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Don't Panic! #45


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[center][i]The Mostly Harmless Newsletter Edition #45[/i][/center]

Planet Bob, Don't Panic!

Over the past few months, the Don't Panic team was sent out on a focus group to an uncharted location on planet bob. While drinking Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blasters and discussing the meaning of 42 with Marvin, munching on anything green, (that won't eat you first) a local told the D.P. team about a secret diner, with the best food ever.

As the D.P. Team trekked through what seemed like an endless rain-forest, never questioning what a diner would be doing there -- They were ambushed by natives, wielding stolen Kill-o-Zap blasters and Point of View Guns. Coincidentally, the Don't Panic team decided it made sense to bring all their work, originals and drafts for issues #45 through #65. It has been reported that all was lost. (Later reported, no one bothered to look.)

Back at D.P Headquarters, the few hitchhikers and unruly interns who could not afford the trip waited outside the office in frustration. The focus group was months overdue, and had the only set of keys to the office. (It was later reported, that the chief editor figured it to be responsible and the only course of actions necessary.) On a blustery day in August, one intern receives a text message from an unknown number from Ursa Minor star system reading:

[i]“Dear Hitchhikers...Newsletter will be months late...Sorry We Missed Towel Day...Key is under Welcome Mat...Pay Bills please...Don't Sit in my Chair...”[/i]

[b][center][size=150][u]The Mostly Harmless Alliance monthly newsletter returns![/u][/size][/center][/b]

[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]Mostly Harmless News[/size][/b][/color]
[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]MHA supports boobies![/size][/b][/color]
[i]And we love when they dance[/i][/center]

The Mostly Harmless Alliance has always supported boobies, but it seems extra fitting today.
Today, we are proud to announce an MHA first. Our first female Triumvirate – Julia Rose Vicious. A lovely hitchhiker that has been in our alliance for a year now, has dedicated her time to improve the quality of our Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blasters, and lower HyperSpace Bypass emissions!

Julia Rose Vicious's most notable accomplishments in MHA would include, hosting the MHA radio, starting Monthly Poker Tournaments, being an active member in our MoT, and princess of entertainment.

No longer will MHA have to ration our P.G.G.B! No longer will our HyperSpace Bypasses be toll roads! MHA has felt the touch of a woman, and feels complete. New Window shades have been hung, all beds are required to have things called “duvet covers.” All doors are now required to be self-satisfied doors, and MHA is proud to announce we are dust-free!

A new Era of the Mostly Harmless Alliance begins!
We Love Julia Rose Vicious! And she loves us back!

[quote][color=#FF0000]Triumvir[/color] election candidates:
[b]Denisov, Doc Miles, IYIyTh, & Mastermind[/b]

Doc Miles
[b]IYIyTh [/b]

Interim Triumvir Confirmation (to replace MajorDDF): [color=#FF0000][b]GasGiant405[/b][/color]

[b]Court Officer[/b] elections
Special CO confirmation: [b]Akbar[/b]
August CO confirmation: [b]Kecenii[/b]

[color=#00FFFF]Assembly[/color] elections
Special Speaker Confirmation: [b]Doctor Doc[/b]

So after all that, you can check out our current Government line-up below.

[color=#FF0000]Triumvirate: Julia Rose Vicious, GasGiant405, IYIyTh[/color]

[color=#0000FF]Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): Denisov
Deputy: The King[/color]
[color=#00FF00]Minister of Towels (Economy): Kingof Theland
Deputy: MatthewM31[/color]
[color=#FF8000]Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Gon
Deputy: Mastermind [/color]
[color=#8000FF]Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): etrain
Deputy: Loki Grim[/color]
[color=#FFFF00]Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): GasGiant405
Deputy: Mr_Subliminal[/color]

[color=#00FFFF]Speaker of the HHA: Doctor Doc[/color]

Court Officers:

[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]Just for Fun[/size][/color][/b]
[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Take it from the Top[/size][/b][/color]
Hello there! Etrain reporting back in with another interview.

For this month’s interview I decided to questions some of MHA’s top 5 nations!

So without further ado I present to you this month’s interview!

Of course, there’s no better way to start than to start with the #1 nation in all of MHA, OTTOTTO!

