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D2theMcV

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Everything posted by D2theMcV

  1. I submitted this with a better headline. /Congrats suckers winners!
  2. Anyone who has spent even a small amount of time with Moose would have expected a butt punchline! Well played, Moose! Congrats to all!
  3. As we're sure you're all aware, we here at Farkistan are on a never-ending mission, to seek out unique and pointless ways to waste not only our time, but everybody else's as well. So, for this month's Erection, we decided to forego the over-hyped popularity contest known as democracy, and actually make our candidates do something useful. Since CN has been more stagnant and boring than ever, this month's would-be gov had to keep us entertained to earn their spot. But who could ever hope to judge such a myriad of talent? Talents like auto-cannibalism (ENI can eat his own head. It's amazing. Seriously, ask him for pics of his "tub sub" trick). Talents like "staring at women on the bus until they get uncomfortable and clutch their purses a little tighter" (a lot of Farkers are good at this). To make the ultimate decision we had to assemble a very eclectic group of judges who all are pseudo-celebrities spanning 3 continents who can act pleasant while pretending to be experts in every field of entertainment and passing condescending judgement down on people with real talent! UP YOURS, HOWIE MANDEL, I AM A BALANCE-BEAM GOD. Time for the show! Hi OWF, I'm Nick Canon. We know you're all on tenterhooks (even though we have no idea what a "tenterhook" actually is), so let's bring out our first contestant. To start off, we have CountryMouse, the master of dominoes! Take it away, CountryMouse! CountryMouse Wow! It looks like somebody is going to be the first one out... Let's see what the judges say. "That was abso-lutely pathetic. It's like you've never done this act before. I'm practically offended that you even got up on the stage. That was so bad, SO bad that I'll even bet you're reading this in my voice. And just for that, I'm going to put you through." Well, that certainly bodes well for our next act! Here's a lovely young woman who gives new meaning to "getting your panties in a bunch!" Ladies and gentleman, let's give a big hand to one_eighty_two! one_eighty_two Fellas, I bet you'd all like to get her phone number! Am I right? HAHAHAhahahaaaaaaa...... Hmph. Let's go to the judges! "I've never seen a human being that I could use as shoe laces. At least, I would, if I wasn't too OCD to actually use shoelaces. Where's my hand sanitizer? Anyway, the most important thing about your act is that I don't want you to shoot me with an arrow while you're twisted in a bizarre shape, so I'm going to say it: Congratulations! You've made it to the next round!" Well, I have to agree with Howie on both counts! It's nice to see women who can succeed through their merits, and not because some man is imagining all the different sexual positions he could do with her. Like that pretzel-shape-sex thing I saw on an Afghanistani unshaven legs fetish site.... Moving right along, our next act is...well, I'm not sure what he...or she...OK, it...is! We don't discriminate here at Farkistan! After all, we let Shinfat in! So take it away, Rampage3! Rampage3 Um, I'm just gonna go straight to the judges on this one, ok? "Rampage3, I absolutely LOVED it! I've often said that we need more entertainment options that focus intimately on body parts... Aside from porn. And because you quite literally have the guts to fill that "void", I'm happy to say you've advanced! I'm going to go throw up and fantasize about sex with you." I can honestly say I'm beginning to question everything I've ever known. But there's plenty more entertainment slated for us, so let's get to the next act and hope it's good enough to erase the images currently etched into our brains. I know you're going to love this next act. She combines all of her various talents together in an act you won't be able to take your eyes off of. I saw the rehearsal; I guarantee it! Without further ado, I present to you Beachrat! Beachrat I couldn't have dreamed up a better act to follow up the previous one. There's one judge I'm dying to know what he thinks! "I'm really torn, here! On the one hand, I love women with a good voice--and you have one. I love women who like to live dangerously--and you obviously do. And I love women who are naked--and you were. But, I have to question your decision to have your breasts replaced with British flags. That was so disappointing. I'm a big fan of boobs, and, with no disrespect to Great Britain, who would want to look at flags when they could look at boobs? But you're pretty talented anyway, so what the hell. Beachrat, you're moving on!" OK! Let's keep this party rolling! Up next, we have a man who I'm sure will win you over with his incredible interpersonal skills. Put your hands together for Kahiel! Kahiel Easily my favorite non-nude act of the night! But who knows what the judges will think? Kyle Sandilands, help us out! "WOW! So dynamic, and emotive! A very powerful performance! It's like a cross between Emo Phillips and Bobcat Goldthwait! It's like you had a stroke that was so bad, it gave me a stroke. And not the good kind of a stroke, if you know what I mean. You're definitely moving on, Kahiel. So happy to see talent like that, folks! We're getting close to the end, so hang in there! We'll be right back with the last two acts after this quick word from our sponsor. Tired of struggling with stubborn animals? Tired of pouring all your hard-earned donations into an unending stream of sugar cubes? Sick of getting kicked, headbutted, or bitten while "taking care of business?" The answer is here with Ol' MacDonald's Horny Goat Weed! Try it once and we promise you'll be baa-a-a-ack for more! Welcome back from that disturbing commercial to our disturbing announcement. This next act bills himself as "Bob's Most Dangerous Man!" If being a big-time mover and shaker on this god-awful chunk of the internet is being "dangerous," then 905 most certainly is its most dangerous man. Give it up for 9-0-5! 905 How's that for danger, people! I gotta say, the only time I had a scorpion in my pants it involved a back-pack, a one-eyed Labrador, and 20 tabs of medical grade peyote. But enough about Friday night, judge Holden, what is 905's fate? "I'm sooo turned on right now! He's certainly going to the next round! And I'm going to wring out my seat cushion!" For those of you who haven't died of boredom or passed out drunk while playing the FGT home drinking game, I'm pleased to present our final act of the night! A man so powerful, so mystical, so awesome, you'll be amazed by the feats he can perform! Words can't fully express how astonishingly magical this man truly is. Please give a big round of applause for Cable77! Cable77 I guess we should be used to let-downs by now. Oh well, let's see what celebrity model judge Heidi Klum has to say about it. I guess that's a yes! Goodnight everybody! Tune in next month for whatever ridiculousness we come up with next! tl;dr Submitter: Cable77 Squirrel: 905 TF Council: CountryMouse (SoTC) one_eighty_two Rampage3 Beachrat Kahiel
