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  1. [mochi@cobra: Hello World.] It has been one long week, hasn't it? I needn't go into detail over the things that have transpired as those involved are aware and in this vast planet, word spreads faster than an man on horseback preaching great riches. Johnny Apocalypse has been quite the entertainment for our alliances planet-wide. A man of many words, content and never backed from an argument. COBRA is sad to witness such a person leave after all he has accomplished and managed. Our planet has changed in so many different ways with his actions and we hope that like General Kanabis his retirement, despite his controversies, he rests easy now for creating water in a slowly drying planet. COBRA thanks those who stood by him. Acknowledgement is made to the efforts made to resolve our differences. COBRA does not feel that the discussions within the Summit truly resolved anything. NAP-time is hereby revoked. TL:DR: Long Live JA, Non-Aggression Pact Cancelled. Signed for COBRA, Tikibird, The Tweety Bird King of Sneks. Mochi, The Orbiting Weather Man for Planet Bob, also Crown Prince. Gamestonk, COBRA's Royal Guard of Omeet and Teemo's. CitizenKane, Money Printer Go BRR.
  2. *Brown Unity & Trade Treaty* -- B.U.T.T. Preamble: The major alliances of Brown have decided to come together and embrace what it means to be united in our spherical aims. Article I: B.U.T.T. Stuff Membership to B.U.T.T. requires an alliance to have the Brown Team as one of its official colors and the approval of all existing signatories. Signatories to B.U.T.T. will be given access to the Unity Hub and are bound by this and all other articles of the accord. Article II: Butt to the Chase B.U.T.T. will apportion the senate seats upon review by the signatories’ foreign affairs representatives every six months. The initial B.U.T.T. sponsored senators are one from COBRA, two from GATO, one from Kashmir and one from UCR. These will be reapportioned based on the consensus of the signatories. B.U.T.T. signatories will be expected to send out the full sponsored list of senators to their respective AAs, with preference directed to the current lowest vote earner. Article III: Uranus Retrograde B.U.T.T. recognizes trade manipulations and sanctions against each other as acts of war. B.U.T.T. will not harm other signatories nations with trade cancellations or sanctions, even in the event of war between signatories. B.U.T.T. member alliances will coordinate with one another in economic aims, especially in the organization of trade circles and facilitation of aid deals. Article IV: Cheeky, but Charmin’ B.U.T.T. alliances are expected to adhere to a standard of conduct befitting the Brown Sphere. The signatories are expected to treat one another with respect and concerns should be brought to the official Unity Hub for evaluation among the signatories. In the event of possible conflict between signatories, B.U.T.T. alliances are to make serious effort in preventing war through diplomatic means. Article V: Gluteus Maximus Any B.U.T.T. alliance may request economic, military or other forms of aid from the other signatories. They are encouraged to provide their assistance. Article VI: Booty Rules B.U.T.T. alliances pledge not to raid nations residing on the Brown Team. Should unapproved raiding on a Brown Team Nation occur, they will be offered reparations to cover damages. Article VII: The Tail End Any signatory may withdraw from B.U.T.T, but they are expected to give at least 72 hours of notice, during which the terms of the treaty are to remain in full force. Article VIII: Taking a Dump Upon consent of all signatories, B.U.T.T. may be flushed and dissolved immediately. Signed, For COBRA, Tikibird, The Tweety Bird King of Sneks. Mochi, The Orbiting Weather Man for Planet Bob, also Crown Prince. Gamestonk, COBRA's Royal Guard of Omeet and Teemo's. For Global Alliance and Treaty Organization, The General Assembly Sir Kiloist, Assembly Chairperson, Half Man Half Gummy Bear, Undefeated Pub Brawler, Master of Tae Kwon Drunk Tevron, Deputy Assembly Chairperson, SBN Card-carrier, Ministabber Expat, Bard of RFI, Beach Summer Fun Buddy Her Imperial Majesty, the Holy Empress of Silvaienia, HannaH. Shiner of the Bald Spot, Snuggler of Kilo, Mistress of the Wiggle, Devourer of Souls, Pal of Pika, and Soup Chef Extraordinaire. Queen of SK and TLE and the true queen of TCM. Also glittery. Vlad WANA, Special Council to the Assembly Chairman, Clerk to the Grand Inquisitor Charles V, Deputy to the Minister of Foreign Affairs and funniest GATOr 2021 (self proclaimed) The Honourable Chief Justice Levon, Grand Inquisitor of the Global Alliance and Treaty Organization, Architect of the Modern Charter Renaissance, Loyal Lifetime Civil Servant, and Keeper of the Red Tape, does hereby; (1) Authorise the above treaty text as a certified authentic document, it being both drafted and passed by the General Assembly of the Global Alliance and Treaty Organization; (2) Confirm the above treaty text as legal, under both international and GATO domestic law; (3) Declare that the agreement be unofficially known as the Treaty for Brown Unity, 2021, in order to provide a sensible alternative to the overly juvenile official title; (4) Allow his signature to be added to the document, with all of its respective credibility and prestige. For Kashmir, SirWilliam, The Kingiest King Jason8, The Crowniest Crown Prince Serberus, The Princiest Prince masterhakai, The Highest High Elder CitizenKane, The Eldest High Elder On behalf of the Government and Communist Party of the Union of Communist Republics MrMarx, Premier ComradeV, Chairman of the Communist Party tl;dr: A Brown Team that twerks together, stays together.
  3. With the cancellation in early months of 2021 of COBRA and NG's treaty and relations declining quickly in passing days, through the assistance and great amounts of patience from FTW within a Boognish & NG Summit to resolve our issues, I am pleased to announce the Anti-Squanch Pact that came from such talks. tl:dr (really?) - NAP between COBRA & Non-Grata.
