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> Redirecting power from missile silos to the Broadcast Towers of Anubia Begin Transmission: Pictured above; Johnny Apocalypse removing nuclear fallout from his brain. Welcome to The Day Today's January 2021 NewsWipe - A New Year's Summary Long time no see Dear Readers, now that the mandatory conscription order has been rescinded The Day Today writing team can get back to work and provide you all with only the finest, most accurate source of information Planet Bob has seen.....um, ever? Well, maybe not ever but we're close- not that there is much in the way of competent literary competition. Anyway I digress, let's dig in. So what happened this month? COBRA - State of Emergency declared in the wake of TWO Peace Treaties At the beginning of 2021, COBRA kickstarted the year in true miliaristic fashion with fireworks pointed towards the Knights of the Round Table. Soon after the initial launches; inboxes were coated wall-to-wall with paperjam consisting of letters from various animal protection charities because we were scaring everyone's pets, as well as a handful of reluctant conscientious objectors who did not wish to fight this battle. The reasons for the war were laid out in the initial declaration- contrary to attempts by deluded braincrashed leaders seeking to frame the narrative in their own way. The reasons were not strictly limited to the presence of one nation. However since that declaration, the King Cobra and the Knight of the Grail have come to terms as equals and made peace. Our grievance has been put to rest and though it remains early days, we endeavour to pursue peaceful co-existence and co-operation with each other. Thanks, Round Table. Thrable. Scary and unprecedented times indeed for COBRA. Peace!? Successfully Buried Hatchets!? Have we entered a bizarro dimension? No, that's the place where you have less than zero soldiers or infrastructure. And also no because...... RFI and Oculus vs. Non Grata and COBRA - Season 1.2 Lack of viable material cited for re-launch of popular 2019-2020 Season Approximately two weeks in to the COBRA vs. Knights of the Round Table war, the leaders of Non Grata and COBRA began to feel a twitching in the planetary grapevines. Rumblings of a greater war arriving at COBRA's door grew louder as time went on, initially the assumption being that it was an attempt to claim a moral high ground in defense of the Round Table. Had this actually been the case, it certainly would have been a bit more credible than what actually transpired.... Instead; COBRA and Non Grata found themselves once again beset by alliances from the RFI and Oculus blocs respectively, with each taking turns to dance on our lawns. The reason given? A mischievous and most wicked plot against them in violation of a non-aggression pact the RFI bloc held with Non Grata. So very mischievous it was that they refused to reveal the evidence of this claim to the public! This told us that they really meant business, our days were numbered and that we were in for it now I tell you whut. There was one thing that did strike us (and everyone else watching) as particularly odd though. Generally speaking; when you provide a casus belli you tend to actually show your evidence or at the very least; build your case for people to see your reasoning/tell your opponent it's simply because you don't like them. Either you work on crafting a written argument or you provide evidence of crimes committed against you. It is the very justification for launching hostilities, so why hide it? The short answer is that the source of the 'intelligence' was not reliable or remotely trustworth. The long answer is that the evidence cited wasn't the real reason and that their source was actually someone who was sponsored and incentivised to become a turncoat against the people he once upon a time could consider friends (more on this later) The source material was not only obtained from a deeply questionable source, but it was also acquired long before the initiation of hostilities. In fact it was acquired during the time the Non Grata-RFI NAP was in effect, though no attempt was made by RFI to honour that with Non Grata by making a diplomatic approach. Instead these screenshots were used to start plotting a war against us both. They went about this while also keeping some of their own allies who we shared in the dark about their plan to hit us and in doing so; violated intelligence clauses in treaties with those allies (yes, the irony is very thick isn't it?) After some very sound and indisputable arguments were made during the weekend long summit, a temporary ceasefire was agreed to while a pathway to peace was drawn up. As the evidence cited had been debunked thoroughly and the war itself was launched on weak pretenses and in violation of a number of their own treaties, COBRA declared that if peace was to be achieved it would not be done without some reasonable tit-for-tat for our trouble. There was to be a period of limited engagement and retaliation with a view to balancing the scales (and making sure those responsible didn't walk off without getting a pint glass in the eye themselves). So a draft was painstakingly carved out; the majority of the coalition agreed to the terms of limited engagement and COBRA revealed the extent of the counter-offensive forces they should expect. All was going well, except for one silent voice chiming in at the 11th hour before the ceasefire expired. "We would prefer white peace" they suggested. I bawked. The others asked why they did not ask this sooner, given the ample opportunity to do so. A panic began to take hold; the agreement was in jeopardy at the last minute; COBRA allies remained poised to strike; a plea for reason was made to stick to the original plan; a further plea was made to extend the ceasefire for another 24 hours to allow further discussion. And then they came. The Rise of Boognish (or; 'How to fold a Tiger') At 11:19:34 PM on the 23rd