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Speech to the Imperial Remnants


The Zigur
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This speech was recently made by Jonah Kanahele, aka Captain Hawaii on the Holonet reaching out to any Imperials who survived the Rebel Massacre.

 

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"Stormtroopers and IMPSOC, IMUA!"

 

"IMUA!" The Soldiers shouted

 

"The Great Time has just begun, we have encountered setbacks, we have encountered betrayal after betrayal, but we will rise again!

 

"In the recent voyage from the Old World we lost ten percent of our people, nearly 200,000 men, women and children, including our beloved President Kukahiko, he who founded SOCSOV and liberated our sacred islands. But we were not defeated, and we were not enslaved, we who know that freedom is preferable to death. We would not again yield to the slavery offered us by the bourgeoisie.

 

"And so we came to this Galaxy, surrounded by enemies from the start. We found not a paradise, but a barren world left by those we fled from. And we were immediately besieged. In that dark year, we lost yet another ten percent of what remained of our people. We suffered greatly, but this only forged us into a closer family, a diamond in the rough waiting to be polished.

 

Naboo_occupation.jpg

 

"And it was then that we saw the first Star Destroyer arrive, and in less than a day it had delivered us from the death-grip of the Rebels. Remember with me comrades, the sight of it's brilliant green beams and massive walkers. The Great Emperor Palpatine, Savior of our People, built us back up. It was because of that great man that we have our fleet and our people today!"

 

A sudden emotional roar began among the formed up soldiers, spread into an avalanche of cheering. Fists were raised as the crowd began to chant in one voice, IMUA! IMUA! IMUA!

 

"But our fleet is not our greatest strength, it never will be, Our greatest strength is the unwavering will the passionate commitment of our people to this socialist state, a band of brothers forged in fire and blood. This is not a state that says, only some must give, and others live in luxury, NO! All must give, all must sacrifice to the glory of our New Order, the continuation of the Will of Palpatine.

 

"We said before to the Hawaiian People, and now to the Galaxy, do not ask for help, do not wait for liberation, instead we ask of you, Help Yourselves! If you call for our help, we will shed the last of our sacred blood to see you free. For Imperial Socialism is not to be selfishly held onto by one people, but must be shared with all. And we will Never Forget the sacrifices of those who came before us.

 

"Perhaps history will remember us unkindly, for our victory is not certain. We do not have the benefits of colonies and intergalactic connections. We do not have the amenities that the bourgeoisie systems enjoy. But we have our Pride, our Freedom, and our Utmost Will to win, and this is something nobody will every take from us again!

 

"To our enemies, you can persecute us, you can R.E.T.C.O.N. us, you can even genocide us, but we will never capitulate! Long live the Imperial Socialist Movement!"

 

IMUA! IMUA! IMUA!

Edited by Tywin Lannister
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Jake looked at Larn after turning off the gibberish being blared over the holonet and said, "Say ol' boy, could you hand me the hydrospanner?"

 

"Certainly my good man," Larn replied as he handed Jake the hydrospanner.

 

"Lovely ol' boy, a spot of a turn on this sticky wicket and we'll have this troop transport up and running in no time," Jake mused intellectually as he grunted with a bit of effort at turning said sticky wicket.

 

"What are your thoughts on this Captain Hawaii bloke?" Larn asked.

 

"Completely barmy if you ask me, his mum probably dropped him on his head as a baby," Jake responded as he hooked up the diagnostic probe and double checked the computer systems. 

 

"Yes, another classic case of head up arse if you ask me," Larn said as he replaced a worn chip on a circuit board. 

 

"No doubt that as well, once we've finished this pile of bolts, we'll move onto that old YT-3000 freighter and get their shield generator repaired. I dare say, at the rate we are pulling in overtime we'll have enough to set up our own shop within six months," Jake noted. 

 

"Lovely, working for these crooks is not the sort of work I really want to do for much longer," Larn informed Jake as he slid the circuit board back into the rack and closed the panel. 

 

"All secure, power flow is good, performance spikes seem optimal, we'll give it a test at half power and then call it a day," Jake said as he started collecting his tools and putting them back into the obsolete tool box he insists on using. 

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A space goat was munching on one of the fancy leather sofas in the living room of some rich random magistrate when Captain Hawaii's high-pitched girly voice blared from the holonet screen.
 
"The Great Time has just begun, we have encountered setbacks, we have encountered betrayal after betrayal, but we will rise again!"
 
Billou the Goat cocked his head. "Baa?"
 
"In the recent voyage from the Old World we lost ten percent of our people, nearly 200,000 men, women and children, including our beloved President Kukahiko, he who founded SOCSOV and liberated our sacred islands. But we were not defeated, and we were not enslaved..."
 
