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*Breaking News* Mass Looting in SNX nations


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Greetings everybody, I'm Norm MacDonald with Planet Bob News.

 

norm_macdonald.jpg

 

Citizens of SuperNova X and hiding SuperNova X nations today were shocked to find masses of looters disembarking from oil barges onto their shores. The barges had names like "The Burgeroise Barge" and "Hawaii or Bust", and disgorged thousands of inbred rednecks from the nation of Dudevania. Oddly, these impoverished yokels could barely clothe themselves, yet all were armed with assault rifles, since gun ownership is required by their home nation.

 

As you can see in the picture below, beer was most prized by the itinerants, although electronic stores and weapons caches were also raided.

looter-heineken-guy.jpg

 

Now, we're going to our man on the scene, Chuck Yager. Chuck? Can you hear me Chuck?

 

Chuck: Yes, I hear you Norm.

 

Norm: Tell me what it's like down there, Chuck.

 

Chuck: Well, the first thing I noticed on the scene is the horrible stench, like an egg left in your dashboard. Next, a cascade of yells and pig calls accompanied the breaking of glass and the sound of gunfire. It's like Bill Maher's worst nightmare down here, Norm. And, quite frankly, I'm not too fond of it, either.

 

Norm: Chuck, I think that's a looter behind you, Chuck. Can you get him to answer a couple questions?

 

Chuck: I'd rather not, but here we go. Sir? Sir!

redneck.jpg

Looter: What in tarnation are all dese doodads?

 

Chuck: Just our film equipment, sir. Can you answer a couple questions?

 

Looter: Ah don't see wha not. What can I do you fer?

 

Chuck: What are you doing here?

 

Looter: I was eating a big helpin' of dik-dik with the missus, when the president comes on and he says "Theyz havin' an everythin' off sale over yunder". Well, I took one look at the Missus and says, "We are gonna have to get us some of that"

 

The brown dik-dik is eaten regularly in Dudevania

dikDik.jpg

 

Chuck: Well, sir, what are you planning to do with that...is that an iPad?

 

Looter: Oh, this thing right here is real fancy, should make a fine coaster. I also got me a teevee fer the barn. The livestock won't understand it since it'll speak foreigner, but I don't imagine they'll complain much. By the way. What is this fancy shoulder thing for?

 

*The screen lurches and goes black, but sound can still be heard*

 

Chuck: That's our camera. We need it for...sir. Sir! Come back with my camera!

 

Looter; Woohaw. Imma make me a Duck Dynasty within the missus. Weez gonna be millionaires.

 

Chuck: Norm, Norm, there's a group of them coming for us. Norm, you've got to get us out of here. Norm!

 

*sound cuts out abruptly, and then the camera shifts to Norm MacDonald*

 

It looks like we have some technical difficulty. Don't worry, Chuck will be fine. His wife said he can squeal like a piggy if he really needs to. That's the top story for tonight! Now for the weather.

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Can I get a TL;DR on account of being drunk?
EDIT: I like the purrty pics.

After Red Raiding Safari, a group that SNX really should have been able to handle in a straight fight, managed to get away with raiding without a single counter being declared for several days, people realised that the alliance of SNX, under the most glorious leadership of their great Grand Marshall, was not actually going to fight back.

From there, things have steadily gone downhill. Last I checked 87 wars have been declared against SNX nations by raiders. SNX has finally responded with 1 counter attack.
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After Red Raiding Safari, a group that SNX really should have been able to handle in a straight fight, managed to get away with raiding without a single counter being declared for several days, people realised that the alliance of SNX, under the most glorious leadership of their great Grand Marshall, was not actually going to fight back.From there, things have steadily gone downhill. Last I checked 87 wars have been declared against SNX nations by raiders. SNX has finally responded with 1 counter attack.


