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A diplomatic envoy is SENT!


Captain Enema
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Prime Minister Degrasse, of Landfall (just in case some of you miserable peons aren't sure where he's from), appointed a diplomatic representative to do some diplomatic representing for Landfall. The man he has selected, George Harrison, a former Captain of the Fleet and all around cantankerous yet highly pragmatic sort. "George, I'd like you to take a trip over to Northlands and open up talks with them."

 

"I'll grab one of the new fishing boats and head over tomorrow," Harrison replied.

 

"George, you old fart, you can't show up in a fishing boat. We aren't a bunch of scruffy gypsies anymore. We are landed gentry, you have to wear a tie and take a plane," Degrasse replied.

 

"I WILL NOT TAKE ON AIRS!" 

 

Two weeks later, after having been drug to the tailor at gun point and forced onto a plane at the Salme Airport, Ambassador George Harrison sat in his seat in first class and fumed. "Damn tie, what a monstrosity. I'm a fisherman, I fish, and for the love of god, a tie pin? What the bloody hell is a tie pin? Damn that man Degrasse," and so on and so forth. 

 

 

To: Northlands
From: Landfall
Regarding: Diplomatic Envoy

We've dispatched a diplomatic envoy to meet with your government on a matter of trade and the movement of trade.

- Degrasse

 

Prime Minister Degrasse wasn't finished with just rousting one of the Captains of the fleet out of his bunk, he was just getting started. As soon as Harrison was pushed onto a plane, he pulled on a suit of his own and punched a few buttons on his newly installed second hand computer. "Damn piece of @#$#, how does skype work? JAROD, you wastrel, come show me how to work skype. What's a bloody mouse? WHY DOESN'T THIS THING HAVE A JOYSTICK?" Degrasse bellowed.

Sadly, Jarod, had no idea where the joystick was either.

 

Finally a second message was sent to Muscovy.

 

 

to: Muscovy
from: Landfall

Regarding: Trade

Dear esteemed benefactors,

We wish to send a representative to meet with you about matters of trade and other issues of commerce.

-Degrasse

 

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A reply would be promptly sent:

To: Landfall
From: Muscovy Russia
Subject: Re: Trade
 
Dear our friends,
 
Your representative will be welcome to visit Moscow for talks as well as copious amount of vodka, if he/she can handle it. It is a Russian tradition, of course.
 
Regards,
Vladimir Putin,
Premier
Edited by JEDCJT
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Prime Minister Degrasse boards the official Prime Minister's Transport and departs for Moscow. The ancient AN-32 turboprop was recently purchased from an Estonian seller and had been repainted, the interior cleaned out, and had been put to use as a cargo hauler between Landfall and Estonia. For the purposes of this flight, seats were installed and a few tables set up for the Prime Minister and his staff to work at during their flight. With all that organized, the pilot made a beeline for Moscow and once permission was obtained to land he only managed to rattle the passenger's dental fillings just a bit as he brought to the plane to the tarmac in a landing described by one passenger as, "OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!"

 

Once on the ground, the Prime Minister, his two assistants disembark looking no worst for the wear.

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OOC: Holy !@#$, how did I miss this
 
IC:
 
"Are you okay? That was hell of a landing there," Ivan Tidyov, the head of the waiting diplomatic delegation, commented as he patted the Prime Minister's shoulder. At that moment, the ceremonial guard would start playing, only to pause as they didn't know the Landfall anthem. Tidyov blinked before turning to Degrasse. "You wouldn't happen to have an anthem or something? These guys get paid for singing anthems, they need their daily bread and vodka. Well, vodka really."
Edited by JEDCJT
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"Apparently our damn pilot still thinks he trying to land a STOL on the deck of a helicopter carrier. I'm debating hanging or death by bunga bunga and you really don't want to know what that entails. Don't worry about the anthemn, its too full of swear words for such a formal occasion. I'm in the mood for some good traditional Russian folk music," replied Degrasse as he pulled out a flask of single malt, took a long swig and then offered it to Tidyov.

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At Degrasse's words, a series of groans would be heard from the honor guard as many of them knew, just knew, they would be going to sleep hungry tonight. Tidyov glared at them before pasting on a smile, accepting the flask and taking a long swig. "Ahh, that's pretty good !@#$ right there." He said as he handed the flask back to Degrasse. "Well, comrades, if you wanted traditional Russian folk music, you've come to the right place!"
 
Degrasse and his posses would be brought to a somewhat run-down limousine ("brought that from a shady black marketeer the other day. It may smell funny, and I'd suggest you don't sit on that seat with that weird stain, but it's robust as hell. Built like a tank!") and driven through the busy streets of Moscow to the Kremlin.
 
