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Found 7 results

  1. Live footage from The Day Today Turtle-mobile: Now fact me 'til I fart. Tonight: The Void (finally) shouts back: Non Grata 'at war' with most of the planet Oculus' Stock value plummets upon becoming "Target Rich Environment" For the first time in recent memory, the slumbering planet we all know and hate (in our own ways) has seen a surge in activity in the public domain. This initially was a result of the re-animated army of undead Non Grata and their growing army of fighters willing to join the charismatic leader's cause. Now more recently, the entrance of 1/3rd of the world's leaders against the forces of Non Grata, having awoken angrily from their peaceful pixel farms at the sight of refugees from the Freehold seeking shelter. Like a furiously groggy and clumsy giant, the combined forces of Oculus (spearheaded presumably by the NPO) summoned forth alliances from all corners of the world to join them in blacklisting Non Grata as a mere band of rogues. Now, they are indeed a band of rogues but this should come as news to nobody, many have considered Non Grata a friend in their long history for this very reason. They have always provided this planet movement whenever there is inertia, as observed by Jerdge recently they are, in a sense, the belligerent neutral of this world (every yin needs a yang). You may not agree with their destructive ways but can you truly deny that you are not enjoying this? Is this not what we exist for? - If however, this is not what you exist for (even if only to watch from the sidelines) this journalist has some advice: Immolate yourselves from this plane. If you want to be a farmer and not a leader; there are other worlds for that. And now some music: ----- "I'd kill you were I given half a chance, Yes I'd like to see you burning while you dance, You make every atom in me want to cry, You twist every word of truth into a lie, You're the unmistakable reason for all pain, Just the very thought of you drives me insane, But I'm fulfilled, Because eventually time will kill, The very space you occupy, Right there at the top of the hill, In this cold inbred excuse, for a world. ---- Kashmiri Psychics fashion door for entry to GATO Mental Quarantine - Peace talks resume "If I come back shaped like a rubber-stamp; someone smash me to bits" - Me. Ever since the paramilitary psychics of Kashmir erected their so-called "Mental Quarantine", the working citizens have enjoyed a brief respite from the near-constant distant sound of bureaucrats braying "RHUBARBRHUBARB" ad nauseum. The sound was soon replaced by the sound of shrieking hounds being freshly skinned; "Like music to my ears" one citizen said. With the mental quarantine now stable, the psychics have fashioned an entrance into the quarantine at the request of myself. "Why in Boognish's name would you risk your sanity in such a way?" I hear you ask. Well; like many of you I decided to get caught up in the frenzy of posting (frenzy by today's standards anyway) and had a few verbal jabs at the leader of the Freehold- we are at war after-all. However, on reflection this struck me as setting a bad tone between us to re-initiate peace talks. So in light of this, I shall be hacking through the mesh of red tape with a machete made from sharpened wolf bones that has already enveloped this entrance and into the hellish bureaucracy world of GATO, for peace. Wish me luck Bob. Introducing: Speak your Brains The Day Today will now be accepting anonymous or named personal accounts of events taking place where The Day Today can and cannot be. All submissions will be considered. Memetic warfare on the rise, RFI rendered powerless "say sike right now" It would seem safe to say, that the one universal constant we all share is indulging in an abundance of memes. No more so than during a time a of war, as there exists no greater source material to fashion propaganda to savage one's opponents. Until recently, the war between Cobralition and RFI has been relatively devoid of memetic warfare and despite General Kanabis' valiant efforts, there has been a notable lack in any memetic reciprocation from RFI intelligence agencies. This journalist can only speculate as to why that is; lack of creativity? lack of activity? lack of ambition? Who knows. Along with the carnage of the added front of NG/NPO (and their swaggering sacks of festering meat) this escalation has brought with it another surge in memetic warfare. These images are applied directly into the opponents skull and studies have shown a dramatic increase in "BAWW" and "REEEE" levels in the the victims blood. As these chemical levels begin to peak, the victim is rendered powerless and compelled to blurt out a series of vaguely incoherent and often contradictory remarks in a desperate attempt to debunk the image itself. Utterly failing to recognise this effort is a futile endeavour and that the only mode of response is to reciprocate in kind and hope to Boognish that it is at least funny, if not on message. Some recent examples: Tonight's featured song can be found here (disclaimer for babas: Bad Words!) That's all for tonight: Sod off.
