The Hired GOONS Act

[Sardonic]

[Center] [IMG]http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa157/flipsigs/war_full.png[/img][size="7"]

The Hired GOONS act[/size]
[/center]
[size="5"]Preamble:[/size]
In our time here on planet Bob we have learned that many things. We have learned what we are good at is fighting, and we love it dearly. We also like getting paid, material wealth can be very satisfying. In order to unify the two, we are prepared to offer a service. This service will provide us with funding, to continue our oppression activities, and it will provide other alliances freedom from certain annoyances.

[size="5"]Purpose:[/size]
It has come to our attention that certain alliances are unable to strike effectively at certain targets at certain ranges. We would like to offer our assistance in these matters, for a price. This will enrich us, and enable the hiring alliance certainty of victory.

[size="5"]Process:[/size]
The hiring alliance will contact the government of GOONS to arrange the hit. The government of GOONS will then muster forces to attack the nation, or nations. The minimum payment is 3 Million Dongs per GOONS nation involved, with higher payment to be determined by the difficulty of the job. The period of GOONS involvement and the exact payment are to be determined before the job commences.

[size="5"]Fine Print:[/size]
[size="1"]Only unprotected nations may be selected. Nations that are in valid alliances as defined by the GOONS constitution may only be struck with the express permission of the government of said alliance. GOONS accepts no liability or stake in the situation beyond military involvement. If for any reason reparations are demanded (and the demand is deemed valid) the liability is placed wholly on the hiring alliance. GOONS reserves the right to deny any contract that is deemed to be against the alliance's best interests. If the GOONS members taking part in the job's slots are full, the payments are to be deferred elsewhere or to the participating member when the member's aid slots open. GOONS reserves the right to terminate involvement in any job at any time, if compensation is owed for work unperformed, GOONS government will negotiate a fair amount. In times of full scale alliance war GOONS reserves the right to suspend any and all outstanding contracts, pending completion of the conflict. If GOONS fails to receive payment for services performed in a timely manner, GOONS reserves the right to demand interest. Failure to pay contracts will be met with hostility. Any and all hilarity that GOONS members unearth as a result of the contract becomes the sole property of GOONS.[/size]

Signed for GOONS:
Sardonic- GOONS Pilot
ktarthan -GOONS Secretariat
Kim Il Sung- GOONS Council
jamezBfod - GOONS Council
Tristesse - GOONS Council
[size="5"][/size]

Edited June 12, 2010 by Sardonic

[Choson]

This is awesome.

[Duke Nukem]

So your mercs now? Congrats

[Banksy]

Roll Athens imo. Londo's immorality must make them an illegitimate alliance.

[LokiLockpicker]

Wow, hopefully you can get a few good deals through this

[Rebel Virginia]

[color="#0000FF"]So you'll hit unprotected nations? I thought you were already doing that, tough guys.

To anyone who is thinking of asking GOONS for help dealing with small rogues, don't. Just give them a link to the nation. They'll raid it anyway, and you won't have to pay them.[/color]

[The Syndic]

I like this.

[Captain Novolin]

In 2007 a crack commando alliance was sent to ZI for a crime they didn't commit. They promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Planet Bob underground, where they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, and noone else can help, and if you can find them. Maybe you can hire:

The G-Team.

[Zoomzoomzoom]

I wish to pay GOONS 3 million for the services of this nation
[url="http://www.cybernations.net/nation_drill_display.asp?Nation_ID=61657"]http://www.cybernations.net/nation_drill_display.asp?Nation_ID=61657[/url]

to attack this nation
[url="http://www.cybernations.net/nation_drill_display.asp?Nation_ID=5924"]http://www.cybernations.net/nation_drill_display.asp?Nation_ID=5924[/url]


I'll even throw in an extra 3 million.

[John Diesel]

This is very interesting... I wonder who will be the first to use this, and how they will take advantage of this service.

[Weirdgus]

This will end well.

[Goldie]

I prefer the personal touch you only get with hired goons.

[Beefspari]

[quote name='John Diesel' date='11 June 2010 - 09:57 PM' timestamp='1276315025' post='2334451']
This is very interesting... I wonder who will be the first to use this, and how they will take advantage of this service.
[/quote]
The "first" was IAA paying us 9m to attack a guy which is what made us think of doing this officially. In the past we've thought about it and rolled the idea around. But we're giving it a serious try now.

[chefjoe]

Good and humorous post Sardonic, especially the fine print. I got a good chuckle.

The idea itself is old though, and one you have done before iirc. Anyhow GL and have fun with it

[Dr Beefstupid]

[quote name='Rebel Virginia' date='11 June 2010 - 10:55 PM' timestamp='1276314903' post='2334445']
[color="#0000FF"]So you'll hit unprotected nations? I thought you were already doing that, tough guys.

To anyone who is thinking of asking GOONS for help dealing with small rogues, don't. Just give them a link to the nation. They'll raid it anyway, and you won't have to pay them.[/color]
[/quote]

Oh, Rebel Virginia. You're like a Better Business Bureau. Don't change.

