the doogan Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) The Mostly Harmless Newsletter Edition #50 Dear Planet Bob, As indicated by the graphic above (made by former member FJ), this is the 50th edition of the Don't Panic. While nowhere near in significance to Edition 42, it still represents a bit of a milestone. 50th of things tend to be reflected by gold, and as such this edition was supposed to be a golden edition. We have started, restarted, started, restarted, and finally finished this edition. We got really may have been drunk. The staff at the Don't Panic wanted to pay homage to some of the Hitchhikers who have helped throughout this whole process and you may very well see some contributions in this edition from Hitchhikers past (like FJ's image above). We hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season and that you enjoy this latest edition! ~Don't Panic Staff Mostly Harmless News Elections Triumvir & Speaker To ring in the New Year, we decided to have a set of elections. In the undercard match of the night Espressoville went up against the ever formidable Abstain. Unfortunately for the paying customers Abstain abstained from attending the fight and Espresoville came out the victor. Fortunately for all of us watching at home on haxed pay-per-view we didn't have to sit through a bunch of commentary and were still sober to enjoy the main event, which featured the undisputed heavy-weight champion of the universe, "Sailor," against the ever persistent up and comer from the Salbartz Galaxy, "EarlOfSandon." It was as civil as a fight can be, when throwing cats at each other is allowed, and Sailor floated to the top like good cream or poop with too much air inside (by an almost a 2:1 decision). I must say that I don't think that this is the last we'll hear from Earl. It is his name after all. So after all that, you can check out our tl;dr current Government line-up below. Triumvirate: The Doogan, Kapamilya, Sailor Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): TheKing Minister of Towels (Economy): Gigacat Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Jalap Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): EarlOfSandon Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): Scytale Speaker of the HHA: Espressoville Denzin Day Memorial By:WCR **Article taken and edited from Don't Panic #47... We will never forget Denzin!** On January 4th, the MHA honored a very special and dear member of the alliance. It was five years ago that our Denzin sadly passed away and left a remarkable hole that could never be filled. As we do every year, Hitchhikers and friends gathered together to pay our respects and reflect upon our Greatest Hitchhiker. Here's a few quotes from Denzin's memorial that show just how loved and missed the great man is: It is a testament to Denzin's legendary leadership and skills that he is still honored and remembered by many MHA members to this very day - many of whom never even had the privilege of meeting him. When the alliance gathers to discuss and debate, we do so in "Denzin Square", named after this hoopiest of froods who always spoke so honestly and openly to the alliance - whether he was a regular member or a Triumvir. So great is his legacy that these three years later - when much has changed in our world - that the alliance can still speak so fondly of this great man as if he were here only yesterday. Still saddens me to this day. Such a tragic loss. RIP mate. I arrived just a little to late and was not afforded the privilege of meeting Denzin, but mentors always spoke highly of him. R.I.P to the lost Hitchhiker. My fist contact with Denzin, was way back in Feb 2008, just after I had left TGE. I was being slaughtered by Tech Raiders, my RL friend Delmonte told me to come to MHA. I told him I was at war, he said he had already cleared it. The next thing I knew someone called Denzin messaged me, telling me what to do and ended with, "just remember whatever you do DON'T PANIC." Just after my attackers peaced out, one of them messaged me and said "if it wasn't for your big friends at MHA threatening us." I played dumb and wrote back pretending to know nothing about us. I did get a reply, namely "you know fine well who it was, that Denzin guy threatened to use us as target practice if we continued to attack an MHA applicant." A great man with a big heart and someone MHA will never be able to replace RIP Denzin. You are an inspiration to us all; may you live on forever in the hearts of Hitchhikers and CNers everywhere. It was the group of individuals that were here because of Denzin that attracted me and many others to MHA. His name still comes up in IRC queries years after his death and I am not even in MHA any longer. The man has a very positive impact on the cybernations community as well as MHA. Take Care lost Hitchhiker It was a pleasure and honor knowing Denzin for the years we were in the MHA together and I'll always remember the work and effort he gave to this alliance. A great hitchhiker and a great friend indeed. Speaker's Corner: Vogon Poetry Abounds... By:Dynasty Isolated igloos intensify interestingly inexcusably inconsequential inconveniences inebriating igneous incubators ingesting interns investigating inexorbitant introductions involving invited investures into intravenous incidents including internal ignition igniting nuisance inducing nostalgia indenturing evidently exonerated