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Tabloid Tribune #164 - Sports Edition


Sir Paul
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[b][size=6][color=red]The Tabloid Tribune[/size][/b][/color]
[b]One Step Ahead of the Truth[/b]
Since September 2003

Tabloid Tribune #164 – Sports Edition
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[u][size=5][b]GROUP A – ROUND 1[/SIZE][/B][/u]

[size=5][b]Moldavi Goes Inactive When Alliance Needs Him Most[/b][/size]
[IMG]http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/3093/roninsith.png[/IMG]
[i]Nitemare finds the former Emperor asleep at the helm[/i]

In the first game of the Cherry Blossom Invitational, the most important Cyberverse Association Rules Football Tournament since the last one, tournament hosts O’Samurai United faced off against Heart of Midichlorian in a cagey match.

Early in the first half, Nitemare connected with a corner and found nothing but net. Goalkeeper Moldavi, known for an iron fist and quick wit, barely moved as the ball bounced past him. “It was as if he wasn’t really present” noted manager WorldConqueror. “It was as if he was in another world and not on the field.”

The Sith, fielding their first Association Rules Football team in inter-alliance competition, stood up well to the trucker-hat clad Samurai. However, they seemed to lack patience, with most of their shots coming from too far out. Heft stated that in the future they would need to stay on target longer and fire from closer range.

In the end, Nitemare’s score was the only of the match, making them the leaders of Group A. Samurai’s next match is against Complaints Albion, while the Sith will face down Parodoxia.

[size=5][b]TOP Blows Chance to Smash Complaints[/b][/size]
[URL=http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/577/feanorboot.png/][IMG]http://img577.imageshack.us/img577/6389/feanorboot.png[/IMG][/URL]
[i]Feanor, showboating with dramatic flair instead of pragmatically crushing their enemies[/i]

FC Parodoxia blew their one chance at crushing Complaints beneath their heel, undoing all the hard work and meticulous planning that left a vulnerable Complaints in the palm of Parodoxia. However, Feanor decided to go for flair instead of execution and missed the goal of defeating Complaints.

“It’s really just pathetic” noted Rush Sykes, “they had us right where they wanted us, and they go and botch the execution. You can believe we’d never make such a mistake.” Indeed, Complaints were outclassed, outmatched, but out of the tournament they are not.

At the whistle, the score ended even with two fat goose-eggs on the scoreboard, taunting FC Parodoxia with what might have been. Both teams are tied with one point a piece for second in group A play, behind three point O’Samurai and ahead of no points Hearts of Midiclorian.
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Written by Sir Paul
The Tabloid Tribune
Proudly Part of PNN
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[u][size=5][b]GROUP B – ROUND 1[/b][/size][/u]

[size=5][b]Kamichi Sings Spice Girl's Song; Shames All Involved[/b][/size]
[URL=http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/705/nfshimmy.png/][IMG]http://img705.imageshack.us/img705/1649/nfshimmy.png[/IMG][/URL]
[i]New Frontier spices up your life[/i]

With their trademark efficiency and tight play, the CSKA Francograd seemed nigh unstoppable, having already defeated Partytowne Town in a previous meeting, but slow to adjust, the Pacificans had trouble matching adjustments made by Partytowne Town and ended the game in a tie.

It wasn’t for lack of opportunities, but CSKA Francograd’s only goal was a Cortath Corner slammed home by Captain Bakamatai. Despite Francograd’s flashy one-touch play and coordinated team work, Partytowne Town shut down the Pacificans with inspired play.

If the Pacificans are about the sum of the parts, Partytowne Town was about individual greatness. New Frontier had an inspired break away, beating three defenders with his “shimmy to the right” and beating Velocet, who, up until that moment, was a wall for Pacifica. Since the inspired play caused announcer Kamichi to start singing Spice Girls songs as the only way to express his feelings, both teams decided to refrain from scoring for the remainder of the match to keep that from happening again. Final score: 1 to 1. CSKA Francograd will be taking on AFC Tetris while Partytowne Town will try its feet against the MK Dons.

