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Good evening, and welcome to this special edition of This Week in the Network, your number one source for all news orange and pulpy from that shining beacon of peace and friendship, the Orange Defense Network. I'm your host Schattenmann, TWiN is on! Lay of the Land Tonight we're pleased to bring you this special international edition of TWiN. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, here's the scoop. On January 22, 2014, DBDC declared war on World Task Force in sport to celebrate its second anniversary. Per usual, DBDC nations have been swapping AAs between IRON, Doom Squad, Swash Plates and Tail Rotors, Dark Templar, etc. WTF has not played the game, continuing their defense regardless. And so the stage was set for the kind of drama that has always been set up by DBDC's dual membership partners. The Case of Noob Cake One nation in particular, Noob Cake, has sought to escape justice by applying to the Orange Defense Network, prompting a diplomatic mission to ask when the war would end. And were that the end of it, my friends, what a boring show this would be indeed. Fortunately for us, ODN's diplomat began his visit with undertones that the Network is done with this war and so should be WTF. Rankled, and rightly so, by this interloping and already fired up by two months of war, WTF's members gave an ear-burning reply to Shinnra. As the responses heated up, Shinnra was joined by newly-minted Secretary General Peaches and bucovina, who apparently arrived to throw gasoline on the fire Peaches of course lightens the situation by calling WTF a pack of savages for responding in anger to ODN's thinly-veiled threats. I do believe he might even have got some mud on the edge of his petticoats. bucovina, not being an actual diplomat but a concerned citizen on a private mission, chimes in Yes, why don't you mind your manners, WTF, because ODN is here to tell you that you take those threats with a smile and say thank you or we're coming back with a thousand school marms to knock some manners into your knuckles. And so they went round. WTF has made clear that they will defend themselves until they have had their fill, and that is not likely anytime soon. ODN's diplomatic mission finally punctuated their point once more: Something else. Scary stuff. All this begs the question, what in Mod's name were they thinking? It is clear that ODN believed WTF to be naïve and so stupid as to be pliable by the most blunt conversation. These are not the overtures of practiced diplomats, but what we might expect from a startup protectorate. Clearly, a new approach was needed. A reboot in the tradition of foreign affairs reboots. Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies And now we come to the final act in this comedy of errors. Sensing that ODN's first thread had run its course, Secretary General Peaches sough to reset the diplomatic process by opening a new thread. Now, bear with me, folks, I know reading hurts, but you want to catch all the patronization, all the lies, all the condescension here in its entirety, you won't be disappointed. The Final Word We here at This Week are incensed. We're incensed that ODN has threatened to intervene in the WTF-DBDC War because ODN has decided it's time for the war to end. We're incensed that the Secretary General has made such undeniably wild claims. Now you listen here, Mr. Secretary General, I think I speak for all of us (as usual) when I say we're just here for the fireworks. I for one understand, appreciate, and respect WTF's isolationism, and I don't imagine they think of a diplomat rush to watch your trainwreck as an opportunity. I was reticent about posting, but your speech is geared toward an international audience because you're on CNtel and because you know we're watching. I for one find your entire speech to be . . . wild. ODN is not the oldest democracy, that's GATO. ODNistas vote at rates as low as 13% (during war, when activity is highest); Polaris is an autocracy with an elected council, our last election saw 32% participation. ODN is not in the slightest a "defensive" alliance. You are an alliance that "defends" allies by disregarding all circumstance. When MK attacked NPO for no reason except to curb their growth, you followed. Now DBDC has attacked WTF for no reason except to remove them and curb their growth, you will follow. In this last war, too, begun by bald aggression to deliberately start a global war, ODN was right there beside its allies where it will always be and where it belongs. You are an aggressive alliance to your core because you do what you're asked and "don't let friends burn." ODN is not an alliance that