Billou blinked. "...baa?"
 
"...came to this Galaxy, surrounded by enemies from the start. We found not a paradise, but a barren world left by those we fled from. And we were immediately besieged. In that dark year, we lost yet another ten percent of what remained of our people. We suffered greatly..."
 
Billou munched on the furniture once again.
 
"...less than a day it had delivered us from the death-grip of the Rebels. Remember with me comrades, the sight of it's brilliant green beams and massive walkers. The Great Emperor Palpatine, Savior of our People..."
 
Billous continued to munch.
 
"...it never will be, Our greatest strength is the unwavering will the passionate commitment of our people to this socialist state, a band of brothers forged in fire and blood. This is not a state that says, only some must give, and others live in luxury, NO! All must give, all must sacrifice to the glory of our New Order..."
 
Finally, Billou grew annoyed.
 
"We said before to the Hawaiian People, and now to the Galaxy, do not ask for help, do not wait for liberation, instead we ask of you, Help Yourselves! If you call for our help, we will shed the last of our sacred blood to see you free. For Imperial Socialism is not to be selfishly held onto by one people, but must be shared with all. And we will Never Forget the sacrifices of those who came before us."
 
"Baa...." he growled as he approached the holonet screen, one of his eyes twitching.
 
"Perhaps history will remember us unkindly, for our victory is not certain. We do not have the benefits of colonies and intergalactic connections. We do not have the amenities that the bourgeoisie systems enjoy. But we have our Pride, our Freedom, and our Utmost Will to win, and this is something nobody will every take from us again!"
 
"Baa!" Billou finally had enough of it, and he galloped toward the holonet screen, headbutting it onto the polished marble floor, but it miracleously didn't break.
 
"To our enemies, you can persecute us, you can R.E.T.C.O.N. us, you can even genocide us, but we will never capitulate! Long live the Imperial Socialist Movement!"
 
"Baaa!" Billou began stomping on it, fervently wishing it was Captain Hawaii's face. The screen cracked a bit, but otherwise didn't break.
 
"MUA! IMUA! IMUA!"
 
"BAA! BAA! BAA!" Billou bellowed viciously as he took a huge dump onto the screen. The screen flickered and died, being suffocated by Billou's !@#$.
 
"Baa..." The goat bleated in satisfaction as he walked out of the apartment.
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UNCLASSIFIED

 

Following the speech, four systems have merged with IMPSOC, bringing in the Garrison on Cloud City, Bespin; The Varonat system and the support of its native population; the Imperial fleet occupying Hoth and tradition underworld system of Zonju V on the edge of the Hydian Way. All are located in the Outer Rim.

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A space goat was munching on one of the fancy leather sofas in the living room of some rich random magistrate when Captain Hawaii's high-pitched girly voice blared from the holonet screen.
 
"The Great Time has just begun, we have encountered setbacks, we have encountered betrayal after betrayal, but we will rise again!"
 
Billou the Goat cocked his head. "Baa?"
 
"In the recent voyage from the Old World we lost ten percent of our people, nearly 200,000 men, women and children, including our beloved President Kukahiko, he who founded SOCSOV and liberated our sacred islands. But we were not defeated, and we were not enslaved..."
 
Billou blinked. "...baa?"
 
"...came to this Galaxy, surrounded by enemies from the start. We found not a paradise, but a barren world left by those we fled from. And we were immediately besieged. In that dark year, we lost yet another ten percent of what remained of our people. We suffered greatly..."
 
Billou munched on the furniture once again.
 
"...less than a day it had delivered us from the death-grip of the Rebels. Remember with me comrades, the sight of it's brilliant green beams and massive walkers. The Great Emperor Palpatine, Savior of our People..."
 
Billous continued to munch.
 
"...it never will be, Our greatest strength is the unwavering will the passionate commitment of our people to this socialist state, a band of brothers forged in fire and blood. This is not a state that says, only some must give, and others live in luxury, NO! All must give, all must sacrifice to the glory of our New Order..."
 
Finally, Billou grew annoyed.
 
"We said before to the Hawaiian People, and now to the Galaxy, do not ask for help, do not wait for liberation, instead we ask of you, Help Yourselves! If you call for our help, we will shed the last of our sacred blood to see you free. For Imperial Socialism is not to be selfishly held onto by one people, but must be shared with all. And we will Never Forget the sacrifices of those who came before us."
 
"Baa...." he growled as he approached the holonet screen, one of his eyes twitching.
 
