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About Jorost

  • Birthday May 23

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    Massachusetts, USA

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    Invicta Crownlands
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  1. As some of you might have already heard, in recent days there has been a change of power in Invicta. With the senior leadership busy with the details of the transition, they have been unavailable for public comment and, as a result, many wild stories have started to circulate. So before I introduce our new leader, let me take a moment to lay some of these stories to rest: Rotty, our erstwhile president, is neither dead nor in a coma being maintained by life support. Please be assured that his life functions continue to operate as they always have, which is to say adequately. A man of his physical health and fitness could easily expect to live to see 45. Rotty was not removed from power for abusive drunkenness, nor was there anything resembling a "coup." Those are scurrilous rumors being circulated by enemies with a hidden agenda. Do not give them any credence. President Gunn, aka Nascar, has not undergone a sex change. He remains a woman trapped in an incredibly effeminate man's body. Rumors of my descent into addiction and mental illness are highly exaggerated. On most days I am alert and aware for at least six hours. With that out of the way, I would like to turn to one of my more pleasant duties as Lord Protector of Invicta, and that is the naming of a new President of Invicta. As is our tradition, this is largely a formality, wherein the outgoing president names his successor and I give my rubber stamp. But never have I been so pleased to break out that rubber stamp. Invicta's new president is a longtime member, leader, social presence, and my good personal friend. Some know him as the Beard, to others he is King Biscuit of Ovencia, but to one and all he shall henceforth be known as the President of Invicta. May his his term be a long and glorious one! As is our tradition (by which I mean I just invented it), the new president will be serving cookies and sweetmeats in Invicta's public reception hall. Don't be afraid to bug him about it. /s/ Jorost of the Invicta Crownlands, Lord Protector of Invicta
  2. No, see, this is where I was afraid people might get confused. It's not entirely clear, but in fact we are moving to Orange. I mean Purple. Purple.
  3. Really? Nothing on the picture, Haf? Good to "see" you, by the way.
  4. Dearly Beloved, We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word, life. It means forever and that’s a mighty long time. But I’m here to tell you there’s something else… The World of Bob. Invicta was born into this world nearly a decade ago as a Purple alliance. Now, after a long sojourn on Red, Invicta is coming home. Now for the official stuff: Acting in my capacity as Lord Protector of Invicta, and with the advice and consent of my Government, led by our esteemed President Kiwi, I do hereby and forthwith declare Invicta to be a Purple alliance. All Invicta nations are instructed to switch their trading sphere to Purple at the earliest opportunity. In taking this action, I relinquish my seat in the Red Senate, which I have held for six years. If the people of the Purple sphere see fit to elect me their senator, I will be honored to serve in that capacity again. I would point out that the décor in my office was always purple because of our flag. Also I am prepared to dole out favors, both political and sexual (name a Government member and a price), in pursuit of this goal. But I digress. In our hearts Invicta has always been Purple. Our flag has always been purple. Purple blood circulates in our veins. We cry purple tears. We pee purple… well, you get it. It’s actually kind of gross. I keep saying we should call a doctor but apparently our health insurance doesn’t cover it. But I digress. Personally, I am very excited to be back on Purple. It feels like coming home. Plus I like the color purple better than red. It always felt vaguely communistic over there. Now, with everything purple, it feels vaguely gay. And that feels like home. Given under our hand and seal, this 22nd day of April, 2016, /s/ Jorost of the Crownlands, Lord Protector of Invicta
  5. This. Also, evidently you're not supposed to use all caps in topic titles. My bad. :(
