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> Redirecting power from missile silos to the Broadcast Towers of Anubia Begin Transmission: Pictured above; Johnny Apocalypse removing nuclear fallout from his brain. Welcome to The Day Today's January 2021 NewsWipe - A New Year's Summary Long time no see Dear Readers, now that the mandatory conscription order has been rescinded The Day Today writing team can get back to work and provide you all with only the finest, most accurate source of information Planet Bob has seen.....um, ever? Well, maybe not ever but we're close- not that there is much in the way of competent literary competition. Anyway I digress, let's dig in. So what happened this month? COBRA - State of Emergency declared in the wake of TWO Peace Treaties At the beginning of 2021, COBRA kickstarted the year in true miliaristic fashion with fireworks pointed towards the Knights of the Round Table. Soon after the initial launches; inboxes were coated wall-to-wall with paperjam consisting of letters from various animal protection charities because we were scaring everyone's pets, as well as a handful of reluctant conscientious objectors who did not wish to fight this battle. The reasons for the war were laid out in the initial declaration- contrary to attempts by deluded braincrashed leaders seeking to frame the narrative in their own way. The reasons were not strictly limited to the presence of one nation. However since that declaration, the King Cobra and the Knight of the Grail have come to terms as equals and made peace. Our grievance has been put to rest and though it remains early days, we endeavour to pursue peaceful co-existence and co-operation with each other. Thanks, Round Table. Thrable. Scary and unprecedented times indeed for COBRA. Peace!? Successfully Buried Hatchets!? Have we entered a bizarro dimension? No, that's the place where you have less than zero soldiers or infrastructure. And also no because...... RFI and Oculus vs. Non Grata and COBRA - Season 1.2 Lack of viable material cited for re-launch of popular 2019-2020 Season Approximately two weeks in to the COBRA vs. Knights of the Round Table war, the leaders of Non Grata and COBRA began to feel a twitching in the planetary grapevines. Rumblings of a greater war arriving at COBRA's door grew louder as time went on, initially the assumption being that it was an attempt to claim a moral high ground in defense of the Round Table. Had this actually been the case, it certainly would have been a bit more credible than what actually transpired.... Instead; COBRA and Non Grata found themselves once again beset by alliances from the RFI and Oculus blocs respectively, with each taking turns to dance on our lawns. The reason given? A mischievous and most wicked plot against them in violation of a non-aggression pact the RFI bloc held with Non Grata. So very mischievous it was that they refused to reveal the evidence of this claim to the public! This told us that they really meant business, our days were numbered and that we were in for it now I tell you whut. There was one thing that did strike us (and everyone else watching) as particularly odd though. Generally speaking; when you provide a casus belli you tend to actually show your evidence or at the very least; build your case for people to see your reasoning/tell your opponent it's simply because you don't like them. Either you work on crafting a written argument or you provide evidence of crimes committed against you. It is the very justification for launching hostilities, so why hide it? The short answer is that the source of the 'intelligence' was not reliable or remotely trustworth. The long answer is that the evidence cited wasn't the real reason and that their source was actually someone who was sponsored and incentivised to become a turncoat against the people he once upon a time could consider friends (more on this later) The source material was not only obtained from a deeply questionable source, but it was also acquired long before the initiation of hostilities. In fact it was acquired during the time the Non Grata-RFI NAP was in effect, though no attempt was made by RFI to honour that with Non Grata by making a diplomatic approach. Instead these screenshots were used to start plotting a war against us both. They went about this while also keeping some of their own allies who we shared in the dark about their plan to hit us and in doing so; violated intelligence clauses in treaties with those allies (yes, the irony is very thick isn't it?) After some very sound and indisputable arguments were made during the weekend long summit, a temporary ceasefire was agreed to while a pathway to peace was drawn up. As the evidence cited had been debunked thoroughly and the war itself was launched on weak pretenses and in violation of a number of their own treaties, COBRA declared that if peace was to be achieved it would not be done without some reasonable tit-for-tat for our trouble. There was to be a period of limited engagement and retaliation with a view to balancing the scales (and making sure those responsible didn't walk off without getting a pint glass in the eye themselves). So a draft was painstakingly carved out; the majority of the coalition agreed to the terms of limited engagement and COBRA revealed the extent of the counter-offensive forces they should expect. All was going well, except for one silent voice chiming in at the 11th hour before the ceasefire expired. "We would prefer white peace" they suggested. I bawked. The others asked why they did not ask this sooner, given the ample opportunity to do so. A panic began to take hold; the agreement was in jeopardy at the last minute; COBRA allies remained poised to strike; a plea for reason was made to stick to the original plan; a further plea was made to extend the ceasefire for another 24 hours to allow further discussion. And then they came. The Rise of Boognish (or; 'How to fold a Tiger') At 11:19:34 PM on the 23rd January, Kashmiri forces drew first blood in what was to be a growing counter-offensive against a key alliance in RFI who was most likely the recipient of the 'intelligence' and the primary instigator in the war against COBRA and Non Grata. Shortly after, Kapleo of The Phoenix Federation formally planted our flag and announced a declaration of war on behalf of Boognish against the alliance CLAWS (and GATO and Argent, we promise that you weren't forgotten!) From that point on, declarations started rolling in on CLAWS nations from across the Boognish sphere. Each alliance had their own unpleasant history with their (now former) opponents. To see them part of a coalition of 700~ nations descending upon their ally (without actually doing any of the heavy-lifting themselves) was the final straw. Come hell or high-water the alliances of Boognish had determined they would no longer sit by in the face of aggression originating from this alliance for the sake of maintaining peace- as peace was clearly not what a lot of them desired. As per the terms in the preliminary agreement, no further wars were to be launched after the 24th. Boognish stuck to their word, as did RFI and Oculus. The parameters for limited engagement were fulfilled and a peace treaty was subsequently drawn up. After a week of engagement and a reasonable level of retaliation, the proposal of White Peace was found acceptable, which is where we find ourselves today. We sincerely hope that this is the last attempt at a re-run of a concept that has been thoroughly milked at this point. The udders run as dry and empty as the justifications for launching what we call 'The Bicycle War' - let us no longer find each other at the end of one another's barrels. If by some misfortune we ever do? Let us either be honest about our intentions or have a better case prepared at the very least. For now we look to the future (oh god not the future what does it want now?) Rat Bashing and Other Pastimes As a little side note to close this edition of The Day Today, this journalist would like to address the lonely rodent who has been sat at the end of a very long queue in a cold and empty waiting room. I promised that an advisor would be with him as soon as possible and, true to my word, I will now address his conduct. Lord Hitchcock; you have knowingly acquired screenshots of private channels from alliances who once welcomed you as a member and friend. You have provided cherry-picked instances of those chatrooms in order to frame a narrative for those who sought to bring war to COBRA and Non Grata. You are a traitor who has already been afforded mercy once in recent months and you add insult to injury by opportunistically attacking the nation of our beloved, lost former King; General Kanabis while we were engaged in hostilities which you made your agenda to instigate. You will receive mercy but not today and not tomorrow. For the sake of clarity; We formally recognise the hostilities which you have once again initiated against us from your alliance King Neptune's Bar. If you have any sense remaining, you will indeed take this on the chin. Oh and if you have something to say in the future, please use your own voice. No lawyers. That's it for January and The Day Today. I don't know about you but I intend on sleeping for most of February so unless one of the rest of you does something? Goodnight/morning/afternoon/whatever time it is I don't even know any more so here's a reassuring video.