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An Announcement of Investment - From Czerka Corp.

Jarl Frost

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A public announcement by your local kiosk representative from:


Czerka Corporation


Hey there folks! It's me, Guy Guyverson von Guy, representing the esteemable Czerka Corporation!


Ha! That's me! Look at that handsome devil.


But let's get serious for a moment, folks, and talk a little business. We here at Czerka Corp., located in the business friendly and absolutely gorgeous island republic of Madagascar, have been at the forefront of not only Madagascar's economic recovery and subsequent boom, but also at the heart and homes of all our neighbors here in the African continent. Folks all over the continent, and very soon beyond, are using a wide array of Czerka products, from our bedsheets, our patented Czerka-brand car batteries, to even the Czerka Mobile One, our very own mobile phone. We're even working on acquiring some military industrial areas; heck, our business is just about everything. In fact, that's our company motto!!



Czerka Corporation

Our Business is just about Everything


Today I've got some swell news that will perk everyone right up in these troubled times. Czerka Corporation is formally creating a branch in the newly created territory of Arnew. That's right folks, not only will we be expanding job creation (and our own profits) here at home, but now the folks of Arnew will get the pleasure of working Czerka factories, buying Czerka products, and even (in the very near future we're sure), wielding locally made Czerka weaponry for defense. Corporate leaders are heading there now to iron out some of the finer details, and our friendly and well trained service-staff are assisting anyone with questions at any of our branch kiosks. Thanks, and signing off for now!

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Introducing Arnewmart!


Are you located in a poor, undomesticated wild area?  Are you located in a poor, domesticated wild area?  Have no fear - Arnewmart is here!  With the backing of Czerka Corp, Arnew Legion Co. is here to provide for your basic needs at the cost of just your entire local economy.  Need fertilizer for those crops?  Aisle 4!  Need ammo for that uppity young man who just soiled your daughter's purity, and therefore your honor?  Aisle 6 - and no background checks!  Want to play a prank on a friend?  Aisle 11 will give you all the incredibly detailed, authenticated false identification to play the best joke possible.  Going to need plane lessons?  Come around to the back where the al Planeida ("Arnewspeak" for "plane base!") will be waiting to help teach you to hit the largest of targets: the landing pad.  Planning on needing defense from a local warlord?  You can hire dozens of cannon fodder trained mercenaries with decades of experience for just dollars on the day.


Much more!  Thanks to slave labor an abundance of unemployed youth, we're able to keep costs extremely low.  That mom and pop shop may sell barbed wire to keep the raiders out for $4 a foot, but we can sell for $1.50 a meter and drive those local shops out of business, like God intended capitalism to do.


Arnewmart - for Africans, by Africans, at an African price.  Coming first to a Somalia near you.


(Mercenary services, summary executions, armed interventions, bodyguarding, and mobile relief all sold separately and vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.  Call us at 1-888-rndmnmr)

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