  4. Jam all frequencies on channel 2 Notice of Abdication Good [whatever time it is wherever you are] - I'm writing to let you all know that I have abdicated the throne of COBRA for personal issues related to the world beyond this[/OOC]. It's been a fun ride as the King; I've rustled some jimmies, chatted nonsense with many of you long into the night, sticking together through thick and thin and burned any who tried to step to us. Alas, there sometimes comes a time in the life of a leader when you burn out, that time has come for me. Some leaders remain ignorant to it and carry on leading their own into oblivion and regrettably pushing away those closest to them. Some recognise their corrupted sense of judgement and step down for the good of the all. After doing the former for too long, I have opted to do the latter. So I'm going on a cruise on the Poopship Destroyer. I can soak up some sun and sea air, take pot shots at the odd Poopship that sails too close and take a nice break. To ensure that break remains peaceful, protection has been extended by the friends I have made along the way. They include (but are not limited to) COBRA; TIE; Kashmir; TPF; Ordo Cyberneticus. Taking the throne in my place will be General Tiki, he can usually be found in Gulag should anyone need to reach him and I wish him the best going forward. I'd also like to thank all of my friends in Boognish, Non Grata, Fark, TPF and NLoN for everything during my tenure. You have all been fantastic. Now if you don't mind, I have several bottles of rum to devour and bask in the irradiated glow of the air at sea. o/ COBRA (and as always here's a song)
  5. A Petition to the King Cobra, a most powerful warlord. Peace is at hand. Free the mouse. Signed, Knights of the Grail
  6. > Redirecting power from missile silos to the Broadcast Towers of Anubia Begin Transmission: Pictured above; Johnny Apocalypse removing nuclear fallout from his brain. Welcome to The Day Today's January 2021 NewsWipe - A New Year's Summary Long time no see Dear Readers, now that the mandatory conscription order has been rescinded The Day Today writing team can get back to work and provide you all with only the finest, most accurate source of information Planet Bob has seen.....um, ever? Well, maybe not ever but we're close- not that there is much in the way of competent literary competition. Anyway I digress, let's dig in. So what happened this month? COBRA - State of Emergency declared in the wake of TWO Peace Treaties At the beginning of 2021, COBRA kickstarted the year in true miliaristic fashion with fireworks pointed towards the Knights of the Round Table. Soon after the initial launches; inboxes were coated wall-to-wall with paperjam consisting of letters from various animal protection charities because we were scaring everyone's pets, as well as a handful of reluctant conscientious objectors who did not wish to fight this battle. The reasons for the war were laid out in the initial declaration- contrary to attempts by deluded braincrashed leaders seeking to frame the narrative in their own way. The reasons were not strictly limited to the presence of one nation. However since that declaration, the King Cobra and the Knight of the Grail have come to terms as equals and made peace. Our grievance has been put to rest and though it remains early days, we endeavour to pursue peaceful co-existence and co-operation with each other. Thanks, Round Table. Thrable. Scary and unprecedented times indeed for COBRA. Peace!? Successfully Buried Hatchets!? Have we entered a bizarro dimension? No, that's the place where you have less than zero soldiers or infrastructure. And also no because...... RFI and Oculus vs. Non Grata and COBRA - Season 1.2 Lack of viable material cited for re-launch of popular 2019-2020 Season Approximately two weeks in to the COBRA vs. Knights of the Round Table war, the leaders of Non Grata and COBRA began to feel a twitching in the planetary grapevines. Rumblings of a greater war arriving at COBRA's door grew louder as time went on, initially the assumption being that it was an attempt to claim a moral high ground in defense of the Round Table. Had this actually been the case, it certainly would have been a bit more credible than what actually transpired.... Instead; COBRA and Non Grata found themselves once again beset by alliances from the RFI and Oculus blocs respectively, with each taking turns to dance on our lawns. The reason given? A mischievous and most wicked plot against them in violation of a non-aggression pact the RFI bloc held with Non Grata. So very mischievous it was that they refused to reveal the evidence of this claim to the public! This told us that they really meant business, our days were numbered and that we were in for it now I tell you whut. There was one thing that did strike us (and everyone else watching) as particularly odd though. Generally speaking; when you provide a casus belli you tend to actually show your evidence or at the very least; build your case for people to see your reasoning/tell your opponent it's simply because you don't like them. Either you work on crafting a written argument or you provide evidence of crimes committed against you. It is the very justification for launching hostilities, so why hide it? The short answer is that the source of the 'intelligence' was not reliable or remotely trustworth. The long answer is that the evidence cited wasn't the real reason and that their source was actually someone who was sponsored and incentivised to become a turncoat against the people he once upon a time could consider friends (more on this later) The source material was not only obtained from a deeply questionable source, but it was also acquired long before the initiation of hostilities. In fact it was acquired during the time the Non Grata-RFI NAP was in effect, though no attempt was made by RFI to honour that with Non Grata by making a diplomatic approach. Instead these screenshots were used to start plotting a war against us both. They went about this while also keeping some of their own allies who we shared in the dark about their plan to hit us and in doing so; violated intelligence clauses in treaties with those allies (yes, the irony is very thick isn't it?) After some very sound and indisputable arguments were made during the weekend long summit, a temporary ceasefire was agreed to while a pathway to peace was drawn up. As the evidence cited had been debunked thoroughly and the war itself was launched on weak pretenses and in violation of a number of their own treaties, COBRA declared that if peace was to be achieved it would not be done without some reasonable tit-for-tat for our trouble. There was to be a period of limited engagement and retaliation with a view to balancing the scales (and making sure those responsible didn't walk off without getting a pint glass in the eye themselves). So a draft was painstakingly carved out; the majority of the coalition agreed to the terms of limited engagement and COBRA revealed the extent of the counter-offensive forces they should expect. All was going well, except for one silent voice chiming in at the 11th hour before the ceasefire expired. "We would prefer white peace" they suggested. I bawked. The others asked why they did not ask this sooner, given the ample opportunity to do so. A panic began to take hold; the agreement was in jeopardy at the last minute; COBRA allies remained poised to strike; a plea for reason was made to stick to the original plan; a further plea was made to extend the ceasefire for another 24 hours to allow further discussion. And then they came. The Rise of Boognish (or; 'How to fold a Tiger') At 11:19:34 PM on the 23rd January, Kashmiri forces drew first blood in what was to be a growing counter-offensive against a key alliance in RFI who was most likely the recipient of the 'intelligence' and the primary instigator in the war against COBRA and Non Grata. Shortly after, Kapleo of The Phoenix Federation formally planted our flag and announced a declaration of war on behalf of Boognish against the alliance CLAWS (and GATO and Argent, we promise that you weren't forgotten!) From that point on, declarations started rolling in on CLAWS nations from across the Boognish sphere. Each alliance had their own unpleasant history with their (now former) opponents. To see them part of a coalition of 700~ nations descending upon their ally (without actually doing any of the heavy-lifting themselves) was the final straw. Come hell or high-water the alliances of Boognish had determined they would no longer sit by in the face of aggression originating from this alliance for the sake of maintaining peace- as peace was clearly not what a lot of them desired. As per the terms in the preliminary agreement, no further wars were to be launched after the 24th. Boognish stuck to their word, as did RFI and Oculus. The parameters for limited engagement were fulfilled and a peace treaty was subsequently drawn up. After a week of engagement and a reasonable level of retaliation, the proposal of White Peace was found acceptable, which is where we find ourselves today. We sincerely hope that this is the last attempt at a re-run of a concept that has been thoroughly milked at this point. The udders run as dry and empty as the justifications for launching what we call 'The Bicycle War' - let us no longer find each other at the end of one another's barrels. If by some misfortune we ever do? Let us either be honest about our intentions or have a better case prepared at the very least. For now we look to the future (oh god not the future what does it want now?) Rat Bashing and Other Pastimes As a little side note to close this edition of The Day Today, this journalist would like to address the lonely rodent who has been sat at the end of a very long queue in a cold and empty waiting room. I promised that an advisor would be with him as soon as possible and, true to my word, I will now address his conduct. Lord Hitchcock; you have knowingly acquired screenshots of private channels from alliances who once welcomed you as a member and friend. You have provided cherry-picked instances of those chatrooms in order to frame a narrative for those who sought to bring war to COBRA and Non Grata. You are a traitor who has already been afforded mercy once in recent months and you add insult to injury by opportunistically attacking the nation of our beloved, lost former King; General Kanabis while we were engaged in hostilities which you made your agenda to instigate. You will receive mercy but not today and not tomorrow. For the sake of clarity; We formally recognise the hostilities which you have once again initiated against us from your alliance King Neptune's Bar. If you have any sense remaining, you will indeed take this on the chin. Oh and if you have something to say in the future, please use your own voice. No lawyers. That's it for January and The Day Today. I don't know about you but I intend on sleeping for most of February so unless one of the rest of you does something? Goodnight/morning/afternoon/whatever time it is I don't even know any more so here's a reassuring video.
  7. What day is it? Why it's.... The Headlines tonight: King Neptune's Bar overrun with Rodent infestation - Exterminators summoned Doombird transforms into Mongoose to pursue age old grudge with COBRA Welcome to The Day Today. COBRA Environmental Inspection orders closure of King Neptune's Bar - Rodent infestation cited. - Neptunian Menace launches unwarranted assault on Ordo Cyberneticus - Bitter Old Manbird offers to fund rogue activity against COBRA For some time now, the alliance known as 'King Neptune's Bar' has been more than open regarding their sentiment towards COBRA and our allies. In summary? They are not exactly fans. Now of course, this is not something that we at COBRA are unfamiliar with, we rub people the wrong way on a fairly regular basis and we make no apologies for this. However those who have dealt with me in the past will recall that I am more than capable of being reasonable and diplomatic to resolve any disputes. Unfortunately the same cannot be said with regard to the leader of King Neptune's Bar (despite his constant protestation to the contrary). Since their inception; Lord Hitchcock has cultivated an environment within his alliance's discord server which seeks to encourage aggressive behaviour from those who have an axe to grind with COBRA and our allies. Now, being the patient and benevolent King that I am? I have, for the most part, turned a blind eye to the attempts to antagonise a response from us. The modus operandi of Lord Hitchcock and his affiliates strikes me as one which seeks to goad an aggressive response from COBRA so that he may climb upon his soapbox and decry our response to the deliberately belligerent dialogue he espouses and the actions taken by his affiliates- actions he has not openly endorsed but actions he has not denounced either. This dialogue and atmosphere he has sought to cultivate serves to encourage others to take up the mantle to attack us, so that he does not have to. To this end he has had some success. Most recently a nation known as "Wicked Empire" lead by The Dark Emperor had been running spy operations against a COBRA nation from within CLAWS. When those spy operations were exposed, the nation in question dropped the CLAWS affiliation and chose to attack us directly (To clarify: we do not consider this to be an action sponsored by CLAWS). It is my understanding that he was not ordered by anyone to do so, The Dark Emperor had been quite vocal about his desire to strike COBRA beforehand. Following this, the leader known as Banned (a now former member of DBDC) sent aid to The Dark Emperor with a view to funding his war efforts against us. This leader has been quite vocal about their intention to see COBRA rolled and willingness to fund anyone who will do so on account of him growing so fat to the point of irrelevance. Something I am sure they will freely attest to should they make an appearance in this thread (maybe not the irrelevance bit, that might be cutting a bit too close to his over-inflated ego) In response to this act of state sponsored terrorism, we at COBRA launched an assault on a DBDC nation as we do not take such behaviour lightly (See: Veracity). However, since Banned dropped affiliation with DBDC, we have offered peace to DBDC as we consider the matter to be one limited to the petty grudge Banned holds toward my predecessor and not something condoned by DBDC as a whole. I have been assured there exists no beef within DBDC toward COBRA and have communicated that the inverse is also true. So you may be asking; what does this all have to do with King Neptune's Bar exactly? Banned is not a member, neither is The Dark Emperor. Surely these occurances have nothing to do with them? Well, you would be right to ask that and being the dilligent journalist I am? I have the answer for you dear readers: Here we can see a clear cut case of aggression against our ally Ordo Cyberneticus from a member of KNB, seemingly endorsed by the leader himself. Now I'm sure that the leader of KNB will come forward and deny he or Morphine had any knowledge that Ordo Cyberneticus are in fact allies of COBRA. Well..... This screen dates back to July so feigning ignorance is not going to fly in this scenario. Add this to the numerous counts of antagony promoted by Lord Hitchcock toward COBRA and our allies, the repeated threats and sponsoring of rogues from Banned (References available on request) I think it is more than reasonable to assume that the goal of KNB is to attempt the pursuit of our destruction with the help of the Mongoose known as Banned (because let's be real; Lord Hitchcock couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag on his own) As such, I cannot and I will not in good conscience sit idly by in the face of these repeated transgressions against my comrades. To Summarise: COBRA hereby formally recognises a state of hostilities with King Neptune's Bar and Mongoose in response to their aggressive actions and deeds directed toward us and in direct defense of Ordo Cyberneticus. Oh, and Banned?