  2. Back by popular demand from our very opponents: These are the Headlines tonight, god I wish they weren't.... Vexil-Huggers - Non Grata wake from their slumber. Those of you who have the brains to keep up with current affairs (and let's be honest, that shouldn't be too hard if you aren't a complete braincrash) will know that The Day Today launched a campaign to bring to light the blatant Vexil-thievery of The Freehold of the Wolves. Well, that call has been answered in the form of a formal declaration from Caustic of Non Grata. Still shaking the dust off his jacket from all the crypts he had been shaking day and night, he eventually stumbled upon several caskets loaded with long lost stashes of billions of dongs and full nuclear arsenals. Needless to say, I think we all know where they will be put to use. This of course is not to mention the strange influx of dark money and military support that NG have gathered from various alliances across the planet. An anonymous FTW source was quoted as saying: "This is the one thing we didn't want to happen" Now, it is well known that COBRA are no fans of Pixel-Huggers -or any kind of huggers really- but we are willing to make an exception in this instance. Burning for one's flag seems to us one of the most respectable reasons to go down swinging and we wish NG the best of luck against the Mongrels. The Mongrels in question have already taken a 200k NS drop in the first two days of engagement, so it's looking like it's all downhill from here for both parties. We look forward to the new abundance of targets that NG will inevitably provide. And for those of you who cannot quite wrap their heads around the matter. The Day Today has commission some sponsored content to explain the matter in simple terms for all you oblivious baba's out there: The Author of the above content has made a generous donation toward building more printing presses for future broadcasts, The Day Today encourages any other party wishing to make a submission to contact this journalist through the usual channels. We value each citizen of Bob's right to freedom of speech and will happily provide a platform, for the right fee. Kashmiri Psychics 'Mentally Quarantine' elements of RFI - GATO representative furious. The involvement of Kashmir in the war against RFI has been a curious one throughout. A handful of incidents have erupted involving Kashmir nations attacking or spying RFI nations. Each incident has been met with very firm assertions from the alliances in question that Kashmir is not in fact at war with them, despite the following clause of their own treaty: ---- Article III: Rolling for Initiative If any member of RFI is attacked, all players shall enter combat. Roll for Initiative. ----- Now, given the above clause it should be obvious to any rational minded human who has not been infested with Mindworms, that any aggressive action from Kashmir against RFI alliances is to be understood to be an understandable response given they are at war with members of the bloc. "All players shall enter combat" - though it would seem CLAWS and GATO are unwilling to do so and quite angry when faced with Kashmiri offensives. The Legion on the other hand seem to have no issue with attacking Kashmir. Now if this journalist was say, allied to both of them, I might consider it quite an insulting slap to the face, but I'm not. In response to the aggressive stances taken against Kashmir by the above listed alliances a clandestine para-military arm of the Kashmiri military who possess the power of the telepathy have erected what they call a 'Mental Quarantine' around CLAWS and GATO borders. Considering they are apparently immune from any attacks from these alliances, the quarantine has been erected to protect the IQ of the Kashmiri people from any further whinging and cherry picking. Lex Quintus has suffered particularly from these outbursts and has asked that they "Sod off and jump back into their Bureacratic comfort-blanket, not without filling in the appropriate forms first of course. Ooga Booga." For those of you unfamiliar with the bureaucratic machinations of GATO, The Day Today is proud to present another piece of sponsored content (for educational purposes only) Which moves us nicely onto our final address of the evening: Peace Stalls: But who's buying? As I'm sure some of you know, this journalist (and soon to be King) has been working tirelessly to hammer out a peace treaty between the forces of the Cobralition and RFI. Early this week I began hammering out terms with Canik of FTW, we managed to finally come to the consensus that we would be willing to begrudgingly admit defeat in exchange for peace. Negotiations rolled on, tiny little kinks slowly ironed out and it seemed we were so very close. Then came the 'bureacratic formalities' that needed carrying out from each RFI alliance, despite assurances that each vote would pass (which to this journalist makes them seem awfully redundant but I don't lead a bloated ghost husk so how would I know). So again we waited; first told that GATO needed to vote and it'd take 48 hours. After those 48 hours, we were told The Legion still needed to vote. Were they dragging heels? Perhaps, this writer can only speculate. Eventually Canik comes