Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
  • entries
    20
  • comments
    392
  • views
    24,327

Depression

Malik Shabazz

2,256 views

I have suffered from depression and anxiety issues probably for as long as I can remember. I have struggled with feelings of inferiority, weakness, and ugliness my entire life. I couldn't tell you what genetic dispositions caused these ailments either. All I know is that it is something that torments me and holds me back from achieving long-term happiness in my life. Around this time last year, I was suicidal, and the only thing keeping me alive was my family-- particularly the fact that my little nephew was born. It was a dark time.

What made these things even worse was that I was failing in school, dead broke, and without a job. I started smoking weed a lot more than I used to. The weed didn't make things better either, despite what I tried to tell myself. It made things worse because I became more paranoid, and began to withdraw myself from people. I didn't want to talk to anyone about my problems because I felt that people would either make light of them, or that I would just be a burden. As a result, I didn't want have anyone to tell me that it was going to be okay and that it was going to get better.

Why am I saying this? Because depression is real. It is a terrible illness that has taken the lives of thousands. If you suffer from depression do not be afraid to get the help that you need, and if you know some one who does, just be there for them. Let them know that you love them, that they have people who love them, and that it's going to get better.



22 Comments


Recommended Comments

Was hospitalized myself for 2 weeks last year for the same. It most certainly is real. Whatever you do, if you are on meds, do not go suddenly off them. I made that mistake.

Share this comment


Link to comment

You are, most certainly, correct. It is a very real issue, with a very distinct lack of understanding by those that have never felt it.

One of the things I love, and generally turn to when I'm having a bad day, is Hyperbole and a Half's characterization of it.

Part One

Part Two

Just to remind myself that it happens, it's okay to feel terrible as hell, and that those around me that are frustrating the !@#$ out of me mean well, but I just need to find my shriveled piece of corn.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I would say I was depressed but I don't have normal expectations so either I am eternally depressed or I'm not depressed and never was depressed.

Ultimately everyone's mind works different, if I was simply a normal/different person I could be more susceptible to depression or at least the really negative bits.

Although when I was a teen (16) I gave my life a lot of thought going into the future and I think I came to accept whatever happens happens.

From the way you describe it a dark cloud will always be over you no matter how much time pasts. I don't know a lot about causes but I think most peoples depression aren't quite like yours and it isn't as simple.

Share this comment


Link to comment

If this is regarding the conversation on IRC about healthcare (pills for "fake" diseases) I just want to say that I was just ..being me. I do not actually believe depression (or whatever other things I listed as things people take pills for-- I think I said anxiety too? But can't remember and it was on my work comp) is not a real thing people suffer from.

I just believe that people are overmedicated.

Share this comment


Link to comment

Prayers for you and dealing with this real issue of depression.

Thank you. I've been on meds since last November and, by the grace of God, I'm fighting it. I get taken off the meds in April and hopefully it stays that way.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I would say I was depressed but I don't have normal expectations so either I am eternally depressed or I'm not depressed and never was depressed.

Ultimately everyone's mind works different, if I was simply a normal/different person I could be more susceptible to depression or at least the really negative bits.

Although when I was a teen (16) I gave my life a lot of thought going into the future and I think I came to accept whatever happens happens.

From the way you describe it a dark cloud will always be over you no matter how much time pasts. I don't know a lot about causes but I think most peoples depression aren't quite like yours and it isn't as simple.

A lot of things cause depression. They can either be genetic, environmental, based on trauma, or even all three.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I've been in that abyss. Your post, sans the weed thing, is pretty accurate to me 4-5 years ago. Been a long road to recovery, but it is possible, so never give up.

Share this comment


Link to comment

With its stigma, it's tough to say that you have a mental illness, making it nearly impossible to get treatment or help. Good on you for saying this, and best of luck.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I think I was depressed when I got out of the army and had a hard time finding work, got evicted from my apartment and had to move in with friends. Plus family moving to mainland didn't help. For me staying busy is/was a big help whether working or doing CN war stuff... juat gotta stay busy, stack paper, follow beliefs and not think too much about depressing stuff bro. Best wishes and God bless.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I'd have to agree with Unknown Smurf people are over medicated and its incredibly easy to be prescribed antidepressants. If anything the meaning of depression has been diluted where sadness is deemed depression and it is not.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I'd have to agree with Unknown Smurf people are over medicated and its incredibly easy to be prescribed antidepressants. If anything the meaning of depression has been diluted where sadness is deemed depression and it is not.