favors white peace. You favor whatever your allies favor (as you've said here over and over) and if your allies want reps, ODN's military, membership, and government are behind them as you did in the Doom House-NPO War. If ODN is in any way "for" white peace right now it is because that is simply the prevailing sentiment and ODN is nothing if not followers, because your elementary "friends" foreign policy precludes all judgement or autonomy. It doesn't matter why, it only matters who. And as your longest-serving Secretary General OsRavan has said in a rare moment of clarity, "When you back something with military force in a coalition you don't get to shift the blame." You frame this war as an inevitable clash of cultures. It is anything but! WTF's culture is in no way in conflict with DBDC's culture. There is nothing intrinsically at odds between these two alliances. This is a war of opportunistic election on DBDC's part, and if ODN enters it will be the same: opportunistic aggression. This is not a clash of cultures, it is a war gone bad. This bit of intellectual dishonesty is so goofy as to be offensive. How dare you attempt to equate WTF's resolve to fight to the death with past suicide runs. WTF does not need to moralize its stance, DBDC did that for them when they attacked WTF for sport. ODN does not do whatever it can to promote a friendly or moderate environment for all. You ally with strongmen and then back them up in whatever moves they make, because they're your "friends." If ODN wants to promote moderation and friendliness, it will cancel its DBDC treaty and mind its own business. Your treaty facilitates this very situation because DBDC knows, knows, that its nations are useless against conventionally-constructed AAs, and that its allies are the ones who'll be doing the fighting when things go bad. And voila! here you are threatening war in the name of peace, friendliness, and moderation. The entire tone of this speech is insulting. It is patronizing and makes it clear that ODN thinks of itself as the Great White Father here to inform and civilize these weird neutral savages. For my part, WTF, I must say bravo. You have staked out your position and stuck to your principles in the face of overwhelming challenges. Not because you are naïve, but because you are extremely well aware of what is happening, as you have demonstrated. Collectible Sig And now a This Week tradition: Your TWiP Collectible Sig, crafted for all you TWiNnies out there in TV land from the most special screenshot of the week. I think this one speaks for itself. That's it for This Week, thank you for joining us tonight. From everyone here in the studio on this, the twenty-seventh day since DBDC confused isolationist for pacifist, goodnight, and good luck!
Because life on Bob has been sucking more than usual the last few [s]days[/s] [s]weeks[/s] [s]months[/s] years, it looks like worldwide activity is down. WAY down. Admin's increasingly desperate pleas to find new nations have mostly fallen on deaf ears. Even Fark has been having activity problems, as evidenced by the shameful lack of candidates in this month's council erection. We needed to do some recruiting and we needed to do it fast. We, however, are much more proactive than Admin in our approach to recruiting. Much like Admin's pleas are often ignored with a swift click of the "dismiss" button, our own ads were quickly flagged and removed. We've screenshotted them for posterity. [URL=http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa3/BleakOutlook/CLad1.jpg]Little Rock[/URL] [URL=http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa3/BleakOutlook/CLad2.jpg]Houston[/URL] [URL=http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa3/BleakOutlook/CLad3.jpg]New York[/URL] [URL=http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa3/BleakOutlook/CLad4.jpg]Philadelphia[/URL] [URL=http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa3/BleakOutlook/CLad5.jpg]Los Angeles[/URL] The responses we received were mostly [url=http://www.spampepper.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/spam5.jpg]spam[/url], [url=http://www.truckspills.com/beer_spill_1.jpg]obscene pictures[/url], and a lot of "[url=http://assets4.bigthink.com/system/idea_thumbnails/43540/original/Tyson.jpg?1333855920]are you serious[/url]" letters. Believe it or not, we managed to get some of these[url=http://www.farkistan.org/] haggard internet perverts[/url] to join [url=http://www.cn.ca/en/index.htm]CN[/url] and run in this month's erections! Anyway, the newcomers all lost to these people: Cable77 - Speaker of the Council [quote][b]Why Are You Interested in this Position?