EmperorNortonI

Over my dead body. Seems like my inactivity has led you to forget I even exist. I think you two will find it rather difficult to pull this off, both in terms of access and getting Farkers to follow you. This type of thing didn't work 6 years ago when Farkistan was new, and it certainly won't work now.

My entire nation is an open fire, and there are chestnuts roasting on it. Your chestnuts.

Repeating a lie does not make it true. It does ensure that White Peace + Beer Review will not be offered again, though.

Meh. It's been done.

After crashing his sleigh, Santa wandered the island forlornly, vowing never again to drink that much eggnog on Farkmas and mourning the loss of his reindeer zebras.

Hooray for fat guys!

Thank you, RoK. I am grateful to be honored as such, to the extent that I've lost all sense of sarcasm. Also, it is good to see Cable once again in a position of merit. He had enough time to sit on his buttocks and it's well past due that you put him to work.

Karma: The Theory of Inevitable Consequence a/k/a FERRUM Ferveo Procul MMDCCCLXI Inhonestus (IRON Boils at 2861°C) Article 1. The Independent Republic of Orange Nations (hereto after referred to as IRON) formally surrenders to the collective forces of: Ascended Republic of Elite States Farkistan Fifth Column Confederation Gremlins The Order Of Halsa International Protection Agency Mostly Harmless Alliance Ragnarok Royal Order of Confederate Kingdoms (hereto after referred to as the Alliances of Karma) under the following conditions, effective May 25, 2009 and continuing for a period of 90 days. Article 2. IRON and its member nations will remain neutral for the remainder of the current conflict. To avoid the highs and lows, we recommend high doses of lithium carbonate, Diazepam, or several bottles of very good single malt (perhaps a nice Laphroaig, Glenlivet, or Port Charlotte). Hey, you’re IRON Billionaires, you can afford top shelf. Article 3. If any member of IRON changes their Alliance Affiliation to that of one that Karma is at war with, their nation will be assumed to desire the delivery of multiple nuclear warheads. Said desire will be quickly and efficiently satisfied by the ever eager to please nations of the Alliances of Karma. If a government member changes AA to any that are at war with Karma, he or she will bring upon the entire IRON alliance the potential to be treated like hot metal under the blacksmith’s hammer. Violations will be addressed on a case by case basis by the Protectorate alliances. And like judges at a wet tee shirt contest, their decisions may be debated, but are final. Article 4. For the duration of this instrument of surrender (as the above image illustrates, this instrument does not make sweet, sweet music), IRON shall not accept any member who surrendered and is listed as KarmaPOW AA as of the effective date. Article 5. IRON will not provide any type of aid or support to nations or alliances at war with the Alliances of Karma. This includes resuming warfare, sending military or financial aid, providing free hookers and blow (although providing secks workers or recreational pharmas at cost will be permitted), or engaging in spy operations against the signatory alliances and their allies. a. IRON shall not send or receive aid from any alliance, other than itself, and the alliances to which it is surrendering. b. IRON is encouraged to participate in foreign aid deals with nations of the Alliances of Karma as a demonstration of goodwill and the desire to see all involved nations recover from the recent extermination of billions of innocent pixels. c. IRON nations will not be permitted to participate in secret aid deals. Nations found in violation of this will be punished accordingly. Article 6. For the same reason that paying a fine for vomiting on the nice police officer’s shoes after he notices you stumbling from those bushes outside the bar is meant as a token of penitence, rather than filling the city’s treasure chest, IRON agrees to acknowledge “you win, we lose” by paying a total of 20,000 technology and $1,500,000,000 in reparations to Ragnarok; and 2,500 technology each to the International Protection Agency, Ascended Republic of Elite States, The Order of Halsa, and Royal Order of Confederate Kingdoms. The Grämlins, Farkistan, Mostly Harmless Alliance, and Fifth Column Confederation consider the IRON nations’ hospitality during this conflict payment enough and request no additional repartitions. a. IRON agrees to pay reparations in lots of $3,000,000/50 technology per slot, or 50 technology per slot where no cash compensation is required. b. Payment of reparations shall begin once the receiving nations are able to receive aid. Receiving alliances will notify IRON when aid offers can be accepted. Article 7. IRON agrees to maintain a soldier count of less than 50% of each nation's citizen count and must decommission all aircraft, cruise missiles, navy vessels, nuclear weapons and tanks, except as noted below. a. Given the facts that soldiers returning home turn their interest to other types of conquest, and the renowned fertility of IRON’s women, a massive increase in population will naturally occur and will raise the baseline civilian population, allowing for an eventual increase in allowable soldier count. So sign off and go get busy, boys. b. Existing Improvements and Wonders may be retained. c. IRON is permitted to retain a maximum of 100 nuclear weapons, but no more than 10 within any single nation, to deal with nuke rogues. Nations with the Weapons Research Complex (WRC) Wonder may not hold nuclear weapons unless given permission by the Protectorate alliances. d. IRON will be under the protection of Fark, Grämlins, Mostly Harmless Alliance, and Ragnarok for the duration of these terms. Since we’re all half drunk (or more) most of the time, that could prove interesting. Article 8. With the granting of peace to IRON, IRON agrees to grant peace to all nations on Planet Bob. All existing wars, PZI lists, EZI lists, and ZI lists are to be considered null, void, and waived. Clean the slate. It’s considered good karma to forgive old grudges. That way you can be the happy drunk everybody laughs with instead of the mean drunk everybody laughs at. Article 9. All of IRON's existing treaties that include military obligations are suspended for the duration of this agreement. No new treaties, other than surrender documents related to the current conflict, may be signed; and no existing treaties may be upgraded. Article 10. As additional reparations for their larger involvement in the war, the following leaders of IRON; FinsterBaby, Shan Revan, Peron, Griffon, MCRABT, Matt Miller, Grizz Goose, Krash, and bay102174 are required to conduct a thorough evaluation of at least five beers. Any member of the IRON leadership with a weak liver, insufficient age, or other impediment to a proper evaluation of said suds may instead conduct a similar study of at least three variations of bacon. Their final report must be submitted to Pope Rodger, Squirrel of Farkistan to be published in the CyberNations Forums within 30 days of the signing of this agreement. Any evaluation of a malted beverage that contains the word "light", "lite", or "ultra" will be considered a crime against humanity and said evaluator shall submit to public ridicule until this matter is forgotten. Article 11. IRON has 72 hours to come into compliance with the above terms. Compliance is defined here to mean, taking those actions necessary to complete, or beginning the process that will result in completion of the objectives spelled out in in Articles 1 through 9. During the compliance period, all nations involved in the current conflict with IRON, shall observe a cease fire. During this time, to assure compliance, Alliance of Karma nations are free to declare on IRON nations, but shall not attack. Should IRON fail to comply, Alliance of Karma nations will resume their attacks on IRON. Article 12. Violation of these terms, other than Article 10, may result in the resumption of war at the discretion of the signatory alliances. Signed, The Independent Republic of Orange Nations FinsterBaby, President Shan Revan, Secretary of State, IRON Councilor Peron, Minister of Defense, IRON Councilor Griffon, Deputy Minister of Defense, IRON Councilor MCRABT, Minister of Internal Affairs, IRON Councilor Matt Miller, Minister of the Vault, IRON Councilor Krash, Minister of Labor, IRON Councilor Grizz Goose, Minister of Central Intelligence, IRON Councilor bay102174, Minister of Tables, IRON Councilor Ascended Republic of Elite States Joe Stupid, President Farkistan Emperor Norton I, Submitter Pope Rodger, Squirrel Ackbarican Idol, Speaker of the Council Spanky22, TotalFark Council RavingMainYak, TotalFark Council RandomlyJim, TotalFark Council WickedJ, TotalFark Council Fifth Column Confederation Methrage, King Bradicus, Director of Foreign Affairs Lovealot, Director of Development Terveis, Director of War ChairmanR, Director of Technology Cujothekitten, Director of Interior MaineGOP, Director of Expansion Grämlins Bob Janova, Executor Egwaterboy61, Judicator Ertyy, Council of Archons International Protection Agency FireGuy15207, Chief of State Emperor Marx, Chief Advisor Big Jeff, Secretary of Foreign Affairs Borsk Fey'lya, Secretary of Internal Affairs CyberRuler, Secretary of Defense Hamjamjr, Senator Aceofspades, Senator LabRat, Senator Kevin McDonald, Senator Mostly Harmless Alliance Crushtania, Triumvir Sorum, Triumvir Working Class Ruler, Triumvir Ragnarok Gen. Lee, Triumvir Alfred Von Tripitz, Triumvir rishnokof, Triumvir Royal Order of Confederate Kingdoms Smooth Pancakes, Supreme Judge Aeon Ghostlin, Wolf Catalyst of Aeon Jewelangel, Guardian of the Exterior Pokeikon, Guardian of the Interior The Order Of Halsa Lenard, High Magistrate

