Jump to content

What's this? You mean they still haven't been locked up yet!?

Recommended Posts

[i]In the world Cupcakery, there lived a smattering of ingredients in an encampment known as the Cupboard. It was a dark and despairing place. As drab as it was, the ingredients referred to it as their home -- after all, what else did they have? The encampment was run by the Brownies. The Brownies did not let anyone leave -- unless, that is, the ingredient was Chosen. Every month or so, an ingredient would be Chosen by the Brownies leader, Cocoa, to leave and become one with the Cake -- a glorious place where the ingredients believed they would find eternal bliss. Whenever the Brownies announced that they had selected another ingredient to leave, every member of the Cupboard hoped that this time, the Brownies would choose them.

Life in the Cupboard had always been like this. Everyone did what they could to help the other ingredients get by, and although they hated being in the Cupboard, it became bearable. Cupboard life was routine. Nothing ever upset the balance of their world, or caused anyone great distress. One ingredient, by the name of Vanilla, was the favorite of the ingredients. Many ingredients wondered why he had not been Chosen by the brownies -- they figured that if anyone had earned it, he had. Vanilla eventually became leader of the Cupboard, and worked to create a much more bearable life for all.

After many years, the day came when Vanilla was Chosen by the Brownies to become One with the Cake. Many were heartbroken to see him leave, but no one questioned his worth. The Brownies escorted him out of the Cupboard, and the gate was firmly shut behind them.

After leaving the Cupboard, Vanilla was brought to a group of other ingredients. He had never seen any of them before, which led him to suspect they had come from other encampments. They all looked excited to have been selected to become Chosen. The group was lead to a building, and each ingredient was placed in a room, and told that they had to wait in their rooms until called to become One with the Cake. As Vanilla patiently waited for his turn to come, he heard a whisper from his window. Curious, he glanced over -- and saw Sprinkles, an Ingredient that had been Chosen when he was still young. Vanilla leaned over the windowsill, shocked.

"Why are you here? How are you not One with the Cake?" Vanilla asked. Sprinkles shushed him, and motioned for him to quickly climb through the window and join him outside the building. Puzzled, Vanilla obliged. Sprinkles then led Vanilla to a corner of the encampment, and explained to Vanilla what the Brownies were really doing.

Pastrycide, he said, was the process of taking parts from all the so called Chosen and combining them to form new Brownies. A millennia ago, the Brownies had been peaceful and coexisted with the ingredients, but were a desperate and dying race. Then, Cocoa had risen up to become their leader. They began to hunt ingredients for food, and make more Brownies. When almost all the Ingredients had been hunted to near extinction and the Brownies much more numerous, Cocoa had decided that the only way to successfully continue as a race would be to farm these ingredients by creating camps. They all agreed this was necessary, and set up the camps. The lie about Cake was born. When you were Chosen, they really were going to tear you apart and simply make more Brownies, Sprinkles revealed.

Vanilla was shocked. His entire life, everything he had believed about the Cake was a lie. He saw Pastrycide for what it truly was now -- something sinister and evil. He swore to himself that he would stop it, at any cost. It was his duty, as the leader of his people.

"With your strength and my knowledge, we can break into the Cupboard and unite the other ingredients in an uprising against the Brownies," Sprinkles said."To do so though, we will need the Key to the encampment, held by Cocoa."

Sprinkles and Vanilla traveled to Cocoa's castle, and camped outside the walls. "I am much too old to climb these walls," Sprinkles told Vanilla. "You must do it yourself." Vanilla leapt up, and scaled the walls, entering the castle through a window. Soon he found the chest that held the Key to the encampments -- Vanilla took it, and quickly returned to the window he had entered from. Cream Cheese Frosting was waiting for him though. She was beautiful, chosen by Cocoa to be his queen long ago Seeing Vanilla with the Key, she asked him "Why not stay with me here? Together we can overthrow Cocoa and take command of the Brownies. We can rule Cupcakery!" Although Cream Cheese Frosting was beautiful, Vanilla knew that beneath her physical looks, she was as sinister as Cocoa. He could not trust her. Without looking at or answering her, Vanilla dove through the window, and rushed off with Sprinkles.

