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Meet the Hohenzollerns


Evangeline Anovilis
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One day, the Romanian ambassador to Prussia Popescu would deliver a note to the royal court of his host country.
 

To William, King of Prussia,
 
I would hope you and Schëre are well. The crown princess' company was quite nice and I would hope she one day makes a good ruler of the Kingdom. However, naturally, I would not merely write you just to say that. I would like to invite you to Pelişor, to discuss the relations between our two countries, especially after all the recent events.
 
With regards,
Maria R.R.

 

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Wilhelm sighed when he received the note. It was always the bloody Romanians. Not only had their "royal" emissary turned out to be some dog-faced pikey, but their leader had the mental stability of a teapot and a fanaticism shared largely with suicide bombers. Alas, that was how it was, and no amount of irritation would change that. Instead, he would have to put up a happy face and hope that his daughter's time in Romania hadn't been too scarring for her. Sending her in alone had definitely been a mistake, and one that would not be repeated. They'd probably prefer Friedrich in the future anyway - perhaps sending a soldier would straighten up those godawful backs down there.

Until then, however, work would be work, and now his presence was demanded by Queen Maria of Mental Stability R.R. in Gypsyland. Some place where the S had a beard or something. Where had the days where such peons grovelled beneath the superior boot of Prussia gone? The golden days were just that - golden, and now relics of a happier past. With positive thoughts like the Romanian Palace burning running through his head as he wrote the response, Wilhelm set about looking diplomatic.
 

To Maria, Queen of Romania,

It would be my pleasure to visit in your hallowed halls, for talk and more. I will arrive in Pelisor within the week to commence said talks. I trust these will be boundlessly fruitful for both of us.

Yours sincerly,
Wilhelm von Hohenzollern

Edited by Horo the Wise Wolf
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640px-Pelisor.jpg

 

Pelişor, just like Peleş was a castle near the Carpathian mountains, having been built under the reign of Carol I, first King of the Romanians. In fact, the two were about 300 metres apart only. Maria would, like always watch the final preparations, checking on the work of her servants, looking for faults in their work, as she knew such were going to crop up. Not that Maria was concerened about making a good impression. More, she was trying to avoid giving an utterly negative impression. Most of all, because that airhead Schëre might then finally learn how a proper monarch behaved. At times, she really wondered why the crown princess, who seemingly was going to inherit a Kingdom, was inept like this. If Schëre ever took the throne, Gott schütze Preussen, for that'd be a disaster. But Maria hated thinking about Schëre and the experiences with her. Mostly, because it was at times like this, that it became apparant, that she herself was still without husband or offspring, and it was not just a few, who were worried what would come of the royal line after her death.

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Wilhelm could smell manure and incest on the wind as he arrived in Pelisor. He had no doubt that such air would be incredibly distracting to anyone new to the diplomacy business, and Schëre had probably fallen right into that trap. She'd need some more training and grooming before she ascended to the throne, as such backwater countries would almost certainly be her downfall. Still, the fact that she had not quickly gone crazy and tried to murder anyone was a start, especially given how tempting it would be to offer Maria the Fragrant R.R. a tasty fist to the face. Wilhelm gave tasty fists.

Observing the castle proper, Wilhelm was not impressed. It was quite clear that this was a tourist destination that had been poorly and hastily refurbished for the meeting, as evidenced by the railings, no smoking sign, and bin. Admittedly, he had not expected much better from such a nation. The fact that it was even vaguely a palace was a start, as opposed to the farmhouse he had been expecting. Maybe he'd be able to hear chickens clucking if he listened hard enough, and perhaps the occasional moo of a starving cow, malnourished by its stingy Romanian overlords.

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As the Prussian King arrived, Maria would already await him in front of the entrance, smiling. The weather was cloudy, as if responding to the general mood of the situation. "Guten Tag, Wilhelm...", she'd state with a friendly tone. Years of politics had left their mark, or rather, they had extinguished them. When one lived in an environment of a country with a political elite that needed to be curtailed, with regional actors that were highly volatile and dangerous forces to a country like Romania and with even a family and dynasty that hated one... one would learn to fake a smile or two. Most likely, good for nothing willy was just indulging himself in his Prussian chauvinism, forgetful about the circumstances of his country being now at least twice the size. Though, maybe, it was this last bit that led him to accept the invitation, given sometimes, one needed to be pragmatic... and deal with those one detested the most.

 

Continuing in German, Maria would continue. "I'm glad you found your way here. Surely, it is not easy these days, leaving Prussia with all the work necessary to integrate half of Poland. But come on in. We surely got some things to discuss..." Once inside, Maria would guide the King to the prepared meeting room, a nice long table, with one seat at each end, putting quite a few metres between the two monarchs.

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Wilhelm just barely managed to contain his sigh of relief when he saw the size of the table. The thought of being too close to the Romanian had made his skin crawl, but she had apparently realised her own poor disposition and saved him the trouble. He could only hope that the same consideration had been shown to Schëre. Maybe the old witch was getting sentimental in her older years. Still, however, dreams about doing the Schuhplattler on her coffin would have to be put to the side so that he could continue the meeting without cackling or being taken over by a euphoric glee.

"Well, the one must work hard to steer wayward souls back on track. I daresay that they may live a happier and more fruitful life now that they do not have the threat of Alvonian Ultranationalism breathing down their necks through much of their life. T'was a good coalition effort!", he said, more than aware of the fact that Romania had not made demands of its own, simply to try and make the other aligned nations indebted to them. Still, Wilhelm would not be intimidated by this crazed, above average height, midget. His boots had more prestige than this entire castle, and Prussian Military Uniforms were way cooler than the Romanian ones. "I trust times in Romania are as good as ever?", he asked with a nice smile, fully aware that "good" times in Romania were basically equivalent to lives of squalor and poverty, where the only relief was found in the fact that horse meat was still readily available for consumption.