  8. Last night I couldn't sleep so I decided to read the Cyber Nations Wiki for fun, you know, as a person does, right @Woryand? Looking over the alliances I like while admiring their contributions to the planet as a whole, I realized something shocking. I was flabbergasted! I was discombobulated! Cobra and my good friends over at FARK were not officially even acquainted. How would the denizens of Bob know how much we *insert heart emoji here* them if we didn’t announce it in a public forum??! The answer is, they would not! They would have no idea! Everyone will go to sleep and not be thinking about the inspiring friendship between Cobra and Fark! Well, I couldn’t have that so I just rushed to my computer and started typing this treaty. Then I thought to myself, wow, it is 2020 and everyone knows how this works, no noobs exist in CN anymore, just rerolls. So you know the treaty that says, Optional Defense and Aggression Pact? That is what this is! You are looking at another one! Yeah, this is a treaty announcement, I know you are all super excited to see Cobra and Fark making their friendship official. This is Cobra so here is a meme: This is also Boognish so here is a song: Fark and Cobra Go to a Bar Together This is Fark so here is a beer that I can’t legally drink yet: Signed for FARK: one_eighty_two - Submitter 905 - Squirrel Totalfark Council - Arcane, Decide R Inchief, Boz, Slick Johnson Signed for Cobra: Johnny Apocalypse - King Cobra General Tiki, General Kanabis, Lyanna - Royal Guard tldr: CN Treaty: Cobra and FARK now have an official Optional Defense and Aggression Pact
  9. The Animal Squanch Accords In the ruins of the old IRC fraternity #animalhouse: NG and Cobra hereby announce to Squanch whoever they want, wherever they want however they want. Signed for Cobra: King Cobra - Johnny Apocalypse Royal Guard - General Kanabis, Lyanna Mormont, General Tiki Signed for Non Grata: Stewie, Leader Thrash, Foreign Affairs King Cyan, Internal Affairs
  10. Live footage from The Day Today Turtle-mobile: Now fact me 'til I fart. Tonight: The Void (finally) shouts back: Non Grata 'at war' with most of the planet Oculus' Stock value plummets upon becoming "Target Rich Environment" For the first time in recent memory, the slumbering planet we all know and hate (in our own ways) has seen a surge in activity in the public domain. This initially was a result of the re-animated army of undead Non Grata and their growing army of fighters willing to join the charismatic leader's cause. Now more recently, the entrance of 1/3rd of the world's leaders against the forces of Non Grata, having awoken angrily from their peaceful pixel farms at the sight of refugees from the Freehold seeking shelter. Like a furiously groggy and clumsy giant, the combined forces of Oculus (spearheaded presumably by the NPO) summoned forth alliances from all corners of the world to join them in blacklisting Non Grata as a mere band of rogues. Now, they are indeed a band of rogues but this should come as news to nobody, many have considered Non Grata a friend in their long history for this very reason. They have always provided this planet movement whenever there is inertia, as observed by Jerdge recently they are, in a sense, the belligerent neutral of this world (every yin needs a yang). You may not agree with their destructive ways but can you truly deny that you are not enjoying this? Is this not what we exist for? - If however, this is not what you exist for (even if only to watch from the sidelines) this journalist has some advice: Immolate yourselves from this plane. If you want to be a farmer and not a leader; there are other worlds for that. And now some music: ----- "I'd kill you were I given half a chance, Yes I'd like to see you burning while you dance, You make every atom in me want to cry, You twist every word of truth into a lie, You're the unmistakable reason for all pain, Just the very thought of you drives me insane, But I'm fulfilled, Because eventually time will kill, The very space you occupy, Right there at the top of the hill, In this cold inbred excuse, for a world. ---- Kashmiri Psychics fashion door for entry to GATO Mental Quarantine - Peace talks resume "If I come back shaped like a rubber-stamp; someone smash me to bits" - Me. Ever since the paramilitary psychics of Kashmir erected their so-called "Mental Quarantine", the working citizens have enjoyed a brief respite from the near-constant distant sound of bureaucrats braying "RHUBARBRHUBARB" ad nauseum. The sound was soon replaced by the sound of shrieking hounds being freshly skinned; "Like music to my ears" one citizen said. With the mental quarantine now stable, the psychics have fashioned an entrance into the quarantine at the request of myself. "Why in Boognish's name would you risk your sanity in such a way?" I hear you ask. Well; like many of you I decided to get caught up in the frenzy of posting (frenzy by today's standards anyway) and had a few verbal jabs at the leader of the Freehold- we are at war after-all. However, on reflection this struck me as setting a bad tone between us to re-initiate peace talks. So in light of this, I shall be hacking through the mesh of red tape with a machete made from sharpened wolf bones that has already enveloped this entrance and into the hellish bureaucracy world of GATO, for peace. Wish me luck Bob. Introducing: Speak your Brains The Day Today will now be accepting anonymous or named personal accounts of events taking place where The Day Today can and cannot be. All submissions will be considered. Memetic warfare on the rise, RFI rendered powerless "say sike right now" It would seem safe to say, that the one universal constant we all share is indulging in an abundance of memes. No more so than during a time a of war, as there exists no greater source material to fashion propaganda to savage one's opponents. Until recently, the war between Cobralition and RFI has been relatively devoid of memetic warfare and despite General Kanabis' valiant efforts, there has been a notable lack in any memetic reciprocation from RFI intelligence agencies. This journalist can only speculate as to why that is; lack of creativity? lack of activity? lack of ambition? Who knows. Along with the carnage of the added front of NG/NPO (and their swaggering sacks of festering meat) this escalation has brought with it another surge in memetic warfare. These images are applied directly into the opponents skull and studies have shown a dramatic increase in "BAWW" and "REEEE" levels in the the victims blood. As these chemical levels begin to peak, the victim is rendered powerless and compelled to blurt out a series of vaguely incoherent and often contradictory remarks in a desperate attempt to debunk the image itself. Utterly failing to recognise this effort is a futile endeavour and that the only mode of response is to reciprocate in kind and hope to Boognish that it is at least funny, if not on message. Some recent examples: Tonight's featured song can be found here (disclaimer for babas: Bad Words!) That's all for tonight: Sod off.