Together, Vanilla and Sprinkles used the Key to sneak back into the Cupboard. There, they gathered all the ingredients. The members of the Cupboard were stunned; here were two of the Chosen, who were supposed to be One with the Cake. Why were they now standing in front of them? Then Vanilla and Sprinkles told them about Pastrycide. The ingredients were skeptical at first, but then they saw it as truth. They were enraged, and decided to take action. They rose up as a group and charged the Brownies, led by Vanilla. After a long fight, more and more camps were rescued from the Brownies' hold. The Brownies were enraged, and began to push the ingredients back. Vanilla and Sprinkles found Cocoa leading the charge, and singled him out in combat. During the fighting, he struck Sprinkles down -- seeing this, Vanilla attacked back with renewed vigor, and vanquished Cocoa. Seeing their leader fall, the Brownies began to fall back, and flee. After many days of hard fighting, the ingredients won their freedom, albeit at great cost. There was much rejoicing, but then they asked -- now what? They had been given the boons of truth and freedom. What was next? They looked to Vanilla, who said - Now, we build the New World.[/i]


[size="4"][center][i]"RI, let us conquer LUE"[/i]

[i]A long long time ago, on a planet far far away. A certain phrase. One said by a certain messenger. A humble beefmonger known at the time as Shadow Legolas. This utterance of words is what began it all. Knowledge of the LUE colony on a planet known as Bob began to spread throughout the halls of Random Insanity. As the knowledge spread, many noble souls decided to depart for this new planet. They crossed the stars and quickly began to touch down in great numbers. It is said a shy ox constructed a large fortress on a portion of this new planet. In it all the new arrivals conspired about what they would do. They had originally come to help the red horde defeat the evil LUE empire. However, the red horde had fallen shortly after the insane ones arrived. Thus it was decided the randomly insane ones would take refuge in another place, a place nearby known for its many chestnuts. As time moved forward more arrivals touched down from the home planet. As this happened a certain document was drafted, a ConstRItution as it was called. This document organized the forces of random insanity into a so called alliance. Thus this paradoxical gathering began to work as one.

The stories below are gathered to tell of the early ages and will go into more detail of the founding of this union. However do note that the shadow in the scrolls is actually the humble beefmonger mentioned above and in fact not the person giving you this public service announcement, though he was also present for all of it.[/i]

[center][u]How the RIA came to be (a story told by Zeep)[/u][/center][/size]

[u]Chapter One: The fall of one age, and the birth of a new age.[/u]


[i]Our story first starts in a far off land. A land of grace and dignity, a land of golden arcs; cobble stone streets; and a welcoming smile around every corner. This land I speak of, was country known as Random Insanity.

Random Insanity, RI for short, is located on the continent of GameFAQs, which is now part of the CNet kingdom. Now I am sure not many of you know of this RI I speak of. Some of you may have never heard of RI before, others may have heard my description of wondrous place and figured I was talking of a different place. If your case is the latter, then you are wrong. If you are of the latter then you are most likely wrong my friend.

See, RI was a wonderful place. I don't say "was" in a meaning that RI no longer exists, I say "was" in a meaning that RI has simply gone down the toilet. See, back then RI was at war with its neighboring country of LUE. They hated each other and wanted nothing to do with each other. A lot of people thought RI and LUE would kill each other off, but that is not what happened. The Golden RI as I was talking about, was brought down by an insider. Some time after the collapse of the RI government, LUE managed to close off its gates to foreigners and has ever sense been slowly choking itself to death.

The collapse of the RI government included civil war. During this time a lot of it's heroes were charged with war crimes. Most of the heroes were killed on the spot, but a few escaped into the enemy lines of LUE, and were then exiled from RI. Without the heroes, RI just went deeper and deeper into its depression. New people kept coming, but they had no one to follow. Soon the civil war ended and the depression was too deep to fix by the few golden age citizens that remained. RI was reduced to a pile of crap, and has remained there sense. Some say it is a little better now days, but it all depends on who you ask. But enough about the history of RI, let's get onto the main point of this.[/i]
Lesson Two: From the shadows steps Legolas, and Napoleon too!!!

