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Operation Make Small Children Cry


Triyun
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"FOR TOO LONG SANTA CLAUS HAS ADVANCED THE ULTRA RIGHTIST CAPITALIST PIG AGENDA!

THE MIND OF OUR CHILDREN HAS BEEN CORRUPTED AND ADDICTED TO MATERIALIST POSSESSION BY THIS AGENT OF GLOBAL HYPER IMPERIALISM AT AN EARLY AGE!

I HEAR HAVE INDISPUTABLE EVIDENCE THAT SANTA IS:

A) EXPLOITING MIDGET SLAVE LABOR
B) TRAINING KILLER REINDEER
C) BUILDING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION WITH SADDAM HUSSEIN

THEREFORE THE UNITED FEDERATION OF THE EAST DECLARES WAR ON SANTA CLAUS AND ACTIVATES [B]ALL[/B] OUR TREATIES!"

The United Federation of the East then fired eighty thousand ICBMs at the North Pole in the mother of all missile spams.

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[b]Sekrit Legion Research Lab[/b]

"Santa is going down bro," screams Denard.

"What the hell? Why are we wasting the world's largest ever weapon on Santa Claus?" asks Dellion.

"That rascal didn't bring me that Tickle Me Elmo toy I wanted last year," Denard shouts back.

"Oh that's evil," Dellion says with a menacing look in his eye as he and Denard count down their key turn sequence.

"On my mark, 3, 2, 1, Mark," Denard says as they both turn their keys.

"The Retardolauncher is active, preparing for launch," the computer intones.

"Load up lil Jimmy!" Denard shouts to his research as a young mentally challenged boy is loaded into the massive Legion designed slingshot.

"OK Lil' Jimmy you just be sure to drop that kitchen sink at the right time and we'll give you some ice cream when we get back!" Denard shouts.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee I GOT A PONY!" screams lil Jimmy.

"Uhhh right, fire when ready," Dellion intones as Denard walks over to the firing locker and opens it. From it he draws out a machete and walks over to the firing mechanism. With a decisive slice he gives the machete a good swing and hits the cord holding the slingshot's leather pouch in its firing position.

"RETARDS AWAY!" screams Denard.

"My wife is gonna kill me when she finds out about this," Dellion mutters.

"Don't worry dude, It's non-canon, we can be as offensive as we want!" screams Denard as he goes off to sacrifice a few virgins in the name of Jesus and a few other pacifists dieties for epic lulz.

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Jia sat at the war room table, "Our plan is going perfectly... soon the rest of the world will join us in destroying Santa Claus, and then can only buy our knock off lead paint coated toys to make their kids shut up for a few days!" he declared laughing maniacally.

Pressing a big red button the UFE then fired an anti-matter bomb at the North Pole.

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[b]Legion's Other Really Sekrit Base[/b]

"No way we are gonna be outdone by the UFE and their Anti-matter bomb!" screams Beckwith.

"Are we clear to fire?" screams someone else.

"Yep, clear to fire, Launch the BIG BOY!" Beckwith orders.

On a remote launching pad stands the largest earth to space missile ever made in the history of mankind. The missile, tipped with a massive uranium rod measuring some 15 tonnes in weight is sent hurtling towards space. The massive engines send shockwaves that blow windows out of their frames for miles around.

Once in orbit the uranium rod is ejected from the rocket mount which holds position in space. A second set of boosters sends the uranium rod directly at a Orbiting Space Station of the former nation of Sri Lanka. Once the Uranium rod contacts with the station it impales it as if the rod is a massive spear with hooks on it.

The cable leading back to the rocket mount snaps tightly as the rocket reverses itself and pulls the rocket mount, the uranium rod, and the entire blasted space station right down onto the North pole.

Denard says, "Ummm ok.. maybe that was just a bit much... NAAAAAh."

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[b]Imperial War Cabinet[/b]

"We have found the ultimate weapon your imperial highnesses. We have set up a gigantic space-based laser that is powered by a device harvesting the combined !@#$%*iness of Empress Notaras."

"Wait you did what?" Ariadne objected.

"Good good, keep charging it"

Somewhere in Portugal a man would push a button that caused the space-based laser to fire a beam at the North Pole which would undoubtedly wipe the entire area.

