War was hot and heavy and I watched DH and allies from my coalition spout insults and what have you left and right on the OWF. I wanted to rage and let them know what cowardly !@#$%^&* I found them to be. Then once again I stepped back and took a good long look. I heard everything my side was saying about it and I heard everything the other side was saying about it. Its funny even when I think about it now, the rage wasn't really about what was done - it was that it was done to me.
I recognize when I first joined CN in 2006, I was a very different player and had no real concept of what CN was. I saw a nation simulator and really found the war part an afterthought. Short sighted on my part really. Even joining the Grey Council I was all about building my nation and avoiding the confrontation. My first days involved me arguing sovereignty with of all people.. the NPO (or its representatives). Even later as one of the founding knights of the OBR, we worked to grow for two reasons: 1. Nation growth for its raw reason of stats. 2. Nation growth for the power of deterrence. After taking the break I realized I was missing a good portion of the game. I looked at the war machine I liked and hated the most and in the end joined them.
Here I am years later and I have a ton of wars under my belt. I am supposed to know how to build a nation, fight and navigate the political landscape as well as analyze actions and etc. I got !@#$@#$ jumped and outplayed (I, my alliance = same thing in this instance). It was then I realized it wasn't a true rage, I was actually ashamed. Ashamed I had done my part to let this happen. IO (at this point) or not surely there was something I could have done.
I watched and listened to propaganda and shook my head. Didn't matter which side it was on, it was all bs and rather sickening. When Polar ended and our war continued however, I believed and bought into the "Everything must die" reason. I saw my Emperor was inactive and away. While all this was going on, we IO's were coming up with ideas, thoughts and discussions, yet nothing could come to final head, the final decision wasn't available. Certainly our Regent could make the call, but this was about war and current Emperor Cortath did not allow for blank checks, it had to be his call and if he wasn't there, it would wait. And it did wait, over and over again. The was only one known and agreed decision; we would heed the heads up we got and keep what we could in PM to ride this out, whatever that meant and took.
I wanted to scream and stab someone at that point. I don't remember now who initiated the first talk of negotiations, but I remember hearing how it went. Oil and water, piss and fire. Yup, DH wanted us dead and everything with it. At that moment I started the rally cry "To the last pixel." By god if they wanted us dead, they would have to fight every single day to make it happen and nothing would be given for free. I personally didn't care about allies, my alliance was facing flat out oppression and if nothing else I would take as many of the attacking mother $%&@ers with me as possible. Emotions are strong like that, piss and vinegar all day. I don't remember what triggered it, but I seriously woke up one day and thought of two things; 1. Detuer Digniori. I have had it as a motto forever. It means "Let it be given to him who is worthy". 2. Shakespeare's Henry V, St. Crispin's Day. I knew there was an answer and a way to get this to a close. There was more (or rather less) behind the everything must die. Beyond the bravado is was just another war to measure epeens. The same song and dance played in this world day after day.
Everyone was getting their asses kicked no matter how much bruhaha was being taunted. Umbrella was spending money like water and actually no one was fighting to end the world, just as no one was joining to stop the world from ending. Something just didn't smell logical and I decided it was high time I did something about it. The NPO government changes were now on the horizon as Cortath explained he would be stepping down, but we would wait until after the war. Per his previous decree, Mary would run the show, but now she had true ability to give the final answer. Finally internally things could settle down and we could move forward.
While I intended this to cover more, its getting too long so I will continue it on another post in the next day or so.
Many look at the pre-empt against the Order the start of the war. It however started long before that. It didn't start with the Polar bs either. Waters were tested when they went Safari Hunting on Red Sphere, testing to see what the NPO and Red Dawn as a whole would do. The response was nothing, because we weren't in a position to. We knew it was an attempt to draw us into a conflict, to see if we would honor the old Moldavi doctrine. At that time the world was put on notice, the NPO was going to do nothing. This let Doomhouse know they could launch a war and the world would do nothing about it. But there had to be a separation of allies and connections. It was right here at that moment when it all started.
If I step away and place myself in their shoes the next step was to probe (if not already done) to see who still had anger at NPO. Pretty easy pickings, but it had to be tangible and touchable. I am sure in many places it was a hard sell and the idea soon became to catch them on the periphery. Its pretty easy to talk about the "Orders" because people will still see it and the NPO over the last couple years did nothing to openly distance themselves. Enter Polar falling for the okey doke. Through treaty webs and activation the NPO could be drawn in and DH would be able to jump right in without spending political capital.