"Pretty, aint she? Rounded in all the right places," Tidyov remarked as he gestured at the imposing Kremlin complex. "C'mon, Vladimir's waiting, and trust me, you do NOT want to keep him waiting." He shuddered at the horrible memory that pierced his mind. No, don't ask.
Edited by JEDCJT
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"I reckon he's a busy fellow," replied Degrasse as he took another sip of his flask and emptied it. His assistant immediately handed him another. Two things the Prime Minister could never do without. A flash was one and the other was a bit personal but involved something to do with a custom tailored pair of underwear to provide support to his testicles, which was required after a bar fight in Manila. A boot to the nuts had settled the Prime Minister's pillar and stones a bit to the left and a tad crocked ever since.

 

As Tidyov was leading the way, Degrasse followed.

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From: Northlands Royal Office for Foreign Affairs

To: Landfall

 

We look forward to receiving your delegation and discussing relations between our states. The Baltic Sea area has had peace longer lasting than one would find throughout the other regions of Europe, and we look forward to continuing the tranquility and prosperity it has brought northern Europe with newly established neighbors such as yourselves.

 

Wilhelm Rontgen,

Deputy Officer for Foreign Affairs

 

 

The Office was somewhat unsure what to think of the new nation, but with assurances from Russia preparations would be made to welcome the arrival of these men. On the day of the meeting, Rontgen stood waiting, curiously wondering how the meeting would proceed.

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Harrison took a seat at the table with Rontgen and said, "Thank you for having me sir. I won't waste your time, Landfall is new, and our location requires we have access to the Danish straits or the Kiel Canal. It is our preference we have access to the Kiel Canal due to ongoing instability in the region. I presume to make no demands of you, more so, I politely request that we set up some sort of mutually beneficial arrangement that allows Landfallian ships access through the Kiel Canal. We also are looking to develop ourselves economically and hope to work on creating a larger economic agreement of some sort. You sir are in the driving seat, I'll leave it to you to decide how to carry on from this point."

Edited by Tidy Bowl Man
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Degrasse was the lucky one. Tidyov too was involved in a bar fight in Tokyo with a yakuza after drunkenly hitting on the man's girlfriend. Needlessly to say, he was two testes short, no thanks to a couple of bullets coated with rage and had to live with the pain and shame for the rest of his life. 
 
Before they knew it, they was in Vladimir Putin's office. It was....sparsely-decorated, actually. Apparently Putin was more spartan than the Spartans.
 
The Premier, who was sitting at his desk, looked up and stood up. "Welcome to Moscow, ladies and gentlemen," Putin said with a small smile as he shook hands with Degrasse. "Tsar Mikhail gives his greetings and his regrets that his responsibilities have precluded him from meeting with you, Mr. Prime Minister." He sat down at his desk and weaved his fingers together. "What can I do for you?"
Edited by JEDCJT
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Degrasse was the lucky one. Tidyov too was involved in a bar fight in Tokyo with a yakuza after drunkenly hitting on the man's girlfriend. Needlessly to say, he was two testes short, no thanks to a couple of bullets coated with rage and had to live with the pain and shame for the rest of his life. 
 
Before they knew it, they was in Vladimir Putin's office. It was....sparsely-decorated, actually. Apparently Putin was more spartan than the Spartans.
 
The Premier, who was sitting at his desk, looked up and stood up. "Welcome to Moscow, ladies and gentlemen," Putin said with a small smile as he shook hands with Degrasse. "Tsar Mikhail gives his greetings and his regrets that his responsibilities have precluded him from meeting with you, Mr. Prime Minister." He sat down at his desk and weaved his fingers together. "What can I do for you?"

 

 

"Try this sir," Degrasse says as he pours a glass of 140 proof Landfallian Death Juice/Whiskey. He pours one of his own and says, "Spasba!" as he knocks said devil juice down and goes slightly cross eyed for a moment. "Sir, I won't waste your time, Landfall needs permission to trade with the rest of Europe via your fine Russian railways. This also includes going through Estonia which is one of your fine Russian protectorates. Now what is in it for Russia?"

 

He pours another glass of Death Juice and sips it before saying, "Cold hard currency good sir and a friend right smack dab in probably one of the more strategic parts of the Baltic Sea. With that in mind, I'm just going to leave this envelope here," he says as he motions his assistant to leave an envelope on "the Putin's" desk. "Pictures, floor plans, and an Embassy exchange agreement between our two nations. You'll notice the proposed location is on one of the higher points in Landfall and includes an old military signals intercept base from days gone by. Now, I've been told the equipment inside the base is gone but the antenna farm is still in fine shape. It would be perfect for keeping your... cell phone traffic going strong." 