  11. Back by popular demand from our very opponents: These are the Headlines tonight, god I wish they weren't.... Vexil-Huggers - Non Grata wake from their slumber. Those of you who have the brains to keep up with current affairs (and let's be honest, that shouldn't be too hard if you aren't a complete braincrash) will know that The Day Today launched a campaign to bring to light the blatant Vexil-thievery of The Freehold of the Wolves. Well, that call has been answered in the form of a formal declaration from Caustic of Non Grata. Still shaking the dust off his jacket from all the crypts he had been shaking day and night, he eventually stumbled upon several caskets loaded with long lost stashes of billions of dongs and full nuclear arsenals. Needless to say, I think we all know where they will be put to use. This of course is not to mention the strange influx of dark money and military support that NG have gathered from various alliances across the planet. An anonymous FTW source was quoted as saying: "This is the one thing we didn't want to happen" Now, it is well known that COBRA are no fans of Pixel-Huggers -or any kind of huggers really- but we are willing to make an exception in this instance. Burning for one's flag seems to us one of the most respectable reasons to go down swinging and we wish NG the best of luck against the Mongrels. The Mongrels in question have already taken a 200k NS drop in the first two days of engagement, so it's looking like it's all downhill from here for both parties. We look forward to the new abundance of targets that NG will inevitably provide. And for those of you who cannot quite wrap their heads around the matter. The Day Today has commission some sponsored content to explain the matter in simple terms for all you oblivious baba's out there: The Author of the above content has made a generous donation toward building more printing presses for future broadcasts, The Day Today encourages any other party wishing to make a submission to contact this journalist through the usual channels. We value each citizen of Bob's right to freedom of speech and will happily provide a platform, for the right fee. Kashmiri Psychics 'Mentally Quarantine' elements of RFI - GATO representative furious. The involvement of Kashmir in the war against RFI has been a curious one throughout. A handful of incidents have erupted involving Kashmir nations attacking or spying RFI nations. Each incident has been met with very firm assertions from the alliances in question that Kashmir is not in fact at war with them, despite the following clause of their own treaty: ---- Article III: Rolling for Initiative If any member of RFI is attacked, all players shall enter combat. Roll for Initiative. ----- Now, given the above clause it should be obvious to any rational minded human who has not been infested with Mindworms, that any aggressive action from Kashmir against RFI alliances is to be understood to be an understandable response given they are at war with members of the bloc. "All players shall enter combat" - though it would seem CLAWS and GATO are unwilling to do so and quite angry when faced with Kashmiri offensives. The Legion on the other hand seem to have no issue with attacking Kashmir. Now if this journalist was say, allied to both of them, I might consider it quite an insulting slap to the face, but I'm not. In response to the aggressive stances taken against Kashmir by the above listed alliances a clandestine para-military arm of the Kashmiri military who possess the power of the telepathy have erected what they call a 'Mental Quarantine' around CLAWS and GATO borders. Considering they are apparently immune from any attacks from these alliances, the quarantine has been erected to protect the IQ of the Kashmiri people from any further whinging and cherry picking. Lex Quintus has suffered particularly from these outbursts and has asked that they "Sod off and jump back into their Bureacratic comfort-blanket, not without filling in the appropriate forms first of course. Ooga Booga." For those of you unfamiliar with the bureaucratic machinations of GATO, The Day Today is proud to present another piece of sponsored content (for educational purposes only) Which moves us nicely onto our final address of the evening: Peace Stalls: But who's buying? As I'm sure some of you know, this journalist (and soon to be King) has been working tirelessly to hammer out a peace treaty between the forces of the Cobralition and RFI. Early this week I began hammering out terms with Canik of FTW, we managed to finally come to the consensus that we would be willing to begrudgingly admit defeat in exchange for peace. Negotiations rolled on, tiny little kinks slowly ironed out and it seemed we were so very close. Then came the 'bureacratic formalities' that needed carrying out from each RFI alliance, despite assurances that each vote would pass (which to this journalist makes them seem awfully redundant but I don't lead a bloated ghost husk so how would I know). So again we waited; first told that GATO needed to vote and it'd take 48 hours. After those 48 hours, we were told The Legion still needed to vote. Were they dragging heels? Perhaps, this writer can only speculate. Eventually Canik comes running with all of the signatures required to ratify the agreement on their end- 6 hours after Non Grata declared war. Awfully eager all of a sudden, curiously eager. Meanwhile the soldiers of the Cobralition had erupted in opposition to this "admission of defeat" - why admit defeat immediately after the entrance of Non Grata mercenaries fighting a common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend- as they say. Now as a King in waiting I would be a fool to deny my people the right to bare arms and blow things up at will and if they've still got the fight in them: I say let 'em have it. We may be building makeshift silos from depleted plutonium shards and pieces of bones found scattered amongst the rubble but as the song goes: "I get knocked down, But I get back up again, You're never gonna keep me down" So onward we fight, alongside our new friends. To our opponents I put to you the simplest way out of this for you: White Peace (Good christ I hope I don't need to keep repeating that- oh we're still live?) That's all from The Day Today, we would like to re-iterate that we will accept sponsors to pay for more printing presses from any party with a story to tell; maybe a story someone doesn't want you to tell; maybe a story from a different perspective. We encourage people to throw off the shackles of their radio silences and join us in open debate on this Open World Forum. We leave you with the following music and welcome all denizens of the planet, friend or foe, to come and get your shake on in the COBRA discord and dance in the rubble with us. Until next time, this is Johnny Apocalypse saying Goodnight: "Goodnight"