(Full disclosure: Sir Paul is a member of CSKA Francograd and acts as the backup goalkeeper. Sir Paul is also not an Association Rules Football player, but instead plays Hurling, a manly sport for the brave and stupid. It is only under Imperial Order that he plays this “sport.”)
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[size=5][b]AFC Tetris fight MK Dons; Nothing Happens Twice[/b][/size]
[IMG]http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/118/samuelbeckett.jpg[/IMG]
[i]Samuel Beckett Approves[/i]

Once again, the lulz of the Mushroom Kingdom has taken front seat to the rest of Planet Bob’s desires, and the MK Dons give us ninety-plus minutes of absolutely nothing. Each half passed with no scoring, no anticipation, and no fun. While it might be tempting to place some of the blame on AFC Tetris (they were on the field as well, after all) it is pretty clear that this is all the fault of the MK Dons, who, after ruining Cybernations, are now out to ruin Association Rules Football. For Shame.

The game, of course, ended zero to zero. All members of group B are now tied, since all of their games ended in a tie, just like the First Great War.
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Written by Sir Paul
The Tabloid Tribune – One Step Ahead of the Truth
Proudly Part of PNN

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[quote name='Sir Paul' timestamp='1308882415' post='2739882']
just like the First Great War.
[/quote]
Good Sir, we surrendered in that war. I know because I was one of the two who surrendered for our side, with Comrade Emperor Ivan Moldavi being the other. We lost. We won the ensuing peace because we were much more handsome.

I don't get the whole soccer thing. It's not a manly sport and therefore beneath the Orders. That being said, I hear the Polaris women's team has a strong fielding. They even play on a pitch instead of a field. Take that!

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[quote name='Electron Sponge' timestamp='1308883158' post='2739903']
Good Sir, we surrendered in that war. I know because I was one of the two who surrendered for our side, with Comrade Emperor Ivan Moldavi being the other. We lost. We won the ensuing peace because we were much more handsome.

[b]I don't get the whole soccer thing. It's not a manly sport [/b]and therefore beneath the Orders. That being said, I hear the Polaris women's team has a strong fielding. They even play on a pitch instead of a field. Take that!
[/quote]

I have to disagree sir :ehm:

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[quote name='D34th' timestamp='1308884277' post='2739932']
I have to disagree sir :ehm:
[/quote]
The whole flopping thing, it's off-putting. Be a man, if someone invades your space, knock him down or at least hold your own. Don't fake an injury. It's entirely the reason I think male soccer players are women with penises (speculation, there is no proof they actually possess a male sexual organ). The sport I played (football), you didn't lay down like that. It was physical combat against your opponent and it made a man of you. Or you quit and signed up for soccer if you weren't man enough.

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[quote name='Electron Sponge' timestamp='1308886788' post='2739992']
The whole flopping thing, it's off-putting. Be a man, if someone invades your space, knock him down or at least hold your own. Don't fake an injury. It's entirely the reason I think male soccer players are women with penises (speculation, there is no proof they actually possess a male sexual organ). The sport I played ([b]football[/b]), you didn't lay down like that. It was physical combat against your opponent and it made a man of you. Or you quit and signed up for soccer if you weren't man enough.
[/quote]

Eggball you mean? :P Many could say that hold men like that eggball players do isn't exactly a manly thing to do, soccer players prefer to hold only pretty women.

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[quote name='D34th' timestamp='1308887081' post='2740010']
Eggball you mean? :P Many could say that hold men like that eggball players do isn't exactly a manly thing to do, soccer players prefer to hold only pretty women.
[/quote]
D34th that would be Armoured Egg Chasing

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[quote name='Electron Sponge' timestamp='1308886788' post='2739992']
The whole flopping thing, it's off-putting. Be a man, if someone invades your space, knock him down or at least hold your own. Don't fake an injury. It's entirely the reason I think male soccer players are women with penises (speculation, there is no proof they actually possess a male sexual organ). The sport I played (football), you didn't lay down like that. It was physical combat against your opponent and it made a man of you. Or you quit and signed up for soccer if you weren't man enough.
[/quote]

The problems with football is that it requires one, maybe two skills (a lineman needs strength and maybe speed, being a receiver requires speed and agility, etc), and strategy is left up to people who aren't even playing in the game. Of course, this problem occurs in all team sports, which is why I prefer individual ones. Having somebody else make your decisions for you is not very masculine, if you ask me.

Also, more on-topic, congratulations to... something. I saw what this was about and decided to skip to the replies.

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[quote name='The Pansy' timestamp='1308888065' post='2740031']
D34th that would be Armoured Egg Chasing
[/quote]
[img]http://files.sharenator.com/oh_you_a_few_funnys-s450x338-182288.jpg[/img]

somehow im not surprised to see you in this conversation, lol

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