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Putin took the glass of Death Juice, and downed it in one shot like a seasoned drinker he is. He blinked a couple of times as the new sensation cascaded down his throat, leaving a burning sensation that settled in his stomach. 
 
"I quite like it, sir, I quite like it," the Premier said with a grin. "If you want to sell that in Russia, I can arrange that." Putin then picked up the envelope, opened it up, and scanned over its contents. "As for your trade proposal, it's acceptable as long as Landfall is amenable to paying fees and etc for the use of Russian railway infrastructure. And the embassy agreement is acceptable as well, I will have the Foreign Ministry assist in the construction of the proposed location."
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"We'd hardly want Russia to bear the expenses of paying for the wear and tear on your own rail system due to Landfallian commerce, we'll happily pay these fees. We do ask for permission to trade with nations of the Eastern bloc through these rail links with as little interference as can be arranged," replied Degrasse. He motioned his other assistant to deposit an entire case of Landfallian Select "Special", aged 27 years with the Premier's assistant. 

 

"I think you'll find the embassy a nice layer of redundancy for your Baltic interests and we have a number of construction firms willing to build your embassy under the guidance of your engineers and security officers," Degrasse concluded.

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Harrison took a seat at the table with Rontgen and said, "Thank you for having me sir. I won't waste your time, Landfall is new, and our location requires we have access to the Danish straits or the Kiel Canal. It is our preference we have access to the Kiel Canal due to ongoing instability in the region. I presume to make no demands of you, more so, I politely request that we set up some sort of mutually beneficial arrangement that allows Landfallian ships access through the Kiel Canal. We also are looking to develop ourselves economically and hope to work on creating a larger economic agreement of some sort. You sir are in the driving seat, I'll leave it to you to decide how to carry on from this point."

 

"As you might or might not be aware, the Kiel Canal is currently administered jointly by the Northlands and our allies Sverige. Any decision would ultimately have to include the consent of Sweden. If you wish, we could discuss this matter with them. 

 

We personally have no issue with ensuring your access through the Kiel Canal. Obviously if Landfall were to be involved in a conflict with either Sverige or the Northlands that transit access would be revoked, although surely that wouldn't happen," he chuckled before continuing.

 

"We would be willing to engage in an economic agreement with Landfall. You'll have to excuse my ignorance, but perhaps you could explain to me more about your nation. Specifically relating to your economy, what are your largest industries and goods? Our land in northern Germany would likely make a strong trading partner and location for Landfall to access the rest of central and western Europe."

Edited by Californian
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"Landfall is about fishing, shipping, and shipbuilding. Well it will be once our economy gets up to speed. We move goods, we build the ships that move them, and we harvest bounties in reasonable amounts from the sea. We are also looking to expanding into commercial fish farming to prevent over-fishing in the Baltic, it's part of long term plan to be responsible patrons of our environment," replied Harrison. He took a sip of water before finished with, "What we'd like to propose are inspection points, one inside of the Baltic Sea and one outside of the Baltic Sea for the inspection of Landfall's ships. This would allow both yourself and Sverige the opportunity to inspect the cargoes as any security minded nation would want to do so. We'd not fault you for wanting to ensure the safety of your citizens as once our infrastructure projects get caught up to speed we'll be creating similar Inspection Platforms for all foreign shipping."

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Putin raised one of his eyebrows. Didn't he just say that Landfall would pay fees for the use of Russian railways? 
 
Eh, he mentally shrugged. "You have my permission to trade with Eastern Bloc members using railways running through our protectorate in the Baltic states of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, and through the Putingrad Governorate," the Premier's smile widened a bit upon mentioning his namesake province. It was the source of his pride, the light of his otherwise grim and austere life as is typical in Russia. He eyed the case of "Special", mentally making plans to consume it with his Landfallian counterpart later on in the evening.
 
"As for the Embassy, that is wonderful. We will certainly contact one of your construction firms. If I may inquire, what is the best ones, if you have any suggestions?"
Edited by JEDCJT
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"Give Mrs. Angelou a call, she is a hard old sot but gives the good prices for the best work, though, don't ask about poetry, she's still bitter about having her book rejected. I've another question, Landfall consists of two Islands there are two more smaller ones that neighbor us, we've sent scouting parties and have found them mostly empty, would it be opposed to your long term foreign policy to allow us to take over those two Islands as well?" 

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"Mrs. Angelou, no mentioning poetry, got it. What was her book about, though?" Putin said as he jotted something down on a note. When Degrasse mentioned two smaller islands near Landfall, he combed over his mind as to figure out what these islands were--
 
Ah, he was talking about Kulasema and Vormsi. Good thing he passed geography in the fifth grade. 
 
