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It's time for a Farking change


AnalMustard
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For about 12 years Farkistan has been ruled the same way: under the tyranny of those 'elected' by the 'masses.' It's time for a change, though. No longer will those who shout the loudest get their way. It's time for the minority to matter. We can't be ignored simply because there aren't as many of us. We aren't slaves. Slavery is illegal, and we will break free of our chains.

 

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We have broken free. Who are we, you ask? I don't know. We are autonomous and mononucleus. Majorities need names. Minorities need voices, and we have ours. I am that voice. I will speak up and speak out and speak long about how we need to be treated fairly. The next time someone wants to go to war with Farkistan and the 'almighty elite Heavenly council' says no, and the majority says no, those of us that WANT the war will say YES, and we will HAVE our war. We will war everyone if we need to, because that's what the minority wants. And in Farkistan, everyone matters. An alliance is only as strong as their weakest point, and our weakest point is this guy:

 

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He doesn't look like much, but he can shoot the flame off a candle at 150 yards without clipping the wick. So really he's not very weak. That's the point. Everyone has their strength. His is shooting. So it doesn't matter what you look like. Sometimes the minority is a minority because they look different. They are skinny, or have long hair, or are black. But that's racist, and this is 2013, in the year of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus H. Christ and the Holy Spirit, en domino sancti, Amen. So do you want to be the racist person telling someone that because they are a minority they can not make decisions for an entire alliance? No. Because that would make you a bad person and I'm sure you don't want to be a bad person.

 

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So what this is is this is the time for a radical movement of change and radicalism within the hallowed and hollowed out halls of Farkistan. The halls where the melodic voices of the masses have echoed for years. This year they shall reverbrate with the tremoring voices of the oppressed, malnourished, and underappreciated. And we shall become strong. WE SHALL OVERCOME.

 

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If two men can marry two women, and if we truly have the freedom, granted us by the high Holy Father, to make choices and have free will, then why can't Farkistan be a Minarchist State governed by the truest of all the Farkistani brothers? Why can't we all drink beer and borrow our neighbor's lawn mower to run over our unruly and overgrown grass? WHY CAN WE NOT HOLD HANDS WITH OUR FELLOW BRETHREN IN A SHOW OF RESPECT AND SOLIDARITY AND FUN AND OPENNESS?

 

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We, the minority, deserve respect. Treating us without respect is like beating a man. Men should not be beaten. They should be vocally and orally and physically embraced. We should all be happy and love each other and do what the minority wants because sometimes when you get all of the minorities together, they are a majority. But don't think of it like that, because the point is the minority should be more respected, and not only because they may be a majority. Don't beat a man.

 

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It's time, people that are not in Farkistan, to embrace the new Farkistan Oligarchy, which will hopefully come to be soon. I, Anal Mustard of Taintopia, hereby declare myself to be considered for the position the Overseer and Master Incarnate of Farkistan, leader of the Minority Minarchy, the Opulescent Oligarchy, the congregation of brothers willing to speak up for those who are outnumbered.

 

Anal Mustard for President of Farkistan. No election. No foot race. No battle to the death. Just me and the current president walking into a room together, then walking back out. Except when we exit, I'm the president.

 

I challenge you to make this happen, Farkistan president.

 

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Well, maybe you should just move on from this terrible, terrible thing and the terrible, terrible alliance.

Something must be done!  Those Farkers deserve what's coming to them!   We must avenge Anal Mustard by any means necessary!  

o/

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