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Diplomat from Squad No Drama


Khris Kruel
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You hear the stone trumpets hailing the arrival of the diplomat. With strained eyes expecting a small entourage, you see hundreds of extremely fat and naked men making way to your borders. Readying yourself for a possible attack, you notice that these extremely large men are only carrying bundles of sticks.

 

The largest half-naked man stands proud in the center of the formation. He smirks with confidence, sending hand gestures to the men, directing them to place the sticks before your feet. The man stands seven feet tall, possibly over five hundred pounds, with each layer of fat rolls down his sides pierced with smooth wooden sticks. The piercings are arrayed in discernible patterns and were obviously done with much detail.

 

"Hello! Hello, foreign nation. My name is Khris Kruel! I hail from the nation of gotzesubwin, and I have come with an envoy to do trade with your nation!" The large man bellows, walking along the border. You realize that the man is not naked as he turns around, but is actually wearing a flamboyently colored banana hammock. The fat rolls had actually been hiding it from view.

 

He began screaming in a foreign language at the other fat men with banana hammocks. The sticks were carefully laid out, the men anxious about not breaking any of the sticks. One fat man began bartering with your troops, attempting to trade rocks for sticks at a five to one ratio. He was becoming confused as to why no one was excited about the bartering.

 

Khris Kruel waited, but no one spoke. His fat layers jiggled as he paced, leering at the soldiers on the other side of the border.

 

"OK, I understand. You trade hard. I have tech. We found some tech in some bushes, we trade with you for smooth stones only, no jagged stones," Khris Kruel said, pulling blueberries and strawberries out of his banana hammock. "The wizened wizards say these hold protection from demons."

 

A man with a stone horn marched in a disciplined manner and blew a fierce noise. Khris Kruel and the other fat men all beamed happily and sat down quickly. Each one pulled a large papyrus bowl of wheat from their stick bundles and began lighting them.

 

Each one of them began to smoke a big dank bowl of wheat. Their eyes became red as they began watching the horizon. No one moved, finishing the smoking of the bowls of wheat. They began to giggle to themselves without any recognizable conversation to have struck the giggle chord.

 

"Hey. Hey. What does that cloud look like to you stupid foreigners?" Khris Kruel asked. The other fat men all looked up into the sky. Their banana hammocks began enlarging and extending.

Edited by Khris Kruel
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