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GoonNation 420


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[center][img]http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/7241/bannervrw.png[/img]
Part Four of a Twenty part series

[img]http://cngoons.com/Board/Smileys/CN%20Emotes/goonpatriot.png[/img] [img]http://cngoons.com/Board/Smileys/CN%20Emotes/goonpatriot.png[/img]

This installment happens to be on our two year anniversary ([url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=101131]WAY TO GO, KINGSHIBBY[/url]). A few of us have taken a break from extracurricular activities to ring in year two - and to respond to our present war - with another edition of GoonNation.

[b]Previously,[/b]
[img]http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/9051/march2011goons.png[/img]
(Courtesy of mattski133.)
[img]http://i51.tinypic.com/1431i6s.jpg[/img]
(Courtesy of JT Jag.)[/center]

[quote][b]A REBUTTAL TO MY REBELLIOUS MEMBERSHIP

DEAR UNGRATEFUL MISANTHROPES,[/b]

Hello, how are you? I'm fine, aside from being nuked to a shred of my former self. That is what you wanted, correct? I have only been hearing about it EVERY DAY of the PAST YEAR. I can't even join our common channel without somebody colloquially calling for my abject annihilation. My population may have been nuked, repeatedly, over and over again, however, I am still alive, my command bunker hundreds of miles under the earth remains intact, enabling me to command our forces to victory, YOU CANNOT STOP THE SIGNAL.

You want me gone? It's going to take more than a few measly nukes. Besides, you need me. You constantly call for me to create some new disaster during peace time, and yet when I finally do give you a war, you continue to call for my ousting, WHAT NERVE! Do you have any idea how SHORT and SAD your LITTLE lives would be without my guiding hand? It would be funny if it weren't so sad!

Love,
[b]Sardonic[/b][/quote]

[b]Economic Upturn in the Nation of Sturmreich
-mattski133[/b]
[quote]Despite engaging in an offensive war against the nation of Alvarez, a noted destroyer of over 150,000 nation strength of the Hopeless Coalition he is a part of, Grand Mullah Amonra has pressed forward with an impressive reconstruction campaign in the midst of the war. We at GOONland News Network were able to secure an interview with him in the war-ravaged, then pristine, and then war ravaged capitol of Sturm City.

"Amonra," I began, "we can't help but notice all the new construction in your capitol, despite the war with Alvarez still ongoing. What has prompted this decision?"
Warning sirens sounded over the jackhammers and engines below.
"Well," the self-proclaimed Grand Mullah began, a hard hat in place of his crown, "I have decided to ignore the fact that a nuclear warhead is impacting my nation once per day, shortly followed up with missile strikes, amongst other things. I fully intend to make it clear to my people that despite nearly 10% of my country being flattened on a daily basis, it will rise again before the next morning."
"A bold move," I quipped, "I would hazard a guess to say that nearly every other ruler involved in this campaign would wait until at least their wars have concluded before rebuilding. Or, most strictly speaking, to maintain a level around 1000 infrastructure, not..." I checked my spreadsheet, "4000 infrastructure."
"Ha," he yelled, placing his hand uncomfortably on my shoulder, "I am not like most rulers. I will gladly spend a few hundred million dollars to maintain the belief that nothing is in fact happening to my nation. And why not?" At this he paused, staring out proudly at the cranes and back hoes moving dirt and concrete here and there as new foundations began to rise. "Look at how many jobs I've created! All of this glorious industry. That frugal leader over in Alvarez is smartly using his aid to efficiently nuke me on a daily basis. But," he smiled, chest puffed out, "he doesn't have a standing army like mine!"
"Yes, but reports indicate that you can't even attack with that army, being that the soldiers of Alvarez have disappeared into their cave networks." I eyed him suspiciously, "in fact most people have come to the conclusion that you are literally lighting your cash ablaze in the ashes of each nuclear warhead that falls, and using that fiery currency to light cigars as your army parades in the fallout."
The sirens began to pick up across Sturm City, and as we watched, a single vapor trail in the sky appeared; a missile as black as the GOONland flag beginning its descent into the city. The fledgling Strategic Defense system fired tragically at the far more advanced rocket, which rolled in and out of the ridiculous lasers. The construction crews below began to abandon their machines and head for fallout shelters.
"Be that as it may," Amonra said, retreating now with my camera crew to a solid concrete bunker, "it is important to uphold the belief that we are not losing, and I have fully embraced this guiding light of my alliance and of my coalition with both arms. I mean, at least until I run out of contractors."
A dull thump reverberated from my feet to my skull as the blast doors closed with a thud of their own.
"Whew," the Mullah exclaimed, over the sound of collapsing structures and exploding gas lines, "you know I really enjoy this type of stuff and I'm as loyal to Pacifica as anyone, but between you and me," the somewhat deflated leader nudged my arm, "it won't bother me if the Order would stop by once in a while..."[/quote]

[b]Duty Honor Peace Mode
-JackMack[/b]
[quote]"Duty Honor Peace Mode" A speech by Imperator Totem of the Legion

Proconsul Alexander Kerensky, Lord Necrophiliac, distinguished guests, and gentlemen of the Legion. As I was leaving the hotel this morning, a doorman asked me, "Where are you bound for, Imperator?" and when I replied, "Peace Mode," he remarked, "Beautiful place, have you ever been there before?"