January, Kashmiri forces drew first blood in what was to be a growing counter-offensive against a key alliance in RFI who was most likely the recipient of the 'intelligence' and the primary instigator in the war against COBRA and Non Grata. Shortly after, Kapleo of The Phoenix Federation formally planted our flag and announced a declaration of war on behalf of Boognish against the alliance CLAWS (and GATO and Argent, we promise that you weren't forgotten!) From that point on, declarations started rolling in on CLAWS nations from across the Boognish sphere. Each alliance had their own unpleasant history with their (now former) opponents. To see them part of a coalition of 700~ nations descending upon their ally (without actually doing any of the heavy-lifting themselves) was the final straw. Come hell or high-water the alliances of Boognish had determined they would no longer sit by in the face of aggression originating from this alliance for the sake of maintaining peace- as peace was clearly not what a lot of them desired. As per the terms in the preliminary agreement, no further wars were to be launched after the 24th. Boognish stuck to their word, as did RFI and Oculus. The parameters for limited engagement were fulfilled and a peace treaty was subsequently drawn up. After a week of engagement and a reasonable level of retaliation, the proposal of White Peace was found acceptable, which is where we find ourselves today. We sincerely hope that this is the last attempt at a re-run of a concept that has been thoroughly milked at this point. The udders run as dry and empty as the justifications for launching what we call 'The Bicycle War' - let us no longer find each other at the end of one another's barrels. If by some misfortune we ever do? Let us either be honest about our intentions or have a better case prepared at the very least. For now we look to the future (oh god not the future what does it want now?) Rat Bashing and Other Pastimes As a little side note to close this edition of The Day Today, this journalist would like to address the lonely rodent who has been sat at the end of a very long queue in a cold and empty waiting room. I promised that an advisor would be with him as soon as possible and, true to my word, I will now address his conduct. Lord Hitchcock; you have knowingly acquired screenshots of private channels from alliances who once welcomed you as a member and friend. You have provided cherry-picked instances of those chatrooms in order to frame a narrative for those who sought to bring war to COBRA and Non Grata. You are a traitor who has already been afforded mercy once in recent months and you add insult to injury by opportunistically attacking the nation of our beloved, lost former King; General Kanabis while we were engaged in hostilities which you made your agenda to instigate. You will receive mercy but not today and not tomorrow. For the sake of clarity; We formally recognise the hostilities which you have once again initiated against us from your alliance King Neptune's Bar. If you have any sense remaining, you will indeed take this on the chin. Oh and if you have something to say in the future, please use your own voice. No lawyers. That's it for January and The Day Today. I don't know about you but I intend on sleeping for most of February so unless one of the rest of you does something? Goodnight/morning/afternoon/whatever time it is I don't even know any more so here's a reassuring video.
RECOGNITION OF HOSTILITIES The NADC recognises a state of hostilities with Oculus. I wish to briefly comment on Oculus' purported CB. The "informant" referred to above is - undoubtedly - Bernkastel. Leaking is by no means a new phenomenon in Planet Bob. But to leak because you were about to lose an election? That’s dummy spitting. It’s risible, rather than anger inducing - to be pitied, rather than despised. I name this person for the benefit of other alliances. The NADC made the mistake of providing a home for this person. Do not repeat our mistake. While I am reluctant to speak of internal matters of my alliance, it is necessary to address the innuendo and rumour that Oculus seeks to rely upon as if it were some legitimate CB. Do I deny that one of my campaign promises was to seek a return to the Blue Team? Certainly not. But is it a legitimate cause for war? I say not. I address now those who are still concerned with legitimate and genuine CB’s - a perhaps dwindling breed. First, that pledge is not inconsistent with the terms that were imposed. The term imposed on NADC by Oculus in relation to the Blue Team one year ago was: This was the only term imposed on the NADC in relation to the Blue Team, and we complied that term. We are not in breach of that agreement. Secondly, ventilating the prospect of a return to the Blue Team in internal discussions is not inconsistent with the terms imposed upon us. Thirdly, it was never the official policy of the NADC to seek a return to the Blue Team. My remarks were made in the context of an election campaign, and not as an announcement of policy. Our alliance has (much to the irritation of Bernkastel) a consultative and democratic element and we discuss things such as foreign affairs before a formal course of action is adopted. Fourthly, even if it had been adopted as the formal policy of the NADC, we could have pursued these objectives in a manner that was entirely consistent with a broader interpretation of the term. Negotiations with Oculus could have been undertaken with a view to seeking a return to the Blue Team. There is nothing in the above terms that stops us from asking. Now had Oculus been really concerned about deciding what we had intended, an easy course of action was available to them - ask us. Other means to peaceably settle the matter were available to Oculus. But, of course, this assumes that Oculus was really concerned with peaceably settling issues. Quite clearly, genuine CB's are quite irrelevant to Occulus' intentions. They wanted to roll us, plain