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Civil Unrest at the Library


Captain Enema
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"Ma'am, ah done told you I don't want to read no fancy dan books like Proust, I'm a simple sort of chap, I'll take my Thomas Hardy and that is that, yall hear me now?" the rawboned gentlemen with the hard tight lips and grimace on his face says.

"Clint, you do truly scare me, you truly do with that stare of yours, it penetrates my soul like a UFE Thermobaric Smart Weapon, but I'm sorry, I just can't satisfy your literary yearnings for Hardy. Though we might have a bit of Bronte on the shelves," the Librarian says.

"I challenge you to a duel ma'am," Clint says as he pulls back the hem of his jacket and shows the Librarian his Colt .45 Long Revolver.

"Well then, I'll see your duel and raise you my fancy toy," the Librarian replies as she uses her tired 80 year old bones to pull a Squad Automatic Weapon out from under her counter.

"Well it seems we are at an impasse," Clint snarls.

"Indeed, why don't you just go sit down over there and I'll see if I can't find something light for you to browse over, like Clive Cussler novel while I see if any Hardy is in the return stacks?" the Librarian asks sweetly as she pats her trusty SAW and thinks of the rivers of blood she's spilled with this very weapon.

"Now you insult me dearly with a Cussler, but I'll take my seat and read a magazine or two while you conduct your search, I do thank you for your courtesy ma'am," Clint says as he goes to sit.

Next to his chair is seated a tall handsome stranger named Wayne John. The handsome stranger leans over and whispers, "The old bat turned you down also?"

"Yes, I wanted Hardy and she offered me Proust."

"Oh it's own now.. are you with me?"

"To hell with it, I'm with you!"

"YOU BOYS QUIET DOWN OUT THERE OR I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A BOXING ON THE EARS YOUR MOTHERS SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU!" the librarian screams.

"Yes Ma'am!" Clint and Wayne John reply in unison as they look guilty and secretly plot about printing an underground newspaper exposing the tyranny of the librarian.

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