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The Palin Rebellion


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The fight had been a hard one. The Federation's army had been distracted by Japan, so it had cracked down on the Alaskan Lord's Resistance Army with Predator Drone strikes for the past few weeks. Generalissimo Limbaugh had fled back to the Free Association as soon as he found out he had to walk, leaving General Oliver North in command of the Army of Wasilla. The Army was made up mostly of loyal god fearing Christians who had perpetually voted to underfund their schools, and as a result had little economic opportunity. They clung to their guns, religions, crystal meth, and the word of the Once and Future Half Term Governor Palin and her Prophet Beck fiercely.

Private First Class Bubba McCoy was one of three brothers who had signed up to join the Lord's Resistance Army the day it was founded in Wasilla. He was the only one left now. His two brothers had seen a beautiful sow in a barn and decided to have some fun. It turned out it was a secret police trap, the UFE had set many of them up to capture ALRA soldiers with the sweet allure of farm animals in heat. He took a sip of his moonshine, nothing like the taste of unregulated possibly toxic alcoholic beverages.

The march from Wasilla to Fairbanks was a long and arduous one. At the front of his column Radio Free Alaska was playing with the voice of the Prophet Beck. The Prophet Beck had recently come with Sarah Palin back to Alaska after his completely voluntary and totally unrelated to his plummeting ratings departure from World Freedom Network:

[quote]My people.

I've told you for a long time now. That... I'm sorry. That we are living in the end of times... you know other people have said in the past that "Glenn, you can't talk about the book of revelation like it was intended as literal truth, its pretty well proven it was a reassuring political message to an oppressed religious minority that the tyranny of Rome would eventually fall, hidden in religious symbolism and not at all intended as a road map for predicting the end of times.", well what are you going to believe are you going to believe "scholars" and "theologians" who spent the past 2000 years exhaustively studying this, or are you going to believe what your gut and most basic fears tell you? WAKE UP ALASKA!

Let me tell you, the Chinese are the white horseman, the First Seal of the end times, and they are coming and they are going to open the other seals to remain the remaining three horseman of the apocalypse: war, plague, and death. And there are two things stopping them: Sarah Palin and Gold Line. Because without Sarah Palin and securing your retirement future in shiny metal coins, you must.... excuse me I get emotional about this... you must repent for your sins, because the end times are upon us.[/quote]

The city of Fairbanks could now be spotted below the hill. The city had not recovered from the Alaskan Civil War, but it was able to be retaken. Foreign volunteers from the John Birch Society Crusaders in North America had arrived and seized the city early in the fighting. The JBSCNA had proclaimed it a free godly city because the city's water treatment plant had been squashed by the Chinese and Ursalians in the Alaskan Civil War. The water here wouldn't be treated with deadly materials like fluoride. What good had that done anyway? All it did was make you more susceptible to mind control and further the liberal-dental cavity conspiracy. Everyone knew fillings were just how they put in your microchips.

Indeed, looking upon the unpaved streets, lack of functioning police and firefighting force, child labor, and starving sick senior citizens Private Bubba could not help but have his gut swell with a yearning to settle down in this beacon of freedom and liberty... no wait he just needed more crystal meth.

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[i]Fairbanks, Alaska[/i]

Sarah 'Barracuda' Palin sat in her office sighing, "You mean to say we're at war with the big country in Asia, not the little one that attacked us at Pearl Harbor in World War I!" she said incredulously. "Yeah... and it was World War II." O'Reilly said with a bit of annoyance in his voice. Palin was shocked, she had gone to five FIVE different community colleges, how had she never learned this? The Governor chided Bill, "There ya go again with your gotchya tactics of the lame stream media."

Bill O'Reilly sighed, it seems WFN President Roger Ailes was punishing him, sending him to be the grown up in this rebellion/publicity stunt. "Ya know Bill, I think we're forgetting one thing here." Palin said to him. "Whats that governor."he said rueful he asked. "Israel, we've gotta be supportin' Israel and sayin' to Putin when he rears his ugly head 'watchya doin' with Iran."

"Ok I'm going to stop you right there." Bill said. "Israel and Iran are the same country, and they are allied to China! Putin is one of the few leaders we have a chance in hell of getting any support from!"

"Ya know this cutting and..." she continued to go but Bill turned himself out. [i]$%&@ what did I do to deserve this !@#$.[/i] he thought to himself.

With Japan defeated, there were now completely clear sea lines to Alaska. The PLA forces had landed at several areas and were forming a pincer towards Fairbanks. The fight was brutal, Jim-Bob and his other volunteers were taking losses. Glenn Beck, desperate to prove he could still get ratings had told the insurgents to keep their radios on to listen to his increasingly delusional rants. Unfortunately this meant that the People's Liberation Air Force could follow radio signals right down ontop of them.

Ninety had died out of a unit of One Hundred and Fifty rifle that had left Fairbanks to stall the Federation advance. To make matters worse many of the John Birch Society and Tea Party volunteers had insisted on wearing revolutionary war uniforms, which weren't exactly the best camouflage ever devised.

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