I logged in and the rumors of a war against Polar were growing. Immediately talk began of their treaties and how we could be drawn in. It was not a position we wanted to be in. Discussion upon discussion about should we, if there was a war. Could we? Had we recovered enough to stand on the battlefield. NS was one thing but our membership wasn't as exercised in war as we had been in the past. It was a true discussion that held an overwhelming feel of "oh !@#$". Then the war started.
Being who I am, full of piss and vinegar at times, I wanted to know why we weren't immediately jumping in. Surely Polar was stupid for falling for such a clear trap, but did that mean they deserved what was going to happen? It was during these discussions when I realized that wasn't the real issue. We owed Polar absolutely nothing, in fact they had been !@#$%* to us for some time. This was a trap to pull the NPO in. Every post on the OWF and attitudes screamed it. But to us Polar had to be accountable for their actions and if they fell prey to their own stupidity, who the hell were we to step in and fix it. All of it was rather moot because treaty activation would pull us in.
We were ready, although not willing, to enter if we were called. It was clear if we did go in, everyone that wanted a shot at the NPO would take it. Our general side didn't want this and already internal issues were hitting the Order. Due to his RL career, then Emperor Cortath was being pulled heavily by real life causing decisions and actions to be delayed and general haphazard. Our allies general knew this and worked to keep us out, for this we were thankful. At one point we felt we were 48 hours from having to go in, communication had dropped to a dribble and we were left in some darkness. Things were very much out of a our control and I definitely felt trapped and hand tied. Had 48 hours passed we would have entered the war? Its really hard to say because history never gave it that chance; the New Pacific Order was pre-empted by Doomhouse, I personally exploded. I realized right then and there we had been outplayed in a huge way.
It has been two months since I was tapped for the position of Regent for the New Pacific Order. Entering during a time of war brought with it strange conversations and functions I often wonder if I am sometimes better or worse for. I guess it really depends on the day.
I think what amazes me the most is how much so many of us hold onto the past. I am not just talking about friends and enemies, our even alliance members, I am talking about even myself. I know when I do that and then take a step back I can start to see things I didn't want to previously. Its not a matter of truth or even perception, it is clearly and only a matter of personal interaction with it.
As a general member of the Order, I followed my Orders and built my dislikes based on what I saw and what I was told. I can honestly say more than anything it was based on what I was told. Now we can all jump in and freak out over this with talk of "You should have had your own thoughts". Generally I will agree with you, but then far too often our own thoughts didn't have enough information. I learned this early on in my military career, I did much better in my job if I just followed my Orders and gave it little thought beyond that. Its funny, there is a happiness and bliss even in that freedom of view. However that isn't the complete picture. It is in our nature generally to question and then take the easy approach of just going with the flow. In this comes the hardest part of being a Regent.
I was offended deeply once when I heard someone say early in my Imperial Officer career, "They will believe whatever we tell them." But at the time I was offended for all the wrong reasons. At first I was offended because I was so recently in the shoes of a regular member and thus ignorant. It was later (much later) I was offended for an entirely different reason. I was (and remain) offended because I was never trusted with the input to make a decision for myself. It was in that word right there (trust) where I felt betrayed by this person and an entire ideal of how to treat another person. Certainly as a chain of command goes up information doesn't reciprocate. But that doesn't mean its right or correct.
I learned in this war, not all information can go all the way back down either. There is a happy medium which should be in place and used regularly. In this happy medium there has to be a choice of words; mind you not to skew the facts, but to make sure the intent is understood. When a group deals with double meanings and hidden agenda's it takes a long time to get people to realize that if I say "tomorrow I am talking with so and so" means exactly that and not "tomorrow I will tell you what so and so said". I know that looks and sounds silly, but even in that little difference there can be huge issues of miscommunication. Direct example: An exchange of embassies with another alliance does not equate to friendship with that alliance. Its a meeting place, a discussion place for ready contact (trust me, IRC is not the be all end all of the world people). Also just because I personally talk to someone from another alliance doesn't always equate to NPO talking to YYY Alliance. Its just conversation, regardless of how others conducted themselves in the past, I am a rather simple person.
Okay so why the blog? I return with why not? I have some things to say to the world I don't feel like turning it into a he said she said about war x or time y for 50 pages. So instead I am giving this. You are welcome to take with it what you want. Ask whatever questions, make whatever comments. I am going to do a bit of sharing of what I see in planet bob. Some will be from home (NPO) and some will be about the world.
My next entry will be my thoughts about the war (start), the negotiations and the end. I am going to share this because I have been queried about it any number of times. I am sure by this point I have started to ramble and hell that is fine, its my blog I am no Vladmir, nor do I wish to be.
o/