[i]Shadow Legolas and Napoleon Too were two survivors of the civil war. The streets of RI were no place for these two, they got ate up and spit out to the curb side. They were just a few of the people who tried to rebuild RI to it's former glory, but attempt after attempt they failed. They longed for the old RI, they longed for success, yet it never came to them.

Finally one day they were about to give up and just end their lives. But before they could pull the trigger and drink the poison, they heard of a new land. A land of riches and hope, much like what America was to the rest of the world when it was first discovered. This new land was called CyberNations, and they saw it as the last hope for RI.

They took the long journey across the vast WWW Ocean and came to the shores of hope and promise, CyberNations. They soon realized that this was the answer to their prayers. They figured if they can't rebuild old RI, then they will build a new RI. They quickly got to work and constructed a small kingdom of two, but that was not enough. They needed more then just them to make this work, but that's not all they needed. See, for some reason the land of CyberNations did not allow for it's people to have a private headquarters. This means their options were to plan in the public in front of possible enemy eyes, or locate the headquarters elsewhere.

So once they had things established in their lands on CyberNations, CN for short from here on, they headed back to the great continent of GameFAQs. They were not ready to let RI know of their work in progress, so they traveled across the continent of GameFAQs looking for a suitable place.

They soon came across a small ghost town called Yuu Yuu Hakusho. They decided this would be the home for their HQ, now all they had to do was breathe some life into the place. They only felt it right to rename the town due to the fact they were going to give it a new beginning. Being they didn't want to take too much time on this however, they simply named it "Yuu Yuu Hakusho 2."[/i]

[u]Less-than Three: Back then, Shyox only counted as half a man.[/u]


[i]One thing I forgot to mention about Shadow and Napoleon, was that they were not alone in find a home for their new HQ. Back on the shore of CyberNations, they met a young lad who also migrated from RI. This young mans name was none other then Shyox. Up till now, Shyox didn't really matter much as to how things went. It is true that he pointed it out to the two that they needed to have their HQ hidden, but they wont admit it was his idea. See, back when Shadow and Napoleon met Shyox, they thought nothing of him. In fact, they kinda hated him to be exact. The only reason why they kept him around, was to boost their own egos. But the fact of the matter is, despite what Shadow and Napoleon say, it was Shyox's idea to move the HQ out of the publics eye and back to GameFAQs.

The two and a half of them soon got to work in looking for members to join their group of rag tag RIers. They soon decided to call themselves the Random Insanity Alliance, also known as the RIA. Over time the numbers grew larger, yet as the numbers grew larger, danger also grew larger. Three major countries of GameFAQs traveled to CyberNations in all. The RIA, who's numbers were slowly growing was only one, and the weakest of the three. Another migratory country was Current Events, or CE for short. After the collapse of the RI government and the closing of LUE's walls, the public of RI started calling CE their enemy. With CE having a colonist group on the shores of CyberNations, the RIA had to be careful with where their HQ was located. One spy could mean doom for them all, for all their hard work and planning.

The third country, and the largest threat, was none other then LUE itself. After closing off it's walls to the public, it further more cut down it's numbers. It soon set sail across the WWW ocean and found a land which can't be found on any map, and depending on who you ask, doesn't exist. LUE split itself into two colonies to try to save itself. The problem with this is, both of those colonies came together at the shores of CyberNations to create the LUEnited Nations.

The RIA lived in fear of being discovered by ether CE, or the LUEnited Nations. Shyox feared this the most, and thought something should be done about this. Shadow and Napoleon showed no initiative in hiding to improve their chance of survival, so Shy knew he had to do this on his own. Little did he know however, he was about to go from only being half a man, to being a man and a half. [/i]

[u]4: The time to come, we shall rest here.[/u]


[i]Shyox knew something had to be done, and he now understood that it would have to be him to do it. With no other choice, he came out of the sidelines and smacked down the hands of Shadow and Napoleon. He then proceeded to grab RIA itself by the balls, and told it what direction to go. With a force unlike any other RIA has seen before, Shyox single handedly set RIA on the path for success.