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"We are doing quite well indeed. Romania is in a better position than ever.", Maria replied with a gentle smile, fully knowing that the elderly geezer opposite of her wouldn't care either way. But Maria kind of did. "And I'm very interested in keeping it this way, Wilhelm." For a moment, she paused, thinking on how to approach the topic. But with a person stubborn and ignorant as him, most likely, only the most direct way would work. "The coalition was up to now a spontanous cooperation, that has held till now, due to mutual interests. I would think, it'd be about time we conclude an alliance that actually brings this agreement to paper. Your nation wants no part in the bloc, yet I would think Prussia wants to retain its Eastern European relations." For a moment, Maria wanted to take a sip of her usual tea, but as there was none, she could merely sigh. Just talking to this fellow was already exhausting enough. But... there was one more matter.

 

"Also, I would like to discuss the matter of Schëre..."

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Silently taking humour in Maria's own admission that Romania was a relatively rubbish place, Wilhelm's eyes narrowed (in his mind) like a hawk at the bottom of the ocean at the mention of his dearest heir's name. However, he was successful in his attempts to remain calm and not give in to the allure of the Romanian's backpfeifengesicht and instead reigned his righteous fury in for an increased diplomatic fervour. Not wanting to bring dishonour to his family by getting formal ties with some Gypsy place, he replied.

"Hmm.", Wilhelm smiled. A smile of pure gold that would bring happiness to children worldwide. A smile of paternal love and acceptance that would turn any wrongdoer to the side of light when blessed with this simple showing of absolute sanctity. A smile that only a true Paragon of Virtue, such as Wilhelm, could ever crack and bestow upon this undeserving world. "Mayhap we can come to some kind of agreement. It worked last time, and I can't see there being issues about it in the future."

After saying this, he racked his brains for the mentalist's interest in Schëre, but drew only blanks. Would she request that she be sacrificed in some sordid Gypsy ritual? He had to get to the bottom of this.

"A matter with Schëre? What is it?"

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Maria was hardly impressed by the smile of the Prussian King, be it due to her own lack of affection for his person or for that she could guess that the Piefke was most inept a monarch, partly... she'd rather talk to the Kralj of Yugoslavia, who was less of an ally, but at least somewhat of a friendly nature. Not that there were any great monarchs in Europe she had yet talked to, the greater part were incompetent. The British King being an exception, being simply a pragmatist, whom Maria trusted to uphold promises for about as long, as it served his interests best to do so. But why else was Wilhelm here, apart from selfish interest? Surely not to see the country he held nothing but distain for.

 

But such thoughts were hidden behind a gentle as ever smile, which Maria would struggle to keep, as she tried to go on, with a simple, yet uncomfortable truth. "Well, despite my dedication to my country and my people, my person still is unmarried and without offspring. Which, considering the circumstances of this world, makes matters quite tricky. At this rate... I might need to designate an heir, in case something were to happen to me."

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Realising that Maria's psychopathy was perhaps more prominent than he first realised, Wilhelm finally realised that she was truly a witch beyond redemption. Ever regretful of having met her, when he could've instead been talking to someone cool like Zweipac, he kept himself from offering her the Ordeal of Water, he steeled himself for the rest of the talk. Knowing how to deal with such crazy ladies and their requests, he raised his right eyebrow one centimetre inquisitively as he processed Delta 3 Gypsy Commander 1's words.

"Hmm, that is indeed a worthy concern.", said Wilhelm sagely, wise beyond his years. "I would hope that you find a grand successor to your person. But, pray tell, how does this concern my daughter?". Legitimately confused, Wilhelm wondered why she didn't just elope with some street-vandalising pikey, like all this lot decided to do. Heck, any of her legitimate children would be impossible to differentiate from a typical street urchin!

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Realising that Wilhelm's ignorance was perhaps more prominent than she first realised, Maria sighed and shook her head in disbelief. Almost regretting having asked, when she could have just met with someone who actually gave a damn, like Kralj Dragojevic, she kept herself from putting her dagger across Wilhelm's throat, steeling herself for the rest of the talk. Wondering how to deal with old ignorant dimwits and their prejudice, she took a deep breath, before exhaling and calming her nerves.

 

"Although I see that it seemingly is just one-sided and not mutual, I do give great consideration to blood ties and the future of my dynasty and my people. If I die without issue, I'd prefer the Steel Crown to go to a person that actually carries on the traditions of our proud house... and who'd at least be semi-competent at leading a nation. And this last part, I found sorely lacking with Schëre. And given diplomatic concerns anyway, I would feel bad to designate her a crown princess."

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Understanding that Maria would occasionally have petulant outbursts, Wilhelm could not truly be angry with her. Simple people had to be treated simply, and he had clearly made a mistake. T'was a shame Maria was such a poor judge of character.

"Hmm. Well, t'was neither I not her supporting her for the Romanian throne, hmm?.", he said again sagely. "Alas, I am afraid I must be on my way now. I have other commitments to keep and must be on my way.". He stood and bowed. "T'was an enlightening talk; thank you for your time.". Perhaps that was the most truthful thing he'd said to the womman.

Edited by Horo the Wise Wolf
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After Maria could see through the window the King walk off the premise of the castle, she'd finally air her anger. "What a stuck-up fool. I hate this family, filled with imbeciles and morons. But Wilhelm.... just watch me, I shall make you regret walking out on me..." For the next few days, the Queen would not be seen, as she closed herself in, in her quarters, darkening the room, while noone knew what bout of depression had overcome her now.

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