  12. It's been 3 years since @Lucius Optimus left me with this tiresome burden. I often wondered what the point of it all was and eventually discovered that the people I met along the way made it worth it. I hate and love all of you equally. 🎭 January 13th, 2016 - TBD, 2019 Order of Business; Upon concluding military operations in the ongoing War against RFI & LoSS (Korlath's War > sNeK eYeZ wAr) I will be stepping down in my capacity as King or whatever- *burps. @Jack Layton appeared to me in a peyote induced vision and spoke the name of my successor, @Johnny Apocalypse Mr. Apocalypse himself. A good choice, you know, given the times we live in. As for me, well- "but if there's nothing shakin' come this here July, I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die"
  13. Incoming Transmission: "Hello you." I am Johnny Apocalypse beaming various words and pictures to you from the Anubian Dove Plains. This is The Day Today Tonight: Motivated and United by "Strange Beastial Lust" Despite the ever fluctuating population counts of Cobra citizens; the tale that the Freehold of the Wolves were a bunch of a demented dog lovers has been passed on to each new batch of citizens as they arrive with the construction of yet another round of infrastructure. This piece of folklore has been vague and open to interpretation for some time, until recently with the arrival of recent defector Kal Asharak. Kal approached the Cobra frontline approximately two weeks ago. He was spotted by scouts clenching a blood soaked knife with his teeth and bearing four freshly shorn pelts: "Brothers!" He roared "When I returned to this world I thought these 'men' might be worthy warriors of the North. How wrong I was! These pups have no right to call themselves 'Wolves' - How they wish they could be as powerful as a wolf.....I mean, they REALLY wish it you guys." Kal reportedly threw the pelts to the ground, doused them in gasoline and set them alight: "I present to you the boiling blood and skin of your foes, now somebody get me another gun! This one's clogged with fur- don't ask." Needless to say, we didn't. In fact, Kal's account to Cobra Intelligence is so graphic that The Day Today cannot broadcast it in it's entirety for legal reasons (and on the grounds of general decency) International Stagnation - The Never-ending Story It should come as no surprise to whatever viewers remain out there, that stagnation on Bob is endemic. Almost all alliances have shown a continuous downward trend in overall strength and technological capacity on account of most leaders being too bored to rule their people. The occasional sudden disappearance of nations results in a net gain for the forces of Cobra as displaced citizen counts take up shelter in our ever fluctating borders and infrastructure. Despite our war-torn landscape (our opponents are effectively nuking piles of rubble at this stage) many people find living under our banner far more invigorating than in their former homes, they have even become accustomed to the constant levels of radiation and bathe in the warming glow of each wasted nuclear missile that lands on a pile of rubble somewhere That being said, global stagnation does not necessarily account for the downward trend of our RFI opponents: For a coalition at war with a far smaller opponent, one would think competent leaders would be capable of effectively putting down said opponent while simultaneously maintaining upward growth. The above charts would seem to indicate otherwise, for contrast here is an example of the potential for growth when not at war with Cobra: With that in mind we are left to wonder and ask: Come on guys, this is silly; is it really worth keeping this up just to make a punitive point? Wouldn't you rather go back to hoarding what little resources remain on this planet? Which brings us to our next headline Controlled Demolition for Peace? Nah. While there have been numerous attempts to reach a compromise with our opponents in RFI, so far they remain about as successful and enjoyable as a jazz saxophonist at your Mother's funeral. The most recent proposal from RFI involved requiring a number of Cobrastan nations to buy infrastructure to be demolished by RFI as a means of encouraging us to burn our own money. Now, putting aside the fact that this is less desirable than engaging in forced tech deals with our opponents, The Day Today has a number of questions it would like to ask: Why must a coalition of RFI's size need Cobrastan to agree to a controlled demolition that they failed to carry out with their superior numbers in the first place? How have they failed to carry out this demolition in the several months this war has rolled on? What kind of threat do we truly pose to the RFI coalition that they feel it necessary to make us deplete our own warchests in exchange for peace? These questions have fairly straight-forward answers for anyone with more than two shreds of grey matter to rub together, but let me just address the last one for the viewing public. Clearly RFI consider us a major threat, despite their superior numbers even they are aware of their inferior capacity to militarily put us down. In exchange for peace and for the sake of imposing a term to demonstrate their prowess as a victorious force, they ask us to roll onto our tummies so that they may obliterate as much as possible within a set time-frame? We would like to remind the RFI coalition of the old saying: It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. We also welcome RFI back to the negotiating table at any time. Flag Thieves 'apologise' to Non Grata - Continue to fly their flag The involvement of Non Grata forces on the Cobra front has been an incredibly welcome addition to our ranks (especially as no one will formally acknowledge hostilities with them) but this humble reporter feels a duty to give something back to our friends in arms. Those of us who are old and decrepit enough to remember time as far back as the Pandora's Box bloc will recall the military prowess of Non Grata and the appearance of their flag on numerous Declarations of War. However, this flag has been illegally commandeered by the Freehold of the Wolves. The Day Today can report that the leader of the Freehold reached out to apologise to Non Grata for flying their flag, likely as a means of trying to split and disengage them from hostilities- probably one of the few smart diplomatic moves we've seen from the Freehold. Not smart enough to follow through and actually stop flying the flag though. The Day Today would like to present the following alternative for the Freehold: Alternatively, they can always return to their old flag from their former moniker: Fellowship of the Wolves. We realise this flag isn't their own unique design but this recent intercept of a Freehold comms channel might shed light on their lack of creative talent: The reporter pictured above, Peter O'Hanrahanrahan, has since gone completely blind. Those are the Headlines. Happy now? This is Johnny Apocalypse saying "Good Night": Good Night.