[quote][size=90][color=purple]me: Okay, here’s the first question: strength-wise, you're the #1 nation in all of MHA. How does that feel?[/color]
OTTOTTO: Firstly it felt great. Secondly I felt exhausted. Thirdly i think i should get out of the game on my third anniversary end of August, as the game is rapidly dying. [color=green]etrain’s note: WHAAAAAAAAT[/color]
[color=purple]me: What were some of the hardships in building your nation? How did you find a solution?[/color]
OTTOTTO: Firstly always looking for 1X1 tech deals. Secondly keeping my trade circle alive (we had to replace trade partners about 5 times). Thirdly getting the f... money for the moon wonders. Fourthly to not get too much damaged in wars.

[color=purple]me: How long did it take you to get into the #1 spot?[/color]
OTTOTTO: It took me exactly 2 1/2 years to get there.

[color=purple]me: What do you plan to do to keep yourself at the top?[/color]
OTTOTTO: I will not be at the top in another 2-3 months. [color=green]etrain’s note: WHAAAAAAAAAAT[/color]

[color=purple]me: Last questions…is there any advice you would give to younger nations on building a strong nation?[/color]
OTTOTTO: Firstly get your trades always repaired. Do not try to get the best trade. but the stablest. Secondly get all the tech, that you can get - do never 3X3 deals, they are not worth the effort. Don’t do donation deals, they slow your growth. Thirdly get all the wonders in the recommended sequence.

Thank you OTTOTTO! Now we move to [color=green]Craftj2[/color](a [color=aqua]Senator[/color], BTW!) and [color=blue]Scutterbug[/color].

[color=purple]me: Hello you two! Strength-wise, you're in the top 5 in all of MHA. How does that feel?[/color]
[color=green]Craftj2: Being in the top 5 of one of the largest and most respected alliances in the game is an honor. The only downside to being in the top 5 is that, whenever a war rolls around, I am obligated to take on the largest opponents, who seem to inevitably have more tech and bankroll than me.[/color]
[color=blue]Scutterbug: My E-Peen is very large. On a more serious note, its awesome. Being in the alliance i have spent all but 2 months of my cybernations time in and climbing the ranks upto #4? I believe I currently am its pretty pleasing.[/color]

[color=purple]me: How long did it take you to rise into the top 5?[/color]
[color=green]Craftj2: Years. Maybe 3 of them? I honestly don't remember when it happened - I'd have to go back through the Top Ten thread that I started to see for sure when it occurred (I wasn't even in the top ten when I started that, so I know it'd be in there).[/color]
[color=blue]Scutterbug: 3 Years and 20 Days, not bad given I had to reach I think it was 130k NS, and have been involved in every major conflict MHA has had.[/color]

[color=purple]me: What do you plan on doing to become stronger?[/color]
[color=green]Craftj2: While tech is the secret to true everlasting strength in this game, numerical strength is gained by optimal spending of dollars based on the nation strength formula. It is the path I have followed here and it is the one I intend to continue following.[/color]
[color=blue]Scutterbug: Need to massively bump my tech, thats about it really.[/color]

[color=purple]me: What were some of the hardships that you encountered while building your nation? What was your solution?[/color]
[color=green]Craftj2: Typical stuff: canceled trades, military ass-kickings, and learning about the game mechanics. I have always approached this game as a math problem to be solved, and I've found the game, when it comes to building nation strength, to be closer to connect 4 than to chess - that is, there is an optimal solution.[/color]
[color=blue]Scutterbug: Handicaps? Its always the tech, if a tech deal goes bad or someone drops out midway through a 3x3 it messes the whole thing up and days are wasted. The only solution to that is to use active sellers, but even they ain't 100% guarenteed to stay around. Not only that when they reach the line from selling to buying you lose the reliability again.[/color]

[color=purple]me: Final question! Do you have any advice to give to younger nations?[/color]
[color=green]Craftj2: a. have fun. b. take advantage of everything the mha has to offer to help your nation grow - aid, tech deals, and the excellent guides that have been assembled to help you learn the game. c. you'll never catch me, so stop trying! [/color]
[color=blue]Scutterbug: Climbing the ranks of MHA isn't a daunting task, with a little bit of planning and following it strictly almost anybody could do it. Its a simple matter of patience. Also if in doubt ask someone for advice, there are plenty of experience people easily found willing to help within MHA.[/color][/size][/quote]

Unfortunately, that’s all the time we have this month, but next month I’ll bring a new interview with new faces, so stay tuned!