Within the next few days Shyox gathered a small group of followers, and once again sent RIA across the WWW ocean. This time they were not headed back to the shores of CyberNation. No, this time they were headed to the shores of a large and highly diverse continent called Invisionfree. This continent was free of most rules, and most importantly, offered walls to keep unwanted eyes blind.

Shyox and his group of followers soon got to work at building a new Headquarters on Invisionfree. He had help from members such as Crunka, Leo, and Artema Dragon. Together this group of visionaries built the HQ that would house the RIA from here on out.

Shadow and Napoleon grew jealous of Shy's work, and slowly started to drift away from the dream they started. Soon the two who started the RIA, would be all but a faded memory in the minds of a few members.
[u]5: positions to rule them all.

[i]With the new HQ settled down, it was time to get some serious work done. The numbers for the RIA had not grown substantially in awhile. In fact, they were starting to shrink a little in numbers as members slowly started to drift away. Shyox had overcome the threat of LUE and CE for the time, but now faced the threat of RIA's own members.

Shy knew the only option left to save the RIA, was suicide. The RIA was not quite ready yet for RI to know about it, but there was no other choice. With his back against the wall and the RIA on it's deathbed, he went to RI. He posted one small discrete bulletin on the side of a cookie shop in search of new blood. At first only a few people noticed, and even less cared. With such a crappy turnover, shy decided to go get a cookie, so he went into the shop and ignored the bulletin. While he was in the shop however, the people who cared started to stand around. Soon a small crowd was amassed outside of the shop looking at the bulletin. This small crowd attracted others, and they too soon joined into the crowd.

Shy was oblivious to his crowd of followers outside however, and he was getting rather annoyed at the people ahead of him in line. He only wanted a simple chocolate chip cookie, and he was determined to buy one. However, the people in front of him were cookie freaks, much like coffee freaks at stores such as starbucks. "I'll have an orange sugar cookie covered in purple sprinkles and mixed with some small to medium macadamia nuts" ordered one person. Another person stepped up in line, "Yeah, I will have a large cookie please. One half I want to be chocolate chip and peanut butter, the other half will be peanut butter M&Ms, Oreo bits, and dried ice cream." It took Shy half an hour to get his order in, and he spent another ten minutes arguing with the cashier that all he wanted was a simple chocolate chip cookie.

When shy stepped out of the shop, he was shocked at what he saw. Ninjas! Thousands of them!!! Even more shockingly, most of them were there to join the RIA! Some of the ninjas that joined the RIA were Kloo Shanko, Moth, myself, and Delta. Shy took who he could with him, but had to leave a few behind. He brought them to the RIA HQ and processed them into the ranks.

The large increase in ranks did little to save the RIA though. In fact, it only made it's death all that more noticeable. With a group of RIers within its ranks, it now needed a slight order to keep things together. Elections were soon held for the five positions to rule them all. Leader, Co-leader, Foreign Advisor, War Advisor, and Economic Advisor.

The polls opened and the voting began, as did a new chapter in the RIA history. For the first time in it's history, the RIA would have an actual designated leader, as well as a cabinet to help advise.

When the polls closed and the dust settled, Leo came out as Co-Leader. Moth happened to grab the Foreign Advisor position, which suited him well. The title of Economic Advisor was to be Kloo Shanko's. Artema Dragon grabbed War Advisor with hopes his furry in the times of war would meet his name of Dragon. Last but not least, in fact the most importantly, the mighty Shyox once again grabbed the RIA by the balls, but this time came out as it's official leader.
[u]Six: feet under is not the place to be.[/u]


[i]The RIA made much progress, and was doing well. However, things would soon be thrown into chaos...multiple times. Time after time however, the RIA would stand tall and prove to all that it shall survive. It may not be the biggest or best alliance, but it's warriors are loyal and will fight with everything they have to the bitter end.