  14. Incoming Transmission: "Hello sir" Welcome to The Day Today being beamed from COBRA Telly to your belly Tonight: Innovative new Military strategy wreacking havoc behind enemy lines: The Day Today is pleased to announce that the joint military research efforts of the Cobralition have devised a new strategy to deal with the flea-ridden hordes of the Freehold. The system at present is crude but we are told it involves surgically opening up any captured wolves, filling them with explosives and sending them back across enemy lines. At the point they re-unite with their pack, a controller is alerted and the explosives can be detonated to clear out large areas of mongrel infested land. The Freehold have become aware of this tactic and have developed a spray, that, when applied to the dog seals in the explosive inside it reducing casualty count to one *coughobvious joke about minimising casualtiescough*. However, if this spray is not applied to the underside of the dog's body, the resulting explosion will launch the mutt thousands of feet into the air. We have intercepted radio communications from the Freehold which have advised it's peacetime nations to carry extra strong umbrellas with them. This warning was broadcast likely as a result of Brown Senator Kaznawim being obliterated by a wolf carcass falling at terminal velocity. It is believed that they remain in a critical condition. Turncoat War Funders or Incompetent Blunders Since the outbreak of the conflict between ourselves and RFI, we at the newsdesk, have found it increasingly hard to focus on bringing you the news due to bouts of contagious, hysterical laughter erupting from the office as a result of RFI incompetence. We even had to send the coffee boy home because he laughed so hard he threw up and simultanously sh- .snorted hot coffee right up his nose. The most recent events which come to mind have been the frequent aid drops, courtesy of the RFI coalition. Your humble journalist happened to be a benefactor of the generous RFI coalition. The Day Today can also confirm more of these aid drops from CLAWS, FTW, Argent and The Legion - could these be potential sleeper cells deep within RFI, sending out occasional flurries of aid across enemy lines because there is dissent in the ranks? OR is the answer the more simple one; that they're essentially a collection of bumbling braincrashes who owe their success to the fact that there are more of those drooling moro- ..hey what? I can't speak my real brains? .....Fine I'll reign it in- drooling than there are those who can keep their saliva in their mouths. Peace talks alikened to "a swift kick to the genitals" - War wages onward, troops overjoyed Cheers of joy erupted from battalions across the planet at the news that attempts to acquire a reasonable peace from their opponents hit a dead-end. The troops celebrated the potential for continued bloodshed, with more bloodshed. The total amount of tech demanded of our corner of the world amounted to 70,000, masquerading as "tech deals" - the coalition wholeheartedly rejects this blatant attempt to stifle our growth. Such an amount of reparations for so small a coalition is unheard of and we refuse to allow such a precedent be set and will not engage in negotiations that start at that level. Our opponents can throw as many swarms of centralised drone attacks at us and we'll bat them away like the flies they are. Their nations that actually have the stones to jump down and shed blood for the pixel-god will be ground down equally. Our resolve is strong, we're with our troops on this one. It's more fun to keep fighting than become a vassal state. And to our opponents: That's about it from The Day today, before we go we have time to showcase some art from some children. So goodnight and shut up: Lucius Optimus -age 8 War orphan - age 12 Tankobite - age 5
  15. About us: Hi guys! Before we get down to business, here are some fun facts. On March 3rd, a member of the Sellswords launched two unauthorized raids into aNiMaLz territory. The member in question (Korlath) was asked to cease fire and send peace. This was done to avoid escalation (aNiMaLz was under the protection of FTW for a period of 90 days). Korlath’s Raids occurred exactly 90 days after that announcement was posted. The only action Korlath took on the 4th was to send out peace offers. These were rejected. FTW countered Korlath at 5:30 PM (Server Time), a day after protection of aNiMaLz expired. FTW didn’t update their protectorate status with aNiMaLz until 6:50 PM. FTW leadership was contacted and diplomacy was utterly exhausted. But it was obvious they had no interest in a peaceful resolution. On the 15th of March, the nation of Korlath was attacked again while under the protection of Kashmir. Business Proposal: Korlath was kind enough to guide your 4 puppies through our strict obedience course. They are to be the first of many! COBRA hereby declares war on the Freehold of The Wolves for aggression towards our MDP partners; Sellswords and Kashmir.
  16. Hello, I'm big money nation. You might have heard of me from the Cobra Discord or Kashmir and Freehold of the Wolves discord. I'm here to apologize for being a general nuisance and a pain in the ass to people. I have started long chat wars that have gone on for way longer than they had to and I have fueled the long chat wars with insults degrading comments threats and general toxicity that is was not needed. I have stained my image by being toxic and making crude and bad nazi jokes which were taken out of context and used to label me as a Nazi. While I agree that I did say I was a Nazi and I beat up immigrants for fun it was never meant to be taken seriously. I have some dark humor and at the moment I thought it was funny. Again sorry for having caused unnecessary trouble between alliances and players. I specifically wanna apologize to ComradeMeiyuuhi for risking having you get hit by Kashmir due to my insults against Kashmir. I wanna apologize to Canik for worsening FTW's relation with cobra and your reputation among Cobra. I wanna apologize to LoM and Lucius for conspiring to take revenge on Cobra. In general, I'm sorry for having caused trouble that was not needed. Destruction not earned and wars that were not necessary. Before I end my apology im swearing that I will not in the future take revenge against Cobra TIE or any alliance from this moment on. This will be the end of my apology. On another note like I mentioned in the apology im, not a Nazi. I don't hold any extremist views and I'm not interested in IRL politics either. I know the messages you've seen are cruel and rude but they came in the heat of the moment. I am my self from an immigrant family and ive dealt with Nazis or extreme right-wing people in the past and they have not been nice people at all. Prejudging me based on my background. If you'd like screenshots of where the Nazi accusations came from feeling free to message me on discord Big money nation. #6394 Big money signing out. Have a good one.
  17. But instead we found Boogie Nights. Oh well. COBRA declares war on Boogie Nights in solidarity with our friends in Kashmir. Shout out to the Pirates and the Knights.