  4. Funny or not, look how much work it takes to drag me into the public arena! I'm pleased with everyone's reaction--regardless of what it is. There's no such thing as "bad publicity!" :v:
  5. I find it amusing that most of those who are opposed/deposed are "old" Farkers, who were there before Cable left. Having joined after his exit, I heard many a story and inside jokes, which gave me a certain opinion of him while having very little interaction. Since he has returned, I found him to be quite different than he was made out to be. Most importantly, he noticed a change in the alliance from his previous stint--one he was aghast at discovering. You see, for at least the last year, and possibly the last two (depending on who you ask), this alleged "democratic" alliance was anything but. The "old guard" had a stranglehold on positions of power. Whenever someone "new" arose to a position of power, it was because they agreed to be toadies and yes-men/women for the established "inner circle." For two years now (if you ask me), the council has repeatedly come to the "unwashed masses" for opinions regarding decisions on policy for both domestic and foreign affairs. The voice of the membership would be overwhelming for "option A," yet when the Council went into their secret little rooms, they'd come back having decided on "option B" which was definitely NOT what we wanted. Then, they'd have the audacity to explain that "we don't really know all the details" and "this decision is really what's best for the alliance." Well, Cable called them out on their BS. Which went over none too well with Council! (It reminded me of the old penguins in Happy Feet who continued to insist dancing was wrong even when the rest of the flock knew better. [Why yes I do have kids! So sue me!]) In return Council tried enacting all manner of changes to solidify--even increase--their power, while limiting that of the Submitter (which is to say, Cable). Luckily, there were a few "old timers" who were as fed up with the e-lawyering and "four legs good, two legs better" attitude of council, so with the weight of their experience, and that of the vast majority of the rank and file Farkers, the aforementioned change was made. While the new charter gives absolute authority to Cable, I have no doubt that the voices of the masses will now--for the first time in a loooonnnnggg time--be listened to. I could go on, but I'm not gonna. I just know I feel better about NFO (or whatever) right now than I have in years.! Also: Hey Hobo, I know you're one of the "good guys" but ease up on the WoT, eh?
  6. [quote name='D34th' timestamp='1354743093' post='3060662'] Congrats on your new gov, but this Randomly Jim guy sounds very grumpy. [/quote] You don't know the half of it! This was Jim in a good mood! Srsly, though. I may look for a new AA. No, really. I for one welcome our new Fark Overlords!
  7. [img]http://i.imgur.com/ozIXa.png[/img]
  8. Well, gov is gov, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
  9. Just the other morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know! /I, for one, would like to welcome our new parade balloon overlords!
  10. [quote name='jsobota' timestamp='1304558614' post='2706453'] Miller time? Thought it was her oof time, like when she's feeling cramped and emotional... [/quote] Oh, well, it make much more sense when you put it like that! Seems pretty accurate, anyway. Thanks!
  11. What time exactly [i]is[/i] Heroof time?
  12. [quote name='Ruler with Plan X' timestamp='1304551307' post='2706339'] Internal policy blah blah blah, outlined in parliamentary procedure section blah, subsection blah, line blah /trust these people enough to bloc with them //trust them enough to not be dicks about that kind of thing ///slashies [/quote] Speak for yourself! I don't trust anyone! /Fine, but ONLY the XX folks! //But I WON'T stay thirsty! ///Cheers! Edit: Spelling fail
  13. I don't even know what this means.
  14. This definitely explains some...odd...PM's I've started receiving about a month or so ago. Vague promises of "rising to heights you may never achieve in Farkistan" and things of that nature. I'm not going to name any names, but a couple appear on Ceasar's list. I wasn't really sure what was happening, but was told to wait, and I'd see. Well, I see something now. But what I'm not really sure. The people I'd normally turn to, I no longer trust. People can speculate about this being "fake" or some sort of treaty announcement, but I can assure you, things have gotten really out of control inside Fark. Not only do I feel betrayed by people who obviously misrepresented themselves, but they felt I was someone they could lure into their traitorous plans! I just really can't believe this...
  15. Your panties Unbunch, beer and hang out. Personally, things stop. If not satisfied, leave your head. DarkFist
  16. I bet you were the kid that, when nobody wanted to play the game you wanted to play, took your ball and went home.
  17. I have found a circle. Please remove me from the 2A list. Thanks!
  18. I didn't understand a word of it! So... (I figure I got a 50/50 shot at being right!)
  19. Nation Ruler: D2theMcV Nation Link: Erisia Resource 1: Coal Resource 2: Wheat Preferred Circle: 2A Need Uranium? doesn't matter Don't want to drop my current trades until circle's complete.
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