That's nice.

Share this comment


Link to comment

I think I was depressed when I got out of the army and had a hard time finding work, got evicted from my apartment and had to move in with friends. Plus family moving to mainland didn't help. For me staying busy is/was a big help whether working or doing CN war stuff... juat gotta stay busy, stack paper, follow beliefs and not think too much about depressing stuff bro. Best wishes and God bless.

It's very difficult to when you're brain is imbalanced and you are pre-occupied with depressing thoughts.

Share this comment


Link to comment

Depression is when your anxiety and misery paralyzes you and you don't even get out of bed all day, except for very low level basic needs like food and bathroom. Often you are depressed for no discernible reason, or you play trivial matters over and over in your head and blow them out of proportion. Depression is not mere sadness at hard times, it is another beast altogether, that needs to be treated. I should know. I was treated, and I recovered.

Don't ever be afraid to seek help. Because it can lift you up and out of the pit of suffering and misery you are in. I know the pain and I know the darkness and how you can't see the light. I know what it is like to cry yourself to sleep every night, to collapse on the floor in a ball of tears. Medication takes the edge off, and therapy can help you learn how to manage it and deal with it, until eventually, it evaporates, and you can finally live again. If you want to get out of the pit, talk to a doctor.

Anyone who tells you it's not real is full of !@#$ and those voices should be discarded. It is real. But it need not be permanent - if you get help from professionals. There should be no shame in this. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I got help and recovered. In fact, it's become a rather important advocacy issue in my life, and I feel that if you're in that pit, you deserve to hear from someone who has actually been there.

Share this comment


Link to comment

My apologies if our rather combative exchanges in any way exacerbated this.

But I will say this. While it's fairly evident that depression has a genetic component, an environmental component, and can occur after trauma, you do need to approach it as an episode of "what can I do to make my life better" - some of which may be a change in environment. But moreover you have to think long and hard about why you are in the rut you are in now, and what you can personally do to make it better.

I know you're not going to fully agree with this, but entertain me for a second. I would say that the ideologies you have attached yourself to is not good for you at all, and may make your depression worse. Obviously you became attracted to it by what you were feeling yourself, but I think you have made your own state of mind worse by accepting its conclusions. If you think of everything as systemic, everything is already set in motion and you are just a small mouse within it - why do anything to change yourself if it's all structural? This kind of determinism is akin to being fatalistic. Here's the definition of wikipedia:

"Fatalism generally refers to any of the following ideas:

1.The view that we are powerless to do anything other than what we actually do. Included in this is that man has no power to influence the future, or indeed, his own actions. This belief is very similar to predeterminism.
2. An attitude of resignation in the face of some future event or events which are thought to be inevitable. Friedrich Nietzsche named this idea with "Turkish fatalism" in his book The Wanderer and His Shadow.
3. That acceptance is appropriate, rather than resistance against inevitability. This belief is very similar to defeatism."
Either way, the best way forward for your own mindset would be to think about what can you do to make a positive impact. How can you be productive? What makes you happy? What is a realistic way forward, step-by-step? Hang out with friends (positive ones, not one who bring you down).
Moreover I think some of the messages you're listening to from your broad "Social Justice" ideologies are themselves coming from people with mental illnesses, whether that be people who are depressed, bipolar, or who have some kind of personality disorder like Narcissism PD or Borderline PD. Even if they're not, they are almost certain to contain very negativistic, very bleak, very dire views of the world. You really need to focus on more positive messages, or at the very least realistic ones. I'd slowly divest yourself from whatever sources of information that have these tendencies, and move to ones that tend to make you happier and more enlightened. I had to do that myself as I started to figure out that the progressive messages on places like dailykos were unbearably negativistic and whiny, as well as even entertaining the doomsday rhetoric from the exact opposite side of the spectrum - Austrian hyper-individualists (thanks, brother & sister-in-law!).
Anyways, take care, get lots of sleep, start execising and building muscle, and start hitting on women (in person or online). That should also make you feel much, much better - make you more attractive and more confident. Good luck, you can pull through.

Share this comment


Link to comment

My apologies if our rather combative exchanges in any way exacerbated this.