  18. Kashmir, COBRA, FTW, ISX agree to white peace. No new wars will be declared between these combatants from this day forward and any ongoing wars will be allowed to expire. Kashmir, COBRA, and FTW agree not to take future military action in the NpO - ISX war. Signed for Kashmir, /s/ Kashmir Signed for COBRA, GK, King Cobra Signed for FTW, Canik, The Mad King Signed for ISX, Emperor: Galerion
  19. War Declared By War Declared On 2/27/2018 12:54:04 PM Robloxian Ruler: RezzyRezzRezz Knights Of Ni Aeldorei Ruler: ameliarose Sovereign League of Armed Powers Aid Offer Date Aid Offered By Aid Offered To Aid Offered 2/27/2018 5:01:08 PM "Financial Assistance" Sudovia Ruler: Skomand Knights Of Ni Robloxian Ruler: RezzyRezzRezz Knights Of Ni $6,000,000 0 Tech 4000 Soldiers 2/27/2018 3:47:39 PM "WaR FUNDS" T-world Ruler: The Queen Knights Of Ni Robloxian Ruler: RezzyRezzRezz Knights Of Ni $6,000,000 100 Tech 3000 Soldiers COBRA declares war on the Knights of Ni.
  20. Free Shots for Everyone! The Royal House of Aevrum and the combined forces of TIE, COBRA & Nights Watch hereby agree to white peace. No new wars will be declared by either side and any ongoing wars can either be peaced sooner by those involved or fought until expiration. Now everyone has to do a shot to celebrate! Here's to better relations post war and lasting peace! Signed for The Royal House of Aevrum, Noctis Lucis Caelum, King Sir Kindle, Mayor of the Castle Signed for The Nights Watch, Lord Commander - Morphine Hand of the Commander - Nord First Ranger - Mad Jack First Builder - Landoffreedom First Steward - Serberus Signed for COBRA, GK, King Cobra The COBRA Royal Guard Signed for TIE, Lucius Optimus, Absolute Ruler of TIE
  21. After weeks of being attacked in such a cowardly fashion, we have finally found the culprit responsible for spying away our generals. The evidence has been shown to the proper individuals, and Ellen has sealed her own doom COBRA declares war on The Imperial Entente. I'd also like to take this moment to announce that our PIAT with aNiMaLz has been upgraded to an ODoAP. What a coincidence, right? CB- Ojwardsc! Stay tuned for more horrible gifs.
  22. >>>> ODoAP Treaty <<<< Article I - Sovereignty: In the signing of this treaty both COBRA and Ordo Mechanicus agree to acknowledge and respect the sovereignty of the other signatory. Article II - Non aggression: No member of either alliance will declare war on the other signatory. This also includes actions that can be seen as a violation of peace such as aiding an enemy with money, technology, military or information. Article III - Friendship: The signatory alliances and their members will treat each other with as much respect and decency as they would show one of their own members. Healthy debate and discussion as well as constructive criticism are not restricted, but alliance members are expected to show tact and consideration by going through the proper channels when addressing a concern. Article IV - Intelligence: Members of COBRA and Ordo Mechanicus agree to share intelligence critical to the other alliance's safety, as long this does not conflict with other agreements. They also agree to not conduct espionage on one another. Article V - Assistance: Neither COBRA or Ordo Mechanicus is legally bound to grant requests of military action or financial aid from the other. However, should such a request be made through official channels by one alliance, the other alliance is highly encouraged to participate and required to discuss the request at the highest levels of government. If no request is made by one alliance which is in need of military intervention or financial aid, it is still highly encouraged that the other alliance participate, although nothing is required. Article VI - Withdrawal: In the case that either party feels it necessary to terminate this treaty, they should first inform the other signatory of their intention and are required to wait 72 hours before termination in order to allow appropriate discussion. Signatories: For COBRA: - General Kanabis, King Cobra - The COBRA Royal Guard For Ordo Mechanicus: - Marcvs - el Cunado
  23. https://makeameme.org/meme/canibus-contras CANIBUS CONTRAS CLUB Article I. Alliance Sovereignty Both alliances remain sovereign and independent under this arrangement. Article II. Military Intelligence Intelligence possessed by one signatory relating to the military security of the other should be shared through secure channels. Article III. Nonaggression and military defense Both signatories shall refrain from all acts aggression against one another. Should one signatory come under attack, the other is encouraged to provide military or other forms of assistance depending on the situation. Article IV. Optional Aggression Should a military offensive be organized by one signatory the other may be invited to participate. Article V. Ghost Operations Either signatory can ghost the other Alliance Affiliation as part of joint operations. Article V. Cancellation A cancellation notice should be presented via secure channels to the other signatory. The A Team John "Hannibal" Smith ~ Templeton "Faceman" Peck ~ Bosco "B.A." (Bad Attitude) Baracus ~ H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock~ COBRA Senor de La Guerra~General Kanabis
  24. What with all the music in the air, we in COBRA couldn't help ourselves. We want to boogie with the rest of the gang! COBRA hereby activates it's Optional Aggression clause with SLAP to declare war on the Legion. Let's dance!
  25. Of Cats and Coils- ODoAP Presented by Steve Irwin. if you dont know him google it. In times of doubt, trust a feline to be your pal! You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours (ouch). Apocalypse Meow and COBRA hereby sign this Optional Defense Pact in mutual agreement. Terms of Endearment- Should either party find themselves in need of a helping hand, the other shall join at their own discretion. Foreign aid, military contributions, diplomatic intervention; these are all acceptable and shall be accordingly employed should the need arise. Both parties agree to work together to foster economic prosperity and work together physically and practically to improve our overall economic stability as friends and allies. Both parties agree to protect the interests of the other in good faith and solidarity and to maintain communication channels to assure clarity and comfort in both times of peace and war. In the event of communication breakdown, we ask that the dilinquent party writes a haiku on the virtues of communication. The final clause is unwritten and will cause heavy speculation amongst many, but not us... we know what it is but secretly so nobody knows where it is to even start speculating. Signatures for AM: Lord Darrin, Commandant Nord Belka, Sergeant Major Signatures for COBRA: -General Kanabis, King Cobra. -Lord Grimsin, Kuzar, Caspase, Kralot; The COBRA Royal Guard.
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