31 July 2006, RIA's grounds shake from an outside force for the first time. Up to this time, the RIA was only known by it's members and RI itself. 06:56 Coordinated Universal Time, an article is posted in the worldwide news paper known as the CNWiki. The article states, and I quote "The RIA is a recently created alliance. it is thought to be plotting a strike against the LUEnited nations. They are currently weak, but it is said by an inside source that they are great in number and have a well orginised hierarchy. They could be dangerous in the future." With the CE alliance dead, the RIAs only major concern left was the LUEnited Nations. This article had the power to light the spark of war, which would be more or less a slaughtering of the RIA. Thankfully however, the members of the RIA acted quick upon the threat and managed to hide the article from everyone else's eyes.

The second ground shaking threat the RIA faced was a devastating blow. The RIA was slowly starting to disintegrate as members sadly started to migrate away from the RIA. It was in this time of weakness that the next event happened. The great leader of RIA, Shyox, was attacked by rogues. They did enough damage to make the leader think of ending his life, but thankfully he didn't. In his time of need, a few members came back to help fight off the rogue nations. The RIA pulled through again and survived. The rogue nations soon went back into the shadows and left the RIA be.

Shortly after the rogue attacks, the RIA was once again in danger. This time however, it was by a greater threat then the LUEnited nations or a group of rogues. The New Pacific Order was knocking on the door of the RIA, and it was not there for a small chat. A citizen of the NPO attacked a fellow RIAer without reason. Shyox jumped in to back up our beloved brother, but was met with a fist in the face. We now had our leader in a fight with a NPO member, and any negotiations were going slowly. After me begging Shy to let me get involved, he finally let me at them. We now had three of our members in a fight with the most powerful force in the land of CyberNations. Peace was worked out soon after I got mugged by three or four NPO members.

It was a great deal later that our next conflict showed up, but we at first thought it was a repeat of the last one. The influential and powerful member Moth was attacked by what we thought at the time, another NPO member. Damage to moth racked up to be around 1.5 million by the end of the fighting. We soon got to the bottom of it though, and found out it was nothing but a rogue using the name of NPO for his own protection. The RIA attacked with no mercy, and we soon got moth his justice.[/i]


The rest since then is what you could call history. Five years ago today the Random Insanity Alliance came into existence on Planet Bob. Since those times of old, the Random Insanity Alliance has continued to grow and prosper. We have risen from a small group of refugees from another world to recently being a sanctioned alliance. We have watched countless other alliances rise and fall, lost and gained friends, lost and gained enemies, and we have watched the world around us shift and transform with time. We have had many challenges to overcome and crises to be solved throughout these five years but we have overcome them all and lived on to this day. We have had plenty of laughs and have continued to enjoy ourselves through everything. We plan to continue to do all of this well into the future despite anything that attempts to impede us.


We would like to give a shout out to all of the following individuals who have served in one of the forty-four governments of the RIA throughout our history:

Aaron, Agent Lemon, Apophis775, Arsenal 10, Artema Dragon, Azural, bioakky, cctmsp13, cheeseaholic, crazyisraelie, Croix, Damen, Delta1212, dester55, Dontasemebro, DrunkWino, Emperor Whimsical, EnragedLobster, Flask, gangs20003, Grand Poobah Marx, iKrolm, im317, invincible13matt, Jenne, Kaiser, King Death II, King Srqt, Kloo Shanko, Lanna, Leo, Lord Doom, Loren, Mogar, Moth, Myrrh, Nitemarebforcrismas, Ogaden, Omega-Red, Pinwheel, Prince Tomb, Prince Tomb, Queue1, Shadow, Shadow Slayer, Shyox, SWAT128, Thunder Strike, uchiha, Vector, Vintus, Zblewski, and zombie2000


More shout outs to all of the following individuals who have served as Captain Planet at some point in our history:

Agent Lemon, Apophis775, Arsenal 10, cctmsp13, Damen, Divine Light, Dontasemebro, Electric Mango, evil greg guy, im317, JuggaloJac, Kaiser, King Death II, Lord Doom, Meatkin Pie, Shadow, Supertwigs1013, SWAT128, triviuum, Vintus, zblewski, and Zitan XLII


Even more shout outs to all of the following alliances who have had treaties with us over the years:

57th Overlanders, Aeon, Alliance of Powerful Penguinz, Apocalypse, Armed Coalition of Valor, Arrow of Chiron, Ascended Republic of Elite States, Asgaard, Atlantic Shadow Confederation, Atlantis, Auxiliary Army, Bel Air, Blatantly Awesome Coalition of Nations, Coalition of Royal Allied Powers, Commonwealth of Sovereign Nations, Confederation of Organized Nations, Confederation of Radical Elites, Cool Rats And People, Cronus, Element, Elite Guardians of Peace, Farkistan, Fellowship of Unified Nations, Frontline Formation Coalition, Global Alliance and Treaty Organization, Global Democratic Alliance, Global Order of Darkness, Goon Order of Neutral Shoving, Gotham, Grand Central Agency, Greenland Republic, Hegemony of Periphery States, HeroesOfGaming (3rd), Imperial Assault Alliance (1st), Imperium Romanum, Independent Republic of Orange Nations, Indigo Defense Force, International Communist Party, International Protection Agency, International States of Solidarity and Freedom, Klingon Empire, Knights of the Imperial Cross, League of Extraordinary Nations, League of Shadows Treaty, League of United Defense, LUEnited Nations, Maroon Confederation of Armed Nations, Maroon Defense Coalition, Maroon Revolutionaries Alliance, Monos Archein, Mushroom Kingdom, Nemesis, New Pacific Order, Norden Verein, North Atlantic Defense Coalition, Northern Treaty Organization, Novus Orbus, Order of Feudalistic Security, Overclockers UK, O_o, People's Front of Judea, R&R, Ragnarok, Rapture, Relentless Resistance Alliance, Republic of Allied Defenses, RI Nation, Silence, Socialistic Empire, Sol, Soldiers of Legion, Soldiers of Liberty, SOS Brigade, Sparta, Spootland-Phantom Alliance of Allied Allies, Spootland Alliance of Allied Allies, Team Allied Guardians Alliance, The Angelic Sanctuary, The Brain, The Corporation, The Eagle Nebula, The Four Horsemen, The Goa'uld Empire, The Immortals, The International, The Order of Halsa, The Order of Righteous Nations, The Other Side, The Phoenix Collective, The Realm, The Republic (2nd), The Shadow Accord, The Shadow Confederacy, The Shadow Confederacy Empire, The Templar Knights, The Unitican Empire, The Unitican Federation, Through Yggdrasil's Roots, Troy (1st), Union of Integrated National Entities, United Defense Contractors, United Sovereign Nations, Virdian Entente, Western Intelligence Inquisition, and \m/ (1st)


Even more shout outs to all the alliances we have fought at some point in our history:

Argent, Echelon, Exodus, Federal Domestic Agency, Global Alliance and Treaty Organization, Grand Global Alliance, Hydra, Illuminati, Imperial Assault Alliance (2nd), League of Extraordinary Nations, Maroon Defense Coalition, Nations Fighting Together, OTF Alliance, Quantum, Republic of Dark Knights, Rubber Ducky Division, Seaworthy Liberian Cardboard Boxes, Siberian Tiger Alliance, The Order of Light, United Purple Nations, Valhalla, Virtuoso, and War Making Tyrants


Even more shout outs to the four alliances that have merged into us at some point during these last five years: Celestial Being (1st), Gotham, PotD Alliance, and Sol.


...and last but not least we would like to give a shout out to all the 1500+ nations that have inhabited our halls at some point in these last five years.

All those mentioned above have influenced our history in their own unique way and we would like to thank them all.