running with all of the signatures required to ratify the agreement on their end- 6 hours after Non Grata declared war. Awfully eager all of a sudden, curiously eager. Meanwhile the soldiers of the Cobralition had erupted in opposition to this "admission of defeat" - why admit defeat immediately after the entrance of Non Grata mercenaries fighting a common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend- as they say. Now as a King in waiting I would be a fool to deny my people the right to bare arms and blow things up at will and if they've still got the fight in them: I say let 'em have it. We may be building makeshift silos from depleted plutonium shards and pieces of bones found scattered amongst the rubble but as the song goes: "I get knocked down, But I get back up again, You're never gonna keep me down" So onward we fight, alongside our new friends. To our opponents I put to you the simplest way out of this for you: White Peace (Good christ I hope I don't need to keep repeating that- oh we're still live?) That's all from The Day Today, we would like to re-iterate that we will accept sponsors to pay for more printing presses from any party with a story to tell; maybe a story someone doesn't want you to tell; maybe a story from a different perspective. We encourage people to throw off the shackles of their radio silences and join us in open debate on this Open World Forum. We leave you with the following music and welcome all denizens of the planet, friend or foe, to come and get your shake on in the COBRA discord and dance in the rubble with us. Until next time, this is Johnny Apocalypse saying Goodnight: "Goodnight"
  3. It's been 3 years since @Lucius Optimus left me with this tiresome burden. I often wondered what the point of it all was and eventually discovered that the people I met along the way made it worth it. I hate and love all of you equally. 🎭 January 13th, 2016 - TBD, 2019 Order of Business; Upon concluding military operations in the ongoing War against RFI & LoSS (Korlath's War > sNeK eYeZ wAr) I will be stepping down in my capacity as King or whatever- *burps. @Jack Layton appeared to me in a peyote induced vision and spoke the name of my successor, @Johnny Apocalypse Mr. Apocalypse himself. A good choice, you know, given the times we live in. As for me, well- "but if there's nothing shakin' come this here July, I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die"
  4. Incoming Transmission: "Hello you." I am Johnny Apocalypse beaming various words and pictures to you from the Anubian Dove Plains. This is The Day Today Tonight: Motivated and United by "Strange Beastial Lust" Despite the ever fluctuating population counts of Cobra citizens; the tale that the Freehold of the Wolves were a bunch of a demented dog lovers has been passed on to each new batch of citizens as they arrive with the construction of yet another round of infrastructure. This piece of folklore has been vague and open to interpretation for some time, until recently with the arrival of recent defector Kal Asharak. Kal approached the Cobra frontline approximately two weeks ago. He was spotted by scouts clenching a blood soaked knife with his teeth and bearing four freshly shorn pelts: "Brothers!" He roared "When I returned to this world I thought these 'men' might be worthy warriors of the North. How wrong I was! These pups have no right to call themselves 'Wolves' - How they wish they could be as powerful as a wolf.....I mean, they REALLY wish it you guys." Kal reportedly threw the pelts to the ground, doused them in gasoline and set them alight: "I present to you the boiling blood and skin of your foes, now somebody get me another gun! This one's clogged with fur- don't ask." Needless to say, we didn't. In fact, Kal's account to Cobra Intelligence is so graphic that The Day Today cannot broadcast it in it's entirety for legal reasons (and on the grounds of general decency) International Stagnation - The Never-ending Story It should come as no surprise to whatever viewers remain out there, that stagnation on Bob is endemic. Almost all alliances have shown a continuous downward trend in overall strength and technological capacity on account of most leaders being too bored to rule their people. The occasional sudden disappearance of nations results in a net gain for the forces of Cobra as displaced citizen counts take up shelter in our ever fluctating borders and infrastructure. Despite our war-torn landscape (our opponents are effectively nuking piles of rubble at this stage) many people find living under our banner far more invigorating than in their former homes, they have even become accustomed to the constant levels of radiation and bathe in the warming glow of each wasted nuclear missile that lands on a pile of rubble somewhere That being said, global stagnation does not necessarily account for the downward trend of our RFI opponents: For a coalition at war with a far smaller opponent, one would think competent leaders would be capable of effectively putting down said opponent while simultaneously maintaining upward growth. The above charts would seem to indicate otherwise, for contrast here is an example of the potential for growth when not at war with Cobra: With that in mind