[/b] As you know, finding full time employment is very difficult right now. I have applied to over 200 positions within the last 2 years. [b]Can You Tell Us More about Your Experience?[/b] You have had two weeks to review my resume yet you still want to know about my experience. This is so typical of Human Resources. [b]Why Should We Hire You?[/b] If you don’t hire me, it would prove that your management is incompetent. [b]Describe Your Ideal Job?[/b] I’ll tell you what I don’t want to be doing - sitting in boring meetings, doing grunt work and having to be nice to people all day long. [b]What Are Your Weaknesses?[/b] I get angry easily and I went to jail for it but I won’t get mad at you. [b]What Motivates You?[/b] Salary is very important, my gambling debts are rising. [b]Why Did You Leave Your Previous Employment?[/b] My boss was stupid and would always argue with me about how to do my job. [b]Do You Have Any Questions about the Job?[/b] When you run background checks on candidates, do arrests come up? [/quote] CountryMouse [quote][b]Why Are You Interested in this Position?[/b] Boredom. [b]Can You Tell Us More about Your Experience?[/b] I've never been in a cult before, but hear that leadership is like being a god or something. I want to be a god. [b]Why Should We Hire You?[/b] Because I took down all the ads so you would have to. [b]Describe Your Ideal Job?[/b] Skulking around a computer in the dark reading wikipedia and miscellany. [b]What Are Your Weaknesses?[/b] I won't do what you want me to; just want I feel like. [b]What Motivates You?[/b] Boredom. [b]Why Did You Leave Your Previous Employment?[/b] They made me do things. Outside. With people. It was inhumane. [b]Do You Have Any Questions about the Job?[/b] Are there any new job postings? [/quote] 182 [quote] [b]Why Are You Interested in this Position?[/b] It's been my lifelong dream to become a [s]Wal Mart employee[/s] Farkistan .gov member! [b]Can You Tell Us More about Your Experience?[/b] No. [b]Why Should We Hire You?[/b] I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you. [b]Describe Your Ideal Job?[/b] Open bar, work 1:30-3:00pm Tuesday, Wednesday and alternating Thursdays. [b]What Are Your Weaknesses?[/b] It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. [b]What Motivates You?[/b] My only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. [b]Why Did You Leave Your Previous Employment?[/b] They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn't work under those demanding conditions. [b]Do You Have Any Questions about the Job?[/b] What if I woke up in the [s]morning[/s] afternoon and didn’t feel like coming to work? [/quote] Mr. Cynical [quote] [b]Why Are You Interested in this Position?[/b] It seems to me like a fun way to explore being a loser. [b]Can You Tell Us More about Your Experience?[/b] This one time, at band camp, I butt-chugged a liter of cola. [b]Why Should We Hire You?[/b] The only payment I require are boob gif's. [b]Describe Your Ideal Job?[/b] I would rule with an iron fist, wrapped in a velvet glove, wrapped in Barb Wire. Yes, Pamela Anderson. [b]What Are Your Weaknesses?[/b] I have a crippling fear of horses, spiders and heights. And also getting Admin's mom pregnant. [b]What Motivates You?[/b] I am told that I get to enact the right of Primae Noctis on new nations. [b]Why Did You Leave Your Previous Employment?[/b] There was a problem with a pot of coffee, a time machine, and a faulty prophylactic. [b]Do You Have Any Questions about the Job?[/b] Do I have to fill out any TPS reports? [/quote] Randomly Jim [quote] [b]Why Are You Interested in this Position?[/b] Its just a simple fact that after you get elected into high gov for a dying browser-based war game hiding behind a long broken, meta-political game that you get invited into this amazing sausage fest of a skype channel where you can hear the same 25 male asmatics make fun of each other in the hopes of winning the favor of the few women lonely enough to bury themselves in this social circle cum circle jerk. Naturally, after getting in, I will be named thier king and will finally be able to win over their queen. [b]Can You Tell Us More about Your Experience?[/b] I just ate a cheese sandwich and I've seen every Adam Sandler film. Obviously, I'm ready. [b]Why Should We Hire You?[/b] Who else is applying at this point? [b]Describe Your Ideal Job?[/b] Unemployed welfare recipient with government provided internet access. [b]What Are Your Weaknesses?[/b] I may or may not have a fetish for wearing women's undergarments that may or may not belong to my mother. [b]What Motivates You?[/b] Tears. [b]Why Did You Leave Your Previous Employment?[/b] Tears. [b]Do You Have Any Questions about the Job?[/b] When does it end? [/quote]