The best part is these raids are all, "tech raid, PM for peace/peace sent" raids. Very few have even been active enough to accept peace offers.
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Tywin spotted telling his alliance that the raiders are about to surrender:

07-minister.jpg

 

 

Tywin: "It is true that we have lost one-fifth of our strength, but that was dead weight. This war has helped us to shed the cowards and inactives. We are now stronger than ever. It is a great victory."

 

Reporter: "Hang on, didn't most of that loss happen before the raids started?"

 

Tywin: "Great victory, I tell you. Great victory."

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After Red Raiding Safari, a group that SNX really should have been able to handle in a straight fight, managed to get away with raiding without a single counter being declared for several days, people realised that the alliance of SNX, under the most glorious leadership of their great Grand Marshall, was not actually going to fight back.

From there, things have steadily gone downhill. Last I checked 87 wars have been declared against SNX nations by raiders. SNX has finally responded with 1 counter attack.


Well, yes and no. They don't really have an answer to our top 6 or so, which is understandable. On the other hand, you are entirely right, the stuff going unchallenged below 100k NS is just silly.
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After Red Raiding Safari, a group that SNX really should have been able to handle in a straight fight, managed to get away with raiding without a single counter being declared for several days, people realised that the alliance of SNX, under the most glorious leadership of their great Grand Marshall, was not actually going to fight back.

From there, things have steadily gone downhill. Last I checked 87 wars have been declared against SNX nations by raiders. SNX has finally responded with 1 counter attack.

 

Red Raiding Safari started raiding yesterday.

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6c0f437071d8eb9d43566efcda3c25f2.jpg

 

Reporter: "As the raids against Supernova-X intensify, we go to King Zog, leader of Ottawa Empire Redux and one of the founders of the resurrected Nordreich alliance, of which he served as first post-reformation Kaiser. Although he is retired from alliance government, he continues to comment on international affairs. He joins me via Skype."

 

Wednesday_26_November_2014_18_26_48snap.

 

Reporter: "King Zog, thank you for agreeing to speak with me. I know you're very busy. Tell me, how have your forces managed to send two nations running from the Supernova-X alliance affiliation?"

 

kingzog: "Thank you for having me. And, well, first, it's 'kingzog' with a small 'k' and it's all one word. Not two words."

 

Reporter: "Alright."

 

kingzog: "Anyway, once I...."

 

Reporter: "Hang on. I haven't written anything down. How did you know how I was spelling your name in my head?"

 

kingzog: "I know. Scary, right? Anyway, once I put on my war fez and curled my moustache into the 'attack' position, the die was cast. As I bit of insurance, I lit the Pipe of Bottomless Apathy, which virtually assured that nations would flee the SNX alliance affiliation. I have a picture of the exact moment here...."

 

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Reporter: "Those aren't real things."

 

kingzog: "Well, the moustache is real. If you were here I'd let you tug on it. Gently, though."

 

Reporter: "And I would say, 'No, thank you.'"

 

kingzog: "Your loss."

 

Reporter: "There's no way you believe that a fez, a moustache and a briar pipe possess the power to sow dissension in the enemies' ranks."

 

kingzog: "Really? You know this is SNX we're talking about, right? Plus I'm pretty sure I have magical powers. One day last March, I was sitting around doing not much of anything when I thought of my Mom. Then the phone rang and it was her!"

 

Reporter: "March.... Did this happen to be your birthday?"

 

kingzog: "Yeah. So?"

 

Reporter: "I'm not even sure that's a coincidence. Now if we could...."

 

kingzog: "She's pretty old, y'know. Turned eighty this year. A bit of a miracle she remembered how to use the phone at all, really."

 

Reporter: "You're kind of an idiot, aren't you?"

 

kingzog: "Anyway, when the third guy I'm attacking leaves SNX we will celebrate according to the traditions of my people, with beer and eighties nerd music."

 

Saturday_15_November_2014_02_28_13snap.p

 

Reporter: "I'm disconnecting."

 

kingzog: "My God you're hot."

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