we are left to wonder and ask: Come on guys, this is silly; is it really worth keeping this up just to make a punitive point? Wouldn't you rather go back to hoarding what little resources remain on this planet? Which brings us to our next headline Controlled Demolition for Peace? Nah. While there have been numerous attempts to reach a compromise with our opponents in RFI, so far they remain about as successful and enjoyable as a jazz saxophonist at your Mother's funeral. The most recent proposal from RFI involved requiring a number of Cobrastan nations to buy infrastructure to be demolished by RFI as a means of encouraging us to burn our own money. Now, putting aside the fact that this is less desirable than engaging in forced tech deals with our opponents, The Day Today has a number of questions it would like to ask: Why must a coalition of RFI's size need Cobrastan to agree to a controlled demolition that they failed to carry out with their superior numbers in the first place? How have they failed to carry out this demolition in the several months this war has rolled on? What kind of threat do we truly pose to the RFI coalition that they feel it necessary to make us deplete our own warchests in exchange for peace? These questions have fairly straight-forward answers for anyone with more than two shreds of grey matter to rub together, but let me just address the last one for the viewing public. Clearly RFI consider us a major threat, despite their superior numbers even they are aware of their inferior capacity to militarily put us down. In exchange for peace and for the sake of imposing a term to demonstrate their prowess as a victorious force, they ask us to roll onto our tummies so that they may obliterate as much as possible within a set time-frame? We would like to remind the RFI coalition of the old saying: It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. We also welcome RFI back to the negotiating table at any time. Flag Thieves 'apologise' to Non Grata - Continue to fly their flag The involvement of Non Grata forces on the Cobra front has been an incredibly welcome addition to our ranks (especially as no one will formally acknowledge hostilities with them) but this humble reporter feels a duty to give something back to our friends in arms. Those of us who are old and decrepit enough to remember time as far back as the Pandora's Box bloc will recall the military prowess of Non Grata and the appearance of their flag on numerous Declarations of War. However, this flag has been illegally commandeered by the Freehold of the Wolves. The Day Today can report that the leader of the Freehold reached out to apologise to Non Grata for flying their flag, likely as a means of trying to split and disengage them from hostilities- probably one of the few smart diplomatic moves we've seen from the Freehold. Not smart enough to follow through and actually stop flying the flag though. The Day Today would like to present the following alternative for the Freehold: Alternatively, they can always return to their old flag from their former moniker: Fellowship of the Wolves. We realise this flag isn't their own unique design but this recent intercept of a Freehold comms channel might shed light on their lack of creative talent: The reporter pictured above, Peter O'Hanrahanrahan, has since gone completely blind. Those are the Headlines. Happy now? This is Johnny Apocalypse saying "Good Night": Good Night.
  5. Incoming Transmission: "Hello sir" Welcome to The Day Today being beamed from COBRA Telly to your belly Tonight: Innovative new Military strategy wreacking havoc behind enemy lines: The Day Today is pleased to announce that the joint military research efforts of the Cobralition have devised a new strategy to deal with the flea-ridden hordes of the Freehold. The system at present is crude but we are told it involves surgically opening up any captured wolves, filling them with explosives and sending them back across enemy lines. At the point they re-unite with their pack, a controller is alerted and the explosives can be detonated to clear out large areas of mongrel infested land. The Freehold have become aware of this tactic and have developed a spray, that, when applied to the dog seals in the explosive inside it reducing casualty count to one *coughobvious joke about minimising casualtiescough*. However, if this spray is not applied to the underside of the dog's body, the resulting explosion will launch the mutt thousands of feet into the air. We have intercepted radio communications from the Freehold which have advised it's peacetime nations to carry extra strong umbrellas with them. This warning was broadcast likely as a result of Brown Senator Kaznawim being obliterated by a wolf carcass falling at terminal velocity. It is believed that they remain in a critical condition. Turncoat War Funders or Incompetent Blunders Since the outbreak of the conflict between ourselves and RFI, we at the newsdesk, have found it increasingly hard to focus on bringing you the news due to bouts of contagious, hysterical laughter erupting from the office as a result of RFI incompetence. We even had to send the coffee boy home because he laughed so hard he threw up and simultanously sh- .snorted hot coffee