Love and marriage,
love and marriage.
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This I tell you brother,
you can't have one without the other.
Having gone through with the ceremony, R&R and the New Pacific Order now found themselves taken, wedded, in matrimony, hitched. It was a strange idea for both, even if it was completely sensible to be in this state of wedlock. Still, on the way home from the courthouse, they realized they had forgotten something very important. What fun is a wedding which isn't followed by a honeymoon? So, after quickly packing a week's worth of necessities and a few calls to find the soonest cheapest flight, R&R and NPO were on a plane to the beaches of the tropical Pacific Pensacola, Florida.
"Sir, we are on our honeymoon! You could at least have the decency to allow us to have sex and wait another eight seconds before you barge in here!"
R&R and the NPO agree that there will be no violence on the honeymoon. There will furthermore be no attempts at re-enacting scenes for Fifty Shades of Grey without mutual consent. This airline has strange taste in in-flight movies.
"Well, according to my research, the cost of raising a baby from birth to college is approximately seven hundred and eighty thousand dollars. Thanks to my actually selling a shoe last week, I'm proud to say we're now just short seven hundred eighty thousand dollars. Thank you."
R&R and the NPO agree to tell each other if one sees some danger to the other, like a developing sunburn, but to only apply sunblock with the others permission, because it always seems to be too cold and nobody wants that kind of surprise.
"What's wrong with you getting a second job?
Peg, let me state this as clearly as I can. I would rather rip off my nose with a can opener. I would rather bob for apples in a sewer. I would rather have a catheter the size of a garden hose before I get another job to pay for your shopping."
R&R and the NPO agree that it's perfectly acceptable to ask each other for some money for any necessities at the beach, because the beach is less fun if you need to bring more things with you, and a sandy purse is the unwanted gift that just keeps on giving.
"Listen, Al. You suffered a head injury today. You're probably seriously hurt and require immediate medical attention. Now go to sleep."
R&R and the NPO agree that if the guy at the massage parlor gets too handsy with one of us, he's dead.
"Peg, I don't wanna go to our high school reunion. Can't we just forget the good times and get on with our lives?"
R&R and the NPO agree that if one party's friend gets in a spat with this theoretical lecherous masseur and drags that party in, the other party is not obligated to help, just strongly encouraged. What are the odds of someone we don't both know getting into this situation during our honeymoon anyway?
"I don't wanna have sex with you. You're my wife, for Godsakes."
R&R and the NPO agree that if one party wants to ignore the signs and pester the locals when on a tour, the other party is allowed to help out, but is not obligated to do so. Do you know how fast Florida man can run? No? Me either.
"I don't have to fall asleep after sex. I want to fall asleep after sex. I welcome the darkness."
R&R and the NPO agree to not go home early without at least making an effort to enjoy themselves on this honeymoon, and if they must, to decide 72 hours in advance because it'll probably take at least that long to deal with the airline. We bought non-refundable tickets, remember!
Signed for the New Pacific Order:
Emperor of the New Pacific Order
Dungeon Master of Order Frawley,
Imperial Regent of the New Pacific Order Necoho & Scourge,
Imperial Officers of Foreign Affairs of the New Pacific Order
Signed for the R&R:
Minister of Foreign Affairs