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Don't Panic #49

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[center][i]The Mostly Harmless Newsletter Edition #49[/i][/center]

[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]Dear Planet Bob,[/size][/b][/color]

The Don't Panic team decided (well, [i]I[/i] decided) that the latest kerfuffle wasn't nearly bloody enough, so we decided to start a flame war. We came to the opinion that the best way to do this was to give the latest edition a Pony theme, because we know how everyone on the internet loves ponies and if you don't, you must be made of stone or something. Enjoy!

[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]Mostly Harmless News[/size][/b][/color]
[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Elections and Government Changes[/size][/b][/color]

It’s been a while since the last edition, and the line up has changed considerably. Julia Rose Vicious predictably managed to hold on to power, but has since been joined by the Wacky Aussie Qldvespanut, and the Crazy Kiwi AndyDe.

The Ministry of Hitchhikers has been graced by royalty, as The King has taken control, with his Deputy Captain Crozier by his side.

The Ministry of Towels also has a new Minister, Roddi. Here’s hoping he revitalises the Ministry with his German efficiency. Marduk has stepped up to Deputy.

The leadership of the Ministry of BabelFish is unchanged, with Nishiyoshi and his deputy Kapamilya keeping careful hands on the helm.

With AndyDe rising to Triumvir, Gasgiant405 has returned to take his place as Deputy. Mr Subliminal continues to do a fantastic job as Minister.

After Akbar decided to retire as Court Officer, a fierce battle raged between Koda, The Lost One and Kapamilya to find his successor. Finally, Koda rose to the top to take Akbar’s place and join forces with Belari and Umbra. Congrats’ Koda.

Following the theme of people Microsoft Word dislikes, Niu Garzukk has been elected Speaker.

Also, the Ministry of Bad Poetry has some new Minister or something. Not sure who, but it probably isn’t important. Etrain is only a Deputy, for some strange reason.

TL:DR here’s the new line up:

[color=#FF0000]Triumvirate: Julia Rose Vicious, Qldvespanut, AndyDe[/color]

[color=#0000FF]Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): The King
Deputy: Captain Crozier[/color]
[color=#00FF00]Minister of Towels (Economy): Roddi
Deputy: Marduk[/color]
[color=#FF8000]Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Nishiyoshi
Deputy: Kapamilya [/color]
[color=#8000FF]Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): Wolfbrother
Deputy: etrain[/color]
[color=#FFFF00]Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): Mr_Subliminal
Deputy: gasgiant405[/color]

[color=#00FFFF]Speaker of the HHA: Niu Garzukk[/color]

[color=#FFFFFF]Court Officers: Koda, Belari, Umbra[/color]

[i]Julia Rose Sparkle[/i]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]A Note to Someone Special[/size][/b][/color]

On behalf of the Don’t Panic team and the Ministry of Bad Poetry, I would like to pay tribute to a certain someone who put so much work and effort into piloting our Destructor Fleets this war. This person always had a plan, always knew what he was doing. His calm yet eager attitude kept the newbs from panicking and encouraged us all to do greater things in the name of MHA.

I am, of course, talking about the MHA Minister of Destructor Fleets, Mr Subliminal. Congrats on your awesome efforts this war, and sorry you had your victory swept out from under your feet. Here’s to fighting alongside you in the future.


[b][color=#FF8040][size=150]Paranoid Android[/size][/color][/b]
Long ago MHA decided to make an award called the paranoid android to honor foreign alliance members who have contributed great service to MHA and can only be awarded by a 3/3 vote of the triumvirate. It has only historically been given to the members of the gramlins for their help when MHA was first starting out. We have decided to bring this award back and could think of 2 outstanding CN members that we feel deserve this award.
[IMG]http://i1105.photobucket.com/albums/h351/wolfbrother2/ID60.jpg[/IMG] ID: 60
([i]This will probably only work on the MHA forums.[/i])

[b][size=150]Lurunin and Silent Blood Line (SBL)[/size][/b] have both worked hard for MHA as allies and foreign leaders for years. We are eternally grateful for everything that these two individuals have done for us and wanted to honor them with this award as a sign of our gratitude. Congrats!!!


[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]Just for Fun[/size][/b][/color]
[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Previous Caption Competition Winner[/size][/b][/color]
Here's last month's Caption Contest image:
And here's the entries that were fit to print:
[i]('Fit' is probably a bad word to choose. Most of the entries were pretty questionable)[/i]

"the first (and only) public tomato bashing party before the tragedy of the 2012 Running of the Bulls"

"Arthur looked over the guide to describe the momentous occasion on display in front of him. After flipping through a few dozen pages he found it. It appeared this was the ritual cleansing after an encounter with a "Scutterbug." Joy was ripe for all to see on the faces of those whom were being cleansed"

"so THIS is where AIDS got started"

"A Modest Proposal: The Movie"


[b][color=#BF8000]Runners Up:[/color][/b]
1) "When you said we'd go out and paint the town red I didn't think you meant it literally"

2) "It's that time of the month again..."
[b]Olaf Styke[/b]

"Is that a food fight, sweet! Just like at the prison! Oh look, a quarter."