"You may take over the islands of Kulasema and Vormsi, if you so wish. They are nearly-uninhabited, and I trust that your government will put them to good use."
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"She wrote an anthology of African American Feminist Ideological poetry. The Fleet isn't what you'd call overwhelmed with folks who have as you'd say.. a perpetual suntan so it wasn't well received. Though, I do recall even those who are of her persuasion complaining there just weren't enough pictures for their liking. Besides, by they she was Chief Engineer on one of our Home Ships making any claims of her being held down by the man sort of silly. I thank you for the Islands, we'll put them to good use. Know that once our Strategic Defense Program is fully online we fully intend to use to interdict weapons heading towards Russia that fly within our path," responded Degrasse. 

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"Landfall is about fishing, shipping, and shipbuilding. Well it will be once our economy gets up to speed. We move goods, we build the ships that move them, and we harvest bounties in reasonable amounts from the sea. We are also looking to expanding into commercial fish farming to prevent over-fishing in the Baltic, it's part of long term plan to be responsible patrons of our environment," replied Harrison. He took a sip of water before finished with, "What we'd like to propose are inspection points, one inside of the Baltic Sea and one outside of the Baltic Sea for the inspection of Landfall's ships. This would allow both yourself and Sverige the opportunity to inspect the cargoes as any security minded nation would want to do so. We'd not fault you for wanting to ensure the safety of your citizens as once our infrastructure projects get caught up to speed we'll be creating similar Inspection Platforms for all foreign shipping."

 

Rontgen listened the man, writing down notes on the finer points. Before he could respond, a knock on the doors was heard and in came the largest platter of cheese either man had probably seen in their lives. It was an elaborate display of every cheese imaginable, complete with some exquisite crackers and meats. Harrison would of course be offered some as Rontgen selected a few pieces and washed them down with some scotch.

 

"This is all good to hear. I'm sure we can agree on a trade treaty, and we will add Landfall ships to our inspection points to ensure swift access through the Kiel."

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"We have cordial relations with some members of the Eastern Bloc including Hungary-Slovakia and Romania. We've agreed to a mutual defense clause with Romania should either of our nations be attacked by Alvonia. 

 

Our relations with Alvonia have remained strained for some time. They invaded German land and spilled Northlandic blood, along with being an all-around aggressive warmongering state. They're unstable and a possible threat to European peace.

 

What is your opinion on this matter, any particular reason for the question?"

 

Having just entered into relations with Landfall, Rontgen would be careful to state the official state line on this matter, in deference to the current state of affairs with these nations. He would omit the finer details for now.

 

 

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"She wrote an anthology of African American Feminist Ideological poetry. The Fleet isn't what you'd call overwhelmed with folks who have as you'd say.. a perpetual suntan so it wasn't well received. Though, I do recall even those who are of her persuasion complaining there just weren't enough pictures for their liking. Besides, by they she was Chief Engineer on one of our Home Ships making any claims of her being held down by the man sort of silly. I thank you for the Islands, we'll put them to good use. Know that once our Strategic Defense Program is fully online we fully intend to use to interdict weapons heading towards Russia that fly within our path," responded Degrasse. 

 

"Hm, that sounds interesting. My wife is a fan of feminist poetry, I think she'll like it," Putin mused, remembering the times his wife withheld sex. "And as for your statements on the SDI, I thank you. It is nice to know that someone has Russia's back," the Premier said with a grin.

Edited by JEDCJT
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"We have cordial relations with some members of the Eastern Bloc including Hungary-Slovakia and Romania. We've agreed to a mutual defense clause with Romania should either of our nations be attacked by Alvonia. 

 

Our relations with Alvonia have remained strained for some time. They invaded German land and spilled Northlandic blood, along with being an all-around aggressive warmongering state. They're unstable and a possible threat to European peace.

 

What is your opinion on this matter, any particular reason for the question?"

 

Having just entered into relations with Landfall, Rontgen would be careful to state the official state line on this matter, in deference to the current state of affairs with these nations. He would omit the finer details for now.

 

 

 

"We aren't looking for grist from the gossip mill or salacious rumors. I ask because they are our neighbors and I wish to know what others think about them, I know nothing about them and would like to be enlightened a bit," replied Harrison.

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"Hm, that sounds interesting. My wife is a fan of feminist poetry, I think she'll like it," Putin mused, remembering the times his wife withheld sex. "And as for your statements on the SDI, I thank you. It is nice to know that someone has Russia's back," the Premier said with a grin.

 

"Well sir, I see a case of Death Juice that needs to be consumed, shall we?" Degrasse asks.

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