[color=#8000FF][size=150][b]MHA Harmless FM Live![/size][/b][/color]

[i]By: DoctorDoc[/i]

If you're new to planet bob, or just never knew that your tanks had radios – MHA's Harmless FM is going strong! We've got several DJ's who play shows occasionally, anything from hitchhiker-interviews, call-in requests, Triumvirate election debates, to plain ol' music.
In tribute to Harmless FM, I've got one of our DJ's here for a quick interview:

[quote][size=90][b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] When did you first start hosting Harmless FM?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] hrmm I think it was in February

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] What made you want to do it?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] I heard Nishi do a show and thought it sounded like fun

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] Do you enjoy it?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] Every second of it

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] About how long are your shows?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] usually 2 or 3 hours

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] How many listeners do you usually get?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] I actually have no clue, I don't really pay attention to the numbers because to be honest, even if only one or two people were listening in I'd still do it.

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] What's your favorite thing about hosting the radio?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] I really like all the conversation it starts in our public irc channel #mha. Usually I get a lot of requests and dedications and sometimes people will have dedication wars, it can be really funny and entertaining.

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] What are some of your favorite songs to play?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] I like to play a lot of fun songs (that have funny lyrics) or throw backs that make people say, hey! I haven't heard this in forever!

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] What songs will you absolutely not play?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] My only rules are no Beaver, no Black, no Swift

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] What song would you play for me right now?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkVy2FeqIyc&ob=av2e
Ida Maria - I like you so much better when you're naked

[b][color=#0000FF]<DoctorDoc>[/color][/b] For our readers out there that don't listen to the radio, when and where can they tune in to hear you?
[b][color=#FF0000]<Julia Rose Vicious>[/color][/b] I do every Wednesday around 10pm CN time.
http://www.mostlyharmlessalliance.com/live.m3u -works with VLC player, iTunes, Winamp or radio.php?station=1 Browser-based WMP[/size][/quote]

Hoopy froods, you heard it here! stop by our public IRC channel every Wednesday night for some good times, and even better music!

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Last Caption Contest:[/size][/b][/color]

'This is what happens when you get Drake Bell to host a retro 80s show' [/quote]

[quote][u]Other notable[/u]
"What you mean its not Twilight, I am sparkling!" [/quote]

"Got a little Captain in ya?" New fruity Captain Morgan's rum featuring 'blood' oranges. "[/quote]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]New Caption Competition![/size][/b][/color]
This month's image is:

[b][u]Go On And Post Your Entries Below![/b][/u]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Vogon Poetry[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Julia Rose Vicious[/i]
Gigantuan globs gobbled and gurgled gas from flatulent filled fountains.
Whilst withering wobbly walls waste-workers wailed
Blarg bloppity barf brains
to the trudge tree trolls who wiggled with worms willingly.

[i]By: Denisov[/i]
See, see the giving sky
Marvel at its big pink depths.
Tell me, Doctor Doc do you
Wonder why the pug ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel tired.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your ambientDocsaber facial growth
That looks like
A carrot.
What's more, it knows
Your pewter potting shed
Smells of peas.
Everything under the big giving sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm dead fishs.

[i]By: Doc_Miles[/i]
See, see the wry sky
Marvel at its big sweatstained depths.
Tell me, doc do you
Wonder why the chiuaua ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel regretful.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your gorange facial growth
That looks like
A humous.
What’s more, it knows
Your mastication potting shed
Smells of an absinthe fairy.
Everything under the big wry sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm my feets.

[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]A Closing Tribute[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: IYIyTh[/i]

Today I'd like to send out a salute to one of the greatest hitch-hikers ever to grace planet Bob. This individual has toiled for MHA countless ours. Without his efforts and achievements MHA likely would not exist today, let alone be near the top of the game. While the Outer World Forum has often thrown peanuts at MHA, many forget that us hitch-hiker's are just happy to be here. Frankly, we get hungry every now and then, and enjoy the peanuts. This individuals skill in political acumen as well as his strong leadership personality guided MHA through its brightest days and its darkest hours.