right up his nose. The most recent events which come to mind have been the frequent aid drops, courtesy of the RFI coalition. Your humble journalist happened to be a benefactor of the generous RFI coalition. The Day Today can also confirm more of these aid drops from CLAWS, FTW, Argent and The Legion - could these be potential sleeper cells deep within RFI, sending out occasional flurries of aid across enemy lines because there is dissent in the ranks? OR is the answer the more simple one; that they're essentially a collection of bumbling braincrashes who owe their success to the fact that there are more of those drooling moro- ..hey what? I can't speak my real brains? .....Fine I'll reign it in- drooling than there are those who can keep their saliva in their mouths. Peace talks alikened to "a swift kick to the genitals" - War wages onward, troops overjoyed Cheers of joy erupted from battalions across the planet at the news that attempts to acquire a reasonable peace from their opponents hit a dead-end. The troops celebrated the potential for continued bloodshed, with more bloodshed. The total amount of tech demanded of our corner of the world amounted to 70,000, masquerading as "tech deals" - the coalition wholeheartedly rejects this blatant attempt to stifle our growth. Such an amount of reparations for so small a coalition is unheard of and we refuse to allow such a precedent be set and will not engage in negotiations that start at that level. Our opponents can throw as many swarms of centralised drone attacks at us and we'll bat them away like the flies they are. Their nations that actually have the stones to jump down and shed blood for the pixel-god will be ground down equally. Our resolve is strong, we're with our troops on this one. It's more fun to keep fighting than become a vassal state. And to our opponents: That's about it from The Day today, before we go we have time to showcase some art from some children. So goodnight and shut up: Lucius Optimus -age 8 War orphan - age 12 Tankobite - age 5
  6. About us: Hi guys! Before we get down to business, here are some fun facts. On March 3rd, a member of the Sellswords launched two unauthorized raids into aNiMaLz territory. The member in question (Korlath) was asked to cease fire and send peace. This was done to avoid escalation (aNiMaLz was under the protection of FTW for a period of 90 days). Korlath’s Raids occurred exactly 90 days after that announcement was posted. The only action Korlath took on the 4th was to send out peace offers. These were rejected. FTW countered Korlath at 5:30 PM (Server Time), a day after protection of aNiMaLz expired. FTW didn’t update their protectorate status with aNiMaLz until 6:50 PM. FTW leadership was contacted and diplomacy was utterly exhausted. But it was obvious they had no interest in a peaceful resolution. On the 15th of March, the nation of Korlath was attacked again while under the protection of Kashmir. Business Proposal: Korlath was kind enough to guide your 4 puppies through our strict obedience course. They are to be the first of many! COBRA hereby declares war on the Freehold of The Wolves for aggression towards our MDP partners; Sellswords and Kashmir.
  7. Hello, I'm big money nation. You might have heard of me from the Cobra Discord or Kashmir and Freehold of the Wolves discord. I'm here to apologize for being a general nuisance and a pain in the ass to people. I have started long chat wars that have gone on for way longer than they had to and I have fueled the long chat wars with insults degrading comments threats and general toxicity that is was not needed. I have stained my image by being toxic and making crude and bad nazi jokes which were taken out of context and used to label me as a Nazi. While I agree that I did say I was a Nazi and I beat up immigrants for fun it was never meant to be taken seriously. I have some dark humor and at the moment I thought it was funny. Again sorry for having caused unnecessary trouble between alliances and players. I specifically wanna apologize to ComradeMeiyuuhi for risking having you get hit by Kashmir due to my insults against Kashmir. I wanna apologize to Canik for worsening FTW's relation with cobra and your reputation among Cobra. I wanna apologize to LoM and Lucius for conspiring to take revenge on Cobra. In general, I'm sorry for having caused trouble that was not needed. Destruction not earned and wars that were not necessary. Before I end my apology im swearing that I will not in the future take revenge against Cobra TIE or any alliance from this moment on. This will be the end of my apology. On another note like I mentioned in the apology im, not a Nazi. I don't hold any extremist views and I'm not interested in IRL politics either. I know the messages you've seen are cruel and rude but they came in the heat of the moment. I am my self from an immigrant family and ive dealt with Nazis or extreme right-wing people in the past and they have not been nice people at all. Prejudging me based on my background. If you'd like screenshots of where the Nazi accusations came from feeling free to message me on discord Big money nation. #6394 Big money signing out. Have a good one.
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