"I'm so going to have you killed" Ariadne commented with a sigh as she looked at the destruction on the North Pole.

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[b]Finland Declaration[/b]
Due to our blood relations with Santa's reindeer, the Finnish Saami Parliament has voted to grant political asylum and refugee status to the following characters: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.

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[quote name='comrade nikonov' timestamp='1314373967' post='2788768']
[b]Finland Declaration[/b]
Due to our blood relations with Santa's reindeer, the Finnish Saami Parliament has voted to grant political asylum and refugee status to the following characters: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.
[/quote]

"They were all killed by the !@#$%*-laser" The scientist would comment before being shot.

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"Fire the retardolauncher at Finland next," Screams Denard.

"We are out of retards!" Dellion shouts back.

"We got Ronald Reagan in back don't we?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Seriously man, who can possibly be more retarded than the gipper?"

"LOAD UP the GIPPER!" Dellion orders as Denard gets ready with the machete.

"You can run but you can't hide," President Regan mutters inanely.

"Sir, just remember, drop the kitchen sink in the right place and we'll get you ice cream if you survive," Denard promises.

"Chocolate with sprinkles?" Ronnie asks hopefully.

"You'll find out when you get there," screams Denard as he cuts the rope that launches Ronald Regan and a large kitchen sink at Finland.

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"Cheeky Fins, sense that didn't work, I got a better one, bring out zee ultimate killer of Scandinavians," Shouts Denard.

"You can't be serious..."

"I'm dead serious, Do it!"

"Very well sir," Dellion says as they drag the shackled prisoner out and hoist him onto the retardolauncher.

"I wish you the best of luck, just try to actually shoot at armed people this time you pansy," shouts Denard as he launches the ultimate killer of Scandinavians at Finland.

[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1a/Anders_Behring_Breivik_in_black_sweater.jpg/220px-Anders_Behring_Breivik_in_black_sweater.jpg[/img]

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A retaliation from Finland came today, after the release of a psychotic islamophobic killer onto the streets of Helsinki.
In the chaos, newly-empowered warlord-for-life Ronald Reagan has announced
"My fellow Ameri- ehhh Finns, I have signed legislation outlawing poverty forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."

In five minutes, hundreds of thermonuclear warheads pounded Africa into a lifeless extension of the Sahara Desert.

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"They really think their cheap nukes they bought on a half off sale will do me any harm?" Denard says as he motions for Dellion to bring him the remote control.

"No sir, they sure won't," Dellion replies as he brings him the garage door opener.

"Indeed, shall I?"

"Yes you really should, they are getting a bit close."

"Very well," Denard replies as he lifts the remote control door opener with a certain bit of flourish and taps it twice. The radio waves from the remote cause the Finnish thermonuclear weapons to divert off course and land in another location entirely.

Poor Poor France, Farewell Eiffel Tower!

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A single plane is sent to Finland piloted by a Norwegian chap hired for just the occasion. The plane itself is loaded with canisters of ebola and sarin gas and aids infected needles.

"Finnish air space, this is the official plane of Denard, we are on approach and overland, we are requesting permission to land," the pilot requests.

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"Actually, we got you now," shouts Denard over the radio from Africa as the C-5A Galaxy spews sarin gas, ebola spores, and aids infected needles across a large swath of Finnish territory. The destruction of the plane is merely anti-climatic as the C-5 was near to the end of its service life and ready to be scrapped anyway.

The pilot is dead of course, but he's from Norway, and who really cares about Norway?

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Denard looks on in relief as the laser sweeps across the Republic of Africa rendering it unfit for human life. He then decides to not get too cocky and call up Athens and heckle them about their bad aim. Instead, he sits down and decides what to eat for lunch.

"Say Dellion, did any of the retards survive?"

"Reckon not sir."

"Sweet, I got dibs on their ice cream."

"Damn it boss, you said we'd share this time!"

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A crazy cultist in Tasmania summons great Cthulu Maelstrom to eat Santa! Cthulu Maelstrom shows up at north pole and is disintegrated by incoming bombardment... DOH!

King Geoffrey was writing a letter to request the vassalization of Santa's workshop and the North Pole, but it was lost in the post and ended up on internet solicitation bulletin board "Joe's List" instead.

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