Josephy Kony, the commander of the Lord's Resistance Army, approaches the podium to issue his prepared speech:
"The Congo is now ready to step on to the world stage, and provide its bountiful Marble and Water to its neighbors. On this world stage, we are aware that there are those who have too long profited off the exploitation of poor nations like The Congo. Too long have you all lived in this fat land and preyed upon those who could not defend themselves. No longer. The Congo hereby requests admission into the Free Alliances, and with our abundant natural resources and the Will of God we will restore balance to the world. Let us even the playing field together."