[Beefspari]

[quote name='Dr Beefstupid' date='11 June 2010 - 10:01 PM' timestamp='1276315284' post='2334469']
Oh, Rebel Virginia. You're like a Better Business Bureau. Don't change.
[/quote]
He does have a point though. We'd probably attack people just for fun. Just odds of success are much higher if there's money involved.

[Rebel Virginia]

[quote name='Beefspari' date='12 June 2010 - 12:04 AM' timestamp='1276315428' post='2334474']
He does have a point though. We'd probably attack people just for fun. Just odds of success are much higher if there's money involved.
[/quote]
[color="#0000FF"]No. You'd succeed anyway. It isn't like you'd be going in alone. You'd be ganging up on the fellow as you usually do. You'd just get more profit though, not that profit is your motive anyway. No, you would attack because you are an alliance of thugs. Simple as that.[/color]

[lamuella]

RV has a point. Many of us have PhDs in thuganomics

[Beefspari]

[quote name='Rebel Virginia' date='11 June 2010 - 10:06 PM' timestamp='1276315596' post='2334480']
[color="#0000FF"]No. You'd succeed anyway. It isn't like you'd be going in alone. You'd be ganging up on the fellow as you usually do. You'd just get more profit though, not that profit is your motive anyway. No, you would attack because you are an alliance of thugs. Simple as that.[/color]
[/quote]
That kinda depends on a lot of factors, though.

Depending on the NS range of the target we may or may not have enough people to devote to a full 3 on 1. We do have a lot of other raiding going on. As well as things like dealing with EoGs (three of them in low range right now), dealing with ghosts for our allies (MK and Umbrella), or just dealing with rogues who hit GOONS.

Now, sure, if we had a ton of people in a certain range we'd probably gang up on them for fun. But can't always guarantee that. Now, if there's money involved, people can stretch their NS and accomplish a lot more. And there's more motivation behind it since not 100% of GOONS will jump on every war; some of them only do it for profit (tech for instance). If the person has nothing to offer financially, some of us would still do it, but not all of us.

Offering cash is the way to go if you want a guaranteed outcome.

[Heinlander]

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming GOONish horde:
We are breaking out the hip flasks where the pubbie tears are stored;
We will nuke some poor dumb sucker for a nominal reward:
Our :frogs: are hopping on.

Edited June 12, 2010 by Heinlander

[wickedj]

[quote name='Rebel Virginia' date='11 June 2010 - 10:55 PM' timestamp='1276314903' post='2334445']
[color="#0000FF"]So you'll hit unprotected nations? I thought you were already doing that, tough guys.

To anyone who is thinking of asking GOONS for help dealing with small rogues, don't. Just give them a link to the nation. They'll raid it anyway, and you won't have to pay them.[/color]
[/quote]
Dear lord, i must leave now. i find myself nodding in agreement with RV..i dont feel well...

[SpectreTehDestroyer]

Good luck with this GOONS.

[Rebel Virginia]

[quote name='Beefspari' date='12 June 2010 - 12:16 AM' timestamp='1276316188' post='2334518']
That kinda depends on a lot of factors, though.

Depending on the NS range of the target we may or may not have enough people to devote to a full 3 on 1. We do have a lot of other raiding going on. As well as things like dealing with EoGs (three of them in low range right now), dealing with ghosts for our allies (MK and Umbrella), or just dealing with rogues who hit GOONS.

Now, sure, if we had a ton of people in a certain range we'd probably gang up on them for fun. But can't always guarantee that. Now, if there's money involved, people can stretch their NS and accomplish a lot more. And there's more motivation behind it since not 100% of GOONS will jump on every war; some of them only do it for profit (tech for instance). If the person has nothing to offer financially, some of us would still do it, but not all of us.

Offering cash is the way to go if you want a guaranteed outcome.
[/quote]
[color="#0000FF"]You have an abundance of people in the lower ranks, which is something most alliances do not have. As soon as they start getting past that range, into the lower middle tier or upper lower tier, then there is no need for you. Alliances will be capable of doing their own dirty work. They will not need you.

So if in fact you are ever called upon it will be in the lower end where you will always have three people. You will never encounter difficulty. You will just be doing a raid in which you get paid. That kind of rhymes doesn't it? Mid-sentence rhyme I believe it's called. But yes, all we have here is a cheap PR stunt from GOONS. Nothing more.[/color]

[Heinlander]

A cheap PR stunt implies that we aren't getting anything out of it other than attention.

Which we are.

Sweet, sweet currency.

[Smacky]

[quote name='Rebel Virginia' date='11 June 2010 - 09:20 PM' timestamp='1276316414' post='2334529']
[color="#0000FF"]You have an abundance of people in the lower ranks, which is something most alliances do not have. As soon as they start getting past that range, into the lower middle tier or upper lower tier, then there is no need for you. Alliances will be capable of doing their own dirty work. They will not need you.

So if in fact you are ever called upon it will be in the lower end where you will always have three people. You will never encounter difficulty. You will just be doing a raid in which you get paid. That kind of rhymes doesn't it? Mid-sentence rhyme I believe it's called. But yes, all we have here is a cheap PR stunt from GOONS. Nothing more.[/color]
[/quote]
GOONS [i]always[/i] gets paid, no stunt required.