innuendos revolving helpless catches condensing cathartic agarics emulating avian obsessions extinguishing hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian subsidiaries subsequently circumventing subservient octopi entertaining wild yogurt shoes issuing tissues awkwardly flying forward faster than heritage clings cymbals exciting miniscule tendons targeting towering talents taking tuna tingling iridescently potent pigmy picnicking pianos purchase passive pallets poaching plain opossums transfixing amicable anachronistic and assiduous adversity abbreviating adulation but antagonizing circuitous demagogues giving querulous quarrels quintessential quandaries qualifying quails quelling qualms quickening quakes quoting queens quizzing bookkeepers quizzing quilts quaking quacks quite querulously antedating antidotes setting dates for pickled tulips piercing pitched peeks pouring phallic phosphoric materials over yonder dunes dashing darts dampening dangerous daffodils detaining dolphins under doomed decks decaying sandstorms raising vicious victories vying gruesome yells yo-yoing particles panicking plastered punctuation clattering classic coffees creaming togas ramming boxes indulging radio frequencies for goose laying bananas biking pruned faces fracturing fainted fairies faming farmed flames oscillating pictured pokey porcupines popping piled pipes pouring porous places precariously. Spirited Spirits By Nishiyoshi It’s been awhile since the Don’t Panic has featured a drink. In some parts of the galaxy that would be considered temperance, but here in the editor’s office it’s considered a travesty. Don’t worry, we’re not falling off any wagons or admitting to any problems, we just had some budget constraints preventing us from restocking the bar and our former editor the venerable WCR took all the top-shelf stuff with him when he disappeared into the night. If anyone sees him, let him know that we restocked the bar, so he can return and take his job back! All kidding aside (who am I kidding, we’re always kidding) we’re going to be featuring a carbonated cocktail. Carbonation isn’t just for the kiddies slurping down soda pops, but has started gaining more popularity with the ‘in-crowd’. On aside, this writer is definitely not trendy, but is rather cheap and likes that carbonation helps get the alcohol to the blood stream faster, reducing the amount of drinks he needs to get that pleasant buzz. Carbonation of the drink directly versus using soda water or fizzy drink allows for it to not get diluted and adds a new dimension to your ordinary cocktail. There are lots of different carbonators out there on the market from the CO2 Perlini or the nitrous iSi soda siphon. If you don’t want to go to the added expense of buying a carbonator, buy some dry ice and use that instead (please be extremely careful with any carbonators or dry ice, the ‘Don’t Panic’ is not responsible for any damage you may do to your liver or other important parts of your body). Vogon Rose – 2 oz vodka 2 oz cranberry juice 1/4 oz of simple syrup 1/4 oz of lime juice Place all ingredients in a shaker with some ice and mix well. Strain into your carbonator or add dry ice to the mixture. Can garnish with whatever you want, enjoy! Just for Fun Previous Caption Competition Last edition's Caption Contest image: [spoiler][/spoiler] And here's the entries that were fit to print: "Well, yes, he still thinks I'm so very addicted to the phone that I could talk through a war, but personally, I think that's quite an unfair exaggeration." Dre4mwe4ver "Gracias por llamar a la comisaría de policía de La Habana. En estos momentos estamos recortando personal y he decidido ir con un enfoque Lean, por lo que Juan Carlos tiene las manos llenas. Su tiempo estimado de espera es de veinte cinco minutos. (Música cubana juega durante diez segundos.)" Translation: Thank you for calling the Havana Police Station. We're currently cutting staff and have decided to go with a Lean approach, so Juan Carlos has his hands full. Your estimated waiting time is twenty five minutes. (Cuban music plays for ten seconds.) IYIyTh Runners Up: These two played off of the same theme... 1) "No miser bond not here" John Mathews 2) "WHAT? WHAT AM I WEARING? 007 IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND YOU THINK I'D BE WEARING ANYTHING?" Avakael WINNER: "Hello, Dominoes? Your pizza arrived here after 30 minutes and your delivery guys are refusing to give us the pie for free." scytale New Caption Competition! This month's image is: [spoiler][/spoiler] Go On And Post Your Entries In A Comment Below! Interview with a Vamp... Triumvir(s) By: The King I was selected on the dangerous task to speak with the wild triumvir. The triumvir is known to sleep 20 hours a day and rarely provide to his ecosystem, but when provoked, she is deceptive, cunning, and deadly. I equipped myself with the best gear: a tranquilizer, binoculars, a voice translator, and beer. I lurked all day in the quiet and gloomy forest of harmless land. And then, sometime around 6pm that evening, a triumvir emerged from the woods... (read on... if you dare!) -->| Kapamilya (Mibbit@........................IP) has joined #h...... =-= Mode #h...... +oa Kapamilya Kapamilya by ChanServ I lurked this triumvir closer to me, using the beer, tranquilizer in arm. I raised the voice translator, and in a query, began simply: "King: So I was foolish enough to volunteer to