  6. Back in the Summer of 2012... ...when Dierks Bentley bestrode the Earth like a colossus and the NSA only spied on other countries, a few of us over at Invicta had a crazy idea. Why not start a fake internet radio show, something like Bootleg Radio, only with less talent and professionalism? And boy, did we! Jorost & Friends debuted on June 1st, 2012, and with our powerful 100,000-watt pretend transmitter, we beamed our signal out to literally tens of homes around the world. I hosted, which since the show was named Jorost & Friends seemed like the logical choice, joined by a regular panel consisting of Nascar8FanGA (aka President Gunn), King Biscuit (aka the Midnight Beard — more on that later), Chax, and Liz, who played the girl. Well, okay, she and Nas played the girls. Together we talked about Cyber Nations and real world stuff, interviewed guests, played music, and did on-air comedy sketches, some live but most prerecorded. We became known among at least a dozen people with nothing better to do on a Friday night for our parody commercials and our, um, lack of political correctness. To put it politically correctly. Which I rarely do on air. And now we are doing it all over again. We have a fancy new website designed by Invicta's own Princess Michael Anastasia von Preußen, who slaved away over hot pixels for days working out the details. I spent about an hour just watching that opening animation when she first showed it to me. I am in awe of her talents and indebted to her hard work. She also did our slick logos. So we look professional even if we're still a bunch of shmucks. :) The new season of Jorost & Friends starts tonight at 10PM Eastern, streaming live at the new site. The format will be the same as before, with segments of talk interspersed with music and comedy. GeniusInc., host of The Apathy Report,will be joining us, and I will be doing a telephone interview with former President Bill Clinton. Some of you might have heard him on the show before. If not, and you have nothing better to do on a Friday night, I hope you'll join us! That's Jorost & Friends, 10PM Eastern, on the Jorost Radio Network. (Yeah, I know it's lame, but they make me say it. Stupid suits in corporate.) Before THAT, please join my friend King Biscuit, aka the Midnight Beard, as he spins and talks music on the aptly-named The Midnight Beard, starting at 8PM eastern, also on JRN. So come and get your fill of Invictans polluting the Interwebz with their inane chatter! And yes, there will be teasing of Nas. So much teasing. The Midnight Beard, 8pm-10pm Eastern Jorost & Friends, 10pm-12am Eastern Jorost Radio Network
  7. FROM THE OFFICE OF THE LORD PROTECTOR May it be known to one and all throughout the World of Bob that the great Invicta alliance turns seven years old today! In recognition of this auspicious occassion, it has been Our great pleasure to declare seven days of feasting and rejoicing in the Great Hall of Invicta, and while as Head of State We cannot condone unruly or inappropriate behavior, We would note that the Master of Revels has been given the next week off. LET THERE BE CAVORTING! We hope that our fellow alliances of all colors and creeds join us for the party! Stop by our forums and tell us how cute we are at seven, what with our big gap-toothed grin. Or else tell us why we suck. We have it categorized alphabetically for your convenience. Seven years ago today a ragtag band of refugees from Novus Orbus banded together to form Invicta. Our noble Founders, Dawny and DoubleU, have long since passed into another world, but their memory remains. So too the First Generation of Invictans — Our own royal personage is one of the last. Even the stalwart Haflinger, so often a lightning rod for public opinion, has left Our emerald shores. Such is the nature of things, the cycle of life. Many years have We sat the throne, and with luck many more will We see. We have witnessed and done much in Our time in this world, and We have come to realize that it is not the wars you fight, nor the treaties you sign, but the people you meet and the friends you make that matter — in this or any world. We will spare you another meandering walk down memory lane. Suffice it to say that many faces and many names have crossed Our path in the past seven years. Whatever our past, all are welcome to stop by and say hello. Our understanding is that there will be cake. Given under Our hand and seal this 26th day of May, 2014, /s/ Jorost of the Crownlands, Lord of the Invictae and Protector of the Realm
  8. Couple things: I have known Chax (Ernesto Che Guevara) for a long time, and while he is many things -- repressed homosexual, budding serial killer, guy standing on corner ranting -- he is not a liar. He is a scoundrel, but he is an honest scoundrel. That's refreshing. If he says he didn't do it, you can bet your bottom dollar he didn't do it. Second, and this is for Chax, you are not going to resign from the game. Put that idea right out of your head. I could use the implant I had placed in your head as part of the terms of your being on [i]Jorost & Friends[/i], but I don't need to. Because you don't want to leave, and you know it. That said, if and when you decide to stay you are welcome in Invicta any time. I'll even waive the application fee. You will still have to participate in the acceptance ritual, though. So you might want to do a little manscaping. And bring something to bite down on.
