often complicated, requiring many bottles of liquor and beer mixed with bizarre ingredients (zebra milk). After a heated debate, it was decided that we should share the TotalFarkers Choice Recipe List, in an effort to help Bob understand us better get drunk.
 
Drink #1 - The NSFW - Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag
Ingredients:
1 oz. cheap vodka, 1 oz. good vodka, 1/2 oz. rum, 1/2 oz whiskey, 1 oz. flat 7-up, 3 oz. Warm Stale Beer, Last 2 frost-covered ice cubes from icebox
History/Mixing:
Also known as the "Crap I forgot to buy booze, let's see what's left in all these bottles." This ancient recipe is instinctively known to all true Farkers and has been handed down for generations. Mix all the ingredients together in a plastic cup or dirty beer mug. Sip gingerly and gag before exclaiming "Fark it!" and swallowing the whole mess in one gulp.
 
Drink #2 - The Decide R Inchief
Ingredients:
Vinegar, Water
History/Mixing:
The perfect drink to order for that !@#$% at the end of the bar. Mix ingredients in a tube, insert into your mouth, and swish. Leaves you feeling fresh and clean-smelling, like a summer's eve.
 
Drink #3 - The BozDaBoz
Ingredients:
1 scoop vanilla ice cream, 3 oz. bourbon, 1 oz. amaretto, 6 oz. coca-cola, 1 maraschino cherry
History/Mixing:
Relaxing on a quiet Sunday evening? Why do it sober?? Put the ice-cream scoop and coke into a large mug, add in the bourbon and amaretto. Garnish with the cherry. This sweet, sweet ice cream treat was invented by a caring Farkistani mother who needed a way to make sure her kids were getting enough bourbon. (Bourbon makes you grow up big and strong!)
 
Drink #4 - The 182
Ingredients:
2 oz. whiskey, 2 oz. goldschlager, 4 oz. Imitation GOON blood, 8 oz. black coffee
History/Mixing:
This was the favored morning wake-up drink for the Farkistani military during the Holy War. Invented by 182, this drink combines the sweet tastes of home with the bitter, dirty, sewage-smelling imitation Goonblood to wake Farkers up, as well as remind them why they fight.
 
Drink #5 - The Bionic Redhead
Ingredients:
36 oz. cold beer, 36 oz. cold beer, 36 oz. cold beer, 1 Liter of Tequila, 1 pair leopard-print panties, 6 extra strength tylenol
History/Mixing:
Drink the cold beers one at a time, within the span of 2 hours. Start drinking tequila. Wake up with leopard print panties on your floor. Eat the tylenol and go back to sleep. Many Farkers can regale you with stories of performing this ritual. The drink gets its name from the rumors that, while inebriated, Bionic Redhead visits you and leaves his panties behind as a reminder of the viscious sodomy you received.
 
Drink #6 - Submitter 905's hangover to hell express
Ingredients:
1 bottle Pepto-bismol, 2 alka seltzer, 1 oz. Gold Tequila, 4 oz. flat beer
History/Mixing:
A legendary mixmaster dreamed up this abhorrent mixture after suffering from a hangover for 6 weeks straight. One of the more famous Farkistani beverages, this preparation has even made a movie cameo! Mix the beer and pepto in a tall plastic cup. Drop in the alka seltzer and immediately afterwards, drop in the shot of Tequila. Chug as fast as you can. 3oz of insubordination may be substituted for beer if Cable is in office.
 
Drink #7 - one_eighty_two's the Squirrel
Ingredients:
3 oz. 12-year-old scotch, 1 oz. Mr Vicarious' Pecan Schnapps, 1/4 oz. Stoli Brand RageQuit hotsauce
History/Mixing:
The main ingredients of this dish remind foreigners that Farkers 1. Drink, 2. Can be sweet and friendly, and 3. Will burn your ass if you screw with us. Stir the scotch and schnapps together in a small glass with ice. Stick your finger in the hotsauce. Take small sips of the scotch-schnapps mixture, then rub the hotsauce in your eyes.

Drinks Index:

 

TF Council:

Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag - Speaker of the Council
Decide R Inchief
BozDaBoz
one_eighty_two
Bionic Redhead
 
Subby:

905
 
Squirrel:

one_eighty_two

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