and simple. For Oculus have, in essence, the mentality of the schoolyard bully. For them, might equals right. Many have flocked to join them. Indeed, that was the course that Bernkastel seemed intent for us prior to his swift execution at the polls. I can understand the appeal of such an approach. It’s nice being on the winning, dominant side - to be in the good graces of the powerful lest they turn their ire upon you. But my instincts scream against giving in too easily to those who would thrash others into submission just because they can. Such people must be resisted, even if it means taking a pummelling. In a very real sense, Oculus represents the death of this game. Their stranglehold and hegemony over Planet Bob means opposition is stamped out at even the merest sigh of a perceived threat. This leads to people giving up, for they view the dominance of Oculus as inevitable. The NADC I lead will answer this attack and resist Oculus by all means available to us, not just for ourselves but to provide an example to others that Oculus must be resisted for the good of Planet Bob. We will suffer heavy losses. We will probably lose. We may even dissolve our alliance. But I am sure that others, who share our values and care about the future of Planet Bob, will on the struggle against the brutish domination that Oculus represents. Oft-quoted and perhaps lessened in potency due to that, the sentiments expressed below nevertheless reflect mine exactly: Aurelius Secretary General of the North Atlantic Defense Coalition
A eulogy Aurora Borealis was never a world power. We never achieved or even verged on sanctioned status. Arguably, our prominence as an alliance was in decline from the moment of our birth when we broke away from Monos Archein. The wheels of history never shifted into motion on our word alone. And yet, after more than seven years, we have no regrets as the northern lights fade. We pledged our devotion to “conducting ourselves simply, honestly and honorably on the world stage,” and that’s how we lived. In seven years, Aurora Borealis never abandoned a member in need. We never refused a request for aid from an ally or betrayed one for political convenience. After our first war, we never again fought in a global war with an ally on the other side. I’ve long warned potential allies that treaties with Aurora Borealis always end in death. In the more than six years since the dissolution of our first two treaties (one by force and one by mutual agreement), we have not canceled a treaty or had a treaty canceled on us. I suppose my warning has come to fruition one last time. As I said, Aurora Borealis never called the shots on the global stage. We did, however, do right by our allies and our fair share in their battles. After a long comatose period, we came back strong a few years ago and made a substantive difference in this world as members of AZTEC and Oculus. The wheels of history did not shift by our hand alone, but our hand often joined those of our friends in guiding it into motion. We are proud of what we have accomplished together. In conclusion We are grateful to our past allies, who have preceded us on this final journey. Echelon, Mushroom Kingdom, The Portugal Empire, Nueva Vida, Rubber Ducky Division, Legions of the Eldar, Colossus, Solis, the Federation of Celtic Nations, and the Fellowship of Elite Allied Republics. We are grateful to our last allies, to whom we say farewell. The Grand Lodge of Freemasons, The Dark Templar and Sengoku have been our AZTEC brothers for years. Umbrella, the Orange Defense Network and the Fellowship of The Wolves have been close and loyal allies, as well. More recently, we welcomed the friendships of the Independent Republic of Orange Nations, the New Pacific Order, Non Grata and Viridian Entente as Oculus brethren. We are grateful to the individuals who helped us along the way. There are many, and at this late hour, it is unfortunately impossible to be comprehensive here. In some cases, folks are listed with a previous alliance rather than their current one. Neo Anglia, Solidus117, Death666Angel, Matthew117 and x Tela x of Echelon. Archon, Trace and AirMe of Mushroom Kingdom The many leaders in the Karma coalition who worked behind the scenes to prevent our forced disbandment. We remember your kindness. Farore of The Portugal Empire. Nelchael, magicalbricks, Prince Arutha and raasaa of Nueva Vida. Augusta Antonia of Rubber Ducky Division. OsRavan, Overlord Shinnra, bucovina, Pingu, Zaxon, Salka Palmir, Walling and eZe of the Orange Defense Network. Canik, Dcrews, Lord Boris and ShouAS of the Fellowship of the Wolves. Roquentin, MrHiott, Dylan Carter, Zerileous, JoshuaR and WhiteMajik of Umbrella. The Warrior and Rhizoctonia of the Independent Republic of Orange Nations. Frawley, Letum, Scourge and Necoho of the New Pacific Order. Caustic of Non Grata. Baltus of Viridian Entente. Penedono, monkeybum, Mayzie, Alaric, Walking Dead, Shermeyer, Ben Stalker, Lord Xnut, Chewbacca and Obscurus of The Grand Lodge of Freemasons. Bob, TiTaN, Starcraftmazter, Terrence Krillins, Supa_troop3r and Farnsworth of The Dark Templar. hartfw, bcortell, Petro, Lemax, President S O, Timmy09, Schad, Rogal Dorn, Konrad and Autosave36 of Sengoku. A special mention of Auctor, who was the most important external figure in helping Aurora Borealis survive to the present day. We appreciate your commitment to our friendship. From Colossus to GLoF to Sengoku, you have always been our truest friend. We are grateful to our seven founders for making a difficult decision to strike out on their own path: Ace072199, DAn123123, Er the Mighty, The Evilest Eye, Thefox, Hickersonia and Welshgazza1992. Several of them remained members to this day, and they all made enormous contributions to our alliance. Finally, we are grateful to the many Aurorians who contributed something of themselves to our shared tapestry. Signed, Drake Spoke, Triumvir Jutopia, Triumvir Sarkin, Triumvir Evilest, Advisor Ace072199, Triumvir