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The 99 perecent...


Captain Enema
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Jake and Larn are hard at work. Their wrenches are busy turning bolts and so forth that will hopefully hold the engine of the rustbucket freighter onto the thing. One never does have a good day when one tries to kick on the hyperdrive only to come to the conclusion that the thump they heard leaving atmosphere was not the a bird hitting the ship, but more so was the engine falling off and plummeting into the surface of the planet from 30,000 feet.

Behind them a Jedi and someone suitably attired in all black were having a go at it with their light sabers. These duels had gotten so common of late that most people didn't even bother commenting on it unless they lost a finger or other body part in the midst of things. They galaxy might well be content to go to pot, but the 99 percent had and always will have bills to pay and that means they have to show up for work.

"God damn it Larn!" Jake shouted.

"What?" Larn asked.

"You attached the powerfeeds backwards."

"Switch em around and quit yer bitchin," Larn scoffed as he displayed the ultimate in disinterest at the fact that had the engine been kicked on with the feeds reversed the resulting explosion would have sent pieces of the ship into orbit.

"Whatever, just pay more attention," demanded Jake half-heartedly as he stepped aside as the Jedi and Sith charged on by with light sabers swinging every which way.

"You going to the cantina tonight?" asked Larn.

"I think I am going to pull a double. The raised the atmo-tax again and I am already behind on my payments as it is."

"Too bad about that, a shame really, what are they going to spend these tax increases on you think?"

"Probably some big round piece of flying crap that has some small but vital weakness that some bunch of losers can use to blow it up and cost us all a couple quadrillion dollars more in lost taxes. You know, the usual," grumbled Jake.

"HANDS UP!" a storm trooper shouted as he ran up to them.

"His hands or mine?" asked Larn as he pointed to Jake and then back to himself.

"Both of you, in the name of the Emperor, HANDS UP or die!" screamed the Storm Trooper who waved his blaster around as if he were holding a broom handle.

"No need to shout, we are good loyal Imperials," Jake said as he raised his hand and motioned to his ID badge at the same time.

"SCAN them and move!" shouted one of the stormtrooper officers as he ran by leading more men towards the sounds coming from the lightsaber duels.

"Hold out your ID badges," the stormtrooper shouted.

Jake and Larn did so and waited patiently for them to be scanned. Once the scanner beeped, the stormtrooper ran to catch up with the rest of his stormtrooper friends. "He's a keen one that, look at 'im run," Larn observed.

"Enough screwing around, if we took a break everytime a Jedi, stormtroopers, rebels, or pirates wandered by we would never get a single thing done," Jake ordered.

"This is true," Larn replied as he ducked to avoid a severed arm that narrowly misses him as it flew past him.

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