MHA has been staunch allies of Farkistan for longer than any of us can remember (which is apparently last Tuesday, though we're certain a lot of stuff happened prior to then). As fellow residents in the Aqua sphere they have always been good to us, even when politics dictated that we were on opposite sides of things. The Trident bloc was a reflection of those long-standing relations, but now that all parties have chosen to step away from that agreement MHA and Fark were left with a desperate longing for each other, and took to having a secret tryst characterized by late-night phone calls and furtive reunions at the Motel 6. These liaisons proved to us that we needed one another, and, in a moment of reckless abandon, we went to the Little Chapel of Diplomacy and paid some guy in a mullet $50 to write up the following vows. Then we decided that the world should know of our everlasting romance, damn their judgments and accusing eyes. MHA and Fark are in love. Wild monkey love, if you must know.

This isn't personal. You're encroaching on our brand. We had to let it slide before due to the fact we were being sat on and you had big friends. Such is not the case nowadays.

Some things should stay dead. Reminding us of your betrayal at this moment may bring warm, nostalgic feelings back to you, but for us it just puts you in ZI.

Looters will be shot.

Farkistan hereby publicly announces the cancellation of its treaty with the New Pacific Order, effective on Friday, April 17, when the interested party was informed.

Our forces have recently sighted a large caravan of gypsies roaming the far borders of our lands. We have decided to raid them and assimilate them into our own, press-ganging the adults into our military and using the children as tech farms. Throughout the day and into the weekend we expect this operation to continue. We would ask that we not be interfered with in this affair. Any attempts at recruiting our gypsies during this operation will be seen as an act of aggression and we will respond accordingly. Furthermore, we would also request that these new arrivals of ours not be used as tech resources until we have processed and de-loused them. Your cooperation in this matter is appreciated. Thank you.