"Perhaps history will remember us unkindly, for our victory is not certain. We do not have the benefits of colonies and intergalactic connections. We do not have the amenities that the bourgeoisie systems enjoy. But we have our Pride, our Freedom, and our Utmost Will to win, and this is something nobody will every take from us again!"
 
"Baa!" Billou finally had enough of it, and he galloped toward the holonet screen, headbutting it onto the polished marble floor, but it miracleously didn't break.
 
"To our enemies, you can persecute us, you can R.E.T.C.O.N. us, you can even genocide us, but we will never capitulate! Long live the Imperial Socialist Movement!"
 
"Baaa!" Billou began stomping on it, fervently wishing it was Captain Hawaii's face. The screen cracked a bit, but otherwise didn't break.
 
"MUA! IMUA! IMUA!"
 
"BAA! BAA! BAA!" Billou bellowed viciously as he took a huge dump onto the screen. The screen flickered and died, being suffocated by Billou's !@#$.
 
"Baa..." The goat bleated in satisfaction as he walked out of the apartment.

 

 

Molly's Goat would leap into the living room just after the departure of Billou the Goat and finish the job by urinating on the deceased TV.

 

War was coming, and Molly's Goat was just the goat to wage it. 

 

ASSAULT ON CLOUD CITY

 

Coming in at top speed slung in an atmospheric deployment capsule under the belly of a Sleath B-Wing Bomber is Molly's Goat. Normally, Molly's Goat would just click his hooves and spring across the great divide of space, time, and sanity with his unexplained powers of quantum leaping. This time though, it is personal, there is going to be some serious ass kicking going down. Once inside deployment range the capsule is released and sent on a course directly at the landing bay of Cloud City. 

 

Once free of its mothership, the capsule gains more speed as its crude thrusters push it along towards its destination. As this happens the B-Wing releases a series of drones that scatter in all directions. Upon release they'd be vomiting out torrents of call signs, face emissions, and other data designed to spoof these UP NUBBA BUBBA lamers. Deeper in space, the Legions of pissed off tourists who have been gyped by the false charms of the whore called Hawaii begin their own attacks.

 

Thousands of irate Japanese, Chinese, and 'Murican travellers had long since vowed their revenge on the whore state. They'd get it on this day as they followed Molly's Goat into battle holding their camera bags in one hand and their heart medication in the other. "Who ripped us off on the price of our rooms? HAWAII! Who promised us sunny beaches, tits, and beer and instead we got a bunch of deadbeat natives too lazy to get real jobs? HAWAII! KILL THEM ALL!" they screamed as they fired up the thrusters of their SS Minnow Class Gunboats. 

 

None of this matter to Molly's Goat as he was busy kicking and biting his way through his 4th Platoon of UP NUBBA BUBBA lamers. They were falling dead and wounded to the decks all around him as his hooves and teeth wrenched their souls directly from their mortal coils and spat them deeply into the bowels of hell. A white man hell at that, so you know its going to suck for a bunch of no good deadbeat losers who spent decades sitting around complaining about their lot in life. As Molly's Goat continued his attack he soon reached the control room. 

 

Upon effecting a dynamic entry, the goat bit Captain Hawaii's penis off, made it into a necklace, and hung the small thing around his neck. After suitably attiring himself, Molly's Goat hits the large blinking red button that helpfully lowers the defenses of Cloud City. Upon the lowering of the defenses, the UP NUBBA BUBBA's would be shattered, slaughtered, cleansed from the depths of space by the vengeance seeking tourists who would not be denied as they swooped in weapons blazing in their SS Minnow Class gunboats.

 

Public Announcement

 

"We've struck back against this plague from Hawaii, we will cleanse the 'verse free from its taint. No more dodgy tourist rip off scams from these no good malingering shifty deadbeats. Swear to god, the only thing worst than a Nepalese scam artist is a Hawaiian. Seriously, shoot on sight and then check to see if you have your wallet still."

 

Molly's Goat

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UNCLASSIFIED

 

Following the speech, four systems have merged with IMPSOC, bringing in the Garrison on Cloud City, Bespin; The Varonat system and the support of its native population; the Imperial fleet occupying Hoth and tradition underworld system of Zonju V on the edge of the Hydian Way. All are located in the Outer Rim.

 

 

Unfortunately for the "IMPSOC", the Bespin garrison on Cloud City was unable to merge with them as it had already been destroyed weeks prior by the [post='3277630']invading Clone-Droid Army[/post] military campaign. Cloud City was under administration of Clone-Droid High Command.

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Classified message to Impsoc.

The government on Bastion, in accordance with its new policy towards splinter factions of the Empire, invites your group to send a delegate to the true Galactic Empire(the government on Bastion)so that we may open negotiations as to your future position in the Empire.

Edited by Mr Director
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