No human being could fail to be deeply moved by such a tribute as this, coming from a alliance I have served so long and a people I have loved so well. It fills me with an emotion I cannot express, and gas. But this strategy of hiding in peace mode is not intended primarily for a personality, but to symbolize a great moral code — the code of conduct and chivalry of those who guard this beloved land of culture and ancient descent. That is the meaning of this mighty strategy. For all eyes and for all time, it is an expression of the ethics of the Legionnaire. That I should be integrated in this way with so noble an ideal arouses a sense of pride and yet of wanton cowardice which will be with me always.

"Duty," "Honor," "Peace Mode" — those four hallowed words reverently dictate what you want to be, what you can be, what you will be. They are your rallying point to try and feign courage when courage inevitably fails, to regain faith when there seems to be little cause for faith, to create hope when hope becomes forlorn. Unhappily, I possess neither that eloquence of diction, that poetry of imagination, nor any particular intelligence whatsoever to tell you all that they mean.

The unbelievers will say they are but words, but a slogan, but a flamboyant phrase. Every pedant, every demagogue, every cynic, every hypocrite, every troublemaker, and, I am sorry to say, some others of an entirely different character, will try to downgrade them even to the extent of mockery and ridicule. Peace mode is a valid tactic guys and all those who say otherwise are not as awesome at the game as we are.

But these are some of the things that Peace Mode achieves. It builds your basic character. They mold you for your future roles as the custodians of the nation's defense. They make you strong enough to know when you are weak, and brave enough to pretend you are not bothered when other nations correctly identify that you are afraid.

They teach you to be proud and unbending in honest failure, but humble and gentle in success; not to substitute words for actions; not to seek the path of stress or challenge, but to hide where it is comfortable and no threat to your infra or tech exists. At times we have to fight back the tears when other alliances call us wimps, but we must stand by our guns, as it were, because actually using our cyberguns is the last thing on our mind.

And what sort of soldiers are those you are to lead? Are they reliable? Are they brave? Are they capable of victory? Not really. We don’t really have that many because a) we don’t need them and b) they cost money which in peace mode is a bit limited.

From one end of the cyberworld to the other, we have drank our own urine rather than from the chalice of courage Our resolute and determined defense (through peace mode), our swift and failed attack earlier in the war, our indomitable purpose to stay in peace mode allowing our opponents complete and decisive victory — always victory, always through the bloody haze of their last nuke, the vision of gaunt, ghastly internet nerds, reverently following your password of Duty, Honor, Peace Mode.[/quote]

[b]The Funnies[/b]
[u][i][url=http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e224/mattski133/DH_Strategy.jpg]Doom House[/url][/u] vs [url=http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e224/mattski133/HC_Strategy.png][u]Hopeless Coalition[/u][/url] strategy[/i] [b]-mattski133[/b]
[u][i][url=http://img840.imageshack.us/img840/7495/piece27.png]A Blast from the Past: The OWF[/url][/i][/u] [b]-SirWilliam[/b]
[u][url=http://i.imgur.com/cZ5MT.jpg][i]?????[/i][/url][/u] [b]-Throbulator[/b]

[right][url=http://cngoons.com/Board/index.php?topic=8358.0][img]http://img816.imageshack.us/img816/9804/71749887.jpg[/img][/url][/right]

Edited by SirWilliam
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[quote name='goldielax25' timestamp='1303356234' post='2695215']
Wonderful publication, it's truly amazing what 1000 monkeys can do with 1000 typewriters.
[/quote]

We only have 300-400 monkeys right now. We do have a bunch of typewriters though.

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I am famous!

I am offically sorry that I did not follow the GOONS war manual: Step 1: Turtle like you mean business!

Please send someone who can keep my sodliers busy and make them pick up their guns. They had nothing to do so I put them to work re-building!

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[quote name='Amonra' timestamp='1303395846' post='2695526']
I am famous!

I am offically sorry that I did not follow the GOONS war manual: Step 1: Turtle like you mean business!

Please send someone who can keep my sodliers busy and make them pick up their guns. They had nothing to do so I put them to work re-building!
[/quote]

C'mon that last little nuke barrage was pretty crafty give me SOME credit.

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[quote name='mattski133' timestamp='1303396931' post='2695534']
C'mon that last little nuke barrage was pretty crafty give me SOME credit.
[/quote]
I will give you credit for that...
I have excuted the man who was on duty @ my SDI that night. That was a clear case of criminal neglegiance.
We are looking in to rumors of GOONS bribes and sabotage.

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[quote name='Amonra' timestamp='1303398971' post='2695546']
I will give you credit for that...
I have excuted the man who was on duty @ my SDI that night. That was a clear case of criminal neglegiance.
We are looking in to rumors of GOONS bribes and sabotage.
[/quote]

Lucky is probably more applicable than crafty.

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