I could think of no better example than my earlier days, his strong personality conflicted with mine, and we shared a rather poignant rivalry as I entered the alliance.

What grew out of this was a beautiful thing. Not only was I personally able to be mentored and understand the ins and outs of the alliance, but our alliance thrived on the budding tension we created through tactless yet thought-provoking snipes. A mutual respect blossomed over the years due to our ability to see eye-to-eye on the things that actually mattered to us: our alliance. Petty squabbles, sabotage, and lechery that would've seen splinters from some of our greatest sanctioned alliances today were squelched due to in large part the leadership and inspiration commanded by this individual and devotion to the Hitchhiker Way.

In his service he has most notably led the alliance as a Triumvir for over two years, as well as his countless acolades in other departments and most recently was the editor for Don't Panic!

Who is this man you ask?

Surely not a man of foam parties!

No less, some old fool playing Rugby on the pitch!

Today we say goodbye to a great hitchhiker, a greater person, and most of all a friend.

MHA is forever indebted to you, WCR.

Come back soon.

Seriously. :)

[color=#4040FF][b][size=200]Ironic Irony:Last Words[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Rugby[/i]
Well it is unfortunate that I must dedicate another Last Word to some legendary Hitchhikers who have left us. But these two in particular were two Hitchhikers I had assumed for a long time would be there with us until the very end. We even had a booth reserved at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe:


Rupert and Snaggle will explain how the Universe works, Myth and Johnson will drink more Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters than humanly possible, Craft would tell them to keep it down, Taco would tell us about rocks, Crush and I will speak in so much Aussie slang that it'll be inaudible, and Shamshir and El P were supposed to bring that heart and sensibility to the conversation they have always brought to our alliance. Then we would raise a glass to Denzin and watch it all end.

Alas, our brothers and friends have left our shores. Shamshir has gone to the never-never and El P is hitchhiking to those serial member-stealers Fark. I hope that they both know how much they meant to MHA over the years - they stayed loyal, dedicated and active throughout all of our different highs and lows, the changes and the challenges. Their departure leaves two very specific holes in our member base that will be impossible to replace.

I'll still save you both a seat in the booth.

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150]Staff Listing[/size][/b][/color]
- DoctorDoc: Chief Editor; Majored in minor things
- Etrain: Minister; long time caller first time listener
- IYIyTh: Most likely to misplace our lost and found box
- Koda: Former-Owner of "Welcome Mat Restorations; specializing in aging techniques" (shop got flooded)

[center][b][size=150]Want More Don't Panic? [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?app=blog&module=display&section=blog&blogid=613&showentry=2545]Click Here[/url] to read previous editions![/size][/b][/center]

Edited by etrain
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[quote name='Frozenrpg' timestamp='1312250766' post='2769636']
So you're telling us about how you're not doing anything?

ummm cool....

You're welcome.

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[quote name='Hereno' timestamp='1312255432' post='2769737']
What's with all the !@#$@#$ yellow text?

MHA's board default background colour is [color="#000080"]darker and more grey-ish than this text[/color], so there's a lot of space for light colours font-wise :) Colours you see here are not editorial choice - should you visit MHA and see someone post who has yellow nick - he's from MoDF; red - she's a trium, etc.

I'd rather lampshade it as MoDF trying to sneakily avoid attention than change it's colour.


o7 [color="#FF0000"]Working_Class_Ruler[/color], \o/ Scutterbug, next DP! could spotlight Gunther.

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[quote name='Beau Vine' timestamp='1312287831' post='2769999']
o7 [color="#FF0000"]Working_Class_Ruler[/color], \o/ Scutterbug, next DP! [size="5"][b]could spotlight Gunther[/b][/size].
I so completely and utterly support this. :D:D

Great Newsletter guys!

Also a huge MHAil to WCR[size="1"]ugby[/size] and Count Rupert! o/

edit: freakin spelling

Edited by AvengingAngel256
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