But I will say this. While it's fairly evident that depression has a genetic component, an environmental component, and can occur after trauma, you do need to approach it as an episode of "what can I do to make my life better" - some of which may be a change in environment. But moreover you have to think long and hard about why you are in the rut you are in now, and what you can personally do to make it better.

I know you're not going to fully agree with this, but entertain me for a second. I would say that the ideologies you have attached yourself to is not good for you at all, and may make your depression worse. Obviously you became attracted to it by what you were feeling yourself, but I think you have made your own state of mind worse by accepting its conclusions. If you think of everything as systemic, everything is already set in motion and you are just a small mouse within it - why do anything to change yourself if it's all structural? This kind of determinism is akin to being fatalistic. Here's the definition of wikipedia:

"Fatalism generally refers to any of the following ideas:

1.The view that we are powerless to do anything other than what we actually do. Included in this is that man has no power to influence the future, or indeed, his own actions. This belief is very similar to predeterminism.
2. An attitude of resignation in the face of some future event or events which are thought to be inevitable. Friedrich Nietzsche named this idea with "Turkish fatalism" in his book The Wanderer and His Shadow.
3. That acceptance is appropriate, rather than resistance against inevitability. This belief is very similar to defeatism."
Either way, the best way forward for your own mindset would be to think about what can you do to make a positive impact. How can you be productive? What makes you happy? What is a realistic way forward, step-by-step? Hang out with friends (positive ones, not one who bring you down).
Moreover I think some of the messages you're listening to from your broad "Social Justice" ideologies are themselves coming from people with mental illnesses, whether that be people who are depressed, bipolar, or who have some kind of personality disorder like Narcissism PD or Borderline PD. Even if they're not, they are almost certain to contain very negativistic, very bleak, very dire views of the world. You really need to focus on more positive messages, or at the very least realistic ones. I'd slowly divest yourself from whatever sources of information that have these tendencies, and move to ones that tend to make you happier and more enlightened. I had to do that myself as I started to figure out that the progressive messages on places like dailykos were unbearably negativistic and whiny, as well as even entertaining the doomsday rhetoric from the exact opposite side of the spectrum - Austrian hyper-individualists (thanks, brother & sister-in-law!).
Anyways, take care, get lots of sleep, start execising and building muscle, and start hitting on women (in person or online). That should also make you feel much, much better - make you more attractive and more confident. Good luck, you can pull through.

I do agree with you to some degree. Which is why I deactivated my Facebook, I've been feeling a lot better since I've done so. Facebook can be very depressing, not only in regards to political issues, but even things like people I went to high school with being dead, in jail, pregnant, etc.

It's also why I don't post on the BR as often, if you were wondering. I'm really focusing on my spiritual life.

Share this comment


Link to comment

Depression is when your anxiety and misery paralyzes you and you don't even get out of bed all day, except for very low level basic needs like food and bathroom. Often you are depressed for no discernible reason, or you play trivial matters over and over in your head and blow them out of proportion. Depression is not mere sadness at hard times, it is another beast altogether, that needs to be treated. I should know. I was treated, and I recovered.

Don't ever be afraid to seek help. Because it can lift you up and out of the pit of suffering and misery you are in. I know the pain and I know the darkness and how you can't see the light. I know what it is like to cry yourself to sleep every night, to collapse on the floor in a ball of tears. Medication takes the edge off, and therapy can help you learn how to manage it and deal with it, until eventually, it evaporates, and you can finally live again. If you want to get out of the pit, talk to a doctor.

Anyone who tells you it's not real is full of !@#$ and those voices should be discarded. It is real. But it need not be permanent - if you get help from professionals. There should be no shame in this. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I got help and recovered. In fact, it's become a rather important advocacy issue in my life, and I feel that if you're in that pit, you deserve to hear from someone who has actually been there.

Yea, this is an actual disease that requires medical attention. Anyone who tells you to "man up" or whatever doesn't know what they're talking about and you have no business being friends with them.

Share this comment


Link to comment

Let's not pretend "mere sadness at hard times" isn't depression. Someone who isn't clinically and chronically depressed is in a situation just as serious.

Edited by Neo Uruk

Share this comment


Link to comment
On 4/18/2016 at 1:02 PM, Neo Uruk said:

Let's not pretend "mere sadness at hard times" isn't depression. Someone who isn't clinically and chronically depressed is in a situation just as serious.

 

Reactionary and chronic depression are both depression 

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×