  9. [font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=6][b]Official Announcement From the Office of the Lord Protector[/b][/size][/font] Many of you may remember Dawny of New Dawnland, legendary Founder and first President of Invicta. Although she has not led our alliance for many years, and has had only a minimal presence on our shores for quite some time, still she looms large in our history, our culture, and yes, e'en the very soul of our Alliance. It is therefore my great pleasure to announce her impending nuptuals. We ask her old friends to join us in wishing her a long and happy life with her husband-to-be! Cards and gifts can be addressed to the Lord Protector's office, Canterbury, Invicta. We love you Dawny!
  10. I hope you don't think that his exalted status means I'm going to be any nicer to Sardonic the next time he's on the show, do you? Because I'm not.
  11. I only got to talk to Jack once or twice, but he seemed like a good guy. Invicta sends our condolences to his family and friends, both online and off. [img]http://kpbs.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com/img/photos/2012/07/03/5354354869_87c52595f0_b_tx700.jpg?8e0a8887e886a6ff6e13ee030987b3616fc57cd3[/img]
  12. We should just merge the shows. "Bootleg, featuring Jorost & Friends."
  13. [quote name='Brehon' timestamp='1342311114' post='3010290'] You shouldn't just done the show with Bootleg [/quote] Yeah I didn't know that. Usually we're Fridays but there was a scheduling issue this week so we moved it. But I wouldn'a done it on the same day. I don't want to follow you guys.
  14. I sent an email to Admin on Friday inviting him on. I'd love to talk CN history with him! Also I feel like if I got to know him maybe we'd be friends and then I could get him to delete nations I don't like. Don't judge me. ANY ONE OF US would think it!
  15. [url=http://www.jorost.com/radio/][center][img]http://i.imgur.com/GfoEA.png[/img][/center][/url] Hello OWF! I'm here posting not in my capacity as figurehead of Invicta, but as host of our fake radio show, [i]Jorost & Friends[/i]. Think of us as a kind of ghetto [i]Bootleg[/i] written, produced, and hosted by people with the mentality of middle schoolers (and in some cases actual middle schoolers), and you have the right idea. We talk about CN and other topics, interview guests (both CN-related and otherwise), play music, make inappropriate jokes, and insult one another's mothers and/or sexual orientation. We also air parody commercials and prerecorded bits. Want to hear the "lost interview" with Helen Keller? This is the place. [spoiler]The following is a link to one of our fake commercials. WARNING: Contains bathroom humor and sexual references. [url=http://jorost.com/radio/archive/!@#$%commercial.mp3]Summer Breeze Commercial[/url][/spoiler] Our normal airtime is Friday nights, 9-11 pm EST (8-10 pm server time). But this week we will be airing on Saturday, July 14 (today) at 9pm instead. You can tune in, or listen to archived shows, at the [url=http://www.jorost.com/radio/]Jorost Radio Network[/url]. We also have an automated call-in line, where people can ask questions, make comments, insult our staff, impugn the integrity of our mothers, or anything else you can do over the phone. It's an automated line, so don't worry, there's no chance of someone picking up! That number is: [center][size="7"][color="#FF0000"]1-978-432-9480[/color][/size][/center] If it's funny we might play it on air! So if you've got nothing to do, have no friends, or are at that stage where you just don't care any more, why not kill two hours listening to fake radio? You can also join the real-time IRC chat at #JorostRadio during the show. And if you're so hard up for attention that you're willing sink to our level, and want to be a guest on the show, let us know! Leave a message at the number above or get in touch with [url=http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showuser=32780]President Gunn[/url] (aka Nascar8FanGA, our producer) or email at radio@jorost.com.
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