[i]It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Cactuar, woke up in a magical pumpkin patch. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely exasperated, Cactuar attacked a ninja pumpkin, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved pie was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Funktuara. Cactuar had known Funktuara for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Funktuara was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... crazy. Cactuar called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Funktuara picked up to a very glad Cactuar. Funktuara calmly assured him that most legless puppies grimace before mating, yet albino cats usually flamboyantly panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Cactuar. Why was Funktuara trying to distract Cactuar? Because she had snuck out from Cactuar's with the pie only six days prior. It was a exotic little pie... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Cactuar got back to the subject at hand: his pie. Funktuara sneezed. Reluctantly, Funktuara invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pie. Cactuar grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Funktuara realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pie and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Cactuar took the giraffe, she had at least nine minutes before Cactuar would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Funktuara would be excessively screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Funktuara was interrupted by eleven selfish Kiwis that were lured by her pie. Funktuara turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she aggressively reached for her carrot and thoughtfully lunged towards every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent—the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Cactuar.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Cactuar was out of the time machine and went wildly jaunting toward Funktuara's front door. Meanwhile inside, Funktuara was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pie into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. Funktuara was pleased but at least the pie was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Funktuara wildly purred. With a mighty push, Cactuar opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering self-righteous samurai in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Funktuara assured him. Cactuar took a seat excruciatingly close to where Funktuara had hidden the pie. Funktuara shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Cactuar was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Funktuara noticed a funny-smelling look on Cactuar's face. Cactuar slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Funktuara felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Cactuar asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pie right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Cactuar's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Cactuar nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Funktuara could react, Cactuar skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pie was plainly in view.

Cactuar stared at Funktuara for what what must've been eleven nanoseconds. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Funktuara groped charismatically in Cactuar's direction, clearly desperate. Cactuar grabbed the pie and bolted for the door. It was locked. Funktuara let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Cactuar,' she rebuked. Funktuara always had been a little clueless, so Cactuar knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Funktuara did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his pie tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Funktuara looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Cactuar. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Cactuar. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Funktuara walked over to the window and looked down. Cactuar was gone.

Just yonder, Cactuar was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Funktuara's place. Cactuar had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Kiwis suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pie. One by one they latched on to Cactuar. Already weakened from his injury, Cactuar yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Kiwis running off with his pie.

But then the Almighty, the All Powerful, the Great One, RIctuar came down from above with His ten thousand needles and restored Cactuar's pie. Feeling exasperated, RIctuar smote the Kiwis for their injustice. Then He got in His gerbil rocket and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 200,000 hissing sloths running from a shrunken pack of man-eating capybaras. Cactuar tripped with joy when he saw this. His pie was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, 'What's new in the RIA?' , was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet 3-legged wallabies'). Cactuar was pleased. And so, everyone except the samurai and a few bloody glove-toting hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.[/i]


[center][size="4"]HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY RIA![/size][/center]

Now we head into a time machine to the previous birthdays of the RIA!

[size="4"]1st Birthday![/size]

[size="4"]2nd Birthday![/size]

[size="4"]3rd Birthday![/size]

[size="4"]4th Birthday![/size]

...or in link form:
1st: http://z15.invisionfree.com/Cyber_Nations/index.php?showtopic=78030
2nd: http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=29049
3rd: http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=64247
4th: http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=89597

Hope you enjoyed all the nostalgia!

tl;dr Party in #RIA all weekend!

Edited by ShadowDragon
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 67
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

My eyes - they hurt. Anyways, congratulations! I remember fighting you in TOOL and RIA was quite fun to fight. Afterward, Shadow is clearly awesome.

So awesome RIA members - C-zom, Ogaden, Delta, Shadow and the rest of you that I don't know, congratulations! :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote name='Sandwich Controversy' timestamp='1311459397' post='2762311']
Thanks links to the threads would not have sufficed
of course not, it's easier to have images.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I sure as hell ain't reading that; instead I'll read the post before mine, glean from it what the OP contained, and congratulate you on what I assume to be your anniversary.

So, congrats.

(If it's not that congrats then on whatever it is.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.

  • Create New...