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]New Caption Competition![/size][/b][/color]

This month's image is:


[b][u]Go On And Post Your Entries Below![/b][/u]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Dear WCR[/size][/b][/color]

Why did you leave? We miss you, please come back. Here, I made you some cookies. Will that make you return?


[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Vogon Poetry[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

Enormous entrails lick slimy salamanders furrowing far-reaching facsimiles faster for famous favors fascinate factual fallacies fainting furiously flaunting fake frost foresting forged frogs making many millions microscopic macintosh miniature minuscule meniscuses mooning massive moons gallivanting ground giants groping grapes grinning grown garrison goobers gobbling goblins gapping gorges by bananas baking billions barley burring berries beset beside besieged buildings balancing bacon before basing twenty tractors training thirty truthful tanners tanning tactfully tracing turtles taking tubs tainted to titanium tassels transcribing tailored trimmed tunes tearing towering sunflowers soaking several suns sobering sleepily somber spiders scaring scarred scorpions scattering stars stopping scarecrows scrapping scalped sasquashes salivating soundlessly surrounding silent sacks seaming sickly sausages sharing scalded spatulas steering streetcars severing semi serious sellers selling sold sails screaming sale sounds endlessly egging entrance evenings ending tongue yokes yapping yabber yuck pig feet fail feat for eggs boiling over yonder beautiful green goop!


[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]The Last Word[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Wolfbrother[/i]

And that wraps up my first ever Don't Panic newsletter. Yeah, it's pretty short. And horribly late as usual. Wanna fight about it?

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Staff Listing[/size][/b][/color]
Dynasty: The Vogon Poetry
Wolfbrother: Everything else

[center][b][size=150]Want More Don't Panic? [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?app=blog&module=display&section=blog&blogid=613&showentry=2545]Click Here[/url] to read previous editions![/size][/b][/center]

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I don't know what my caption means anymore for the tomato pic. Oh well.



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They either deleted or....


Nice edition, WB. Could use a little spice (and more glue factory for bronies.)
Russian Judges, every last one of you!

New Caption: "Gracias por llamar a la comisaría de policía de La Habana. En estos momentos estamos recortando personal y he decidido ir con un enfoque Lean, por lo que Juan Carlos tiene las manos llenas. Su tiempo estimado de espera es de veinte cinco minutos. (Música cubana juega durante diez segundos.)"

Translation: Thank you for calling the Havana Police Station. We're currently cutting staff and have decided to go with a Lean approach, so Juan Carlos has his hands full. Your estimated waiting time is twenty five minutes. (Cuban music plays for ten seconds.)

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[quote name='Stonewall Jaxon' timestamp='1345878598' post='3025151']
Where did all f your competent government members go?
Unsure what you mean with that question. The majority of hitchhikers believe that the world or run by 2 mice (Frankie and Benjy). Therefore, we rely on 2 mice to govern MHA. Our leaders are selected merely on their mouse feeding capacities. Any decision our "leaders" make is the result of an action of Frankie and/or Benjy.

If you question the recent policy of MHA, we will pass the note to Frankie and Benjy.

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Hello, Dominoes? Your pizza arrived here after 30 minutes and your delivery guys are refusing to give us the pie for free.

edit for spelling

Edited by scytale
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A few things:

Why is King still in gov? We all know that's a terrible idea.

Too many Triums south of the border. That a terrible idea, too.

And the yellow is kinda hard to see. Pretty terrible idea. Unless you're trying to keep those secr- oh, no. I've said too much.

'Gratz to Lurunin and Silent Blood Line! [s]Also a terrible idea.[/s] [Editor's note: Does not work in this context. Remove.]

The cookies look delicious and are making me hungry.

And still, I read everything but cannot complete the Vogon Poetry. I'm working on building up a tolerance. Next issue, perhaps.

"Well, yes, he still thinks I'm so very addicted to the phone that I could talk through a war, but personally, I think that's quite an unfair exaggeration."

All in all, great issue, MHA! Thanks, Wolfbrother!

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[quote name='total perspective vortex' timestamp='1345889480' post='3025164']
Unsure what you mean with that question. The majority of hitchhikers believe that the world or run by 2 mice (Frankie and Benjy). Therefore, we rely on 2 mice to govern MHA. Our leaders are selected merely on their mouse feeding capacities. Any decision our "leaders" make is the result of an action of Frankie and/or Benjy.

If you question the recent policy of MHA, we will pass the note to Frankie and Benjy.

I was always lead to believe was a man living in a small shack with his cat named "The Lord" tho isn't short of its existence


"No miser bond not here"

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