interview a trium King: for this totally-going-to-happen Don't Panic! edition Kapamilya: lol" Then, another triumvir emerged. I realized I could study them together, rather than in isolation. I attracted the other, but this time with a lot more beer. "King: #kapa_and_doogan_sittinginatree join it." ----------------------------------------- And thus it all began... The triumvir beasts leaped into a tree... "-->| YOU (King) have joined #kapa_and_doogan_sittinginatree =-= Mode #kapa_and_doogan_sittinginatree +ntrq King by ChanServ =-= King has changed the topic to “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” -->| Kapamilya (Mibbit@3A3887F1.ED222F86.CBFEFB4E.IP) has joined #kapa_and_doogan_sittinginatree -->| thedoogan (IceChat77@coldfront-A8FAB019.lightspeed.dybhfl.sbcglobal.net) has joined #kapa_and_doogan_sittinginatree' I started an inquiry, only to realize how exceptionally dull triumvirs are... "King: Now, both of you, why were you born, where were you born, how were you born, and what were you born as? thedoogan: because my mommy and daddy had sexy time thedoogan: i was born in the land of Colorado Kapamilya: ^this thedoogan: as a young Doogan Kapamilya: born in the Philippines Kapamilya: ya King: Well that's a boring beginning. We need to keep readers entertained! thedoogan: i blame you" He snarled at my remarks on his boringness, yet I lashed again.... "King: thedoogan, you would do well on after hours PBS" And the other, I realized, was a communalist animal, who tries to conceal it... "King: Your MHA career, Kapa? Kapamilya: I joined MHA in November of 2011 King: and how the hell were you convinced to do that? Kapamilya: I remember joining MHA when we are still no.1 King: We were equally terrible! Kapamilya: I think I was in NPO back there King: You should have stayed! Kapamilya: I left NPO due to unfulfilled obligations Kapamilya: when I got admitted to MHA, I started working for Anysound who happens to be the MoH at that thime Kapamilya: *time Kapamilya: I worked for her as an Outreach member Kapamilya: then got quickly got bored and then joining with Cuba (also known as Proest) and the MoBF King: You are boring. Are you communist? Kapamilya: No" I tested the triumvirs' style in which they use their mind, firstly by waving a cocunut before them. Immediately, I heard... "King: coconut thedoogan: outside Kapamilya: big" I studied their understanding of the alphabet. It appears the triumvir has no understanding, and prefers to think of food.... "King: MHA thedoogan: awesome possum" The triumvir is violent... "King: war thedoogan: fun Kapamilya: good" Finally, the triumvir has mixed feelings concerning my investigative mission.... "King: panic thedoogan: dont Kapamilya: do" When unprovoked and not panicked, it enjoys popcorn and is kind, but indecisive ... "King: Now, do tell, Kapa, what is the worst thing about thedoogan? thedoogan: *grabs popcorn* Kapamilya: I can't think of anything against thedoogan" However, when in anger, it wants nothing but death all around... "King: How is our war going? When's it going to end? Thoughts? Anyone else we need to declare war on? Message to the OWF? thedoogan: mmm its going better than the last war... we turned some heads. Though there is always room for improvement. I think we should declare on Mushroom Kingdom... oh wait, there isnt one anymore xD. My message to the OWF: I love you ALL! ...not really though, I hope you all die in a fire of AIDS. I have finished my mission, and offer them the rest of the bait... "King: Okay. Last words? thedoogan: Getting Drunk Time!!!! thedoogan: pours up first shot Kapamilya: ya, I need to forget this" That's all for this edition, folks. And I hope you all die in a fire of AIDS. The Last Word By: The Editor Protracted [spoiler]Thus ends another edition of "Don't Panic". In the words of the immortal Lawrence Welk (my gammy would be so proud): 'Good night, sleep tight until we meet again... here's a wish and a prayer pleasant dreams my friend...Good Night!' P.S. If you made it this far without having your eyes bleed, you're doing it wrong. Cheers! Staff Listing Nishiyoshi - unesteemed unofficial uneditor TheKing - "won't quit my day job" writer FJ - Honorable honorary "will work for food" artist Dynasty - "You'll be in our hearts always" poet Psymar - "I love kittens" caption image contributor WCR - Real editor (just keeping the seat warm for your return buddy) Want More Don't Panic? Click Here to read previous editions! Edited March 1, 2014 by the doogan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keeology Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Good read O/MHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Zigur Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Nice issue, seems harmless enough. Im sure Denzin is enjoying this read in Heaven right now. RIP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lestat Polaris Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Always a great read; thanks for posting, guys! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ovidsidios Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Speaker's Corner: Vogon Poetry Abounds... By:Dynasty Isolated igloos intensify interestingly inexcusably inconsequential inconveniences inebriating igneous incubators ingesting interns investigating inexorbitant introductions involving invited investures into intravenous incidents including internal ignition igniting nuisance inducing nostalgia indenturing evidently exonerated innuendos revolving helpless catches condensing cathartic agarics emulating avian obsessions extinguishing hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian subsidiaries subsequently circumventing subservient octopi entertaining wild yogurt shoes issuing tissues awkwardly flying forward faster than heritage clings cymbals exciting miniscule tendons targeting towering talents taking tuna tingling iridescently potent pigmy picnicking pianos purchase passive pallets poaching plain opossums transfixing amicable anachronistic and assiduous adversity abbreviating adulation but antagonizing circuitous demagogues giving querulous quarrels quintessential quandaries qualifying quails quelling qualms quickening quakes quoting queens quizzing bookkeepers quizzing quilts quaking quacks quite querulously antedating antidotes setting dates for pickled tulips piercing pitched peeks pouring phallic phosphoric materials over yonder dunes dashing darts dampening dangerous daffodils detaining dolphins under doomed decks decaying sandstorms raising vicious victories vying gruesome yells yo-yoing particles panicking plastered punctuation clattering classic coffees creaming togas ramming boxes indulging radio frequencies for goose laying bananas biking pruned faces fracturing fainted fairies faming farmed flames oscillating pictured pokey porcupines popping piled pipes pouring porous places precariously. ... but why is the rum all gone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorSoul Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Fantastic. Awesome read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruler the White Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Superb read. Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Doc Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 Nishiyoshi always makes me an alcoholic. RIP Denzin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jalap Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) ... but why is the rum all gone? It was war more than only the rum gone. As for the caption: "Ceci n'est pas une !@#$%" (hmm, that pussy being an English word referring to a cute little cat which also has another meaning, hence getting cencored here) Edited March 1, 2014 by jalap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurdanak Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks for the read, and congratulations to MHA's new/returning government members! I still remember warring Scytale in TE - good choice. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorn Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Caption contribution... The ever vigilant Boob-kitten will vanquish the Finger-Fondler. Just wait and see! I thoroughly enjoyed reading everything, except for the Vogon poetry, which is a double measure of success. Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shimmer Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Congrats on the new gov MHA. Hard to believe its been five years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IYIyTh Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Needs even more IYIyTh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nishiyoshi Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 To another 50 editions! (heck i'll be happy if we make it to 51. ;) ) Keep the caption contest entries coming folks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katashimon13 Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 i missed alot... D: rawr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scytale Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 I won the contest? I won! I won! I WON!!! Wait... I don't even remember entering. That must have been some party. Thanks for the read, and congratulations to MHA's new/returning government members! I still remember warring Scytale in TE - good choice. :) I'm still in TE, just changing my name every round. I seem to keep pissing at least one person off each round because I tend to go full out on wars. Don't know why they get upset. Personally, I congratulate those that do the worst as long as it's not a specific grudge thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoshuaR Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Photo is cute, but caption will be difficult without any apparent speakers :P Nice issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Hakai Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 I like the OP's avatar!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jalap Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 I like the OP's avatar!!!!!!!! It's a selfie, you know :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ovidsidios Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 It was war more than only the rum gone. As for the caption: "Ceci n'est pas une !@#$%" (hmm, that !@#$% being an English word referring to a cute little cat which also has another meaning, hence getting cencored here) Now it's war because the rum is gone. [i]Je ne peux pas parler français, donc je pense qu'il vaut mieux que je laisse ceci ici.[/i] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saladjoe Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Needs even more IYIyTh.Said no one ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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